Christopher

 

I ride for hours, nothing much to do but think.

 

Opening up to Derrick was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I buried that shit so far down inside myself, it was almost like reliving the moment when I talked about it. There was still something about that day I didn’t tell him…but he didn’t need to know. It might have been too much.

 

I didn’t tell him how Michelle tried to shoot me. I told him I was too slow to stop her from shooting herself. That was true. But it was because I’d just ducked to avoid getting hit by the shot she aimed at me. It hit a tree behind me. Then she pointed the gun at herself. I lunged. Too slow from an awkward position.

 

Why did she do it? Because she wanted to stop me from stopping her. She didn’t care if she hit me or not—maybe she wanted to kill me, maybe she wanted to scare me. Since I took the gun, there was no way for the police to know she’d fired an extra shot. I don’t even know where it hit, exactly.

 

She was that desperate in the end. That determined to die. She couldn’t live with herself. I can only imagine how her mind was twisted up. Feeling like she’d killed our friends. She hadn’t. I tried to tell her it wasn’t her fault. Kenny used her. I loved him once, I said, but not for a long time before that final ambush. He’d become a monster. Not just by skimming. By ruling with an iron fist. All he cared about was money. He had rules once. Never hurt women, never hurt children, don’t bring the innocent into our business. Then a series of row homes had burned to the ground, all owned by a rival of the club and rented out to low-income families. A mother and her three kids died in that fire. Kenny always denied involvement, but I’d known better. That was the beginning of the end for me.

 

Once he was gone, and Michelle, I’d had enough. Right after Kenny’s murder it was rumored I’d be the one to step into his shoes. I didn’t want them. I saw what power did to him, and I wanted nothing to do with it. I wanted to get my wife far away from the noise. It was too late for her, though. The addiction had taken her too far away from the person she really was. Then she killed herself, which brought heat onto the club. The police were looking for any excuse to bring everybody in. By the time the dust settled, none of them had wanted anything to do with me anymore. Especially with Derrick going around, poisoning the other members against me. Saying I’d killed my wife, his sister. The woman the rest of the guys also saw as a sister, knowing her most of her life.

 

I was asked to leave. No punishment but that. I could no longer wear the kutte, couldn’t associate myself with the club. I was more than happy to get out. It seemed like a lifetime had passed since I stood outside that party, wishing I could find a way to get inside and be a part of things.

 

The only other rule I was given was staying out of town as much as possible. They didn’t want me going around bad-mouthing the club. I had no problem with that, either, seeing as how there was no love lost there. They could go fuck themselves, all of them.

 

It was just my dog and me. Michelle’s dog, that is. I didn’t need anyone else.

 

Then came Amanda.

 

My chest tightens when I think of her. Where is she? Am I close? Did they maybe stop off somewhere? They’ve only been on a road a few hours—no way he’s made it to the campus yet. There’s a chance she’s still alive.

 

And probably terrified. My chest tightens more. I scream into the wind. There’s no one to hear me, not at this time of night. I’m virtually alone on the road except for a trucker here or there. Every car I approach, I wonder if I’ll see him. What would I do if I did? I can’t run him off the road, not when she’s in the car. And if he’s been watching her at all, he probably knows about me.

 

I see her in front of me, replacing the road. That thick, dark hair. The freckles on her nose and cheeks. The way she looked when she yelled at me when I made fun of her soufflé. How it felt when we first kissed. I thought I’d burn up. It was never like that with any other woman. Intense. Passionate. Wild. Her body. I can almost feel it under my hands.

 

She’s a good person. A caring person. She told me she had my back, supported me no matter what. I can’t think back to a time in my life when I had that. I thought I had it with the club. I was wrong about that. I believe her, though. Just when I wanted to open up to another woman, this happened.

 

I should have been with her. I shouldn’t have run away, pissed or not. I lost sight of what mattered. Her safety. Now I’m facing the possibility of losing her the way I lost Michelle.

 

I pass a diner, my stomach rumbling. I can’t even stop, no matter how hungry I am. I can eat after I find her.

 

###

 

By the time I arrive at the campus, it’s nearly daylight. It’s been the longest night of my life.

 

I see the tower in the distance. Before getting any closer, I pull out my phone to dial 911. I tell the operator where I am, and why. “Please, send all the cars you can to the tower. I hope I’m not too late. This man is crazy.” Then I continue, hoping to head them off.

 

I park my bike several hundred yards away from the tower. There are no other cars in sight, so maybe I beat them here. He might have stopped at some point to get food. I hope I wasn’t completely off-base with my theory. I might be leading the police on a wild goose chase. They won’t be my biggest fans if that happens.

 

After a few minutes, a car pulls up. Since it’s winter break, the campus is almost empty. The presence of a car breaks up the near-silence all around me. I watch from my position behind a dumpster as a man gets out from behind the wheel. He looks slightly older, a little paunchier. But there’s no mistaking that face. I’ve seen it in front of me for the past six hours, along with Amanda and Michelle. Lucas.

 

He looks around, then walks to the trunk. My heart clenches. He opens it, bends down. I can’t see at first, but when he closes the trunk there’s no mistaking Amanda. Jesus, he had her in there all this time? She can hardly walk. He nearly has to carry her. I want to kill him for doing this.

 

He’s babbling something to her, his mouth moving a mile a minute. Completely insane. I crouch, running toward them. Using hedges to hide me somewhat. The closer I get the more I can hear of what he’s saying.

 

“I told you we’d be together, didn’t I? Didn’t I always say you could never hide from me? There’s no way. I love you too much to lose you to any man, especially not a scumbag like that bastard you were with. I don’t know if I can forgive you for that, but if I do it’ll take a long time. I can’t believe you’d go from me to a man like him. What’s happened to you?”

 

On and on he goes, unable to stop babbling. He’s dragging her to the tower, overlooking campus. I realize he wants to take her up into it, maybe to the very top. There’s no telling what he’ll do once he gets her up there. I can only imagine he’ll throw her from the top.

 

“Stop!” I run toward them. They both freeze. Amanda turns in my direction, frightened at first. Then she sees it’s me, and I watch her face crumple in tears.

 

“Christopher!” she cries, reaching for me. Trying to break free of his grasp. He’s too strong for her.

 

“Shut up, bitch!” Lucas pulls her toward himself. “I should have known you were lying. You had your boyfriend come after us.”

 

“I didn’t! I didn’t know! How could I know?”

 

I hold up a hand—the one not holding the gun in my pocket. “No, Lucas. She didn’t know I was coming. It’s just me. It was my idea.”

 

“Really? What did you think you were going to get out of coming after us?”

 

“I just wanted to be sure she was safe, man. That’s all.” I glance at her, taking her in with my eyes. I want to see if she’s actually okay. She was wearing a knit hat when he first pulled her from the trunk, which fell off as she struggled. There’s dried blood in her hair. She’s not bleeding anywhere else I can see. No marks on her wrists. She’s been crying, her face red.

 

“You want to make sure she’s safe?” He throws back his head, laughing. He sounds crazier than I thought he was. “That’s hilarious! You should have been a comedian!”

 

“What do you mean?” I have to stall. I don’t want to try to take this guy alone, though I know I could if it was just the two of us. I could break him in half with no problem. I want to. But Amanda’s in between us. I can’t risk her getting hurt.

 

“You think I’m the one who’s a threat to Mandie?” He strokes her hair. She closes her eyes, squeezing them tight, grimacing at his touch. I want to rip his hand off.

 

“Well, I mean, come on. You took her. There was blood on the floor.”

 

“Only because you’re the one who convinced her she shouldn’t be with me anymore!” He’s shouting, out of control.

 

“Lucas, I only met her a few days ago. I didn’t convince her of anything. She made her own decision.” I watch as his hands tighten around her arms. Okay. That was a mistake. I have to be the bad guy so he won’t hurt her. My shoulders slump. “Okay. You’re right. I’m the one who turned her against you.” I let my eyes flicker over toward her, hoping to keep her quiet. “I was jealous of the relationship you two had when you were together. I knew from the way she talked about you that she’d never feel that way about me. I’m not the sort of man you are. I didn’t go to college. I don’t have any friends. I’m just…a white trash biker. I have nothing to offer her.”

 

“You’re right. You have nothing. Hear that, Mandie? He said he has nothing. I told you so, didn’t I?” He jerks her by the arms, pulling her to him. I see the pain in her eyes.

 

“But, Lucas…you have to understand how this looks. Hurting her to get her to come with you. The police aren’t very happy about that. Did you think about what might happen if they catch up to you?”

 

He shrugs. “Why should they? They’ll just blame it on you, right?”

 

I frown, squinting at him. “Why would they do that?”

 

“Because you’re already on their shit list. Aren’t you? Or am I thinking of a different Christopher Barton? The one whose wife didn’t die mysteriously in the woods one day?”

 

My stomach is ice. How does he know this? How much homework has he done on me?

 

“That’s right,” he says, reading my reaction. “I know everything about you. Your criminal record, your history with the club. Everything there is to know. And I know the cops are just dying for a reason to put you in jail for good. So, I’m giving them their reason.” He strokes Amanda’s hair again. “Don’t worry. I have no intention of actually hurting her. Just making it look like she was hurt.” He laughs.

 

“What’s so funny?” I ask, glancing at her again before looking back at the insane man in front of me.

 

“It’s just…I win. I get back the girl I love while putting you in jail. The man who took her from me. It doesn’t get much better than this.”

 

“You’re right, Lucas. You win.” I hold up my hands, the gun pointing to the sky. “I lose.”

 

“Christopher! Be careful! He has a gun!” He grips her so hard, she screams.

 

“Don’t you hurt her!” I make a move toward them, then stop myself. I don’t want to take chances if he’s armed.

 

Lucas only laughs. “I don’t have a gun, you stupid bitch.”

 

“What?”

 

“I only told you that to scare you. Jesus. You’re so dumb. You could at least have asked to see it.”

 

If he calls her stupid or a bitch one more time, I don’t know if I can be held responsible for what I do. I take another step toward them.

 

“Not another inch, Christopher. Not if you don’t want to see her get hurt. I don’t need a gun to hurt her. Do I, sweetheart?” He twists her arm. She cries out. He looks at me, sneering. “Besides, I think you should drop the gun and kick it away if you don’t want to be in even bigger trouble.”

 

“I can’t do that,” I say, gun still pointing up.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because Amanda looks afraid.”

 

“She’s afraid of you!” He jerks her by the arm. “Tell him. Tell him you’re afraid of him.”

 

“I’m—I’m afraid,” she says, her voice a tiny squeak.

 

“You’re afraid of him! Tell him!”

 

“I’m afraid of you!” She cries, tears flowing down her face. “Please. I’m afraid.”

 

“I’m sorry,” I say, staring at her. “I’m sorry you’re afraid. I’m sorry I couldn’t make it so you felt safer.”

 

“Looks like you can’t keep a woman, Christopher.” Lucas sneers.

 

I glance at him, then back at Amanda. “I have a story to tell you.” I keep my eyes on her, ignoring Lucas except to ensure he doesn’t pull any quick moves.

 

“What is it?”

 

“I’ve never told anybody the full story. Not even Derrick. Michelle tried to kill herself that day. She went to the woods to kill herself.”

 

She’s staring at me, eyes full of tears. “Why?”

 

“Because she was a sick, mixed-up person. She was into drugs, stealing from the cartel the club was working with. She had an affair with the man who was president of the club at the time. Only the stealing wound up getting him and a bunch of our guys killed. She couldn’t handle it. So she took my gun into the woods. I ran after her as soon as I knew what she was doing.” I take a deep breath, getting to the part I didn’t tell Derrick. “She pointed the gun at me first, to keep me away from her while she told me the story…then to shoot me. She was going to kill me, rather than let me stop her. She wanted to die that badly.”

 

I watch Amanda tremble. I see Lucas’s hands tighten on her arms.

 

“She fired a shot. I ducked, it hit a tree. Then she turned the gun on herself, pressed it against her chest. I jumped at her, wanting to stop her. But I couldn’t. She pulled the trigger. She died in my arms—I think she might have gone almost instantly. I couldn’t stop her, and I’ve blamed myself all this time. I didn’t want anyone to know she’d been in that much trouble—especially not that she was stealing from the cartel and the club. I couldn’t put her family through that pain.”

 

“Why are you telling this story?” Lucas asks, sounding bored and irritated.

 

I look at him. “Because I need her to know the truth.” I hear sirens approaching from the distance. Thank God. I couldn’t have kept this up much longer.

 

“What difference does it make?” Lucas asks, oblivious to the approaching cop cars.

 

“I wanted her to hear it before this happened.” I lunge at them, pushing Amanda roughly out of the way. I take Lucas by the shoulders before hitting him across the nose with the butt of my gun, drawing blood. I hear Amanda cry out, but I can’t look back.

 

He fights back, head butting me, knocking us both to the ground. We wrestle, rolling over and over. His hands are on the gun as he tries to pry it from me. I throw myself on top of him, hoping to knock the wind out of him and stun him into letting go. I drive my knees into his sides, our faces inches from each other.

 

“Please! Stop!” Amanda’s screaming.

 

I can’t listen. I can only make this bastard pay for what he’s done.

 

“Christopher, please!” The gun is somewhere between the two of us, jammed between our bodies. I know he’s still hold on, just as I am. I hear the sirens getting louder.

 

Then the gun goes off.