Grantley
“Please tell me she’s not.”
“Not what?” Penny the make-up girl asked, as she touched up my nose.
“Her.” I gave a quick nod to the side. “She’s not playing the nerdy assistant?”
Penny glanced to her left before sighing and continuing to dab at me with a sponge.
“Don’t tell me, you’ve upset her too.”
Penny was my regular make-up girl on the Addison Yates’ films, so she was well aware that my reputation of being a miserable dick was justified. She was also someone else that I saw as a friend.
You see, I didn’t just have Barney as a friend, I had Penny too; go me.
Penny and I were drinking buddies from time to time, but as I wasn’t a big drinker, more often than not I ended up being Lone Wolf while she flirted her way around the bar. Usually resulting in me grabbing a cab back to whichever hotel we were staying in, while Penny disappeared with her latest hook-up.
“I haven’t upset her.” I snapped. “She almost crushed my skull in and broke both my legs.”
Penny rolled her eyes. “I’m guessin’ you’re over exaggeratin’ as usual, honey,” she drawled in her rich Texan accent. “She’s such an itty bitty little thing. Can’t see how the hell she can have hurt you as bad as you say.”
“Well she did.” I pouted as Penny blotted my cheeks and forehead to remove the shine.
“She’s real pretty.” Penny grinned and winked at me.
“Keep your hands off. If I get her thrown off this damn set, I don’t want to have to socialize with her because you’ve hooked up with her.”
Tall, tatted, and gorgeous, Penny liked girls and girls, both gay and straight, seemed to like her - a great deal. In fact, I’d known many straight girls who jumped in the sack with Penny – she had an innate sexual chemistry that oozed from her. I should know. I hit on her on our first night out together, on my first Addison Yates film. She soon put me straight – so to speak.
“I’m jokin’ honey. She’s a knife, no doubt about it.”
Penny liked to use a cutlery analogy for women’s sexual orientation. Straight women were knives, bi-sexual ones were forks, and gay ones were spoons – you get the idea.
“She’s still pretty hot though. Don’t you think?” She grinned at me.
“Haven’t noticed,” I replied.
“And I call bullshit.”
“What the fuck is it with people calling me a liar today?” I moved away, shrugging away Penny’s hand. “Are we done?”
“So you do think she’s hot?” She tapped the end of my nose with one of her brushes. “And she drives you crazy. Boy this is going to be fun.”
Penny walked away giggling like a fucking girl.
“You ready, Grantley?” the Third Assistant Director called. “We’re going to shoot the office scene first.”
“Be right with you.”
The Third AD nodded and went back over to Alexi Rodrigo, who looked to be making changes to the shooting order with the First AD. I glanced over at my new nemesis, who was having photographs taken for continuity. I couldn’t believe I was going to have to act in a scene with her. At least she only had three lines before Addison dismissed her from the office. Even I could be professional for three lines of dialogue.
A few minutes later, myself, the extra girl, and Don Paisley, a seventies icon movie star who played Addison’s boss, were all on our marks, ready to go.
“And action!”
“You sure this information is correct, Arthur?” I pointed at the papers in my hands that were supposed to be the business and bank files of a drug and people trafficking ring, running under the guise of a British Software company.
“Imelda is the best hacker in the business.” Don, playing Arthur my boss, turned to the ass pain playing Imelda.
She was dressed in a black pant suit with a white blouse underneath. It was pretty tight and I had to be honest, she had some pretty sexy curves. The black, bobbed wig and scarlet lipstick were hot too, it was just a pity she was so annoying.
“I thought the guy who created their software was a genius? Doesn’t he go by the name of Red Wizard, or something?”
I delivered my line to Don, half turning my back on ’Imelda’. She then pushed my shoulder and stared me straight in the eye to reply.
“I can assure you Mr. Yates, I know what I’m doing. Andrew Green, or Red Wizard, whatever you want to call him, may well be a genius, but he’s no match for me – I can promise you that.”
“I’m sure you can, Imelda.” With a deep, sultry whisper, I delivered what was supposed to be a flirty line, perfectly. So perfectly in fact, I saw Imelda squirm a little. I couldn’t help but smirk at her – I’d turned her on. So much so, she missed her next line.
“Cut!” Alexi shouted. “Sweetness, is there a problem? You have three lines, please don’t tell me you’ve forgotten them.”
“Take a breath, Phoebe.” Don said, being his usual kindly, gentlemanly self.
So, her name was Phoebe. It sounded a little like some sort of tropical plant, but it was kind of cute and suited her. Fuck, what the hell was my brain doing – thinking she was cute just because I could see what a fine ass and tits she has. Okay, I was officially shallower than a kid’s pool in the park, but a man can’t help being a man.
Phoebe took the breath that Don suggested, nodded, and stood back on her mark.
“Okay quiet everyone,” Alexi shouted. “Let’s go again.”
This time she delivered her lines perfectly. A little stilted maybe, but you could hardly get into the psyche of the character in three lines. Shit, I was defending her as well as calling her cute. That get-up she had on must have had some magical sex scent sprayed all over it.
“You’re happy then?” Don/Arthur asked.
“Yeah, I’m happy.” I turned to Imelda/Phoebe and gave her a chin lift. “You can go now, Imelda.”
Imelda nodded, turned, and walked out of shot. I couldn’t help but look at her ass and almost choked.
“What the fuck,” I gasped.
Pinned to the back of her jacket, was a piece of paper with, “Grantley is full of Bull sh*t” on the back.
“Cut! What the hell, Grantley?” Alexi ran a hand through his unruly curls. “What’s wrong?”
“Sorry, but she kinda put me off.” I pointed in the direction of where Phoebe had disappeared between a camera and a boom operator. “Did you not see it?”
“Not see what?”
“On her back.”
I paced forward, ready to go and search for the little minx, but was stopped by Alexi’s booming voice.
“Take it from your line again. Phoebe, get back on your mark.”
Phoebe appeared and walked toward us with a grin on her face.
“Turn around,” I blasted at her.
“Grantley, man,” Alexi said from his chair to our right, “we need to get this scene down. I have another thirty fucking indoor scenes to do today.”
“I think I’m shining.” Don said, raising his hand.
“But her back,” I blustered.
Phoebe made a show of turning around and looking over her shoulder.
“Is there something wrong with my jacket?” she asked in all innocence.
“Can I get make-up, please?” Don called like a diva.
“Don’t give me that shit,” I hissed, leaning in closer to her. “What did you do with the sign Phoebe?”
She shrugged as she chewed on her top lip.
“I should damn well get you thrown off this fucking set.”
“Okay, guys. We all ready?” Don asked, returning from having his make-up touched up.
We ran the scene again and this time it went without a hitch. Phoebe left and as she stood out of shot, I was desperate to grab hold of her and find out what the fuck she’d been playing at.
Once we finished a couple more scenes, we broke for lunch and I went on the warpath looking for her. I found her queueing at the buffet table. Without thinking, or caring what anyone thought, I grabbed Phoebe by the elbow and pulled her out of the line.
“Hey,” she cried. “I was almost at the front of the queue.”
“Tough shit.”
I stormed to the back of the dining hall, dragging her with me.
“I should fucking fire your ass,” I growled as we stopped near the exit door. “I’m the lead on this damn movie and you do not mess with me.”
“Oh, it was a joke,” Phoebe huffed, “but if you have no sense of humour, that’s not my fault.”
“I have a sense of humor, sweetheart, but not when I’m working. If you can’t be professional then you should not be on this set.”
I stared at her, giving her my most vicious snarl. Props to the girl, she stood tall and her gaze never wavered.
“I’m sorry, okay,” she finally snapped. “I thought it might make you laugh after what happened earlier.”
“Yeah, well it didn’t.” I thrust my hands into my suit pants’ pockets and leaned the top half of my body forward. “And you pull another fucking stunt like that and I swear to God, you’ll be off this fucking movie and I’ll make sure you never get any work ever again.”
“That’s a bit harsh.” she replied with a gasp. “It’s not like I murdered your mother or anything.”
I snorted, knowing that if she had, I’d probably be getting her a starring role, not threatening to get her kicked off set.
“That should show you just how seriously I take my work.”
Phoebe rolled her eyes and huffed. “Fine. I’ll be on my best behaviour for the rest of the shoot.”
“Just be grateful I’m in a good mood.”
Her eyes widened and she snorted out a laugh.
“Sorry,” she said, when I gave her a warning look. “I’ll behave I promise. It was quite funny though, don’t you think?”
“No, I fucking don’t. I’m a serious actor and you’re making me look like a dick.”
Phoebe chewed on her lip and considered me. “Hmm, I think, to be honest, not wishing to sound rude, but you’re doing that yourself. I mean, come on it was a joke – everyone plays jokes on the first day of shooting.”
“Not on my movies they don’t. Do I make myself clear?”
She saluted me and nodded. “Yes, sir.” She stamped a foot. “I’ll make sure I behave sir.”
My jaw tightened and I knew my dentist was going to give me shit about grinding my teeth.
“Just make sure you do.”
I pushed away from her and stormed across the dining hall, no longer in the mood for lunch. I couldn’t believe how much she’d pissed me off.
I had a good sense of humor.
I could take a joke.
I could laugh at most things, but I couldn’t get the vision of her fucking ass out of my head.