Grantley
"Cut!" Alexi called. "Get that in the can please. Okay everyone let's take a break for lunch. We'll do the street chase scene in one hour. We've got around two hours before rain is forecast people, so don't be late to the outside lot."
As Alexi strode away, I stood and waited for Penny to come over and stick some tissue into the collar of my shirt, so as not to get make-up on it during lunch, seeing as I would be in the same outfit for my street chase scene. I always felt like a complete tool walking around with it floating around my neck, but it was kind of necessary.
"Hey honey," Penny said as she approached me. "Nice work there."
I shrugged. "It won't win me an Oscar, but thanks. So, how's your day going so far?"
"Meh, you know, okay I guess."
"How so?" I asked, craning my neck to allow Penny access to my collar.
"I got blown off by a really cool girl last night. I thought we were on the same page, but turns out we weren't."
"Ooh Penny Wade crashed and burned, totally unacceptable."
"Yep sure is." Penny laughed and stood back. "All done, now you can go get lunch."
"So, this girl, would I like her? Is it worth me giving her a call?"
Penny folded her arms across her chest and shook her head. "You really are one big ego, aren't you?"
"Hey, I'm just a realist. The ladies like me."
"Well this one wouldn't. She's most definitely a spoon, but seemingly, I'm not big enough or butch enough for her."
"Ah okay. Well, her loss." I leaned forward and kissed Penny's forehead. "One day your princess will come."
"I'll sure have some fun while I'm waiting though. Okay, I'm gonna grab some chow. You coming?"
I nodded and waved for her to go ahead and followed behind. As we reached the dining room, I heard cursing behind us. Turning around to see who had such a foul mouth, I saw the pain in my ass; Phoebe. She was looking down at her cell and stabbing her finger at the screen, while strutting toward us.
"Hey, shouldn’t you watch where you're going?" I called. "Last time you were so engrossed in your phone, you nearly killed me."
Phoebe's head shot up. "What?"
"I take it you mean pardon?"
"Oh shit," Penny groaned. "I'm too hungry to stand here and watch you peacocking. I'll see you in there."
"What?" I asked, turning around to see her disappearing through the door.
"I take it you mean pardon?"
I turned back to Phoebe to see her watching me with a shit eating grin.
"You really are a pain in my ass, aren't you?" I questioned.
"I have no idea what you mean. Anyway, you were the one listening to my private conversation."
Frowning, I shook my head. "You weren't even talking to anyone. You were cursing to yourself. Sounding like a New York dockhand, I might add."
"Oh, I'm sorry if I upset your sensitive nature. I'll be sure to keep my mouth shut in the future."
Then she damn well clicked her tongue at me and rolled her eyes.
"Did you just roll your eyes at me?" I accused, thrusting my hands to my hips.
"No," she lied, "you're seeing things. Maybe you need glasses."
"I already have them for reading. I know what I saw."
Phoebe grinned. "Wow, do you? I would never have imagined you in spectacles. Did you find it difficult to find a pair to suit you?"
"No. Why?" I asked incredulously, wondering whether she was always so random.
"It's just...no, I shouldn't really say."
I gave a long exhale. "You may as well say it now, otherwise I'll forever be damn well wondering until my dying day."
"Now you're just being sarcastic."
"No, no way. I’m truly interested," I said – sarcastically. "Just spit it out."
"Okay, you asked." She shook her hair back and lifted her chin. "I expect it would be difficult to find spectacles that suit you because you've got quite a fat head."
My mouth dropped open as I stared at her.
"Sorry," she muttered, looking down at the floor, "but you do."
"I do not have a fat head. I'll have you know I was voted second in Men's Health’s Sexiest Man of The Year poll."
"Really?" She asked with what sounded like genuine interest. "Who won?"
"Ryan Gosling," I replied petulantly.
Shit, I still felt the sting.
"Ah." Phoebe nodded knowingly. "That explains it.”
“What does?”
“That he came first.”
“Are you trying to say you find Ryan Gosling more attractive than me?” I thrust a hand to my chest. “Because if you are, that hurts.”
“He has his qualities,” she replied earnestly. “I can see what women see in him. I just find his lips to be a little too thin.”
“Ah, is that so?”
I couldn’t help but smirk. It was often commented how full and pouty my lips were.
“Hmm.” Distractedly, Phoebe looked back down at her phone. “Stupid idiot.”
“Who is?”
Her head shot up. “So you are eavesdropping?”
“You’re here in front of me,” I cried incredulously, sweeping a hand in front of me. “I can’t help but hear.”
“If you must know, it’s the delivery man who is supposed to be delivering my trampoline. He’s left it at the wrong house and won’t go back for it. Well he wouldn’t, but after I threatened to call his manager he’s relented.”
Suddenly images of Phoebe bouncing up and down on a trampoline filled my head – specifically her tits bouncing up and down.
“The address is quite clear,” she continued. “It’s not my fault he doesn’t understand the difference between Grove and Road. Although, I’ve always said having a Cedar Grove and a Cedar Road was utter madness. I even called the council about it, you know.”
Yep, she was definitely high.
“So, you use a trampoline?”
Okay, so I changed the subject back to the trampoline, but the images just wouldn’t go away.
“Oh yeah,” she scoffed. “It’s good fun and keeps me fit – helps to improve my pelvic floor tremendously.”
Fuck there was that eye roll again. What the hell had I said wrong this time?
“Obviously, I’m annoying as well as have a fat head. Anything else wrong with me? Because you know, you may as well tell me, now that you’ve started.”
The little shit actually thought about it for a second and then shook her head. “Nope, not that I can think of off the top of my head. Although,” she said with a laugh, “if it was you, you’d say ‘off the top of my fat head’.”
“Once again, I do not have a fat head. It’s a perfectly normal size.” I shook my perfectly sized head in disbelief. “I could have you thrown off set for talking to me like this you know.”
“What, for telling you the truth? Seriously, you’ve surrounded yourself with too many arse lickers if you can’t take a little criticism.”
“You said I’ve got a fat head. That’s just damn fucking rude.”
“Well Ryan Gosling did beat you, so…” she trailed off, giving a shrug.
“What are you trying to say?”
Phoebe sighed. “That he has a normal size head."
"You've got to be shitting me. His head is the same size as mine." I put my hands up to feel the shape and size of my head.
"You'd think that," Phoebe said, tilting her head to study me. "But when you look at it close up, it is fairly large. Not overly so, but enough to lose you a few votes."
"Seriously, you think that's it?"
"Hmm, I do. Anyway, I'd better get some lunch. See you around Grantley."
With that she walked away, giving me a little wave over her shoulder.
"Fuck." I muttered. "I have a bigger head than Gosling."