Chapter 13
Angel
This day is going so slowly. I even slept in an extra half an hour, laying in my bed as long as possible to make my chores seem more urgent. If they’re urgent, I assume they will go by faster.
But no.
Instead, I count every string bean that I pluck from the vine. I count every weed that I pull out of the dirt between the radishes and the lettuces. If we don't get some rain soon, this garden is going to turn completely to dust.
I turn on the soaker hose and use the remaining few inches of the rain barrel. It won't be enough. It will have to rain the next two or three days or we will have to ask Father Daddy to do something.
Father Daddy.
Father Daddy.
I can't stop thinking about it. Everything reminds me of him. The earthy scent of the dirt between my fingers. The sultry tops of the radish leaves under my thumb. I never noticed before how the whole world is organized this way. Things beget more things. All of life is about joining and reproducing and cultivating every effort for production.
I can't believe how Brother Owen and Father Daddy have altered my mind. I knew this ceremony was going to be magical, but how could I have known it was going to be like this? How could I have known there was going to be a real, secret place in my heart and my body that I had never explored before? I feel brand new. I feel reborn.
But really, I should have known. I had always been told that womanhood was a special place, apart from the girl that I was. But I suppose that day to day, I began to believe that it was simply more of the same. I became cynical. I lost faith in the idea of the magic until Father Daddy and Brother Owen showed me the way.
I have some green tomatoes that I can fry up later, and I happily twist them from their furry green stalks and put them in the basket along with the beans. It's a pretty good harvest for our tiny garden. We will eat well tonight, that's for certain.
As I trudge up the back steps, I try to focus on my next chores. Scrubbing the floor should take about an hour and a half. Getting the washing of the lines will take another hour. Dusting everything, yet again, maybe thirty to forty-five minutes. And then I will get dinner started. And then it will almost be dusk.
It will almost be time.
That makes sense. If I try to focus on my chores, I can crush the sparking flame in my chest that threatens to ignite me completely. I can't wait to see him. I can't believe he invited me! I really do think this is special between us. It must be.
It's so special, I don't even want to tell Tulip. I get the distinct feeling that Father Daddy would not approve of that. And I'd hate to find out that it was something everybody was doing, that's for certain.
But I also feel like it really isn't. He said I would be his favorite. He said it right out loud. And he never lies. So if I told Tulip, what would she think? Well, she would certainly tell everyone she could, more or less right away. I don't think that would be very good. But also, even if she didn’t tell everyone, it would make her feel jealous, wouldn't it? Being left out would have to hurt at least a little.
That's why it makes complete sense that I should keep this to myself.
And I love it. It's like having a treasure that I just stroke and stroke and stroke under my thumb. Something that I turn over in the light and look at it as it glitters, as it shimmers, as it reveals to me more and more iridescent forms in its depths. Such a beautiful thing. I’ve been given such a transcendent thing.
And I thought it was a demon! How ridiculous! How childish.
Eventually all the chores are done. Dinner is ready. My mother is nowhere. But then again, she hasn't really looked at me since the ceremony, not really. I think the whole idea makes her uncomfortable. She's probably concerned that I'll be moving on, taking on a Master. She's probably worried about who's going to do all the chores around here. Who is going to wake her in time for her duties. Who's going to listen to her complain.
No, I shouldn’t talk like that. She may be difficult, but she is my mother, after all.
I fix her a plate of food and invert another plate on top of it to keep it warm. I leave it at her spot at the simple wooden table, assuming she will return soon.
Actually, I'm sort of glad. This way there are no questions to be answered as I change into my new dress and skip lightly across the front porch.
The barn is lit, but there's no one around. It is sort of a strange sight, I think as I practically skip up the hard packed dirt of the path. Normally there are Family members gathered around the entrance, waiting to see what they can of the ceremony. But this time, it's just me. It feels so illicit. It's wonderfully naughty.
I open the door just a foot or so and slip inside, rolling it shut behind me. When I turn around, I'm sort of surprised to see Brother Owen is here as well. He smiles wide in greeting, crossing his legs casually and leaning his handsome face on his fist.
“Right on time, just as I expected,” Father Daddy calls out.
I smile back. I can't help it. I feel like there is a constant bubble inside me, like a hot air balloon. Something that makes me feel so light and wonderful. So warm. All I do is smile and smile and smile.
They both watch me intently as I walk across the floor. I'm happy to see Brother Owen is here as well. It seems comfortable to me, even though Father Daddy didn't mention it yesterday. I probably should have assumed that my formal training would include them both.
When I come to the platform, I simply step up without even asking. I stand at the edge, ready to receive instruction. Father Daddy's eyes drift over my new dress and he smiles appreciatively. He didn’t stay for dinner with the aunties, since he could sense the tension in the air, so he didn’t get to see it before now.
“You did a wonderful job on your gown, Angel,” he smiles. “You are gifted with so many skills.”
“Oh, I suspect she practiced for a very long time, didn't you, Angel?” Brother Owen asks me. He is smiling as well, and my chest puffs up with pride. I've never been so admired before. Not obviously, anyway. I like this feeling.
“Why, yes I practiced a little, I suppose,” I say, though actually I've probably spent hundreds of hours practicing. “I'm very glad you like it. Thank you.”
“Would you like to take off? Or shall we take it off for you?”
My heart leaps. I return Father Daddy's brazen stare, trying to remain calm.
“I'm here to learn,” I say carefully. “Do with me whatever you will.”
Father Daddy takes the initiative, standing from his throne and taking a step toward me. Brother Owen does the same. When he’s close enough, he reaches down to gather my hem in his hand. The backs of his knuckles stroke my calf.
“Dids Silas tell you how to act when your Master touches you this way?”
“He told me that when my Master touches me, I should make myself available to him,” I answer automatically.
His smile is sincere and relieved. Slowly, he draws his lower lip between his teeth as he continues to stroke me. I’m already trembling where I stand.
“Yes! Exactly, yes,” he says emphatically, as though this was supposed to be a hard lesson to learn. How could be difficult? All I want to do is please them.
“Raise your arms,” Brother Owen murmurs.
I comply immediately, watching Father Daddy for his reaction. His eyes drift toward my ankles as Brother Owen gathers the hem of my new dress in his hands. Father Daddy's eyes watch the skin as it is revealed, inch by inch. He looks hungry.
Brother Owen slips the dress over my head and places it delicately over the arm of his throne. I try not to shiver in the cold night air as I stand naked before them, illuminated by the strings of lights along the ceiling.
“The reason I told you, Angel,” Father Daddy says, “is that your training is to understand your role in the Family. As a woman, you hold the key to managing our nature. Men are like animals. Women tend to them, nurture and coach them. Do you understand?”
I nod, but the nod ends in a shrug. I don't really understand.
“We are only beasts without you,” Brother Owen adds. “You are the balance that a man needs. It's your job to understand him. To anticipate him. To scold him when he needs to be scolded, and to service him when he needs to be serviced.”
I shudder, trying to understand. Could this be true? Could I really have a kind of power?
“What do you need?” I dare to ask.
Father Daddy shrugs. “All men need to release. It clears our minds and spirits. But there are two of us… what can you do?”
I sense that this is a challenge, a test. I sense that even with my limited understanding, I must already have all the information I need, or he would not have asked me.
I drop to my knees.
Father Daddy and Brother Owen turn toward me slightly as my hands float in the air, reaching for each of their trousers. I unzip both of them at the same time and release their beautiful manhoods. Holding them both at the same time, I stroke the velvety shafts from base to tip, delighting as they both grow rigid, so very rigid in my hands.
“That's good, so good,” Father Daddy groans. He tips his head back.
I begin to understand. I hear the urgency in their voices, their low, beastly rumbles. I stroke them, varying the pressure until I find the grip that elicits the most desperate sounds from their throats. In mere moments, I have them both ready, hard as timber, rolling their hips back and forth like pistons.
He was right. I do have this control. I can do a thing I've never even heard of before. I can bring them to the edge of what they want… Find the deep lust inside both of them and make it howl…
“I want to make you come,” I call out, lifting my chin. They both tilt their heads back to the ceiling at the same time, arching their backs and clawing at the air. Then both thicken suddenly my palms and release their seed. It spurts out, dousing my cheeks and chin with its pearly, hot honey. I gasp at the sight, this fountain of beauty that I've orchestrated with just my hands.
Gradually, I slow as they pant, shuddering, eventually leaning forward and backing away slightly.
“That was… amazing,” Brother Owen gasps. He takes deep breaths through his nose, shaking his head in disbelief.
“Did I tell you? She's going to be my favorite,” Father Daddy adds breathlessly.
I'm filled to bursting with pride. I feel their seed cooling on my skin, dripping down in thick globs onto my belly.
Brother Owen pulls his shirt over his head and uses it to wipe the seed from my cheeks and collarbone. It smells like him — masculine, woody, musk.
“Beautiful, beautiful,” he says again.
I don't even want to ask. Is he talking about me? Or is he talking about the act?
Certainly, it's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.