We don’t stop. We fuck all afternoon, like a couple of horny teenagers, until it’s dark outside and neither of us can move. Until I start to worry that Conner is going to come home and find his best friend and his brother naked in the back of a truck.

But I don’t want to move because I don’t want to do what comes next. So, I just lie here, Declan’s little spoon, and pretend.

I pretend that the last nine years never happened. That we have a daughter together and he loves her as much as I do. That we live in his cottage on the Cape like he said we would. That when he said forever, he meant it.

The thought makes it impossible to breathe. Makes me feel like I’m drowning and I push myself up, gasping for air.

I feel his hand on my back, brushing my hair out of the way so he can trace his fingers along my spine. The ink tattooed into my skin, and I close my eyes, letting him soothe me. Pretending for just a while longer.

“Bad dream again?” he murmurs softly, his voice edged with concern.

I draw my legs up and tuck my knees under my chin. “Again?” I say, looking at him over my shoulder. I can see his face, bathed in the light of the street lamp, pushing its way through the garage’s high-set windows but his eyes are dark. Unreadable.

“You used to have them sometimes when we…” He looks away from me, his brow pushed low over his eyes, unable to say it out loud.

When we were together.

He clears his throat. “Anyway, I always figured they were about your mom.”

My mom.

Hearing him talk about her reminds me of the day of her funeral. The way he sat next to me on his back porch and held me while I cried. How he made me feel.

Safe.

Seen.

Understood.

It was a lie then, just like it’s a lie now.

Everything that comes out of Declan’s mouth is a lie. I need to remember that.

I reach back and push his hand away. “We’re not going to talk about my mother.”

His brow pushes into a frown at my tone. “Why?” When I don’t answer him, he sits up and he’s suddenly looming over me. “What? You can talk to Ryan about her but not me?”

My mouth falls open for a second before I snap it shut. I want to ask him how he knows that but I don’t. Instead I answer his question.

“Yes.”

It’s like I hit him. He jerks back, his neck stiff. Jaw tight.

I don’t stop.

I keep swinging.

“Ryan is my friend.” I look up at him, watching every word land like a blow. “He’s always been my friend. He’s never hurt me. Never lied—”

“Stop.” His voice is low. Quiet.

“I never gave myself to him. Never loved him.”

“Stop it, Tess.”

“He never took from me. Made me promises he had no intention of kee—”

“Please, Tess…” He shakes his head again, fast and tight, gaze fixed on my face like I’m a train wreck he can’t look away from. “Don’t—”

“He never told me that I was his forever.”

“Stop.” He barks it at me, his huge hands clamping around my shoulders, elbows locked like he doesn’t know what to do with me. How to make me shut up.

“And I never believed him.”

“I love you.” He looks me right in the eye when he says it, gaze locked on mine with unwavering certainty.

Just like last time.

“I love you.” He says it again, his fingers digging into my shoulders hard enough to hurt. “I never stopped lo—”

“Let go of me.”

For a second, I don’t think he’s going to do it. He just stares at me, jaw clenched. Chest pumping. Hands clamped around my shoulders like he’s fighting the urge to shake me.

But then he drops his hands.

As soon as he lets go, I scramble over the side of the truck, my bare feet smacking against the cold concrete. I jerk the driver’s side door open on the truck, using the interior light to find my clothes. Finding my jeans and tank, I toss them on the seat before picking up one of my socks.

As soon as he realizes what I’m doing, Declan vaults over the side of the truck and snaps up his pants. “If you think I’m going to let you just walk out of here without finishing this,” he barks at me while jerking his pants up. “You’re out of your goddamned mind.”

“You don’t have to worry,” I say, pulling on one of my socks and then the other. “I have no intention of telling Jessica what happened.” Socks on, I reach for my jeans.

“Jessica?” He says her name like he has no idea who I’m talking about.

“Yeah. Jessica.” I step into my pants and pull them up my legs. “Your fiancé. I won’t tell her.” I zip up my pants and reach for my tank. “And you don’t have to wonder if I gave you some kind of disease or if you got me pregnant.” I jam my head and arms through the holes and pull it down over my chest. “What happened here was absolutely, 100% consequence free.” I shrug, forcing a look of bored indifference on my face. “We can even keep fucking if you want.”

He slumps against the side of the truck and scrubs a hand over his face before dropping it at his side. “I love you. I’ve loved you every day of my life since the day of your mother’s funeral.”

Hearing him say it is like a knife in my gut. I have to clench my hands into fists to stop myself from pressing a hand to my stomach to check for blood.

“You told Jessica.”

“I told Jessica about what?” He’s getting angry, I can hear it in his voice. He’s struggling to keep himself under control. Trying to stay calm.

“About my mother.”

He stares at me for a moment. He looks scattered. Like he has no idea what I’m saying to him. Like everything has stopped making sense. “No.” He shakes his head, swallowing so hard I can hear the scrape of his Adam’s apple against the inside of his throat. “I didn’t. I would never do that to you. I swear—”

“The truck is yours.” I cut him off because I can’t listen to him lie. Not about that.

“What?” He looks angry again. “No. It’s yours. I bought it for you.”

“And I restored it for you.” I jam my feet into my boots one at a time, not bothering to tie the laces. “It’s your wedding gift,” I tell him. “Keys are in the ignition. Con’s been threatening to have it towed so you’re going to want to get it out of here sooner rather than later.”

“Don’t do this.” He shakes his head at me. “Just stop for a—”

“It’s already done.” I show him my hands. “You did it a long time ago. The fact that you’re an expert at making me come doesn’t change that.”

“I love you, Tess.” He says it one last time, pushing himself off the side of the truck to stand over me. “I love you and I’m sorry.”

“I don’t believe you, Declan.”

It’s the last thing I say to him before I walk away.