* * *

I never thought this could happen to me.

I never thought that I could be so obsessed with one woman that I couldn’t think straight or focus. I was useless at the drafts. Completely useless. I watched the players, we picked but that usual care I’d bring to the table wasn’t there.

It wasn’t there because I was thinking about a woman when I should have been doing my job.

And, not just any woman. This was Zoe.

Shit, I thought about Zoe, and about how much I wanted her.

Thank God for Gibbs. I felt like if he wasn’t there I would have put myself to shame with my spaced-out look and airheaded demeanor. Shit, I had to lie and say that I was coming down with a cold and didn’t feel like myself. If anyone knew what was actually wrong with me they would have kicked my ass.

Saying I was sick however made the perfect excuse to leave as soon as the draft ended. Normally we’d go partying for a few days after the draft ended, and this year was definite cause to celebrate. We got seven guys who I knew would take us to some serious places. That included four new guys fresh out of college ball, including Suarez and we got Jefferson from the Patriots, Morgan from the Jets, and Ackerman from the Broncos.

I should have been bouncing off the walls and grabbing the champagne.

But no. I wasn’t in the mood for any celbrations.

And, thankfully my excuse worked fine with the other guys.

However, not so much on Gibbs. He knew me too well to fall for shit like that, even though he wasn’t making any comments. He knew I’d talk when I was ready. Although I don’t know if I’m ready to acknowledge what’s happening to me and Zoe.

We traveled back together early the next day and he didn’t question me when I wanted to go straight to the office. He didn’t mention going home or anything as technically we were still on leave for the draft. He just came along with me, probably sensing I needed support. Gibbs is good that way. Always has been.

Although it’s not often that I’m like this. The last time that I felt anything remotely like this had to be when I was deciding on who I wanted to work for. I played for the Rams so of course, I felt a sense of loyalty to them. They offered me a lower position because the role I wanted was already filled by Jack Danovick, a guy I truly admired. At the same time the Centaurs practically jumped at the chance to have me.

It was Gibbs who helped me out back then. He made me see that my years with the Rams as a player was an achievement in itself, and it didn’t mean that I should feel obliged to work with them. Particularly when I was being offered the position I actually wanted. I was in a state of unrest back then too, just like now.

My excuse for going to the office was that I wanted to check something out in the NFL policy reports and work is the best place to do it because of the access we have to the systems. So when we got here he took out the report folders from the file cabinet and started looking through them. He sat opposite me, setting them out and going through each one.

While he did that I turned on my computer and watched the screen load.

Within seconds I started thinking of Zoe again.

I’d had this pent up sexual tension for five days. All that from a kiss. I shouldn’t have kissed her. I should have held back. I should have run away like that bitch Brian, because if I did I wouldn’t feel like this now. Like I needed to jerk off. I didn’t do that. I didn’t need to. I’d never had to, but now I got it. It was a joke walking around feeling conscious that my dick was going to embarrass me.

“Did you like Johnson?” Gibbs asked breaking my thoughts.

I had to think hard to remember who Johnson was.

“Quarterback from UCLA.” Gibbs reminded me with a smirk at my obvious loss of memory.

“Good kid,” I said trying to look enthusiastic.

“Reminds me of you.” Gibbs smiled. “The speed and the stamina.”

“Thanks.”

“He has a temper on him though.”

I noticed that. Johnson got into a fight with one of the other guys. I could see he was cocky, like me, and confident in his talent. But he needed to cool it down a notch to play with the Centaurs.

“I’ll work on him.” I would need to. “He just needs some fine tuning.”

I needed fine tuning too when I was that age. I was a bigger asshole then than I was now.

“Fine tuning? Sounds like more work.” Said a sweet voice from across the room.

I looked over to see Beth Sanderson standing in the doorway. She looked like a vision from a fantasy with her perfectly proportioned body, long white blonde hair, and bright red lips that made her silver-gray eyes stand out.

She walked inside the office exuding the same grace she used on the catwalk to display her lingerie.

Beth looked like temptation wrapped up in her little red summer dress that showed off the massive tits and firm ass I bragged to Zoe about. What a fool I was.

I looked at Beth and saw the sparkle of mischief in her eyes.

I’d wanted this woman for weeks, got the chance to speak to her, booked a few dates with her and had to cancel when I knew Zoe needed me. I’d looked forward to the dates because I knew it would lead to wild hot sex. Today though, I felt nothing.

I’m looking at her, and I know she looks smoking hot, but I feel nothing.

Not even a stir, or a tingle. Zilch.

“Beth, good to see you.” I said remembering my manners. I also thought the look on my face was more peeved at her presence than anything so I tried to smooth that over.

“You too, Gibbs hi.” She looked at Gibbs and smiled wide.

Gibbs however gave her a curt node, and was the complete opposite to when Zoe had come by the other week.

“What brings you here Beth?” I hoped that didn’t sound rude. It was odd that no one, not even Zoe knew that we’d be back, and here, but Beth had come by.

Beth looked a little surprised by the question, which was completely understandable. The last time we spoke I told her I’d arrange something. The first time we spoke I told her that I wanted to see her wearing nothing but the smile on her face. Now I was acting like she’d come by for a business meeting.

Obviously, she was here to follow through on our plans. And, while I didn’t doubt that seeing her wearing nothing but the smile on her face was a huge turn on, the vision wasn’t turning me on.

“I thought I’d take the chance and see you silly.” She smiled brightly. “It’s lunch time, we should eat and then I’ll see to that request you made.”

Okay, so what should I do now? I glanced at Gibbs to find that he was already looking at me. He looked at me with complete disapproval of Beth. His eyes speaking words of caution. We hadn’t talked about Zoe in days but he knew she was on my mind. He knew she was on my mind for the whole trip.

“I’m busy, Beth. I have a thing I have to take care of.” I heard myself say. I returned my gaze to Beth and saw the surprise on her face at having been turned down. Again.

“Oh, okay. Maybe tonight?” she looked hopeful.

As I looked at her I’m thinking that what I actually need to do is get rid of her, take her off the radar completely.

I kissed Zoe. I wanted Zoe.

There is no room for any time with Beth. Not tonight, tomorrow or later, whenever that was. I wanted to tell her that, but didn’t want to embarrass her in front of Gibbs.

“Look Beth it’s probably best if we leave things here,” I hoped that sounded polite enough.

“Oh.” To say she looked stunned wasn’t a strong enough description. There was shock, and anger filling her expression. “Well I guess this is goodbye then.” She looked really put out and I could see that she was trying not to show it.

Before I could say my next words she turned around and stormed away, heels clicking on the stone surface of the floor.

Gibbs chuckled, turning my attention to him. “I’m impressed with you.” He stated with a broad smile.

“Why? Because I just turned down great sex with a Victoria’s Secret Angel.” I raised my brows.

“We’re getting too old to fool around the way we do. I don’t have a Zoe, but you do. What are we doing here man? And, how comes you didn’t call her to let her know you were coming back early?”

In all honesty I wasn’t thinking about calling Zoe when we made our way back. I was too lost in my mind to think of commonplace, simple things like a phone call.

“I was too focused on the drafts.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t really the truth. It was more like I was focused on the way I wasn’t focused for the drafts.

“Bull shit. Go home man. Go home and sort yourself out. This isn’t you right here. I can’t work with this guy.” Gibbs scuffed, his New York accent really coming out in every word he says. He’s also shaking his head at me. “Go home and decide what you want. You been different since you told me about that note of yours.”

“Different how?” I’m still trying not to talk about what’s really wrong with me.

“Jesus, are we seriously going to do this? You and me, we’ve been friends for far too long for you to hide shit from me. If you don’t want to talk don’t, but I will tell you to go home to your woman and work out what you want. And please don’t come back until you’re Tristan again.” He got up and walked away, leaving me to the empty office.

I clasped my hands together and brought them up to my chin. Deciding what I want is easy. I know what I want. It’s deciding how I want to proceed is the problem.

The more I think the more I lose my mind as want consumes me.

Gibbs is right. What am I doing here? I stood up and left too with a mission.

It was to stop this pansy ass moping around and wondering.

Why was I even doing that?

I’d always been the kind of guy to get what I want. It didn’t matter what it was. I always got what I wanted.

And I want Zoe. That’s all I need to know right now.

* * *

* * *

I got back late.

Going to work provided a great distraction. God even Gertrude’s stupid dirty looks she’d cast my way gave me something to work with other than think about Tristan.

He’ll be back tomorrow, so I’m preparing myself. I noticed that he sent me more messages than he usually did. They were all brief to see how I was but normally after I saw him to say goodbye I didn’t expect any contact until he came home, whenever that may be. Normally I just assumed he was either with his work friends, busy with the whole draft thing, or with…well some skank. I didn’t want to think about that last part. I just didn’t.

The softness of the sea breeze surrounds me as I turn on to the road we live on. It has that cool edge to it that’s soothing. I think I may go for a walk on the beach before it gets dark. I haven’t done that in awhile, not since I got so busy with my application, and now putting this portfolio together. I’d try to do some work on that later. I still had some kinks to work out. I wanted to prepare something memorable and unique to woo the board of governors. I could have opted for throwing together something quick with what I already had, but I thought it deserved time. I had time. it was another two and a half months before I had to hand in the portfolio. I’d made a plan for each week.

I looked at the house as I was about to pull into the driveway and gasped when I saw Tristan’s car.

God, he’s back. He’s home.

A little bubble of excitement rose within my chest and it made me jump out of the car and rush into the house. I went into the living room but he isn’t there. He’s not in the kitchen, out on the terrace, or any of the rooms downstairs. I can’t hear him upstairs either so I checked the gym and heard him working out.

My excitement still propels me but I stop in my tracks when I see him. He was shirtless and had on black tracksuit pants with a Nike tick that takes up most of the left side of his leg. My eyes trail back up to the sharp detail of muscle being worked out. The Greek god muscle, with all the sharp definition, chiseled to perfection.

From the position he’s standing I can see the muscle on his back and the left side of his torso. He was doing bicep curls with some seriously heavy weights. Weights I knew weighed more than me, yet he was lifting them with ease on one hand. With each lift the muscles on his back tense and the bulge of his powerful biceps pulsed as if it had a life of its own. Sweat dripped down his back, running down the black Chinese dragon that was tattooed down the middle. His hair was wet with it. In fact, it was dripping.

I could have just melted away from the sight of him. I felt hot like I’m the one who’s working out. Hot like I’ve been in the sauna. My temperature rose the more I looked, the heat spreads through me and made my mouth go dry.

I don’t want to embarrass myself by just staring. I also didn’t want to disturb him, but found that I couldn’t leave either.

He placed the weight down on the ground and walked over to the counter to grab his towel.

I looked at him dry his hair and wipe the sweat from his back and chest then he tossed the towel over to the bench in the far corner by the rowing machine.

When he rested his hands on the counter I wondered what he’d do next.

“Come here,” he says. His voice breaking through the silence in the room, and the sexual tension that filled me.

It took me a moment to realize he was talking to me. My eyes widened and I swallowed again but now there was a lump in my throat that I couldn’t get past.

My hesitation made him turn to face me. It was then that I willed myself to move. My legs felt heavy as I took each step and by the time I reached him I was surprised I could still stand up.

“Hi, your back. I…didn’t want to disturb you.” My words came out sounding weak. When all he did was stare at me I felt the heat from the last time I was with him, and from the kiss we shared. “I’ll come back later.”

I turned to go but he caught my arm and pulled me back, bringing me slightly closer.

“Stay,” he said giving me that penetrative stare. “You were watching me.”

“Oh no, I was just…” I was going to make something up but then I remembered this wasn’t any old guy I was dealing with. This was a man who, as Rachel pointed out so clearly, knew me inside and out. The small smile on his face suggested he knew my tactics, and what I would do when placed in a situation of confrontation.

“Watching me.” He filled in. He released a breath and relaxed his shoulders drawing my attention to the number seven tattoo on his chest. “And still watching me.”

My eyes flew up to meet his and my cheeks warmed at his blunt observation.

“I…” For someone who loved talking so much I was certainly at a loss for words. I willed myself to think. “How was the draft?”

“Shit.” He said giving me an assessing look.

“Why? Did you get bad players?”

“I don’t care about that now. I don’t want to talk about the players or fucking football, I’ve had to put this charade up for days and act like I’m fine but I’m not.”

“What’s wrong with you?” I asked as if I didn’t know.

“The note changed us Zoe.” He said without any hesitation

“What?”

“The note, my note in the friendship box.” He points to himself. “It changed us.”

“I feel just fine. Just fine. We’re the same.” It was my nerves. I hated confrontation of any kind and this was too much. The tension made me forget the decision my body made to stop placing restrictions on my emotions.

“I kissed you.” He stated in his straight to the point manner he was known for, and narrowed his eyes at me.

“I…kissed you too.” I agreed and pulled in a breath to clear my head. This was it. It was pointless trying to dance around the confrontation. Besides how else was I going to know what would happen next?

“The note was for you.” He stated bluntly, shocking me down to the core of my soul.

“Wwh…you said it wasn’t.”

“I don’t remember writing it, so I guess I must have been drunk. But I know drunk or not, I wouldn’t have been thinking about anyone else when I touched the box.”

My skin started to tingle. “What are you saying?”

Truth was being unveiled and I wanted to hear it. I wanted him to spell it all out so my brain could register his words.

“The note was for you Zoe.” He said with more conviction.

“What does that mean? I didn’t think you could feel like that about me.”

“I do.” He confessed. “I thought I knew everything about you, but then I realize that I don’t. There’s a part of you that I don’t know and it makes me crazy that I don’t, and others do.” He pulled in a breath and focused his gaze on me again. “I see this,” he brushed his hands across the waistband of my skirt. “I see this and I want to know what you look like underneath…”

I was looking at my skirt but realized quickly that he wasn’t just talking about my skirt. He was referring to my clothes in general. All of my clothes.

“I don’t know what turns you on, what pleases you, what doesn’t.” Something sensual flickered in the depths of his blue gaze. “I don’t know what you feel like. Zoe I don’t know any of those things but I want to. The truth is that note opened my eyes in a way that I never thought. It reminded me what I must have thought when I wrote it. That I want you.”

I felt the heat of his words and the overwhelming desire within them fill me. It swelled within my heart and my soul, unlocking them both.

How could it be that this was only now happening? Had we suppressed this need for each other for all that time?

I felt the same.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t.

I ended up with Brian, a man who didn’t care for me in any sort of way. A man who never wanted me in the way that Tristan just confessed. I never felt this way about Brian, or anyone else I’d been with. I never wanted anyone to the point where my whole body ached and I felt like I couldn’t function if I didn’t feed the desire.

I wanted Tristan too, but seeing my hesitation he stepped back, away from me and walked.

“Tristan.” I called out his name with the desperation that gripped me.

He’d reached the base of the stairs and was just about to take the first step but stopped and looked back to me, eyes wide with expectation.

“I want you too.” I told him in one breath. It was the most coherent I’d been.

I walked back to him, and stood breaths away. He never took his eyes off me as he stared back with longing.

He reached out and touched my face and brought his other hand up to my chin.

“You want me too?” His eyes raked boldly over mine and turned a darker shade of blue, highlighting that he was turned on. I’d seen him look at other women like that, but never imagined I could get the same look from him.

“I want you. What should we do?” A flood of emotion gripped me and somehow I felt momentarily displaced.

“We do what comes natural baby.” A slow easy smile lifted the corners of his sensual mouth.

That ripple of excitement filled me as he lowered to my mouth and paused before my lips. My heart danced with the anticipation of a kiss, his kiss. His kiss that I knew was scorching hot, sizzling like fire that could consume my soul. The speculation made my pulse quicken and my heart thumped erratically. The closeness was like a drug, lulling me to him and the intoxicating musk of his body overwhelmed me.

Closer, he came closer and brushed his lips over mine. It was a taste but it was enough to make my knees turn to water and I had to grip on to him to hold myself up.

He looked at me again and then he pressed his lips to my mouth just like he did on Sunday. The touch sent a shockwave through me, making my senses leap to life.

God, it’s better than the first time.

The kiss was slow at first and then turned hungry and demanding.

Delicious, he tasted delicious to me and I wanted more. I kissed him back with the same reckless abandon he gave me. Hard and searching, exploring him and absorbing what I’d been missing all this time. It was truly divine ecstasy and I drank in the desire that came with it.

He moved towards the wall, holding me against him and pressed me against it where he continued to devour my mouth, my lips burning with fire and the blood pounding through my body.

When he pulled back suddenly I instantly thought I’d die from the loss of contact.

“No, don’t stop.” My voice was filled with the need I felt. He couldn’t stop now.

“I have to.” He replied running his finger over my lips lightly, but painfully teasing. “I can’t control myself. If you let me I won’t stop, and everything will definitely change for us. It will never be the same ever again.” He looked worried and I knew that was on my account.

I was scared of things changing too and never being the same, but I was more scared of him stopping and things ending here. Staying the same.

“It already changed. From the minute we didn’t do what the note said. We always do what the notes tell us.” I keep my focus on him.

His eyes glowed with wonder, curiosity filling them deep with longing.

We should have sex.

I could see the note in my mind as vividly as if it was right before me in my hands like it had been last Saturday.

“What do you want me to do baby?” His eyes smoldered with fire.

“Take me,” I replied, almost begging.

I watched his stare intensify as I reached up to the buttons on my blouse and undid the first two.

He stopped me covering my hands with his and a wicked smile lit up his face.

“No baby, that’s my job. Let me unwrap you.” He held me in place with his eyes. Eyes that were clouded with the sexual haze of fire.