“I didn’t think I had this in me,” she told him as he wheeled their rented SUV to the bus behind tonight’s venue. Her heart thundered, her body thrummed with energy. This was it. She’d done it. The craziest, most insane thing she had ever done in all the twenty-six years of her life.

He grinned at her, that smile devastating under his black sunglasses. He’d taken off his cap—they were on his turf now—and his dark hair was tousled, making her fingers itch to rearrange some of the wayward strands. “I did,” he said, and opened his door. “Sit right there.”

The plan was in place. As soon as he saw the coast was clear, he was going to open her door so she could dart onto his bus. The fewer people who saw her, the better, though she had little confidence the story wasn’t going to spread like wildfire. Someone was going to see her. It was only a matter of time.

But she’d made her choice, and she’d chosen him.

When he opened her door, she rushed past him and up the bus steps, taking a deep lungful of the cool air and familiar smells once she was safely aboard. Had they only been gone from here a night? It felt like ages. Without the boys here, the space felt strangely silent and empty. Iris gazed around, hugging herself, and then walked gingerly to the bedroom in the back. She didn’t suppose he wanted her sleeping in her bunk anymore, at least until Seger and Dylan rejoined them. He’d already said he would keep her right here.

But she had forgotten about the mirrors. Her reflection stared back at her, fractured from several angles, and her heart, already speeding out of control, gave one wild thump. The reckless courage that had invigorated her at the airport flagged somewhat.

Eli’s steps rang out behind her, his eyes darkening when he spotted her standing near his bed. She almost wanted to run from that look, but she stood as tall as she could, watching him approach.

“We’re set,” he said. “I told the security team that no one is to come on here but me and you, and of course the driver. No surprise visits from anyone. There shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Okay,” she said. He took careful hold of her upper arms, eyes searching her face in that way he had that made her want to let her walls crumble, made her want to let him in.

“Are you all right?”

“I’m fine.”

“Don’t worry.”

“I’ll try not to.”

He lifted one hand, placing it against her jaw so that his thumb rested under her chin. “Because whatever happens, I’ve got your back, Iris.”

She never had much cared for her name, but she would never grow tired of hearing it in his voice. “How long do you have before the show?”

“A while, but we have sound check and press and a meet and greet. I need to go in about . . .” He checked his watch. “Well, now, actually.”

“Oh.” No sense in letting herself feel disappointed. This was what she had signed on for: hiding and waiting while he went out and did his thing.

He dropped a kiss on her forehead. “I’ll be back. We’ll get to spend time together before I go onstage.”

Feeling raw and unsteady, she trailed after him to the front of the bus, unsure of what to do with herself once he kissed her again and was gone. Everything seemed alien now, like she’d stepped into a whole new world, an alternate universe. It was exciting, and she was eager to explore. But fear of what she would find here chilled her to the marrow.

Sara would want details, and Iris hadn’t had a chance to talk to her today. She ran to her phone, still in her purse in the bedroom, and dialed her friend. Sara answered with a shrill, “What happened?”

“Oh my God, Sara.”

“Did you call him Daddy?”

“Ew, stop.”

“Did you have sex?” Every question was louder than the one before. Much more volume and Iris’s eardrum would burst.

“We couldn’t. No protection.”

“What kind of celebrity hot enough to seduce my bestie has no rubbers on him at all times?”

Iris laughed, but as Eli had ruefully explained before they’d even gone in from the pool, his parents’ house was the last place he’d expected to need condoms. “Honestly, I’m glad. We’re moving slow and I like that. He was amazing.” She lay back across his bed and closed her eyes, the memories alone making her shiver, and some of her uncertainty began to shrivel up and blow away. All those feelings from last night were the reason she was here right now. They’d been strong enough to burn through everything else. She wanted more.

“Tell me he went down on you at least.”

“Sara.”

“You know I’m all about lurid details.”

“He did.”

“Good man. And he was cool about not going further? No ‘just the tip’ bullshit?”

“He was perfect.”

“Iris! I’m so happy for you! What’s going on now?”

She debated what to say without revealing too much. “Now we might have a little bit of a problem. I was supposed to come home for a few days while the kids are visiting relatives. But I’m staying with him instead.”

“Whoa. I thought you were moving slow.”

“I mean, we are. But once the kids are around it’s nonstop. Everything is about them.”

“So you two are gonna feel each other out for a few days, huh? Literally and figuratively.”

“I guess that’s one way of putting it. I wish I didn’t feel so retched about it.”

“I’m not even addressing that, because I know you. Is this guy our age, older, what?”

“He’s a little older.”

“Thirty-five?”

“Older.”

“Forty?”

“Younger.”

“Yum. You’re much better off with a man who has some experience and knows how to use his fucking dick at least.”

“So crass.” With a wry twist of her lips, Iris thought that Sara was probably a better match for him at the end of the day.

“Hey, he might have you talking dirty before it’s over.”

“I’d be too embarrassed.”

“So you think. When he’s giving it good, you’ll be shocked at what’ll fly out of your mouth.”

The thought of Elijah giving it good made her bite down hard on her lip for a moment. How would he look at her, how would he sound when he didn’t have to keep it down? “Well. My face is sufficiently red. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

Iris had to wonder if Sara would have different advice if she knew all the lurid details. The sneaking, the hiding. The real risk to her career. The trust she was betraying by being here. She’d never thought she would throw caution to the wind over anyone, especially over a man.

But this man made her feel safe. He was the only one who ever had.

––––––––

QUIN’S GAZE MET ELI’S and then skittered away. Quin hadn’t missed any more shows, but neither was he being any less of an asshole. The other guys seemed fairly cool with him, but Eli preferred to stay out of his way as long as he showed up and did his job. Since his epic fuck-up several nights ago, he’d been fine, but Eli didn’t hold out much hope of that being the case for the rest of the tour. The other shoe would drop soon enough.

He was the one person Eli didn’t want knowing Iris was here. It was sad in a way, because a few years ago he might have trusted Quin as much as any of his band brothers. The guy simply hadn’t grown up as much as the rest of them. He didn’t feel the affinity with him any longer. The two of them ought to have a talk, but he wasn’t sure it would help.

The girl in front of him was shaking so hard she couldn’t get her camera on. Smiling at her, Eli took the phone from her hands, then held it out and pulled her close, snapping the selfie for her. She kept muttering, “Oh my God!” as he handed the device back to her.

The hero worship was a kick, but he didn’t get it. If he were a regular schmo on the street, he doubted any of these people would give him a second glance. All they got of his life was what he chose to show them. The music, the videos, the hour and a half he spent onstage.

He moved down the line, answering questions, graciously accepting the adulation, until one cute, pixie-haired fan had to ask, “Do you have a girlfriend, Elijah?”

Signing the CD case she handed him, he grinned sheepishly, thinking of Iris and realizing that he would probably never be able to publicly claim her. “Why?”

She stuttered for a moment, apparently not expecting him to question her, then indicated the girl standing next to her in line. “She said you did. She said for most of the tour there’s been a woman on your bus.” Now it was the other one’s turn to stammer.

These people missed nothing. “She’s only been around to help look after my boys,” he said as nonchalantly as he could, failing in his efforts to keep from remembering how she had tasted last night, like sin and innocence. Like strawberries. He had that waiting for him, and he wanted to get back to her as soon as possible. “You enjoy the show.”

He doled out autographs and handshakes and hugs, so many of the fans telling him how much his lyrics helped them in some way, which always humbled him and made him feel unworthy. All he did was jot his feelings on a sheet of paper and yell them at a microphone. That people actually wanted to hear it was no small miracle to him. But human beings needed to feel they weren’t alone, and it amazed him to find so many others out there who’d been through the same crap he had. Music was the universal unifier. He wouldn’t trade it for the world, even when some of the fans became too intrusive on his personal life.

Reaching the end of the line at last, he recapped his Sharpie and passed it back to his assistant, fully aware of the cell phone cameras snapping. He bumped fists with Russell as he passed by him. Unfortunately, Talia had left the tour a few days ago for a vacation with their kids. She and Iris had made fast friends, and maybe she could have kept her company if Iris hadn’t minded her knowing she was here. There wasn’t anyone else he trusted enough.

When he made it back to the bus, he found Iris asleep in his bed, curled on her side, dark hair fanned behind her and her delicate fingers curled beneath her chin. She’d been deprived of her opportunity to grab a nap on the plane, so he was reluctant to wake her though he was anxious to have some time with her.

As quietly as he could, he crawled onto the bed and eased himself down behind her. Her face turned toward him, and in profile he saw her smile sleepily. As he breathed in the clean lilac scent of her hair, it soothed and settled something inside him, just as it had last night. She’d fallen asleep first then, too, and he’d watched her for longer than he cared to admit to himself.

“So tired,” she said on a soft sigh.

“I know. It’s been a long day.” And it wasn’t over yet, at least not for him. “Are you hungry?”

“Just sleepy.”

“Get some sleep, then.”

“I wanted to spend time with you.”

He chuckled at how she sounded as if she was on the verge of drifting off again even as she said it. “I’m right here.”

Content to let her be, Eli closed his eyes and let the slow rhythm of her breathing soothe him until his own weariness began to pull at his limbs. And that’s how he knew that he was getting fucking old, because he had a beautiful woman snoozing next to him and he wasn’t trying to get in her pants. But he wanted any connection he forged with her to go beyond sexual. He’d jumped in dick-first too often in the past. This was nice, and he’d missed simply holding someone in his arms as she slept.

Of course, if she turned over and offered herself to him, he’d go down smiling. Her past was far more fucked up than anything he’d ever encountered before, and he was content to follow her lead on this.

He hurt me. Her admission last night had come out wavering, so soft he almost hadn’t heard it over the gentle lapping of the water. Maybe it wasn’t his place, but it had made him want to twist the bastard’s fucking head off.

His own thoughts about her hadn’t exactly been pure, but fuck, anyone who could treat her body so carelessly hadn’t deserved the privilege of touching it.

He wasn’t sure he deserved it, either. So much was wrong here, but for some reason being with her felt nothing but right.

Maybe he wasn’t quite content enough with leaving her be. Her hair was heavy silk as he lifted it gently away from her neck, leaning close to where her scent was so concentrated. So many little things about her enticed him, things he’d never noticed about other women. The drowsy cadence of her breathing. The wispy, curling baby hairs at her nape. The tiny pulsing spot under her skin where her caring heart beat life through her veins. Unable to stop himself, he shifted closer to kiss her there, only a bare brushing of his lips, but he heard her breath catch before a sigh escaped her.

“You’re so fucking sweet,” he whispered in her ear, absorbing the shiver that worked through her body. And then she was turning within the circle of his arms, pressing closer to him, her head nestling under his chin. He held her to him fiercely, sliding his fingers through her hair and closing his fist around the silken strands, a sudden protective urge swamping him.

He considered himself strong, but Heidi had damn near ripped him apart. Him, someone she had professed to love at one time, someone with whom she shared her children.

What would she do to Iris?

He should stay away, but he couldn’t. He hadn’t been able to last night, and when her face tilted up now, her lips seeking his, there wasn’t a damn force in heaven or hell that could have stopped him from giving her what she wanted. She had the softest mouth he’d ever kissed, her timid little tongue meeting his and flickering away, driving him fucking crazy. Almost before he realized it, he was above her, devouring her sweetness like a starving man. So much for leaving her be.

She trembled beneath him, but she held him close, all her movements and responses every bit as feverish as his own. “Eli?” she murmured against his lips, pushing her hand through his hair to lift him so he could gaze into her bright blue eyes. So bright, but haunted. How had he missed that before?

“Yes?”

“Will you do what you did to me last night?”

Oh, he wanted to torture her, to make her describe in detail what she wanted in that angelic voice of hers, but he didn’t have the heart. Her cheeks were already a blaze of red, so he had mercy on her. “I will. I’ll do it for a very long time.”

And he did.