Elijah hadn’t stepped foot inside a hospital since Dylan was born. Aside from his mother’s battle with cancer, his friends and family were healthy, so there had never been a reason to go aside from the births of his children. Times of joy. To be here now because Dylan was sick, he could plainly see why people hated the places so much. The waiting, the fear. His baby, so small lying on the table, being poked and prodded by doctors. Iris, looking pale, chewing her thumbnail into the quick though she kept on an optimistic face for Dylan’s sake.

What the fuck would he have done if she hadn’t been here?

He would have sought help for Dylan if his pain hadn’t resolved, but he might not have done it so soon. He wouldn’t have known what to check for. And he would have felt so fucking alone. The helplessness was bad enough.

The doctors ordered an ultrasound and, when they didn’t like what that showed them, a CT scan. After that, everything was a blur of words no parent ever wanted to hear. Acute appendicitis. Surgery. Necessary. Immediately.

Dylan’s situation was fairly common and the surgery routine, the doctor assured him, but the man’s words echoed hollowly in Eli’s mind. Routine, yeah, but these people, people he’d never met before, far away from home, were going to put his little boy to sleep. They were going to cut him. Open him up. Take part of him out.

“Eli? He’s going to be okay,” Iris murmured at his side as the doctor left, her sweet, low voice reaching through his misery, wrapping around his heart. Her hand found his and squeezed, their protocol broken all to hell, but he didn’t care. Fuck it. He needed her right now.

“I have to call Heidi,” he heard himself say. Calling him wasn’t a courtesy she had extended when Dylan had experienced anaphylactic shock, but he wouldn’t sink to her level. Dylan wanted his mother.

“I already did, right after the doctor talked to us the first time and I stepped out for a minute, remember? Get this: she and Nic were in the Keys. So she’ll be here soon, probably any minute.”

Necessary or not, facing his ex-wife was not an idea he relished.  “All right. Thanks.”

The whirlwind of nurses and doctors and medical jargon had stilled for a moment, leaving him and Iris alone. She looked small and lost, and when her eyes flickered up to meet his, tears welled and spilled over her cheeks. What’s wrong? would be the dumbest question he could possibly ask given the circumstances, but he asked it anyway.

“I can’t face her,” she whispered, her lashes dropping as she looked at the floor. She didn’t let go of his hand. “I can’t. Not after what I’ve done.”

Iris was so blameless in his eyes that for a moment her words didn’t compute. “What you’ve done? You didn’t do any of it alone. But you were the one who got my stubborn ass to see that Dylan needed real help. You’re the hero here, and don’t you dare forget that.”

“But with you and me, I made every choice to take this further than it should have gone. In that, I acted alone. Me. Only me.”

Now she was fucking scaring him. “Iris.”

She lifted her eyes to him again, panic dawning in their depths as if she wanted to dart away at any given second. She opened her mouth once, then closed it. Then again, as if she couldn’t settle on which words to use to rip his frigging heart out, as if that particular organ hadn’t been trampled enough today.

“What do you want?” he asked, dreading the answer with all of his being.

“You. You’re what I want. You and Dylan and Seger . . . I want the past few weeks to be my reality forever, but I can’t have that. Reality is about to walk through those doors any minute now.” She pulled her hand away, the loss of its softness like a gut punch.

“Don’t do this now. Think it through, Iris. Leaving would be the most suspicious thing you could do. It won’t make any sense for you not to be here, and you know it.”

“Leaving will be the only thing I can do once she knows the truth.”

“But she doesn’t, and she won’t.”

“I have to tell her.”

Eli rubbed both palms hard down his face, unable to even contemplate the shitstorm Iris would release if she did this now. Hell, it wouldn’t be a shitstorm. It would be a total shitpocalypse. “Jesus Christ, baby. This isn’t the time.” There had never been a worse time.

“When is the time, though? After I’ve looked her in the eyes and lied a few more days? Weeks? After Dylan is better, when she learns that I stared her in the face this whole time without her knowing what I’ve done? It’s already bad enough talking on the phone with her, but I’m about to see her and . . .” She trailed off, dropping her mouth into her hand.

“I know it’s eating at you, but you don’t have to do this alone. If you want her to know, we’ll tell her. We’ll do it together. I’m not letting you go through that by yourself, I promise. All I ask is that we not do it now. Not today.”

But he saw clearly that she was coming unraveled. “Is this my fault?” she asked, her voice tiny and scared. “I feel like I don’t know myself anymore. And it’s because of me and my selfishness that Dylan—”

He caught her face in his hands, not giving a fuck at that moment if Heidi walked in the door or not. Not caring who saw or what they might think. “Get that karma bullshit out of your head right now. Bad shit happens, Iris, and there’s no rhyme or reason to it. Good people get sick and die while assholes grow old and gray. But even if there were something to it, even if we do reap what we sow on some cosmic plane, I know that isn’t the case with us, honey, because nothing about us is wrong. It can’t be, because with you, for the first time in my life, I finally feel like I’m getting it right.”

A steady stream of tears slipped over her cheeks as he spoke. He wanted more than anything to have time to hold her, kiss them all away, drive out all the nonsense plaguing her mind, banish it for good. “You’re only rattled because you’re scared for Dylan,” he told her. “We both are, even though you and I know he’s a tough kid and he’ll be fine. Focus on that. Don’t even give Heidi another thought. Don’t even speak to her if you don’t have to. She doesn’t matter right now. If nothing else, remember this: Dylan damn sure wants you here, and he’ll be so sad when he wakes up if he has to hear that you’re gone.”

Finally, he’d broken through. She dissolved into sobs, but they were deep, cleansing ones, and she nodded while he resisted every urge to draw her into his arms. “Just get through this with me,” he said. “Please. When it’s all over, I’m taking you away from all this, baby girl. I’m gonna show you the world, I’m gonna tell everyone I know all about you, and I can’t wait. It’ll be worth it, Iris. I’ll make it worth it. Hold on to that.”

She nodded again, but he saw the uncertainty, something he never wanted to see written on her sweet face. She was made to be adored and cherished, completely and unendingly, and she should always know it. He was desperate for her to know it. Casting a quick glance around to see that there was no one watching them too closely, he leaned in and kissed her, feeling her shiver against him. But he had to keep it cruelly brief, stepping away just as her weight was beginning to lean into him, seeking more. “Okay now?” he murmured.

She nodded. “I think so.”

“Good. I need to step out and make some calls. We’ll have to cancel the show tomorrow. There’s no way around it. Can you stay with Dylan?”

She wiped under her eyes, which were still red along with her cheeks. “Of course.”

“I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Only later would he realize what a grave mistake it was to leave her.

––––––––

IT’LL BE WORTH IT, she told herself. He’d said so. She knew what she felt, what he made her feel, and he was right.

Surrounded by the glaring clinical atmosphere, it was hard to be optimistic. Sunny blue breezes had turned into hard, medical reality.

God, Dylan, please, please be okay.

She looked down at his sweet little face and hated that he was here with every fiber of her being. He looked so tiny in the bed, so pale against the white sheet and hospital gown. It could be worse, she knew that; he could be here for something far more dangerous. She’d seen that before. It could always be worse. But dammit, sometimes it could be a hell of a lot better too.

“You’re gonna have a cool scar,” Seger assured his little brother. “I wish I could have one.”

“Don’t say that,” Iris told him. “That’s the last thing we need.”

“Where’s Dad?” Dylan asked, apparently unimpressed at the thought of his new scar.

“He had to make some phone calls. He’s canceling his shows so he can be right here with you.”

“Is my mom coming?”

“You bet. She’ll be here soon.” She tried to keep her voice bright even though the words made her stomach churn with acidic dread. She felt like throwing up.

Nothing had to be revealed today—Eli was right about the timing of that—but she wasn’t sure how much longer she could exist under this massive weight. It had been all fun and games until Heidi had said she was coming. Would be here any minute. Bombshell beautiful and the mother of Elijah’s children, the woman to whom she was supposed to be unquestionably loyal. The woman who had given her a life she adored.

And what had she done with it?

This is your medicine. Take it. Swish it around. Taste how bitter it is.

She wasn’t supposed to be this person, but she was. She was this horrible, secretive person, and she didn’t deserve for anything to work out in her favor, did she?

It would all be worth it, no doubt, but she wasn’t worthy of it.

Leaning over, Iris swiped a strand of hair from Dylan’s face. He would be fine. He was strong and he would pull through like a champ. This was only a minor speed bump for him. He’d be up and back to his antics in no time. And Seger, his normally sullen face softened with concern for his little brother—he would be a big help. In that moment Iris knew she’d be glad when everyone was back home and things returned to normal for them. Even if there might never be a “normal” for her again.

“I knew this was all a bad idea.”

Iris’s spine jerked straight as the new voice sounded behind her. She turned to see Heidi rushing to Dylan’s side, nearly bumping Iris out of the way in her haste to do so. A blur of shiny hair and expensive perfume.

“Mommy!”

“It’s okay, baby. Mom’s here.”

Seger rounded the bed to reach his mother in a rare burst of emotion, and the three of them huddled together at Dylan’s bedside, hugging and sniffling. Iris backed away, giving them space, and then quietly excused herself. It had become hard to breathe, and despite any progress Eli had made with her earlier, the only thing she wanted to do was bolt. The only thing that made her stay was the memory of how devastated he’d looked at the mere suggestion of her leaving.

She felt too raw and conspicuous standing here, though, so she drew a breath and headed aimlessly down the hallway. Maybe she could find him and draw a little more assurance from his presence. Surely Heidi wanted enough time with her children to allow that.

She’d hardly gotten ten steps before rough fingers closed around her upper arm, the bite of long fingernails scoring her skin.

“Iris. I need to talk to you.” Heidi’s eyes were sharp and cold and so, so blue. Iris’s heart hit the pit of her stomach.

Heidi knew. Of course she did. They had gotten careless of late. Eli had relied too heavily on the trustworthiness of others within his circle, or they had simply been seen by the wrong people.

Whatever the case, Heidi’s fury was a cold blast that froze around Iris’s weakly rattling heart, sending icy tendrils through her veins.

“All right,” she said, struggling for calm. No need to incriminate herself before finding out exactly what Heidi knew. Now that this moment was here, she felt suddenly numb.

“Where is Elijah?”

“I don’t know. Making calls.”

Heidi turned and stalked away without another word. Iris followed, her knees weak.

Outside, the sun’s setting had done little to chase away the Miami heat. Iris had spent all day wilting in it, but it was more oppressive now off the water.

Heidi led them away from the building, stopping only as Iris debated opening her mouth to protest. They shouldn’t go too far in case they were needed and, frankly, she wanted the safety of other people nearby.

It’ll be worth it, she kept repeating in her head. Just make it through this.

God, she hated confrontation.

The woman in front of her closed her eyes and seemed to draw a breath to calm some inner raging turmoil. Iris knew her well enough to realize that it wouldn’t help. Finally, Heidi opened her eyes and leveled Iris with a glare that was almost frightening in its viciousness. “I want to thank you, Iris, for teaching me a valuable lesson about trust.”

“Okay,” Iris said cautiously, aware she was navigating a tightrope here. One false step . . .

“I know what’s been going on. I know everything. I’m at a loss. I don’t even know what to say to you right now.”

It was sweltering, and she was sweating, but icy chills skittered down Iris’s arms. She hugged herself. “What do you think you know?”

“Don’t play dumb. I know about you and Elijah. I know why I haven’t been hearing anything from you about what he’s been doing on tour. Because he’s been doing you.”

“Heidi—”

“How long, Iris? How long have you been fucking my children’s father?”

Her face an inferno, Iris cast a glance around, praying for him to appear and stand by her side through this like he’d promised. Where had he gone? And the boys . . .

“Your son is about to have surgery. Can’t we talk about this later?”

“No. We’re talking about this now, because now that you’re outside of this hospital, you aren’t going back in.”