They’d stayed on the patio another half hour after they’d made love the night before, bodies sticky, the air heavy with the weight of a pending storm. Lily had loved the feel of Keilen inside her, how he both controlled and willingly allowed himself to be used. It was the push and pull he gave her, the perfect reaction to her touch, to her need, that had Lily making plans she didn’t want to change.

“You can stay here. As long as you like,” he’d told her when she mentioned having a shower and then returning to the guest room at her niece’s home. “I’d like the company, Lil. I want you to stay.”

It hadn’t taken much for Lily to agree and after a shower, which she didn’t manage alone, Keilen brought her to his bed and settled her against his chest. They lay there in the silence, getting to know the size and fit of their bodies, testing how they moved together with small grazes of fingers on shoulders, of silent conversations they made with touches and tightened embraces.

“I like the way you feel against me,” he told her when she thought he might have fallen to sleep. “I think I might like it too much.”

“Is that possible?” she asked, moving her arm around his waist.

“It is when you might leave and not come back.”

“Keilen…”

“Let’s not talk about it.” He ran his fingers down her spine, to rest his hand against her lower back, but even the soft, sweet touch of Keilen’s palm against her naked flesh didn’t take away the guilt she felt.

“It’s not that I don’t want to stay…” she couldn’t help but offer, ignoring the long exhale Keilen released. “I mean, I’ll come back. Especially with Zee getting married. It probably won’t be long before she finishes her residency and then there will be babies and family things she’ll want me here for. It…it won’t be all that bad and I…”

He stopped her with a roll of his body, pushing her legs apart with his knee. Keilen was inside her, already hard, already deep before she could finish her thought. He lifted her chin, rising to rest his weight on one palm. “I said I didn’t want to talk about it.”

And they didn’t. Not for at least a half hour.

Later, their bodies spent, Lily was on the verge of sleep, Keilen next to her, the smell of his skin against her, and she let a sleepy smile move over her mouth, loving the contentment she found. Loving that reality had been so much better than the fantasy.

“You have someone back in New Orleans?” he asked, the question waking her up completely.

“Excuse me?” Lily came to her elbow, glaring at him. “You think I’m with someone at home and what? Fuck around when I’m on vacation?”

“No. I don’t think that.” His voice was calm, but it always was. Keilen had a way of maintaining patience, reacting with no expression at all. Lily thought that was likely a trait of his profession—you could not cry when you delivered a death sentence to a patient or their family. Concern, compassion, impassivity, all things Zee related as part of their training.

But Lily was not a patient with a weak heart. She was someone Keilen had just made love to and only now was inquiring about her love life back at home.

“Lil…”

“Do you think I’m heartless, Keilen? Do you think I could treat someone I cared about that cruelly?”

“You, Lil? No.” He sat up when she scrambled toward the edge of the bed, pulling her down and rolling on top of her before she could stop him. “You didn’t let me finish.” She glared at him and Keilen got to his knees, hands up in surrender. “I haven’t seen you in a long time, and Zinnia keeps your business out of her mouth. Trust me, I’ve asked. She’s never been clear about that.”

“Why ask me now?” Lily rested against the headboard, pulling her knees to her chest.

Keilen rubbed his neck, grunting out a breath as though he’d only just realized his misstep. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I should have asked before…” he waved between them and crawled back to her, holding her face between his large palms. “I gotta be honest, Lil, I don’t think I much care. Maybe that’s why I didn’t ask. I didn’t want to know. I wanted…you. I wanted you with me.”

“Is that why you didn’t want to talk about me leaving?”

He moved his head to the side, and a surprised expression moved his features until the smile on his face was bittersweet. “No. I didn’t want to talk about you leaving because it breaks my heart to think about it.” He kissed her, soft, gentle and rested his forehead against hers. “It’s hard for me, to meet people and trust them. You’d be surprised how many women only see dollar signs when they meet me. And despite what they may say, they expect me to not be with them, really with them. They expect me to cheat. They expect me to only want one thing from them. So, there’s always something missing. They don’t trust me, and I can’t trust them.”

“Keilen…”

“Then there’s you. You who knew me so long ago. You who wanted me when I wore braces and broke my nose junior year and went around scaring everyone with that busted up face. You were the only one who still smiled at me. You were the only one who still smiles at me the same way you did when you were a kid.”

“I’m not the same girl,” she told him, unable to keep her hands from his face, figuring he should know the truth. “I’m not remotely the same girl.”

“No, and I’m not the same boy, but Lil, you trust me, don’t you? You aren’t scared what I want is all illusions. You aren’t scared I’ll turn out to be a bastard because you know who I am.”

“I…I think I do.” She exhaled when he kissed her, let him hold her tight. “You’re the only one I’ve been with in a year, Keilen.”

“Good,” he said, pulling her down on the bed.

“I trust you and I want you to trust me. I promise.” She took his kiss when it came and moved her hips, adjusted to welcome him again into her body. He slipped inside, hissing from the sensation, smiling against her lips. “That…I don’t think that changes whether I stay or go. I have a lot of…”

“I know, nani makamae. I know what it means and right now, it’s enough.”