With a cold drink in one hand, I massaged my temple with the other. I had been sitting at my dad’s table for less than ten minutes, and I already wanted to finish off the bottle behind the bar. When I found my dad at the bar, he was already well on his way to getting absolutely sauced. I guess drinking problems away ran in the family.

“Start from the beginning, won’t you?” I asked exasperatedly. “You’re not getting your story straight. As much as I don’t want to hear about your personal business, I can’t help you if I don’t know all the facts.”

“I was alone in my apartment,” he slurred. “I meant to leave, but my cleaning girl was stopping by and I wanted to catch a glimpse of her before I left. She’s a pretty, young thing and she’s a total flirt. She knew I was getting married and was really going after me. Anyway, talk led to action, and we ended up in bed. We were nearly finished when Miranda came back. I think she forgot her wallet or something.”

“Jesus, Dad,” I groaned. “What did Miranda do?”

He shook his head. “I don’t even remember—it happened so quickly. She didn’t even yell at me, though. She looked shocked, like she didn’t know what was going on. Then, she just started crying. She ran out and said she was going back home.”

“Well, I guess you’ll see her again in court,” I said dryly. “You’ve really outdone yourself this time. That lady was so nice she didn’t even try to kill you when she walked in on you. She didn’t even yell at you. She sounds like a saint.”

“She really is,” he moaned. “I’ve probably said this about all of them, but she was truly great. She has such a kind and gentle spirit, but she’s so much fun to talk to. She’s a sweetheart, but has a special energy to her.”

“I know the type,” I said, thinking about Rebecca. “So, what are you going to do?”

“What can I do?” he asked. “She doesn’t want to talk to me. I don’t want to show up at her house, or she’ll probably call the cops. I can’t send her expensive things because she’s not easily bought. I’m going to have to wait until she’s settled down and wants to talk to me.”

“Well, you’re probably in for a long wait. Think you can get her back?”

“I don’t know. Do I just cut my losses?”

I took a swig. “If you do, you’ve got to stop doing this. I’m telling you, you really can’t get married again.”

“I know.”

“I don’t think you do,” I said, chastising my father for his stupid mistakes. “You keep getting married after a few months, then get divorced in about the same amount of time. It’s pretty insane that you keep doing this to yourself. Why?”

“Do you know what it’s like to be in love?” he asked, his eyes crinkling a little.

I frowned. “No.”

“That’s the problem. You don’t know how it feels to be so infatuated with a woman. When you find one you really like, you’ll want to give them the world. You can’t imagine living without them. You’d do anything to make them happy. You take them to fancy dinners, stay in with them all weekend, and buy them expensive gifts they’d never buy themselves. You get married because there is no greater gesture to show her that you love her. You’re so overwhelmed with love that you can’t help yourself.”

My dad’s eyes lit up when he spoke like that. I wondered if I had been depriving myself of something good. But, at the same time, love sounded like a burden. He couldn’t control what he did because of the way a woman got into his head. He made it seem great, but I’d seen lives get ruined, first hand. My poor mother still dealt with the effects of their split.

My mother is lovely in every way, but my father brought an ugliness in her. She’s the kind of woman who would never speak ill of anyone, but when she hears about my dad and one of his new girls, she gets this sour expression on her face. She was hesitant to start seeing men again because she didn’t want to be hurt that way ever again. She’s a woman with lots of love to give, but she held off in fear of being ruined again. I loved my dad, but I found it hard to forgive him for that. While I didn’t really give a shit about the other women, I had gotten to know Rebecca, and didn’t want the same fate for her.

“If that’s what love is, I don’t think I want it. If you loved Miranda, why would you fuck some random broad?

My dad gulped. “I don’t know. It’s an addiction, isn’t it?”

“You tell me.”

He shrugged. “I don’t know what’s the matter with me. I think us Rye boys have an appetite that can’t be suppressed.”

“And that’s why I don’t go making promises to women,” I sighed. “I’ve learned from your mistakes.”

“Ah, and that’s just one of the ways I’ve ruined you,” he said wistfully. “You used to be such a loving kid. You used to snuggle with your mother every night when you were little. You were so open to being best friends with everyone you met. Then, when you got older, you started closing yourself off to people.”

“Is that so?” I asked in disbelief. “I think I have plenty of friends.”

“But what about girlfriends?”

“I’ve had a handful.”

“But you never told them you loved them.”

“Because I didn’t.”

I could see where my dad was going with this. My girlfriends were like long-term friends with benefits, but without really being friends. There was lots of passion, but little substance. Often times, they were waiting around for me to take things to the next level. They wanted to meet my parents or move in. That was about the time I cut them loose. The moment they realized that I wasn’t capable of giving them what they wanted, they were gone. Even beautiful models have dreams of starting a family one day. Even socialites want love.

“Has anyone ever come close?” he asked.

I thought for a moment. Perhaps it was because she was so fresh on my mind, but I immediately thought of Rebecca. Of course, I wasn’t in love with her. I hadn’t known her for very long. But, if there were anyone I was hesitant to let walk away from my life, it would be her. I think the fact that I wanted to speak to her about the internship debacle said enough for me. I could admit to myself that I had feelings for her. I wasn’t sure if I could admit it to her, though.

“Maybe. Why?”

“If there’s any chance you could be in love, you can’t just let it pass. I’m not saying you should get married right away, but damn it, you should allow yourself to be happy.”

“I don’t think you should be giving me relationship advice, old man,” I said as I was given a refill.

“No, you’re probably right,” he chuckled. “I’ve made another mess and I don’t know how I’m going to clean it up. Maybe the answer is rehab or couple’s therapy. For now, I need to sleep this off and wait for Miranda to call me.”

He stood up from the table, shaky on his feet. I didn’t know how many he had to drink before I showed up, but he had three or four drinks in my presence.

“Do you need help up to your room?” I asked, smelling the booze on his breath from feet away.

“No, no, I’m fine.”

“Can you sleep it off on your own, or will someone find you on top of a strange woman again?”

“I have no interest in that at the moment. I only want to sleep. Thanks for the talk, son. You’re a wiser man than me.”

He stumbled toward the elevator and went up to the room he rented after Miranda walked out. I went to the front desk and asked for room service to deliver a meal and aspirin in a few hours.

Then, I returned to the bar and continued to drink. I hoped that Rebecca would turn up soon. My liver couldn’t handle much more of a wait.

Suddenly, I had a burst of inspiration. If my dad thought I should go after the woman I cared about, then I was going to do that. I knew she didn’t want to see me, but if I didn’t get the chance to say my piece, then I would never rest. I decided I would take a cab to her dorm and tell her how I felt about her.

I dropped some cash at the bar and marched toward the door. In the process, I smacked straight into Rebecca.

“Hey,” I said, full of wonder at the coincidence.

“You,” she growled. She marched back in the bar, gave her drink order and sat down at a table. I scurried beside her and sat down, eager to tell her everything.

“I know you’re mad at me, but I have to—”

“Fuck you!” she interrupted. “Fuck you and fuck your father. My mother just called me, absolutely devastated because your dad cheated on her.”

“I know,” I groaned. “I already spoke with him. I’m absolutely mortified by his behavior.”

“If we put that disaster aside for a moment, you’ll see you’re not better than him. You cheated on me, in one way or another. You promised something very important to me. You told me I was the best and the only person for the job. You made me think I was special. Then, you went and gave it away to some guy who didn’t deserve it like I did. You used me. You let me pretend to be your girlfriend and you brought me back to your place.”

“I was blackmailed!” I exclaimed, jumping in to speak when it had the chance. “That rat bastard Kevin had a whole stack of pictures of us together. If I didn’t give him the job, then I would have been reported and fired. It would have ruined any good reputation I had in this city. Your reputation would have been at stake, too. I didn’t have a choice and there was no time to explain. I can get you something just as good. You only need to ask. I just couldn’t give you that particular internship, not while there were pictures of us in each other’s arms floating around.”

She blinked at me, her eyes blazing. Her lips were tightly pursed as she listened.

“I’m very sorry things turned out this way. I’m willing to make it up to you.”

She looked down at the table, unable to meet my eye. I wasn’t sure, but it looked like she had been crying.

“Is this true?” she asked.

“Entirely,” I said desperately.

“Why are you doing this for me? Is it out of pity? Haven’t you done enough?”

I shook my head. “It’s not pity at all,” I said earnestly. “I—I think—” I trailed off. I couldn’t complete the sentence. It was so simple to say, yet impossible for me to spit out.

“You what?” she asked, uninterested.

“Never mind,” I said, feeling frustrated. “Can we have dinner and talk this over? If I don’t eat eventually, I’m not going to make it much longer.”

She nodded.

I counted that as a victory. I paid for our drinks and led her onto the street and into a cab.