Stepping into the empty house I never felt more alone. Spending the night watching Sam and Anthony interact along with the weight of losing Devon made the hollowness in my heart feel almost unbearable.

I wasn’t exactly sure if it was Devon that I missed or the companionship that we had shared. I liked him alright. I liked him a lot actually. My mind was a muddled mess incapable of deciphering the clearest of messages, let alone managing the tangled web of emotions surrounding the unavoidable loss that may come of the relationship the two of us had so recently begun. 

I was torn between my feelings for him, unable to separate the fantasy from reality. Was it the loss of Devon I felt deep within the recesses of my chest or what he represented in my life? Trying to decipher between the two only confused me even more. I was unable to see the line that should have so clearly defined the two, instead they blurred into one.

I had avoided close relationships my entire life. The relationship with Devon being the closest one I had ever experienced outside of my relationship with Sam. Although Devon and I had grown closer than I expected and I found him to be the most gorgeous man I had ever met, I wasn’t sure if there were romantic feelings, feelings involving the big four-letter word. What the feelings I did have for the man represented, I wasn’t quite sure. Just thinking about it pained my already injured head.

Wallowing in self-pity I grabbed a bottle of wine and ambled to the master bedroom seeking the comfort of a hot bath and liquid fortification. Having spent most of the evening drinking already, I knew the bottle in my hand would be just the right amount to tip the scales, leaving me in a blissful state of drunk.

Slipping into the steaming hot bath, bottle in hand, I allowed my body to sink deep within the bubbly surface. The hot water washed the grime of the evening away from my body. The small cuts and scrapes I received from the altercation with the back door to the club stung against the scalding water, reminding me of their presence. Biting against pain I slugged back the bottle.

The hot soapy water worked wonders on my tense muscles, the wine working in equal measures on my addled brain, making the rerun images of my night pleasantly obscure. I gave into the warm fuzzy tingles dancing along my skin, making my eyes heavy with sleep, the comfort of my liquid cocoon lulling me into a deep slumber.

 

-

 

The sound of my phone ringing jarred me awake, my limbs still heavy with sleep struggled to climb from the now cool bath water. The bottle of wine I took with me into the bath bobbed along the top of the water at the end of the tub, water splashed over the side of the tub as I clumsily staggered to a standing position, my legs weak and quivering like Bambi on ice. Groaning in disgust at myself, I winced against the pain that rang between my ears. 

My phone continued to ring, begging to be answered, causing my head to throb even more. Wrapping a towel around my dripping wet body, I stumbled into the bedroom using the wall for support as I made my way to where my phone lay plugged into the charger on the bedside table; the effects of the bottle of wine and the hot water from my bath clearly wreaking havoc on my limbs and head as I struggled to put one foot in front of the other.

By the time I had made it to my phone it stopped ringing. Pressing the button on my phone I pulled up the call log. I had missed a call from an unknown number.

I felt my heavy heart sink in my chest, hidden hope that it had been Devon calling threatened to bring tears. I could feel the familiar burning sensation behind my eyes. Sniffling, I willed away the tears that threatened to fall. It was just a wrong number. Unsure of where the tears and overwrought emotion regarding Devon came from, I shoved them back down.

Glancing at the time on my phone I realized it was just after four in the morning. I knew that Devon had a long drive ahead of him and there was no way he would have made it to North Carolina by now. They had left just before seven. Even if he had driven straight through the night it would have taken him longer than nine hours. I wasn’t sure where his sister lived in North Carolina but I knew that with the heavy traffic in the Miami area it would have taken him at least an hour to get out of Miami alone.

Sighing, I sank into the mattress, not caring that my hair was wet or that a towel was my only covering. I let my eyes drift closed. Now vertical, sleep pulled heavily at my lids, threatening to pull me back under.

My phone began to ring again, jarring me up. Unknown flashed across the screen. Sliding my finger across the smooth surface I answered.

“Hello?”

Silence met me on the other end of the line.

Confused I tried again. “Hello?”

Again the line remained silent.

Frowning I looked at the signal strength on my phone. Though I typically had perfect signal, it was not uncommon for the bars to drop. As I expected, I had perfect signal, four full bars.

Sighing, I hung up the phone figuring whoever it was would call back.

No sooner had I laid my head back down the phone rang again, and again I was met with silence on the other end of the line, no answer, only dead silence. This continued several more times. With each ringing of the phone my patience was tried. Clearly someone had the wrong number and was too daft to have figured it out.

Finally, giving up on receiving an answer, I turned my phone on silent. I wasn’t on call this week so there was no reason for me to have my phone on. Laying back down I watched as the screen of my phone lit up the room, signaling another call, though this time silent.  Lifting the pillow over my head I took relief in the fact I could sleep in, allowing my body to sink into the comfort of my mattress. My heavy eyes drifted close as I sank back into a deep sleep.