We both shower again, needing to get cleaned up after all that. “We have to conserve water,” Christopher tells me before getting in with me.

 

I don’t bother putting up a fight. I don’t want to. I laugh instead, pulling him close to me and offering to soap him up. By the time we’re finished, the water is nearly ice cold.

 

This is bliss. Could every day be this way? I’m not naïve. I know it wouldn’t be this way forever. All relationships calm down eventually. We’re in the new phase. If Christopher and I got together, we wouldn’t be hopping in and out of bed every day.

 

Though I wouldn’t complain if we did. From the grin he can’t seem to keep off his face, I don’t think he’d mind, either.

 

By noon, I feel the noose tightening around my neck. I know I should go. I don’t want to push too far or put him in a position where he feels it’s time to ask me to leave. That would be humiliating.

 

There’s just one problem: I don’t want to leave. To his credit, Christopher seems pretty laidback about me being here. This is a change from the man I first met two days ago. Back then, he was brusque, almost angry at times. Now he’s relaxed, joking with me. Maybe he needed to get laid as badly as I did.

 

Nah. I can’t look at him and consider such a possibility. I’m sure panties hit the floor the minute he walks into a bar. To think, I’m the one who just had sex with him. I’ve never felt proud of myself for something like this before. I never had a reason to.

 

“What do you wanna do now? I know you can’t want more sex. I think you’re set for months.”

 

I scowl at him. “Full of yourself much?”

 

“Am I wrong?”

 

I consider it. “Weeks, maybe. Not months.”

 

“I’ll take it.” He grins so sexily. When he’s dark, brooding, he’s hot. Something in me responds every time. But this version? The smiling, lighthearted Christopher? It’s another thing entirely. My heart opens to him against my better judgement.

 

“Whatever, like you could go again right now.”

 

“Baby, you don’t even know what I could do right now. I can go all night.”

 

“Oh?” I can’t help feeling intrigued. “I wish I’d have known that last night.”

 

“Your loss. So sex is out, for now. Anything else?”

 

I look around. There’s not much to do. I’m desperate to think of something to do. I don’t want to leave.

 

Christopher answers his own question. “Board games?”

 

I can’t help laughing. “You have board games here? For real?”

 

He frowns. “Why wouldn’t I? Who do you think I am?”

 

“Not the type of guy who sits around playing board games in front of the fireplace.”

 

“I’m a pretty deep guy.” He gets up from where we’ve been sitting on the floor, playing with the dog. “What do you wanna play? I have a bunch.”

 

Whatever takes the longest. “Monopoly?”

 

“Sure.”

 

I can’t help grinning in triumph. I hate Monopoly, usually, because it takes so damn long to play. Now? That extra time is like a gift from heaven.

 

###

 

“Do you have any brothers or sisters?” he asks me. We’re both on our stomachs on opposite sides of the board.

 

“No, I’m an only child.”

 

“Ahh. I guess your parents were really looking forward to having you come home, then.”

 

“They were. I was looking forward to seeing them, too. I’ll have to plan another time soon.”

 

“You’re still close with them?”

 

“Very. Almost too close with my mom.” I’ll never be able to tell her about this weekend, though. Christopher knows I gave her a story about the roads leading from the motel being in no condition for driving. It wasn’t a complete lie; the roads really were crap. I just wasn’t at a motel. “How about you?” I ask quietly. I know better than to expect him to be forthcoming.

 

“They’re all older. Much older. Half-siblings, a different father. They were all grown by the time I was born.”

 

“Oh, really? Like a second marriage, second family situation?”

 

He chuckles, moving his piece along the board. “Yeah. Something like that.” Got it. I went too far. “I didn’t have a lot of friends. I was alone a lot of the time. I did a lot of reading, which was considered just as lame as cooking and tending lawns. Good thing my old man was hardly ever around or he probably would have burned my books.”

 

I don’t know what to say. I feel awful for him, and more grateful than ever for my own parents. The picture he’s painting for me…I know better than ever how he wound up the way he is.

 

“I needed something when I was growing up. By the time I was old enough, I got into some trouble. I didn’t make good choices. I regret them.” He looks at me, hard. “I regret them with all my heart. I need you to believe that.”

 

“I do,” I whisper. I don’t know what mistakes he’s talking about, but I know what it means to have regret. The look on his face is heartbreaking.

 

“We all make stupid mistakes when we’re young. Especially when we’re running away from something. Know what I mean? I was running away from being alone, feeling like an outsider in town. An outsider in my own family. All my brothers and sisters were from the ‘good’ dad, the one my mom loved. He died in a work accident. My dad, though, was a bum, an asshole. She took it out on me, even if she didn’t know she was doing it. I needed to belong somewhere.”

 

“That makes sense. We all need to feel like we belong.” I’m trying to piece together the clues he’s giving me. I’m only more confused than ever. What’s he trying to tell me? I keep going, wanting to make him feel better. “I was running away from something when I got together with Lucas.”

 

“Running away from what? Another guy?”

 

“No.” I laugh. “Just the opposite. There were no other guys before him.”

 

He’s silent, looking at me like he’s waiting for me to laugh. When I don’t, he says, “Seriously? Only him?”

 

“Well, now it’s only him and you. Oh God, I hope that doesn’t freak you out. I don’t know why I said it.”

 

“No, no. It’s sort of an honor, in a way. That probably sounds stupid.”

 

I smile. “It doesn’t.” He smiles back. “So yeah, I was running away from being alone. I always felt different from the other girls. I used to be heavier, and I had no self-esteem. I thought losing weight would make me feel better about myself. All it did was make me look different. I still hated the person I was inside, so there were still no guys around. I didn’t exactly try to attract them, you know? Then, along came Lucas.”

 

“Shithead.”

 

“Yes. He liked me. He paid attention to me. It was totally new, and at first, really, he seemed like a nice guy.” It’s my turn to look at Christopher the way he just looked at me: hard, like I need him to believe what I’m telling him. “He was. He treated me well. Just long enough for me to fall in love with him. Otherwise, I’m sure I wouldn’t have gotten together with him. I mean, what sort of person does that? Gets involved right off the bat with somebody who hurts them?”

 

“It happens. It does. But you’re smarter than that, I think.”

 

“Thank you. So yeah, I say all this to tell you I believe you. I understand what you’re saying. We all make poor decisions when we’re running away. Both of us were running away from being alone. We just took different ways out of it.”

 

He reaches across the board, taking my hand. “Thank you for that.” Then his arm sweeps across the board, knocking over all my hotels. “Oh, damn. I messed up the game. Shit.”

 

I burst out laughing. “Jackass! I was this close to winning! Sore loser.”

 

“I’m not a sore loser if I didn’t actually lose. I could have won. I could have turned it around.”

 

“Right.” I roll my eyes, unable to keep from laughing again. My eyes happen to land on the window. I’m shocked to see how dark it’s already getting. “Shit! I can’t believe how late it got. Time flies when you’re getting your ass beat, doesn’t it?”

 

“Careful, or I’ll take you upstairs and beat your ass for real.”

 

I blush, wishing he’d throw me over his shoulder and take me upstairs right now. That energy is back, the electricity between us. It shows up so quickly, out of nowhere. One minute we’re joking, the next I want him to fuck me until I scream.

 

We shouldn’t. Not again. I’ll stay here for the rest of my life if one of us doesn’t break the cycle.

 

“I guess I should get going.” My heart is heavy. I hate myself for feeling this way. Why can’t I walk away with no strings attached? I don’t know that he shares my feelings, that this meant anything to him. Could be he’s just being nice. I’m sure it doesn’t hurt we’ve been sleeping together.

 

“Oh.” Is he disappointed? Relieved? Does it matter? I don’t want it to matter.

 

“Is that okay? I don’t want to keep imposing on you. You’ve done much more than enough.”

 

“Please, go ahead. You have your own life.” He watches as I get to my feet, stretching after spending so long on the floor. “Where are you going, anyway? To your parents’?”

 

Crap. I hadn’t thought about that. It seems like a waste now. I was just going to drive home in two days anyway. By the time I got there tonight, it would be bedtime.

 

“I don’t think so. It’s sort of a long drive. I should go back to my house. Maybe I’ll stop by the shop, make sure it’s been shoveled out. I probably have to shovel my sidewalk.”

 

“I hope one of your neighbors had a heart and did it for you.”

 

“Uh, between you and me, I hope the same thing.” I laugh. It sounds hollow even to me.

 

“If you need any help, you know you can call me, right?” He moves closer to me, making my heart beat faster as he always does. Where does that power come from?

 

“I appreciate it. I might take you up on it, too, if I have two feet of snow and no parking spot. I might even end up coming back here.”

 

“I wouldn’t mind if you did.”

 

Oh. My heart is pounding like an express train. My mouth is dry. He couldn’t be clearer if he said the actual words, Amanda, I like you and want to be with you. So why won’t he say the actual words already? Maybe he could end my agony by giving me an answer to my questions.

 

But I don’t have the guts to make the first move, that’s for sure.

 

“So, um, do you wanna give me your number? And I’ll give you mine, in case you need to call me?”

 

“Yes, for sure.” I put my number in his phone and he does the same in mine. This is so awkward I can hardly stand it. We’re suddenly like two teenagers after their first date.

 

“Okay. So, I guess I’ll go now.” I look up at him, unsure what to do now. Should we hug? Shake hands? Wave?

 

I’m so relieved when he holds his arms out. I walk into them, close my eyes when they circle around me. It feels so good. It shouldn’t feel this good, but it does. I wish I knew how he feels.

 

“Thank you for staying here with me.”

 

I have to laugh. “You’re thanking me? Thank you for letting me stay. It’s been a real experience.” I smile, hoping he can somehow see through my words to what’s in my heart.

 

Instead of replying with words, he kisses me gently.