Chapter Fourteen
Mica felt a shift of weight on the bed and rolled back, seeking the warmth that was, a moment ago, against her skin. It’d been a long time since she slept in a man’s arms. It was a first to have slept in a man’s arms after having been completed sexually satisfied.
Last night, the arms that held her made her feel safer than she ever had. She turned completely over and draped one arm and a leg over Deacon’s naked body. Naked. She loved his body. And what he could do with it.
She felt his lips on her forehead and his hand moving over the skin of her back, stroking lightly. Mica wanted to lose herself in this moment and this man. She wanted to hold onto it and memorize every sight, sound, smell, and sensation. If there was a way to preserve it in its entirety so that she could immerse herself into it at will, she would.
But that wasn’t possible, and the reality of her life was quickly taking center stage in her attention.
“I have to tell Matty. We have to go. Today.”
“I already told you, you’re not going anywhere.”
Mica sat up, unconcerned that the bedcovers fell away, revealing her nudity. Deacon had seen, touched, and possessed her completely. There was no need for inhibitions now. “Deacon, I know you think—”
“Darlin’, I don’t think. If I say I can protect you, you can bet on it.”
“Bet my life?”
“And mine.”
She gnawed her lip and thought about it. As yet, there had been no move made against her, but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t come. And there was more to think about than just herself. There was Matty, and everyone in Cotton Creek she’d befriended.
“The Vinsantis are monsters.”
His smirk annoyed her a bit, as did his comment. “Like your husband’s family is any better?”
“Maybe they’re not, but Tony wasn’t a monster. And please don’t give me that look. I know who his family is, but he was better than that. There’s a free clinic on the reservation today because of an endowment he made. There are children and women who have roofs over their head in Nevada because of the shelters he set up with endowments to fund them. He might have been from a horrible family, but he was actually a decent man. He beat people with his mind and his abilities, not with sticks and guns. And he actually cared, so please reserve the acrimony and sanctimonious attitude for those more deserving.”
“I stand corrected.”
That purely shocked her. “You—you’re not going to argue or—”
“You knew the man. I didn’t. And if you think he was decent, then I take your word for it.”
“Well, thank you. But that doesn’t go for the rest of his family.”
“And you’re afraid of all of them—his family and the Vinsantis?”
“I am. I told you, they’re monsters.”
Deacon’s smile was as cold an expression as she’d ever seen. “Lucky for you, SEALs are trained monster killers.”
“You are, aren’t you?”
“What?”
“A killer.”
“If I have to be.”
“That scares me a little.”
“You don’t have to be afraid of me.”
“I’m not. But it scares me a little for you. What does it do to a person, having their soul stripped from them so that they can be that kind of killer? Can you just wrap your humanity up and tuck it away until you need it again, or do you just lose it?”
“Is that what you think we are?”
“It’s what I fear you are. I don’t know any other way you could do what you do.”
Deacon nodded. “It’s not something that’s easy to explain.”
“You don’t have to explain. I know some things are hard to put into words. But it does bring me to the most important question of all.”
“Which is?”
“Why would you put yourself in danger, or the possibility of danger, for me?”
“You know why.”
“Do I?”
“Yes, you do.”
Mica nodded. “There are more people than you and I who could be in harm’s way.”
“Mathias?”
“Yes.”
“You do him a disservice, Mica. Mathias may be trying to resolve the different aspects of himself right now, but make no mistake, when the need arises, he’s all SEAL. You’d do well to remember that and give him the respect he deserves.”
“I didn’t realize I was disrespecting him.”
“I know, and I don’t think it’s intentional, but you speak about him as if he’s a child when he’s anything but. So, tell him your truths. You might be surprised at how well he handles it.”
“You seem to have a lot of confidence in him.”
“I do.”
“Okay. I’ll tell him.”
“When?”
“When we get out of bed.”
“We’re not ready to get up?”
“Oh, we’re most definitely ready to get up.” She peeled back the covers and climbed on top of him, straddling his nude form.
“You’re ready for more?”
“No, not of what you gave me last night. As exciting as that was, I’m never going to be a woman who is always into that. Pain and pleasure, I understand and even can enjoy, but today, I want something else.”
“What?”
“Wet slow kisses that last an hour, a slow, gentle hand, and a man who takes his time and carries me where I want to go. Are you that man, Deacon? The one who can be everything I’ve dreamed of?”
“What if I am?”
“Then I’m yours forever.”
“In that case, I guess I’ll just have to show you, won’t I?”
“Yes, please.” Mica knew she was delaying, putting off making her confession to Matty and making a decision on what to do, but this thing with Deacon really was what she’d dreamed of. His touch, gentle or rough, excited her in a way she’d never felt before, and when he looked into her eyes and kissed her softly, she felt like a wanderer who’d finally found home.
Maybe it was too soon, maybe it was wrong and maybe she was making a huge mistake, but she knew it with complete certainty. She was in love with Deacon Johns.
*****
Memories of childhood flooded in when Mica got out of Deacon’s truck and saw Matty in the paddock with the horses. She walked over to the fence to watch. Animals loved him, no matter the breed; he had a way about him. At present there were five horses vying for his attention.
“He’s something, isn’t he?” she asked as Deacon joined her. “People are always shocked at how someone so big and strong can be so gentle and kind.”
“There’s a lot about Mathias, to admire,” he agreed. “Including his ability to understand. You need to talk to him, Mica.”
“I know.” An idea occurred to her and she looked up at him. “Would it be possible for us to ride?”
“Sure, just need to saddle the horses.”
“They have on bridles.” She grinned and climbed the fence. “Hey, Matty!”
Mathias turned and smiled. “What’re you doing here?”
“Hoping we could go for a ride?”
“With or without saddles?”
“Without.”
His smile widened into a grin. “I’ll take this big bay.”
“Can I have the paint?”
“Sure.”
She looked back at Deacon who stood at the fence, waved, then took the bridle of the paint, looped it over her left wrist, grabbed his mane in her left hand, and swung herself up onto its back.
Matty mounted the big bay in the same fashion and looked at her. “Ready?”
She grinned and yelled at Deacon. “Open that gate!” Then she kicked the paint and took off with Matty’s horse in pursuit.
Deacon watched them race by and smiled. “Wow,” Etta’s voice behind him had him turning his head, but just for a moment.
“If they had on the right costumes they’d look like something from the past, all that black midnight hair streaming out behind them and them riding like they’re joined somehow with the horses.”
“It’s something to see,” he agreed and meant it. Mathias could be a warrior of old and Mica, well, Mica was a vision. At least, to his eyes.
“I take it things are better between you two?”
Deacon kept his eyes on the riders. “Yep.”
“And?”
“And it’s my fault the Marshals were alerted. I take the blame.”
“I don’t think anyone’s looking to assign blame, Deac.”
“Nonetheless, it was my investigation that raised the flag. Hopefully only for the Marshals Services and not her enemies.”
“Does Mathias know?”
“Not yet. That’s why we came.”
“Why you—wait, you were with her all night?”
“Is that really your business?”
“No, but…”
“But what?”
“Well, the way you acted toward her yesterday—it just seems sudden or something.”
“It’s not.” He turned away to watch the riders. “She got to me the first time I saw her and now…” He paused for a few moments, then looked directly at Etta. “I won’t let anyone hurt her.”
“Do you think someone will be looking for her?”
“I hope not.”
“What does she think?”
“That’s she’s a danger to everyone—Matty, you. Me. She wants to run. She says we don’t know how bad her enemies are.”
“To which you said what?”
“That she doesn’t know the SEALs. We never leave a man behind and we protect our own.”
“But she isn’t our own, Deac.”
“She’s mine.”
Etta blinked in surprise. “She’s…yours?”
“Yes.”
“Wow. You’re in love?”
“Yes. I am. After all these years, I’m in love.”
Deacon felt the smile taking shape on his face and let it come. He’d said it out loud and it felt good. Liberating, like some invisible weight had just been lifted off him. Etta whooped and threw her arms around his neck. He hugged her and swung her around, then put her down.
“Wow,” she said again and looked out across the land. “How long do you think they’ll be?”
“Don’t know, but I think I’ll ride out and meet them.”
“Bareback?”
“Not a chance.”
She chuckled and gave him a pat on the shoulder. “Okay, I’ll see you later.”
“Yep.”
“And Deac?” she said when he turned away.
“Yeah?”
“I’m glad it’s her. She’s pretty special.”
“Yeah, she is.”
Etta gave a wave and walked back the way she’d come as he headed for the tack room.
*****
Mica leaned against Matty and took comfort in the feel of his arm around her shoulders as they sat on the hill and watched the horses graze on the fresh grass. Below them, sunlight glistened off the surface of the lake.
“How did you know?” she asked. She’d told him everything and to her shock, he’d replied simply with “Yeah, I know.”
“Your husband, Tony. He used to come and check on me just like you did. He was okay, Mica, even if he was way too old for you. But he loved you and he was honest about who he was and who you were.”
“And you didn’t hate me for it?”
“Why should I? Without you and Tony, I don’t know what would’ve happened to me and Dad. But because of you, I finished high school and never went without and I was able to get help for Dad when I enlisted.”
“I regretted that I didn’t take you with me, Matty. I should have.”
“No, you shouldn’t. We each have our own paths to walk, Mica. I wouldn’t trade with you. Those people, Tony’s family, they’re bad people. But he wasn’t. He had heart.”
“Yeah, he did.”
“I’m sorry you had to see him die.”
“So am I.”
“It’s never easy to see someone die.”
“No, it’s not. Particularly when they didn’t deserve it.”
He was quiet for a bit, staring out over the land. “I saw people die who didn’t deserve it.”
“Did you kill them, Matty?”
“No.”
“Then it’s not on your soul. Mourn their loss, like I did Tony, and let it go. We have to. In order to go on and help others, we have to let it go.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“I know. But here we could have another chance, a chance to have a home and be a family.”
“You mean Commander Johns?” He chuckled. “I’m not blind, you know.”
“No, you’re not, although there are a few things I wish you’d never seen.”
“Like Cipriana’s website?”
He laughed when she elbowed him, then wrapped his arm tighter around her.
“Hey, watch it, Hercules.” She wiggled away from him and snagged a tall stalk of grass to chew on. “And yeah, that wasn’t something I really wanted you to know about.”
“Tony said you never had sex with any of those people, that you just fed their kinks in a way that was safe for them.”
“It’s not like I was some humanitarian.”
“No, he said you made bank.”
“I did. But those days are over. I have money, Matty. Over a million and half of it’s yours.”
“I don’t need it.”
“You might. What if you want to build a house or buy a new truck, or buy a new truck, or maybe buy a new truck?”
“What’s with you and the damn truck?”
“I like big shiny trucks. And I bet Willow does too.”
“What does Willow have to do with anything?”
“I’m thinking she has a lot to do with everything. I have eyes too. And I know she’s stopped by the shop a couple of times.”
“She’s nice.”
“Yes, I’m sure she is. But?”
“But it’s not time for that right now. I like being a SEAL, Mica and even though that mission screwed with my head, I miss it.”
“Can you go back?”
“Maybe. Or maybe I could take the Commander up on his offer and be an instructor at the new training center. They need someone who’s good at hand-to-hand and fighting with blades.”
She smiled at him. “If that’s what you want, then do it. Just do what’s right for you, Matty, and what makes you happy. It’s way past time we found out what happiness is all about.”
“I think yours might be headed this way.” The way he tilted his chin up had her looking to one side.
“He sits a horse well,” she commented when she saw Deacon.
“He does.” Mathias stood and offered her a hand to pull her to her feet. “And he’s a good man.”
“Yes.”
“Take your own advice, sis. Do what makes you happy.”
“There’s still the matter of the Vinsanti family. If they find out I’m alive, they’ll come for me.”
“Then they’ll walk into hell. No more running. We came here and I was against it, but I think you’re right. It was meant to be. We’re not running again. It’s like you said, maybe we’ve found a place to call home.”
“Maybe so.”
“I’m gonna head back.” Mathias whistled and the bay horse perked up his ears and then turned and started in Mathias’ direction.
“I swear you’re like the biggest animal whisperer ever,” Mica said. “I’ll be back later. There are some things I need to talk to Deacon about.”
“Okay.” He took the reins when the bay stopped beside him, mounted, and then with a wave, nudged the horse into motion.
He and Deacon waved to one another in passing. Mica watched Deacon approach. He reined his horse to a stop and dismounted. “So, you ride bareback.”
“Don’t all Indians?”
“Smart-ass.”
“Guilty as charged.” She offered him a hand. “Walk with me?”
He took her hand and she started down the hill toward the lake. “Did you and Mathias talk?”
“We did.”
“And?”
“And he said we’re not running.”
“Smart man.”
“I don’t know about that. And don’t give me that look. I get that you and he and all the other SEALs around here think you’re some kind of indestructible badasses, but putting people in danger just seems like a bad call to me.”
“You’re not leaving.”
“So you keep saying, but are we really there, Deacon? How long have we known one another?”
“Long enough, I imagine.” He gave himself a swift mental kick. He could have phrased that better.
“Long enough to be attracted, to share incredible sex, and long enough for me to think I’m crazy in love with you, but seriously, while you know almost everything about my past, I don’t know anything about you.”
“What do you need to know?”
“Everything.”
“Everything?” There were things he wasn’t keen on sharing. Actually, he wasn’t keen on sharing much of anything.
“Yes.”
“Why?” Damn, was this going to be the deal-breaker? He and Etta pretty much knew the other’s tale, but he wasn’t the kind of man to reveal a lot about himself or his past to others.
“Because your past is what made you who you are today and if I know it, then I can better understand you.”
He knew she made sense, and maybe there was a part of him that actually wanted to lower those walls and let her in, but he didn’t know if he was ready. “I’m not big on talking about myself.”
“Well, you don’t have to tell me everything at once.”
“No?”
“No. Right now, I’d just like to know one thing.”
“What?”
“Have you been married?”
That was a question he hated being asked because his answer clearly demonstrated that when it came to relationships, he was a failure. Still, he wouldn’t lie to her. “Yes.”
“Are you widowed or divorced?”
“Divorced.”
“Can you tell me why?”
He was quiet for a minute. He could either make something up, and she’d probably buy it, or he could be honest. He looked over at her and saw such trust shining in her eyes that he opted for truth. “I loved her. Was crazy for her. But the truth is, being a SEAL can be an all-consuming thing for some of us. You come home, but you’re not really home, even when you are—at least not your mind. I wasn’t there for her and after a while she got tired of being alone.”
“And you never married again?”
“No.”
“Or fell in love?”
“No.”
“Then why now? Why let me in?”
He stopped walking. “I didn’t want to.”
“But you kissed me. That night at the Honky Tonk.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“You take my breath away.” Once the words were out, he felt like someone who’d just stepped out on Main Street naked as the day he was born.
“What?”
It had been a lot of years since he’d spoken of his feelings to a woman, since he’d had such feelings, and it was unnerving to put it into words. But he knew she needed, and deserved to hear it. “You take my breath away. Your beauty and your zest for life. The way you can relate to a child and make a little girl’s dream of winning the big race come true, and the way you see good in people and your capacity to love. You’re drop dead gorgeous. When you smile, the world lights up.”
He cupped her face with one hand and traced his thumb lightly over her bottom lip. “And when I touch you, you tremble. Not out of fear, but with desire, and it lights a fire inside me I thought was dead.
“You make me want a life where I fall asleep with you beside me and wake up the same way. I see in you my chance at finally knowing what happiness is and I can’t help wanting it.”
“I want it too. But there’s still the threat—”
“It’s my turn to ask something of you.”
“Anything.”
“Let me be your hero, Mica. The one who chases away the fears and makes you know you’re safe because you know as sure as you breathe that I’ll lay down my life for you and I will obliterate anyone who tries to harm you.”
He’s never seen anything as beautiful as the sight of the tears that ran from her eyes while a smile touched her lips. “No one has ever said anything like that to me and I don’t know why you’d say it, as incredible as it is to hear. I’m so crazy in love with you Deacon. Please don’t break my heart.”
“Never.” His hand drifted down and behind her head as he stepped closer. “Will you always tremble when I touch you?”
“God, I hope so,” she breathed.
“Me too.” He pulled her close and when their lips met, he knew beyond all doubt that despite the difference in their age, Mica was who he’d be waiting for his whole life.
And God help anyone who tried to hurt her or take her from him.