Sitting in the private booth, I went from feeling very confident to very foolish. I had allowed myself to get so caught up in all of the excitement and prestige of a meeting with Alex Rye that I didn’t think about any ulterior motives. He was so far out of my league; I was an idiot for thinking that he truly had an interest in me. Well, he had an interest in me, but it seemed to be purely motivated by my willingness to put out.

I wasn’t opposed to having sex. I had just a few sexual encounters during my college career, and they were all with men I had been dating for a while. I wasn’t a prude, but I also didn’t give it up for just anyone. I still believed that sex was special, and I only wanted to do it with men who truly respected me. Sleeping with a guy, just to get an internship was out of the question. I wanted to get ahead in business, but I could not live with myself if I had to sleep my way through life, just to make a dollar. I didn’t want to spend thousands upon thousands of dollars to go to school, just to come out a glorified sex worker.

I was insulted and hurt that Alex would even suggest a thing. Carol said that he had a reputation for sleeping with students, but I thought our connection was stronger than that. I didn’t need anything from him. In fact, it sounded like he needed more from me.

But, I didn’t feel like I was in a position where I could leverage this point over him. He wanted to parade me around some rich people gathering. Somehow, he thought that the offer would be enticing enough on its own. While I did want to be able to network with some of the greatest minds in the industry, I didn’t want to go so badly I would give up my morals. I just wasn’t that kind of girl. If he had treated me with an ounce of respect and courted me, instead of bribing me, maybe I would go back to his apartment after a few dates. He was still beautiful and charming, but now I knew he was a rat. I wanted to trust him, but I just couldn’t. As he begged me to go back home with him, the horrible sinking sensation in my stomach only got worse. I had to trust my instinct on this one.

“I don’t like this,” I said. “It doesn’t seem right. If you’re offering an internship position for the whole class, should you really be offering it to one person? And, should you be trying to get that candidate drunk enough so she’d go home and have sex with you?”

My voice had gotten louder. I forgot that we were in public and lowered my voice so no one would look over. I already felt embarrassed enough.

“Relax, would you?” he chastised me. “I’m not forcing you to do anything you don’t want to do. People have said a lot of things about me, but none of them bordered on criminal. If you don’t want to come over, you don’t have to. Now, when did I mention sex? Do you think you’re really so irresistible that I wouldn’t be able to keep anything else on my mind? I have a job to do and I wanted to know if you were willing to help me out. I was about to let you into my world of endless possibilities for you. Do you know how many girls would kill for that kind of inclusion? Guys, too! You can’t tell me that a few of your male classmates wouldn’t suck me off, just to spend an hour outside of class with me. I didn’t ask anything of you that wouldn’t directly benefit you as well. I’m downright insulted that you would act this way.”

I looked down at the table. He was making me feel like garbage. I wondered if I really had overreacted. While he never explicitly said that he wanted me around for sexual purposes, he made it seem that way. Was Carol right about him all along, or was I projecting her concerns onto my situation? My mind was in a pretzel and I was in no place to sort it all out.

“I’m sorry,” I said, not exactly sure what I was apologizing for.

“Thank you,” he said softly. “You really didn’t need to get riled up over nothing.”

I pursed my lips. “Does this hurt my chances of getting the internship?”

“Are you going to the fundraiser with me?”

I frowned. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

His face contorted from his pleasant, charming resting face to a scowl. “Then no, probably.”

“Because I didn’t want to go out with you?” I squeaked. “You know I’m qualified for the internship. I’m the best student in that whole class and you know it!”

“Then I guess I’ll give you equal consideration,” he said wearily. “This is what I get for trying to help you out.”

I wasn’t sure how to feel. I felt this strange combination of disgust toward Alex, and guilt for not playing the game. It was easy to be optimistic now and tell myself that I didn’t need him to get to where I wanted to be. But, I wondered if five years down the line, I’d be kicking myself for not playing along.

Most of all, he made me feel like the invisible girl in Hazelwood. Once again, I was a nobody, stupidly hoping that the popular guy would like me. He seemed so sweet and genuine, and I fell for his tricks. He was no different than the assholes my mother warned me about. He was exactly what Carol warned me about.

Though it was hardly needed at the time, my mom tried to talk to me about the fact that there would someday be a time where men would be interested in me, and I needed to be careful. Then, I ignored what she had to say, because it simply didn’t apply to me. There she was, telling me to have self-respect when I would have done anything to get a cute boy to like me. I’d change my wardrobe, act dumber than I was, and flirted mercilessly with guys who didn’t give a shit about me.

Now, I was finally getting to the age where I could understand where she was coming from, but I feared it was too late for me. I wanted to be a strong, independent woman, but at the same time, desperately wanted to fit in and be liked. I was forever trying to compensate for lost years. Now, I was about to graduate college, and while I didn’t feel the need to have a boyfriend, I just wanted to be wanted.

All I knew was that I wanted to be anywhere but that bar. Luckily, I had only finished one of the drinks, and had merely sipped on the second. I felt completely sober and ready to drive myself home. Not wanting to feel like I owed him anything, I reached into my purse and pulled out a twenty dollar bill.

“I think I’m going to go,” I said softly, setting the money down on the table. He gave me such a look of disgust; you would have thought I pulled a dead animal from my bag.

“Seriously?” he whined. “You’re just being dramatic now. I already said I would pay for your drinks. It’s not a big deal to me.”

“It’s a big deal to me,” I replied, trying to keep my voice calm.

“What did you expect, honestly?” he asked after looking me over once more.

“Excuse me?”

“I asked you, a student of mine, to a bar. You said yes.”

“We’re only four years apart,” I argued. “What if we were friends from back home?”

“We weren’t friends,” he said. “I only met you for the first time today. I asked you on a date, and you said yes.”

“It was hardly a date,” I said. “You said you wanted to talk about home.”

He sighed. “Use your brain. If I wanted to talk, and nothing else, I would have suggested we chat before the next class. Or, maybe I’d give you my work email. I had a more delicate offer for you.”

“I knew it was inappropriate,” I said under my breath.

“You showed up wearing that,” he exclaimed, pointing to my chest.

I shrunk back, feeling extremely self-conscious.

“If this were a professional business meeting, you should have worn a modest suit. When you sit there with that much cleavage, you’re begging for attention.”

I didn’t know which was worse—the fact that he could objectify me and blame his rude behavior on my clothing, or the fact that he was slightly right. I didn’t ask to be talked about like a piece of meat, but I so desperately wanted him to find me attractive. I tried too hard to be liked, and this was the result.

I sputtered for a few seconds, not knowing what to say. “Do you think you’re entitled to any woman you come across?”

He gave me a strained look. “Yeah, kind of. I’ve never had a woman respond to me like this before. I treated you with respect. I brought you to a nice place and bought you an expensive drink. I was going to give you a prestigious internship as thanks for attending a fancy dinner party with me. I was going to buy you a beautiful gown and pay for you to get all dolled up for the event. Any other girl would kill for that experience. You’re the first girl to lead me on, then get all upset when I’m willing to give you everything you asked for. There’s a reason I don’t remember you from back home. Obviously, you’re not meant to go far. If you’re going to be this hung up on rules and doing what’s moral, I don’t think you’re going to make it very far in this line of work. What we do is cutthroat, and if you can’t hang, then it’s best you find another career. Save your money, don’t go to business school, and maybe find a boring husband to settle down with. If you walk around looking like a whore, but act like a virgin, you’re going to piss a lot of people off in the real world.”

That was the final straw. I had done nothing to receive such cruelty from someone I truly admired. Alex Rye was the asshole everyone made him out to be. I don’t know why I was the only one who couldn’t see through his tough guy persona. He was an ass who got ahead with his father’s money and connections. He was spoiled and entitled, and treated women as if they were disposable. I was shaking with rage by the time I finally stood up to leave.

“At least finish the drink,” he droned.

Without thinking, I picked up the glass and splashed the tangerine-colored liquid into his face. He sat in shock as the sickly sweet drink trickled down his face and onto his collar. I couldn’t look at him for another moment. I stormed out of the bar with my head held high. I strutted to my car, a scowl on my face.

Then, when I was safely in my car, I let it all out. Tears ruined my perfect eye makeup and tracked down my cheeks, leaving black streaks in my flawless foundation. When I finally caught my breath, I started the car and quickly drove away. I started constructing a story to tell Carol about the night. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to tell her she was right, or play it off like the benign meeting I promised her it would be.