Chapter 17
Dory brought a bowl of soup from the kitchens. This one had meat and vegetables in it and she was thrilled at presenting something other than clear broth to Thomas.
Kerburghe stepped from the room into the hall as she exited her rooms. He bowed. “How are you, Dorothea?”
“Fine, Michael. How is Elinor?”
A maid hummed as she walked down the hall.
“Gertie, can you bring this tray in to Mr. Wheel for me?
Gertie’s chestnut curls bounced as she curtsied. “Yes, madam.”
Dory handed the tray over. Michael waited until Gertie was inside the bedroom and the door closed. He grinned. “I had a letter from her today. She is well and the children are driving her mad.”
No one would ever smile at just the mention of her name. She squashed the surge of jealousy. “Will she come to London anytime soon?”
He shook his head. “I do not expect so. I intend to return to Scotland as soon as Tom is well. We much prefer the quiet of the lowlands to the hustle of London and wagging tongues of the ton.”
“Indeed.” There was little doubt the gossips were getting their fill from her life now. “Michael, may I asked you something?”
“Of course.”
“Has marrying me damaged Tom’s prospects?”
Michael lowered his gaze to the floor. “To be honest, it has not helped, Dorothea.”
Even though she’d knew it was true, hearing it from one of Tom’s friends hurt. “I see. Will he recover?”
“Maybe. It will depend on how he goes forward and if his larger business associates stay with him. Many of his plans may have to be put on hold.”
“And if I were out of the mix?” It took all her will to keep her tears at bay.
Michael put his hand on her shoulder. “Leaving Tom would hurt him far more than his business failing. He needs you.”
“Can you answer my question, please?” She had to hear the truth.
Shuffling his feet was the only sign that Michael was uncomfortable. He met her gaze. “It stands to reason that his life returning to before your marriage would help him in business circles. However, I must restate that Tom needs you, Dorothea.”
He did need her while he was ill, but after that, he would do better without her. “Thank you for your honesty, Michael.”
“I have an appointment with my solicitor this afternoon, so I must say good day. If you would like to discuss this further, I am at your service.” He bowed again.
She curtsied. “Thank you, but I think I understand. Good day to you.”
Once he had bounded down the steps and she heard the front door close, she entered Tom’s room.
“There you are. When you did not bring my lunch, I worried.” He put his soup on the table.
“Did you enjoy it?” She stayed near the door, looking for a way to escape.
“Real meat! I am overjoyed, and bread, glorious bread.”
She hated that he could make her smile even when she wanted to be cross. “I thought that would please you.”
“Why are you holding up the door? Come and sit with me. I wonder if tomorrow you might take your meals in here, or maybe we can talk Nurse into letting me down in the dining room for my supper.” He bit of a piece of bread and closed his eyes while chewing.
Never had anyone gotten so much pleasure from a slice of crusty bread as Thomas Wheel. Even if he no longer loved her, he still wanted her near. There was hope in that. She shook it away. He was only being polite. It was his way and had nothing to do with love or any other such nonsense. Stepping close, she sat across from him. “I shall see about you coming down for a meal or two, though I don’t know how you will manage the stairs.”
“I will hold the rail and Crowly will make sure I do not injure myself.”
If he fell, it could be disastrous. “I will discuss it with Nurse Eve.”
Nodding, he sat forward. A pained grimace twisted his face. “I wonder if I might ask a favor from you?”
“What is it?”
“Would you play for me? Just the harp would be sufficient. I feel as if music has left my world and the void is gaping more painfully than my wounds.”
Not being able to imagine her life for weeks without hearing a single note, she could not refuse him. “Yes. I will get it now.”
He grasped her hand. “Don’t leave, Dory. Send a maid for the harp.”
Running from the room would be cruel. None of what had happened between them was his fault. It was all her doing and nothing could fix the damage. She rang for the maid and sent her to retrieve the lap harp from her bedroom.
“Michael came to see me today.” Pulling the covers loose where they tangled under his leg produced a wince.
Dory gentled the sheet out from under him and smoothed the bedding. “Yes, I know. Did you have a nice visit?”
“He is returning to Scotland at the end of the week. It is amazing the change that has taken place in him. I have known him most of my life and yet, in the past year, he is a new man. He longs for his wife and children in a way I could never have imagined.”
A stone settled in her stomach. “Is it so difficult to imagine loving one’s family?”
He cocked his head. “Michael was a willful and wild youth. He channeled that energy into being a magnificent soldier and spy. I could never have imagined him as a loving and doting father and husband.”
The aching in her chest could only be her heart tearing in half. “I suppose his close brush with death changed him.”
“Or maybe this side of him was always there, waiting for a family to bring it out.”
Crowly arrived with her harp. “I intercepted Milly with your instrument as a message arrived for you, madam.”
She took the note. “Thank you. You can put it on the table.”
Once Crowly had done as asked and left the room, Dory opened the note.
“Is that the Marlton seal?”
“Yes, it’s from Sophia. She is inviting me to join her and Daniel at the Theater tomorrow night.” She tucked the note into the waist of her skirt. “I will send my regrets this afternoon.”
“You should go, Dory. You have been cooped up with me long enough. I can survive an evening. It’s not as if the staff will give me a moment’s peace with their doting.”
Her heart lodged in her throat. If he needed her and she was out enjoying an evening of leisure, she could never forgive herself. “I don’t know.”
“I command you to enjoy yourself.” He crossed his arms.
“That is the first time I have been commanded to have fun. I will give it some thought.”
Thomas stretched, unable to lift his left arm above his shoulder. Patting the edge of the mattress, he said, “Come and play for me.”
Other than a few stolen moments late at night, Dory hadn’t played since the day of the duel. She retrieved the harp and sat on the bed. “I am out of practice.”
“You out of practice is still better than most people after decades of work.” The intensity in his eyes warmed her from the inside out.
Sweet and kinder than she deserved. How would she do what was necessary? To free her hands and find balance, she pushed farther up on the mattress and rested the harp on her lap. Eyes closed, she ran her fingers along the strings and reveled in the melodic vibrations. She picked a piece she’d written years before. It was not a technically superior composition, but it was sad and sweet and she always played it when the world closed in on her.
He touched her knee.
Still playing, she opened her eyes.
His stare echoed the mixed emotions of the music, from delight to desperation and back again. He tapped out the melody with his fingers on her leg and every touch shot desire through her. As she strummed the last note, he wrapped his fingers around her calf. “I am not familiar with that piece. Is it one of yours?”
“I wrote it a long time ago. I know it is not good, but I have always liked it.” She commanded her heart to slow its pounding.
“It is a lovely composition and full of emotion. Thank you for sharing it with me.” Slipping his hand beneath her skirt, he caressed her leg.
“What are you doing, Thomas?” It took all her will to keep from closing the space between them. Intimacy would only complicate an already horrible situation.
He caressed the sensitive skin behind her knee, while his gaze never left hers. “I am touching my wife and hoping she will stay with me a while tonight. Perhaps sleep with me and let me give her comfort.”
Passion flooded her, warming her from her cheeks to her toes and super-heating her middle. “You are not well enough for such thoughts.”
He gripped her inner thigh, branding her with desire. “I am well enough for far more torrid thoughts, sweetheart. Unfortunately, I am not well enough to follow through on them. Still, it would please me if you would sleep with me.”
Every fiber of her soul wanted to stay with him, take comfort from him. She longed to be in his arms and caressed until she writhed beneath him. More wanton thoughts fought to the surface, but she pushed them away. “I could roll over in my sleep and injure you further. I think it best if I go to my own room.”
Disappointment shone in his eyes and his shoulders slumped. With a sigh, he said, “Then at least play me one more song.”
“Why don’t you try to play?” She eased the harp toward him, got up and put another pillow behind his back, and sat in the chair where it was safe.
The awkward half-recline and his legs being straight out made it difficult for him to find a suitable position for the harp. He rested it on his thigh and strummed a perfect chord. Unable to lift one arm sufficiently to make the strings, he only plucked out a few simple melodies before giving up. “Damn.”
“That was a very good effort. You cannot expect to do everything at once.” She took the harp from him and stood. “I will see you in the morning.”
“I wish you would stay.”
Wishing the same, but knowing it was wrong, she shook her head. “It’s best if I go. Good night, Tom.” She leaned down to kiss his forehead.
He tipped his head up and captured her lips with his. Warmth and joy spread from the kiss and filled her as fast as the sea at high tide.
All she had to do is take a step back and she would be out of reach for him, but she stayed glued to the spot and let the kiss take life.
He wrapped his weak arm around her waist and threaded the fingers of his other hand through her hair, making love to her mouth as if he’d been as starved for her as he’d been for meat and music, but it was an illusion. Their life together, all of it, was a farce that she had fashioned. She needed to put distance between them. She needed to do what was right. He had saved her and it was time for her to return the favor.
Pulling away was the best option, but she cupped his cheek and opened her mouth for more of him. His groan shot pleasure to her core. It was a mistake, and she pulled away. It took a long beat to find her voice. “I must go.”
Passion transformed to disappointment and he fisted his covers. “If you must, then you should.”
Clutching the harp, she ran from the room and down the hall and locked herself inside her own chamber. She’d lost her mind. Her behavior was of a madwoman. Wanting her had ruined him, yet he kissed her. She had almost cost his life, but there was plenty of vigor in his kiss. Forcing the thoughts away, she plopped in a chair and played the harp until everything disappeared but the music.
* * * *
Because Dory was unwilling to argue with Thomas and for lack of a good excuse to decline, she accepted the theater invitation from Sophia and Daniel. The Marlton box was one of the best but it was a long way from the main entrance to its safety. After weeks of being indoors and much of the time in a dim sickroom, the crystal chandelier hurt her eyes. Bouncing from shoulder to shoulder against the crush of the crowd had her nerves jumbled in her gut. She should have said no and stayed in her room.
Keeping her head down meant the rich red carpet and eveningwear filled the space.
“It’s a crime what she did to the Wheel reputation.”
Dory followed the cut to the pursed lips of Lady Pemberhamble. Her notorious gossiping knew no boundaries. In pale lavender and white lace, she dressed more like a debutante than a dowager.
Lady Pemberhamble narrowed her eyes, crossed her arms, and stared at Dory as if daring her to contradict the statement.
Wishing the carpet would swallow her up, Dory skirted around an obese man and woman but only got a few feet from the clutch of gossips.
The stout woman in a navy-blue gown nodded. “He was such a fine gentleman, without a bit of scandal. Now, he has fallen from grace. He will never recover his status even as a mere gentleman. I heard he will be left crippled from his wounds and his creditors are calling in their loans.”
“I have it on good authority that he was about to offer for that sweet Serena Dowder before the Flammel girl stole him away. Who knows what she used to lure him,” Pemberhamble said.
“I had no idea.”
Pemberhamble kept her gaze on her friends, but her voice was loud enough for many people in the crowd to overhear. “We all know it was about the money. She and that father of hers schemed to get Mr. Wheel’s vast fortune. They must have been very disappointed when he lived. He will put her aside for certain, and she deserves it.”
Lady Roth patted her blue hair into place. Thin-faced, with diamonds dripping from her neck, wrists, and ears, she said, “It’s always about the money with their kind.”
“I do feel for her mother. She does not deserve the association with such base actions.” Lady Pemberhamble tugged on her lace sleeve and hoisted her nose in the air.
Daniel pushed them through a gap in the fray.
Even the stairs pulsed with people visiting before the play, and everyone stared at Dory. Some women hid behind their fans as she passed, no doubt spreading half-truths and lies about her marriage.
“I should never have come out tonight. This will only make things worse for Thomas.” Grabbing her skirts, she trudged up the steps, careful to keep her eyes focused only on the landing.
A footman pulled back the curtain leading to the Marlton box.
Sophia flounced into a chair. “I cannot bear that Pemberhamble woman. She is like a viper waiting to strike.”
Dory stayed near the curtain and closed her eyes while she attempted to gain control of her topsy-turvy nerves. “I should have stayed at home.”
“That would not stop the gossips.” Daniel took the seat next to his wife.
Below, the crowd filed into the seats while the boxes around them also filled.
Forcing a mild expression, Dory pulled her shoulders back and stuck out her chin before she sat. “Daniel, what that woman said about Tom’s creditors, was that true?”
The muscle in his jaw ticked and he ran his hand through his blond hair. “I don’t know, but it is possible.”
Another log thrown on the inferno of her life. Shame washed over her. “He would be better off without me.”
“He would not.” Sophia took Dory’s hand.
Meeting her gaze, she searched for some crumb of truth. “Since I forced myself on him, he has been ostracized by society, embarrassed at his club, shot by my father, and now he will lose his fortune. I am a pariah. He would be better off if I went away.”
“You are exaggerating the situation.” Daniel propped his elbows on his knees.
“Am I? Will Tom’s finances recover after all the things that have happened since eloping with me?”
He leaned back and met her gaze. “There will be a price, but Thomas knew the risks at every turn. He would not have taken this course if it was not what he wanted. You are not to blame, and he is wealthy enough to survive until the scandal passes.”
Some scandals held on for years. A juicy one like this could ruin a man, even a rich one. She had done enough harm due to her selfishness. It was time to do the right thing.
The lights dimmed as the production was about to begin. As the theater darkened, the stage illuminated. Swords clashed as two men fought. One was young and handsome and the other older and heavily mustached.
A woman screamed for them to stop.
The older duelist impaled the other, but when he rushed to claim his prize, she refused him.
The stage went dark and the next scene was a cemetery. A young woman lay crying next to a grave and lamenting she will never love another. She begged the dead man for forgiveness. Her vanity had led to his demise.
Time passed and the woman’s father brought man after man to wed her, but she would have none. With each man, she explained that she had no right to happiness. She deserved to be alone. Her beauty had brought her to destroy the only man she had ever loved and she would not benefit from it.
Frustrated with her stubborn nature, her father sent her to a convent.
The stage went dark and the theater lights rose.
Dory’s heart lodged in her throat. “Sophia, when do you leave for the country?”
“At the end of the week.”
“If you do not mind, I would like to go with you.” Finally, she would do the right thing. Thomas was too kind to put her aside and she didn’t know if she could survive it if he did. This way she could spare him the pain of doing what he needed to continue.
Daniel said, “You should stay in London until Tom can travel, and then you can both come for a visit.”
Why he should want his friend to suffer any longer with her, she didn’t know. “His health is returning now. Since he is out of danger, I think it best if I leave. He will recover, and then he can repair the damage I have done to his reputation.” Her heart clenched. Doing the right thing hurt more than she’d expected. She stood.
Sophia took Dory’s arm and stood. “You are welcome to come with us, but are you sure that is what you want? Tom will miss you and I think you will miss him too.”
A wave of nausea washed over her. Music was so much simpler than real life. Why couldn’t she stay lost in her passion and leave these emotions behind? “I am sure. If you don’t mind, I would like to leave now. I think I have had enough of this performance.”
Daniel pressed his lips into a thin line and ushered them out of the theater. When the carriage door closed, he asked, “You will explain to Tom that you are leaving?”
“I will tell him.” It was all she could do to keep her tears at bay. “I am sure he will be relieved to be done with all of this.”
“I wish I was as certain as you of that.” Daniel took Sophia’s hand in both of his but stared out the window.
The city rolled by. It was early to be going home for the night. Though her departure was for the best, she dreaded telling Tom. Always so kind and considerate, he would never show her his true feelings when she eased his burden.
Screams filled the street. A cart overturned at the intersection and people ran toward the accident.
“Stay in the carriage,” Daniel ordered before jumping out and running to help.
* * * *
It was late by the time she arrived back at Tom’s house. She always thought of it as his home rather than theirs. Hands shaking, she handed Crowly her gloves and pelisse. “Thank you. Did Mr. Wheel have a good night, Crowly? Were there any problems?”
“Madam may ask him herself. He is in the study.” He backed away with the garments.
Spinning toward the study door, she didn’t know whether to be angry or excited. He shouldn’t be up so late. He would overexert himself. How wonderful that he was out of bed. She pushed open the door.
Wrapped in his robe, Tom sat studying a chess game in midplay. He turned as she entered. His face lit up with the most glorious smile. “You’re home. How was the play?”
“Terrible. We left at intermission.”
He gazed at the clock on the mantle then moved a chess piece. “That’s a shame. Where have you been?”
“There was an accident near Piccadilly. It took additional time to get through and Daniel stopped to assist.” All the energy sapped out of her, she sat across from him. He’d lost weight, but his shoulders were still broad and his eyes magnetic. None of his charm was lost, only his pride. She would see he had that back as well.
Pointing to the chessboard, he asked, “Do you play?”
“Only very poorly.”
“I could teach you.” Hope bloomed in his eyes. It made no sense.
The pain that started in her chest spread to her head. Her ears rang with the blood rushing through them. “I am going to the country with Sophia and Daniel at the end of the week.”
Lifting his chin, he narrowed his eyes. “Why?”
“You are well and my presence here serves only as fodder for the gossips. Your life can go back to normal as soon as I am gone and that will be for the best.” She plucked at the seam on her reticule. Putting the bag aside, she settled her nerves, and then folded her hands in her lap.
“Fodder for gossips? Did something happen at the theater?” He leaned back and crossed his arms.
“Nothing out of the ordinary. We had always planned to let each other live our own lives. It seems clear that the time has come to begin that process. I will go to the country and you will have your life back. If you require me for some event, you need only send a note and I will be happy to oblige you. I feel I should tell you how grateful I am for all you have done and how very sorry I am for the trouble I have caused you.” There, she’d said what she wanted and managed it without rancor or tears. They could both move on without regret.
“This is what you want, Dory, to live separate lives?”
She nodded. “I have been a burden on you long enough.”
“I have never considered you a burden. You are my wife.” He adjusted his position and winced.
“A wife who got you shot and caused you more pain than you deserve. I will spend a few weeks with Sophia, and then perhaps go up to Scotland and see Elinor. My mother has a small cottage in Surry, which she inherited from her mother. Perhaps I will go there as well. If you like, I can keep you informed of my whereabouts.”
All expression leached from his face. “I see no point. If you wish to go, then go.”
It was no surprise he wanted her to go. So why did it feel like her heart was being torn out of her chest? “It is for the best.” She left the study without looking back.