Dominick
My head was swimming, overwhelmed by the sea of revelations. I had strong feelings, but I couldn't have even begun to identify exactly what they were.
Was I angry? Helena had essentially lied to me.
Was I relieved? Helena was okay. Half an hour ago, I would've said that was all that mattered. A huge part of me still felt like it was all that mattered.
Was I excited? We were—she was—having a baby, after all. I had missed so much of Ali growing up, but now I'd have the chance to experience all of it. Every birthday, every tantrum, every soiled diaper.
Was I worried? Once upon a time, Helena had obviously been concerned that I wasn't a suitable father. Did she still feel that way? If she trusted me, was she right to do it? I'd been getting by, but a baby was taking it to a whole new level. Maybe, on some level, Helena's instincts had been right.
And then there was the fact that the baby was probably fine. From the sound of it, the odds of something being wrong were extremely slim.
But not so slim that they sent Helena back home immediately.
My stomach churned at the thought. Even though I hadn't known about the pregnancy until tonight, I could no longer imagine going back to the way life had been just yesterday. Helena and I had things to do and a new life to plan.
Assuming Helena even wanted me along for the ride.
And that I was actually worthy of it.
So yeah, I had no idea how I was actually feeling. Judging by the look on Helena's face, that made two of us. It was sure to be a long and confusing night, but at least we were in this together.
When the exam room door finally opened, I felt half a second of absolute gut-wrenching horror, more intense that any I'd experienced. But then I saw that the doctor was smiling, and I breathed a sigh of relief that threatened to bring me to tears.
"Everything looks good. Strong heartbeat, no signs of distress or injury. It's lucky that you were around to catch her," the man said, nodding to me as he spoke. He continued to rattle off several numbers that I couldn't begin to interpret, but Helena seemed to have no trouble following.
It all sounded like good news.
"Have you been working hard? Exerting yourself too much? Physical activity maybe?" The doctor asked in quick succession as Helena kept shaking her head, answering each question with a silent no. The tension was starting to creep back up on me, inching its way through my body. Just what was the doctor getting at?
The doctor nodded along to Helena's answers, making the occasional hmming sound but otherwise not giving very much away. "We should keep an eye on your blood pressure, and you should try to take it easy for the rest of the pregnancy. As much as possible, don't strain yourself, and get as much bed rest as you can."
"Should I be worried?" Helena asked, her voice much more calm than I knew mine would've been if I'd tried to speak.
It seemed to me like the answer to Helena's question should've been a resounding yes, but the doctor smiled softly and offered reassurances that I could barely process. The baby was fine, that much at least seemed clear, but my chest felt constricted and tight as I found myself wondering whether or not Helena was okay.
Sensing my agitation, the doctor turned and gave what was probably meant to be a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, Mr. Henderson, you're both in good hands. A nurse will be in with discharge papers soon enough. Oh, and just one last thing," he said finally, taking a dramatic pause.
Helena and I looked up at him, eager to hear whatever else he had to say.
"Congratulations, it's a boy," the doctor said, shaking my hand as he spoke.
I desperately tried shake his hand back, and to look like I was doing fine with the night's revelations, but I knew the slight hang of my lower jaw was giving away how overwhelmed I felt. It seemed strange to be congratulating me, when Helena had done all the work. My contribution thus far had begun, and ended, with a fairly unmemorable half-hour spent in a private room over ten years ago.
So far.
Maybe all that was about to change.
As the doctor left, the atmosphere in the room seemed different than before. There was a faint ghost of a smile on Helena's lips, and for the first time since she'd seen the porch I felt like I could envision a moment when I would be able breathe again—as soon as I'd brought Helena back home, and she was warm and safe in her bed.
Plenty of rest was what she really needed, just like the doctor had said.
Seemingly out of nowhere, Helena began to laugh. She sounded so light and radiant that I couldn't help but join in, even though my own laughter had a more nervous edge to it. Part of me was still an absolute wreck.
But a wreck who was going to be the father of a baby boy.
"A boy," I said, still laughing as I ran my fingers through my hair. "We're having a boy."