Iris curled up under the covers to watch the live stream of the set, contemplating the cruelties of life. When she hadn’t much cared for watching the concerts, she had a front-row seat to every one of them. Now that she wanted to witness every move Elijah made like a lovesick teenager, she was confined to the bus and forced to observe it all through the filter of her tablet screen.

When he first appeared onstage to deafening adulation, she couldn’t help but smile. That loud, angry mouth of his was pure molten sweetness when it was on her body. She bit her lip and watched him stalk the stage, arms in the air as he welcomed his audience, and wondered what in the world she was going to do with him. Keeping him locked away as a secret in her heart for too long would be unbearable if this turned into anything permanent. He was too larger than life to stay content there for very long.

Which, she had to keep reminding herself, permanency was unlikely. But the little voice that advised caution was sad and quiet and easy to silence right now while she felt so good. Even if all of this ended on the final date of this tour, at least she could say she did something crazy, something wild and even dangerous, and had lived to tell about it.

The band launched into their opener, “Predator.” Appropriate, she thought. Somewhere in the middle of the song, Eli turned to the camera and give it a particularly sly grin that sent an almost electric jolt of elation through her as his eyes connected with hers across the divide between them. Those deadly dimples dug into his cheeks. That was for me, she thought giddily. It had to be.

But this was nothing like being there. The vibe, the energy, the crowd feeding off the music and the band feeding off the crowd, the give and take. She had begun to see the appeal. It was pure catharsis. The first time she’d walked up to the edge of the side stage area and looked out over the seething audience, she couldn’t imagine being among all those people. The crush of sweaty bodies, the noise, the mosh pits. She still couldn’t imagine it, really, but something had shifted in her perception.

All those people were united. They all had one thing to live for in that moment, and that was the music. Whether they simply wanted to have a good time, or they were working out some inner demons through the dark, brutal landscape of Eli’s sonic assault, they all had that one common purpose. There was a chaotic beauty to it, she supposed.

She’d never felt that kind of unity with a group of people in her life. All the years her parents had spent trying to hammer her into church groups, and she’d never quite fit—the square peg in a round hole.

If she had been able to find something like this in her youth, she might have been empowered. She might have had the courage to stand up for herself. But she’d been denied finding her own wings. The more aware of the world she became, the more her parents had restricted her. Private school had become home school, and her prison had done nothing but shrink over the years until the walls had nearly suffocated her.

She’d wanted to rebel. She really had. But even once she’d sprung free from those prison walls at eighteen, she could feel the phantom remnants of them around her, pressing in on all sides, squashing most of her attempts at a life outside the boundaries of everything she’d been taught.

She was so tired of them. If Elijah could help her demolish what was left of them, she would be forever in his debt.

His mouth between her legs had been a good start.

Every time she thought about it, she had to close her eyes and indulge the little shiver that worked its way up her spine. He’d been more insatiable for her tonight than he had last night, and he’d almost been late for his set. He’d promised more later as long as she stayed naked under the covers until he came back. Iris was more than happy to take him up on that.

Thunder rumbled somewhere off in the distance. When the camera switched around to an audience shot, lightning flickered across the sliver of black sky visible beyond the pavilion roof of the amphitheater. She frowned, wondering what that meant for their set, even their safety. Within a couple of minutes, a deluge of rain roared across the roof of the bus.

On the screen in front of her, the lawn crowd rushed forward in one great wave, fighting for a position under the pavilion. The band played on through the song, Eli keeping a watchful eye on the turmoil. She’d heard the guys talking about how interrupting the show was the absolute worst thing they could do to calm everyone down in a dangerous situation, but nonetheless, after the song’s end, the promoter came out to announce that cloud-to-ground lightning was within a five-mile radius and they would have to end the show to evacuate.

“Sorry, guys,” Eli said to the chorus of boos that went up. “Not our call, but we’re behind it. Get to safety, because we want you crazy motherfuckers around when we come back.”

The more understanding audience members cheered to this, drowning out the ones who would rather be struck by lightning than leave a concert early. Iris jumped out of bed, throwing on her clothes regardless of any sexy instructions he’d given her. Storms always made her nervous, and if a tornado ripped through, she didn’t want to be found naked in the treetops somewhere.

Within minutes, he came pounding up the bus steps, black hair and clothes already dripping from his brief run through the rain. As soon as he saw her, he stopped and frowned. “You got dressed.”

She smacked him on the arm. “It looked like there was about to be a riot or something out there.”

“Nah. They’ll cool off. Before long they’ll shift their ire to social media, where they’ll lambaste us and the promoters and blame everyone except mother nature.” He walked past her to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. “Not the first time, won’t be the last.”

“I hate storms.”

Eli’s eyes never left her as he took a deep drink. “Really? I love them.”

She shrugged. “Severe storms, anyway.”

“If I weren’t a singer, I’d be a storm chaser.”

Weirdly enough, she could see that about him. “Is anything really stopping you?”

Chuckling, he downed the rest of his water. Rain pounded the roof, encasing them in walls of white noise. “Good point. I guess not. Let’s go chase one right now.”

“No way!” she exclaimed, dodging him when he reached for her. “There’s lightning out there.”

“There’s lightning in here, baby.” The husky temptation of his voice stopped her in her tracks, and she let herself be drawn into his arms, closing her eyes and sighing as he pressed his mouth hungrily to her neck. Lust, raw and immediate, rushed through her veins. Beneath his damp clothes, his body was hot and hard against her.

“Eli,” she whispered, those two syllables at once questioning and pleading and praising. She sank her hands into his hair, holding him to her.

“Iris,” he returned, making her wonder what conflicting emotions filled her name when he said it. “Tell me what you want.”

“This.”

“Just this?”

“It’s all I can have.”

He drew away to look at her, and she met the green blaze of his eyes though he pulled the breath from her when he stared at her that way. “I didn’t ask what you can have. I asked what you want.”

She was terrified to tell him, because he might try to give it to her, and that could spell disaster for them all. “I wish . . . we didn’t have to do things this way. Hide this way. I wish I didn’t have to lie to see you. I feel so guilty.”

“I’ll give you anything in my power, but I can’t give you normal. In another world I could take you out, show you off, everything you deserve. But by very virtue of who I am, that’s something I couldn’t do for you even if you didn’t have ties to my ex-wife. Not yet, anyway. I guard my privacy. I’ll guard yours too. Your guilt is useless, Iris, because it would still be this way.”

“But I wouldn’t be betraying someone. And don’t try to say I’m not. You know she would see it that way.”

“I know. I know her better than you do.”

“What are we doing when we know the only thing waiting for us is pain?”

His hands gently cupped her face. She curled her fingers around his wrists, feeling his pulse strong and steady beneath her fingertips. It calmed her, somehow. “I want to see where this goes,” he said, soft but firm, decisive. “Know that. The last thing I want to do is send you home, and I know I was pushy about it. But if you’re unsure, I’ll take you to the airport right now. Or when the weather clears. Is that what you want? Is that what you’re trying to say?”

That was the question, wasn’t it? He had just bottom-lined it for her by giving her a single choice. One she thought she’d already made. Reassessing her feelings brought her to no different conclusions. It would tear her heart apart to leave right now. “No.”

“Then whatever is waiting for us, you think what we have will be worth it.” He leaned in and his lips brushed her forehead, soft as a feather, melting the last of her strength away. “I think it will be, too.”

––––––––

THAT HE DIDN’T PUSH her for more would remain a wonder to her until the day she died. All that night, he held her, kissed her (everywhere), made her come until she fell into a pleasantly sated sleep. Slowly bringing down her last remaining defenses—if any even existed anymore.

There was little hope the band wouldn’t find out she was with him, but he assured her the unwritten rule of the road was in place, and they were the last people she should be worried about. None of them liked Heidi anyway. But the one time they happened to see Quin in the hotel hallway, he gave them a look that made her doubt everything. She brought it up as she and Eli feasted on room service later that night, but he shook his head.

“I thought about that, but in the end I decided there isn’t anything to worry about. He hates her most of all. No matter how pissed he is at me, she’s the last person he would ever want to speak to again.”

They sat side-by-side on the couch, her right knee pressed to his left as they ate. “Unless he hates you a little more,” she ventured cautiously, hoping she didn’t offend him. But sometimes she didn’t think he saw the seething animosity that came over Quin whenever they had to be in his presence, or he chose to put up blinders to it.

“He’s mad, but he doesn’t hate me.” He took a generous bite of his burger and set it back down to drag a fry through ketchup.

Iris picked delicately at her salad. “You could’ve fooled me.”

“It’s happened a dozen times over the years. He always gets over it. But his ex-wife and Heidi never got along, and his ex always pulled him into their fights, so over the years Heidi has probably bitched him out more than I have.”

“Oh.”

“Besides, what would he gain by snitching? A fucking ass-whooping and everybody hating him and wanting him gone. That’s all.”

She chuckled. “Would you really whoop his ass?”

“Wouldn’t be the first time.”

“God. How are you guys still together?”

“Money.” His answer was so abrupt that it saddened her. Especially to see the grim certainty of it in his eyes as he looked at her. “For him, anyway. If nothing else, he won’t shit where he sleeps.”

She put an arm around him, dropping a kiss on his bare shoulder. “I hope you’re right about that.”

After they were done eating, she retreated into the bedroom to lie down, listening while Elijah FaceTimed the boys. They sounded as happy and rambunctious as ever, and she found herself smiling up at the ceiling as Dylan excitedly went down the list of things they’d been doing, his volume knob stuck at ten. The zoo, a water park, a minor league baseball game. Iris missed them so much an ache bloomed in her chest, but hearing their dad laugh at their stories, ask questions and share their enthusiasm soothed it.

“And Seger caught a foul!”

“He did?”

“Yeah, and he gave it to me!”

Aww, she was going to cry. Even if Seger sometimes acted as if his little brother got on his last nerve, she knew he loved him fiercely. She wished they could know she was here. She wanted to share in their joy, too.

When Eli found her five minutes later after hanging up with them, she quickly tried to swipe her eyes dry but knew he saw the movement. Sighing, he walked to the side of the bed and leaned over her, bracing himself with a hand on either side of her. She closed her eyes as he kissed her lips. “Are you okay?” he questioned gently.

She chuckled. “Yeah. I know you’re getting tired of me being like this.”

“They make me want to cry sometimes, too. That I could be so lucky.”

“You are. I really miss them.”

“I miss them even when I have them, because I know they’ll be back with their mom soon.”

They would be, and she would be, too. Did he miss her already? She missed him. He had just summed it up so perfectly. How would they see each other? When would they see each other? It was all so new, so exciting and hopeful, and soon it would all be over. She would be at Heidi’s side again, or forever at her beck and call.

“Don’t, Iris,” he said, apparently seeing right through her to the sad path her thoughts had taken. Iris curled her arms around his neck and brought him down for a kiss, inviting him deep. Slowly, he lowered himself down over her, his body fitting to hers as if it had been made to be there. A low-burning heat awoke in her as his tongue slid against hers with seductive intent. His thigh nudged between her legs, his hands seeking bare flesh. When he found it between her tank top and sleep shorts, she trembled, craving his attentions both above and below.

“I want this,” she told him when he came up to catch his breath, capturing his face between her hands. “I know it’s soon, and I know we said there’s no rush, but it feels like there is, and I . . . just want this so much.”

“I do too.” He moved his hand to smooth the hair away from her forehead, everything about him so beautiful to her right then, she couldn’t think straight. “I want to know you,” he whispered softly.

Iris gave him a smile. “There isn’t much to know about me. What you see is what’s there.”

“That, I don’t believe. No deep, dark secrets?”

She shook her head. “No, not really. Aside from what I’ve already told you, I guess. I’m pretty boring.”

“You could never be boring. Deep, dark secrets are overhyped, anyway.”

“Ah. Sounds like you speak from experience.”

His green eyes grew distant. The last thing she wanted was to send him into his own head and away from her, but she’d done it. Easing away from her, he lay back on the bed beside her, one arm bent behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling. “Yeah, maybe.”

Iris felt all of a sudden as if she were standing at the edge of some dark precipice, and she didn’t want to look over the edge for fear of what she might see down there in the depths. Everything had felt so safe and precious only a moment ago, but now a cold wind blew around her heart. She swallowed hard. “Eli?”

He looked over at her, lifting his hand to toy with a strand of her hair, winding it around his finger. But she wasn’t fooled by his attempt to erase that brief glimpse at something sad and terrible hiding behind his eyes.

For him, for that attempt, for that adoring way he gazed at her then, she could be brave. She would have to be brave. “I want to know you, too.”

A flicker of emotion crossed his face, only the briefest furrowing of his brow before it was gone. “I want you to,” he said softly. His finger unwound that same strand of hair, only to wind it up again. Unwind. Wind. He did it three more times, watching, before his summer-green eyes finally flickered up to her face. “There is something I want to tell you. It might change things. It might not. I don’t know.”

“You’re scaring me now.”

“I don’t mean to. But it’s exposing you to a fear I live with every day.”

“God, Elijah.” What the hell? Was he dying? “Just tell me.”

But of all the scenarios her brain was furiously concocting, Iris wasn’t prepared for what came out of his mouth.

“Dylan isn’t mine.”