This is all in. Each swing is going to get harder from here. The cut will get deeper and narrower with each swing, and if I miss by even half an inch, it’s over. But I can’t play this one standard. If I switch sides like Guy did, I’ll never catch up to him. This is the only way I can really win. I can’t count on Guy making a mistake, this is the highest level of lumberjacking: you assume your opponent will not mess up, and you do everything in your power to maximize your efficiency.

Guy scoffs at me. He does expect me to mess up. He thinks I’ll miss on this swing, and from there his victory is all but guaranteed.

Fuck that. I’m here to win.

I look up at my son. At Elisabeth. I have to hit true.

I line up my axe, pull it back, and I let over 10 years of lumberjacking instinct guide me. The axe swings into the narrow slit, and it slams into the existing cut with full power. I feel the metal cut many inches, deep through into the log.

It’s almost through.

“The timer has started!” the commentator shouts. “They’re both two swings away now! Jack has done the impossible and caught up to Guy Livingstone without even switching sides! Unbelievable! This might be decided by the timer! Guy is twenty seconds behind Jack, he’ll have to go--”

Guy swings.

His accuracy--again--is off, but his strength makes up for it. He cuts deep in, and just like the commentator said, I can see he’s one swing away. I have to keep my time advantage.

I rush toward the log. Switching to the outside now is worth considering, but it’s a risk. If I work from the outside at this point, I might be able to fell the log in two swings. If instead I get one more good swing from the inside, it’s all but guaranteed.

“Jack has just a 10 second advantage,” the commentator says, “He needs to--”

I swing.

My axe hits true, and I bite deep into it, almost to the outer bark. There’s just enough left to hold the log from breaking in half. I pull my axe out, which flips the timer back to Guy.

Guy’s axe is already in motion, as my edge over him is now a mere five seconds. His axe slams into the wood, and the whole top snaps off and slams into the packed dirt ground below.

“The log is felled!” the commentator shouts. “Jack only has five seconds to--”

I’m already positioned. I’m switched to the outside now. There’s no reason to risk a miss on the inside. All I have to do is hit the outer bark with a good swing.

I take aim, and my muscles go to work. The axe slams into the bark, and the top half topples down.

I look up. The timer reads 1.23 seconds. I won by barely one second.

I won.

I drop my axe, and I look over to Noah and Elisabeth. I fucking won! One hundred thousand dollars!

I didn’t even give myself the luxury of imagining what I’d do with the money if I won. Watching my son clapping for me makes me sure of what I should do. I need to stay here. Elisabeth is shouting and clapping. She lifts Noah up so he can see better. Hell if I know what this woman is to me, but I want to at least give her another chance. I definitely want to spend another night or two with her, even if that’s a terrible idea. Whatever she is to me, whatever I want to do with her, she is the mother of my child.

* * *

“Did you have fun?” I ask Noah.

He’s still a bit shy, hiding behind Elisabeth’s leg.

“You want to touch my axe?” I ask, holding it out.

Elisabeth and Jane both look at me like I’m crazy.

I whisper to them, “I’m not going to let him hold it…”

I squat down and grip the wooden handle near the metal, then extend the handle out toward Noah. My hand is between where he’ll touch and the sharp blade. There’s no risk he’ll get hurt.

He peeks out from Elisabeth’s leg, then takes a step closer. He reaches out and touches the handle.

“It’s too heavy for you to hold it,” I say. “But when you get older, I can show you how to use it.”

“On my birthday?” he asks.

“Maybe in 10 birthdays,” Elisabeth says.

“So,” I say, standing up, “I just won more money than I’ve ever had at once. Maybe I can stay here for a while.”

Elisabeth smiles, and I smile back.

Then Jane’s eyes bulge, and she points at me. “You look like Aldus! Not just like Noah...like Aldus!”

My jaw drops open, and I look at Elisabeth, hoping she’ll look just as confused as me. Instead, I see her face turn white, covered in shame.

The ring. She stole that fucking ring. The one thing Aldus never managed to take from me. The one thing he never ripped away from me.

“Aldus sent you,” I say, my voice cold. I don’t want to explode with anger in front of my son.

Jane’s face is red, and tears are streaming down her face. “How could you not tell me?” She asks, staring daggers at Elisabeth.

“Jack,” Elisabeth says, her lower lip quivering. “Jane...I...let me tell you what happened, I was about to--”

I heft up my axe. “I can’t do this now. You owe me an explanation, but I can’t even look at you.”

I turn my back to her. I hear Jane shout, “You had three years. You were never going to tell me, were you?”

I walk away. Noah is going to be confused, but if I stay a moment longer, I risk him seeing me blow up on his mom. I’d never so much as touch her, but it would take a miracle for me to keep my voice down.

Fucking Aldus. I grip the handle of the axe so tight that my knuckles turn white. He’s taken everything from me, and now he has to ruin this, too?

* * *

I decide to avoid Elisabeth until I’ve cooled off. She was going to tell me herself, probably soon after Jane blurted it out. I had promised myself I’d do everything I could to forgive her, but I never expected to hear my half-brother’s name come out of her mouth. Even if she had told me first, I doubt I could have handled it too well.

It’s been a week since she dropped that bomb on me, and I got a job out in the woods by a lumber mill. I don’t need the money, but I need to keep my hands busy and my body strong.

I swing my axe into a tree, pretending it’s Aldus.

I could have killed him. I had the chance once. I should have killed him.

And then, while I was fighting for my country in Iraq, Aldus killed our dad.

“I should have fucking killed him,” I whisper.

And what now? Did Elisabeth already tell Aldus that Noah is mine? No, she must not have. That must be why she’s in Alaska in the first place. She’s hiding from him. If she’s hiding from him, she can’t be all bad, can she? I’ve given her the benefit of the doubt twice now, and it’s bitten me on the ass each time.

I hear a twig break, and I turn around to see a woman in a beanie, her hands stuffed into her pockets, approaching me.

I think it might be Elisabeth, but then I realize it’s Jane.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, pulling my axe out of the tree. “You can’t face her either?”

“I did face her,” Jane says. “And I forgive her.”

“You don’t know Aldus like I do, he--”

Jane kicks me in the shin. “Don’t fucking tell me I don’t know him.”

I narrow my eyes at her. “Did he...did he hurt Elisabeth?”

“He hurt me,” Jane says, tears streaming down her face. “Elisabeth...she did what she did, she did it to protect me.”

“You didn’t even know?” I ask.

“She never told me,” Jane says, looking down at her feet. “I was naive enough to think that Aldus really just let me go, and that when she said we had to move to Alaska...that she just wanted to get away from everything.”

“You didn’t even know about me?” I ask.

“Aldus never mentioned you,” she says. “He didn’t exactly have family pictures around the house.”

No. He wouldn’t. Not after destroying his family.

“Why didn’t she tell me about Noah?” I ask, clutching the handle of my axe. “I had a right to know.”

“She was afraid. She’s still afraid. And I am now, too. What if he finds out about Noah?”

“I’ll never let him find out,” I say. “I’ll disappear here, too. After I fucking kill him.”

Jane grabs my arm. “You can’t.”

“I can,” I say. “I should have already, this just confirms it.”

“This is why Elisabeth didn’t tell you,” she says, glaring at me. “Don’t be an idiot. Aldus has a full security team. I don’t care if you are ex-military, you won’t even get near him. Do you want to risk your son’s life over some ego trip?”

“It’s not about my ego,” I say, balling up my fists. “How can I go on knowing that my son isn’t safe? If I kill Aldus, I’ll--”

“You’ll go to jail,” Jane says, “and then Noah won’t have a father again, and he’ll truly have no one to protect him. Elisabeth and I will do what we can, but if you die and tip off Aldus, we’re on our own against him.”

“I need to go see Elisabeth,” I say. “I need to let her know I forgive her.”

“If you’re really thinking about going after Aldus,” Jane says, “then she should be the one considering forgiving you! She had to decide on her own if it was safe to tell you, and from the way you’re talking, I think she was right all along not to tell you.”

I clench my jaw, glaring at Jane. “I can handle him. I have to handle him. It’s my responsibility.”

She scoffs, shakes her head, and turns her back to me. Without turning back around, she shouts, “Don’t go see Elisabeth unless you decide to not be a fucking idiot.”

I slam my axe into the tree, harder than Guy Livingstone. Chunks of wood cut into the cold air as the axe sinks deep into the wood. I clutch the handle of my axe until my veins bulge out of my forearms, and I throw the axe down into the snow.

“Fuck,” I whisper. I don’t want my voice to carry far enough for Jane to hear me.

Can I really just hide? How can I be a father to Noah, and how can I consider picking things up with Elisabeth knowing that Aldus’s dark shadow is looming over all of us?

Jane has a point, though. What the fuck am I going to do? Drive down to Seattle and go after him with a gun in one hand, an axe in the other?

I haven’t even fired a gun since Iraq. I long ago traded in the gun for the axe, but to protect my family, I’d arm myself to the teeth if needed.

I focus on my breathing, and I decide to deal with one thing at a time. I can’t have a family with Elisabeth and Noah if I don’t go talk to Elisabeth first. I’m done with work at noon, so I can go see her during her lunch break.