Emme
The doorbell rang. I tensed. I had just chilled out when Zane asked me what he could make for me to eat and then the doorbell rang and sent me into freak out mode again. Zane noticed immediately and came to my side.
“Talked to Wes a little bit ago. Thought they’d be coming later, but your girls probably couldn’t wait and made him leave immediately to come here.”
I relaxed into him. That sounded like them.
Cruz moved to the front door. I heard them. My girls. They were going to completely lose it when they saw me, which would obviously result in me completely losing it again.
My back was to the door when I heard them all make their way out into the kitchen. It grew silent. I slowly turned around and was shocked to see not only Wes with Charley, Nikki, and Monroe, but Luke, Stone, and Elle were also with them.
Charley’s hand flew to her mouth, shock taking over her features.
“Oh my God,” Elle said quietly, fear and concern laced through her voice.
Monroe immediately started crying.
Nikki looked to Levi and Cruz and said, “That fucking asshole is lucky it was you guys who found him.”
I couldn’t help but laugh inwardly. That was my Nikki, a fierce little warrior. The sad truth is that if she could have she would have found me and done her very best to do worse to Seth than Levi and his boys did.
Unfortunately, the mood shifted a bit when I took in the faces of Wes, Luke, and Stone. Their gazes were murderous. If it weren’t for the fact that I knew the looks they had were directed at Seth and what he had done to me and not actually at me, I would have been trembling in fear.
I was trying to lighten the mood and let everyone know that I was alright, so I wasn’t exactly thinking about the ramifications of what I said next.
“Guys, it’s ok. Really. I know my face looks bad, but it’s nothing compared to the rest of me.”
“What the hell does that mean?” Nikki demanded.
Shit.
I looked away.
“Emme?” Monroe called softly.
I looked to her and the concern in her face was overwhelming. I couldn’t hide it now.
I brought my hand to the hem of my shirt and lifted it to just under my breasts.
“Jesus Christ,” Wes muttered under his breath.
Stone’s jaw was clenching and his hands were balled into fists. “Son of a bitch,” he said, his voice lethal.
“Fucking motherfucker,” Luke bit out.
And that was when I lost it. I burst into tears. Zane immediately hauled me up into his arms and carried me into the family room. He lowered himself to the sofa and settled me in his lap. I heard footsteps shuffling in behind us, but I kept my face buried in Zane’s neck.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered into his neck.
“You’re fine, Em,” he said.
“I’m a disaster.”
“You’ve been through hell, sweetheart. It’s expected.”
We sat for several minutes in silence as I tried to get myself under control. When I pulled my face from Zane’s neck I looked around the room and saw everyone, except for Zane’s parents, had followed us into the family room.
“Sorry,” I announced to the room.
“Emme, honey,” Charley started. “There’s nothing to apologize for.”
“I’m having a little trouble keeping it together,” I said, not looking at anyone in particular.
“It’s ok. You are allowed to feel the way you do. Nobody here is judging you or upset by the fact that you are having a bit of a rough time coping with having been kidnapped and assaulted less than twenty-four hours ago,” she responded.
“We’re all here to support you, Em,” Wes added.
Fuck. Now I was going to cry again for a completely different reason.
“I know you, babe,” Nikki began. “You’re concerned that everyone is now distressed over what happened to you. You don’t want to be the center of everyone’s concern. Unfortunately, that’s not how this works. You’re allowed to feel scared, angry, upset, sad, and every other emotion under the sun because of what happened, but you can’t ask us not to feel the way we do. We love you, Emme; it comes with the territory.”
Luke spoke next. “What Nikki said extends beyond the girls. Stone, Wes, and I are here to help you and Zane in any way that you need. Whatever that is, we’re here for the both of you. And I’m sure the same can be said of Levi and Cruz, as well as Zane’s parents.”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
“I’m going to cry again,” I warned.
“You can,” Monroe said. “Just know that we’ll be here to dry your tears through it.”
I didn’t have an opportunity to break down into tears because David and Trisha walked in to the room with their hands full.
“Excuse me, boys,” Trisha said as she worked her way through them and came over to set a baking dish on the coffee table. David followed behind her with a stack of plates, utensils, and a bread basket. “Wanted to do something quick and easy. I made up two dishes of baked ziti and some garlic bread at home this morning. I just heated it up and your friends brought some goodies with them as well.”
“Thanks, Mama C,” Stone said.
She smiled at him and the rest of the group before she said, “Well, don’t just stand around. Eat!”
Everyone started moving toward the food.
Zane brought his mouth to my ear. “Can I fix you a plate, please?”
I turned my head toward him and nodded. At that, he shifted me over out of his lap and got up to make me a plate. When he walked back and handed me the plate I looked up at him and asked, “Are we sharing this?”
He shook his head.
“Zane, I can’t eat all of this.”
He shrugged his shoulders. “It’s been too many hours since you’ve eaten. I don’t want you withering away. Eat as much as you can.”
I’d hardly be withering away any time soon, and he knew it. I thought back to the first time he said that to me and felt my body warm. It felt good so I rolled my eyes at him, gave him a smile, and took the plate.
A couple hours later Zane and I had said good-bye to everyone. I appreciated them coming by to check on me, but I was exhausted now.
After everyone ate food earlier, Zane’s mom and dad cleaned up the kitchen. Trisha insisted that we spend time with our friends and that she wanted Zane to be able to focus on taking care of me later and not the dirty dishes. Once they had cleaned everything up, David and Trisha took off. Of course, this was not before she went over instructions for my care with us one more time and insisted that if I needed anything that we should call. After his parents left, Zane wrangled the guys and they took off to play some pool. I think Zane was giving me some time with the girls, which he knew that not only did I need, but the girls did as well. It was also great for Zane because it gave him a break from having to constantly care for me, which I think he deserved. Once the guys were out of earshot I told them everything. They knew about the shackles, the dark basement, the beating, the sexual assault, the live feed, and the rescue. They were, of course, horrified at what I had endured. The conversation turned toward Zane then.
“I can’t imagine what Zane was going through with all of this,” Monroe said.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m not sure. We haven’t talked about it yet and I’m a bit scared to bring it up.”
“Why?” Elle asked.
“He had this look at one point this morning that I’ve only ever seen one time before. It’s a look of frustration. The only difference is that this time it was that look mixed with a bit of anger. I’m beginning to wonder if his feelings toward me have changed.”
“Are you crazy?” Nikki asked.
“What? No. Why do you say that?”
“Emme,” she began. “Did you hear the story you just told us about how he’s taken care of you since you were rescued? Not to mention, the way he keeps looking at you now that you’re here and you’re safe.”
“I know, but I think it’s in his nature to be like that. I mean,” I paused taking in a breath. “All of the men in his family —his father and his brothers are all very protective of women. I even had a conversation with his mom about it earlier today. She said they all have very strong feelings about the way a woman should be treated. I’m thinking he just can’t find it in himself to abandon me after what I went through. I’m thinking he’s going to at least wait until I heal a little.”
“I don’t understand, Em,” Charley said, confused. “One look made you think he no longer has feelings for you?”
My eyes welled with tears as a lump formed in my throat. I felt my stomach grow cold as I barely whispered, “Since they got me out of that house, he hasn’t told me he loves me.”
As soon as I got the words out, the tears spilled down my cheeks. Monroe scooted closer to me and pulled me into her arms. “Oh, Emme, I’m sorry he hasn’t given you those words.”
“Honey,” Charley said. “He hasn’t said the words, but Emme, he dried your hair for you because he knows you don’t like going to sleep with wet hair. He may not have said it, but he loves you.”
“Maybe it was too much for him,” I started. “Having to watch what Seth was doing to me. Maybe it turned him off to me.”
“No doubt this has had to be difficult for him, Em, but I really don’t think it’s made him fall out of love with you,” Nikki added.
“The things I’d do to have someone look at me the way Zane looks at you,” Elle said.
“Right?” Monroe added, clearly agreeing with Elle.
“Hey, I think I know someone who’d like to look at you a little more,” I said, teasing her about Levi.
“Yeah, well, no thanks to my brother for ruining that.”
“I don’t get that,” Nikki said. “Levi is obviously a genuinely good guy. And, he definitely seems like he’s interested. What is Wes worried about?”
“Your guess is as good as mine.”
The conversation continued moving to other topics like the love lives of the rest of the girls, Nikki and Monroe’s upcoming move, and Charley’s wedding. I was so very thankful for the distraction they provided me. A little while later, the guys rejoined us. I tried to hang, but was beginning to fall asleep on the couch. That’s when everyone decided to call it a night. I thanked them all profusely for coming and spending the day with me. Zane, too, acknowledged their love and support and thanked them.
I literally had zero energy so I waited on the couch while Zane walked everyone to the door. I didn’t like being alone, but I did my best to let him know I’d be fine and that I was simply too tired to walk out. He wasn’t gone long.
When he walked back in to the living room he came over and knelt beside the couch in front of me. I was barely able to keep my eyes open. “You’ve had a long day.”
“Yeah,” I said, sleepily.
“Ready to go up to bed?”
My eyes closed and I shook my head. “I’ll just stay here if that’s ok with you. I’m too tired.”
I felt one of his arms come underneath my legs while the other went behind my back at my shoulder blades. I was hauled up into his arms and held close to his body. He felt so warm and comfortable that I immediately melted into him. Zane started moving and I heard him begin climbing the stairs.
Damn, he was so good to me.
The last thought I had before I was completely out was that I hoped my girls were right and I had been wrong and that Zane’s feelings for me hadn’t changed. I was bruised and banged up, but I’d heal and recover from that soon enough. If Zane left me I knew I would never survive losing his love.
*****
Light. My eyes were closed and I could see the light and brightness surrounding me. It was incredibly comforting. Then, despite the good I was feeling I realized something wasn’t right. I was alone. I was in Zane’s bed and I was by myself. My eyes shot open. I was facing the side of the bed he always slept on and saw that it was, in fact, empty.
I suddenly found it hard to breathe. I had been right. My girls insisted that there was no way Zane’s feelings had changed for me, but now I knew the truth. I rolled to my back, wincing a bit at the pain I was still feeling in my abdomen. Bringing one of my hands up to cover my eyes I blew out a breath and tried to regain some control over my breathing, but it was useless. My chest rose and fell rapidly, proving I wasn’t doing a very good job reigning it in. I was certain my heart was going to beat out of my chest I was so panicked.
“Emme?” I heard Zane call.
Startled, my hand fell from my face and my head turned toward the opposite side of the room. Zane was sitting on the chaise sofa with his laptop resting on his thighs. I looked to him and tried to swallow past the tightness in my throat.
“Zane.”
“You ok?” he asked, clearly concerned.
Nope.
Definitely not.
I was in his bed nearly having a complete and total breakdown about five seconds ago because I had just realized that my worst fears came true. I had rules. I broke them. And now, I had to face the consequences. I didn’t blame him, though. I knew it had to have been difficult for him and despite where we were now headed I still believed that he was doing his best to handle me with care. Things had changed for him and I understood why. It didn’t make it hurt any less.
With tears in my eyes, I shook my head. I wasn’t going to lie to him about it.
He closed the laptop and set it aside. After walking over and sitting down on the edge of the bed, he put his hand up to cup my cheek and asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”
My breaths came quick and I couldn’t hold it in. I burst into tears and managed to say through my sobs, “I’m so sorry.”
Zane bent over and slid his hands underneath my back. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he lifted me up. I sat there holding on to him as my heart shattered, knowing that I never wanted to let him go.
“Sweetheart, what are you apologizing for?”
I continued crying, but tried to take in a couple of settling breaths so I could tell him what he deserved to hear.
“I never wanted this to happen,” I confessed. “I’m sorry it has ruined us.”
“What are you talking about?” he asked.
I took in a few more breaths. “I know it was probably the most awful thing for you to have to go through when I was kidnapped.”
“I hated every fucking second of it.”
“I know. And I understand that having to watch him…put his hands and mouth on me changed things for you. I really do get it, but it still hurts.”
“Emme, I don’t understand.”
I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I knew if I said the words it would destroy me. I also knew if he said them I’d be obliterated. All I could do was apologize.
“I’m sorry, Zane. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, Em. You couldn’t control what happened.”
I knew what he was saying was true. There was no way I could have stopped what happened to me after I was kidnapped and shackled. It didn’t change the fact that I still felt tremendous guilt over what it had done to our relationship.
I eventually stopped crying and pulled back from him. My eyes came to his and I begged, “Will you tell me what it was like for you?”
“Em…” he trailed off.
“It’s important, Zane. This didn’t just happen to me. It happened to you, too, and I want to know what you went through.”
He took in a deep breath and blew it out. “The girls came back from the bathroom and I asked where you were. Elle said you were following right behind her. That’s when I knew he took you. I silently hoped that I’d find you getting a drink at the bar or that you had run back into the restroom, but I knew you hadn’t. I knew you weren’t there and I felt that deep in my gut. We talked to the bouncer who saw you leaving the saloon. Cliff immediately took Levi to the back offices so he could check the security footage. We saw him come up behind you when you came out of the restroom and then as he walked you out of there. I saw you fight, sweetheart,” he said, his voice getting hoarse.
He paused a moment to regain his composure. “Out in the parking lot, you fought so hard. And then he just threw you into the back of that fucking van. Levi and I immediately took off to the Cunningham offices. He had Trent checking every single security camera out of Lou’s lot following that van. He called Holden on the way and told him to get everyone to the office. Cruz was out of town on a case so he called him next to fill him in. Trent worked tirelessly on locating the van and finally found that it had stopped at a gas station. Dom and Gunner took off in that direction. A woman showed up three hours after you were taken and delivered a USB flash drive. It had the link to the live feed.”
He paused again. I could tell he was struggling with his emotions. I gave him the time he needed.
“Sweetheart, when I saw you on that screen hanging from those shackles…fuck, it was torture. You were hanging there in the dark, so cold, and I hated myself for not taking better care of you. Levi got Trent immediately working on figuring out from where the live feed was streaming. I just stood there, useless, watching you. It wasn’t even minutes later when Miller came down in the basement and woke you up. I watched it all, Emme. I watched as he cut off your dress and touched your body. I watched and listened as you spoke to me. I’m so sorry you were in the dark, Em. So fucking sorry.”
His eyes were filled with sorrow; he blamed himself for this.
“I saw everything he did to you and I’ll never forgive myself for letting that happen. I threw something in Levi’s office. I think it was a chair. And then, he hit you. Seconds later, Trent had located you. You were more than an hour away. Cruz called and had finished his work on the other case. Levi updated him. He was five minutes away.”
“And then you came for me,” I said, softly.
He closed his eyes and nodded. “Yeah, Em. Then I came for you. It was just over five hours from the time you were taken until I held you in my arms again. Those were the worst five hours of my entire fucking life. You’re sitting here apologizing to me and I have no idea why, sweetheart. I’m the one who is sorry. I am so sorry I wasn’t there to protect you and keep you safe.”
I was silent a moment before I said, “I’m sorry you had to go through all of that.”
“Pure gold, Emme.”
“What?” I asked.
“Your heart. You are the one who goes through something so horrific and you’re worried about how it has affected me.”
“You don’t have to do this, Zane.”
His brows drew together. “Do what?” he asked.
“Pretend,” I said, looking away. “I saw the look yesterday and I’ve felt the distance already.”
“You’re going to have to explain because I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I asked what you went through because I wanted to know what it was that brought us to this point. It didn’t dawn on me until yesterday after we woke up before your family came over and I saw the look on your face. You were frustrated and angry. And as time goes on I’m feeling you pull away from me. You’ve been so incredibly caring and you’ve taken such good care of me, but I understand how having to witness that live feed and seeing what he did to me changed how you feel about me. I hate him for taking your heart away from me,” I said, my voice cracking on those last few words.
“Em, what do you think I feel right now?” he asked, genuine concern in his beautiful voice.
“I think you’re struggling to figure out how to handle me with care because it’s in your nature to care about someone who has been through what I’ve been through, but at the same time you can’t deny what having witnessed his hands and mouth on me did to change things for you. I’m ready to beg right now, but know that I can’t because it would be unfair to you and selfish of me,” I said.
“Beg for what?” he asked.
I held his eyes and a single tear fell from one of my eyes when I pleaded, “Please don’t take your love away from me.”
He sat there staring at me, dumbfounded.
Damn it. He was so beautiful and I loved him more than anything in the world. I looked away.
“Emme, look at me.”
I turned my head toward his.
“I love you.”
I went solid. He did?
“I don’t know why you are questioning that. I also don’t know what face you saw yesterday, but I can assure you that you’ve misinterpreted it. I won’t lie to you and say I haven’t felt frustration in the past day, but it has nothing to do with how I feel about you. I’m sorry if I’ve done anything to make you think that you aren’t my entire fucking world.”
“That’s the first time you’ve told me you loved me since before I was taken. And, you weren’t in bed this morning. I thought that you…” I trailed off, my emotions getting the best of me.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I have been preoccupied with trying to make sure that I’m doing everything you need me to do for you physically that my mind is a little out of sorts. I hate that you have any doubts about my love for you, but trust me, I’m not taking it away from you. I promise to make sure you hear those words from me.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
He nodded. “Of course.”
“Does the thought of being intimate with me now disgust you?”
“Are you serious?” he asked in disbelief.
I nodded.
“Why would you think that?”
“You haven’t kissed me.”
“Em,” he said, letting out a sigh. “You were kidnapped, beaten, and sexually assaulted. I haven’t kissed you not because I don’t want to, but because what I want doesn’t matter right now. You need words to know how I feel, I’ll shout them from the rooftops now. I’m sorry I didn’t give those to you before. But sweetheart, you need physical affection from me I’m going to need you to tell me that. I don’t want to put your mind back in that basement by doing something you aren’t ready for.”
“Oh,” I said, dropping my eyes from his to my lap.
He brought his fingertips to my jaw and gently pressed my head up. “Do you want me to kiss you, Em?”
I nodded.
He moved his face closer to mine and wrapped his hand around the side of my neck. I closed my eyes and felt him gently press his lips to mine. Relief swept through me as we kissed, our lips and tongues tasting. Zane pressed his hand to the middle of my back and helped to guide me to my back so I was lying down. With his lips still connected to mine he shifted himself so that he was positioned half on, half off me. He was careful not to put his weight on me knowing my body hadn’t come close to being healed enough. My hands roamed, moving from his face to his hair and finally down his back. The feel of his skin under my fingertips was nice, but I wanted to feel his skin against mine. I pulled my mouth from his.
“You ok?” he asked.
I nodded and moved my hands to the shoulder straps of my nightie. “Can you take this off me?”
“Emme, don’t push yourself.”
“I’m not. I just want to feel the warmth of your skin against mine, Zane. Please.”
His face softened. He lifted himself enough to reach the hem of my nightie and slid it up my body over my head. Then, he settled his body half on mine again.
“I love you, Em.”
I smiled up at him. “I love you, Zane.”
He gave me a beautiful grin before he brought his mouth back to mine. I then spent the rest of my morning in bed kissing Zane.