Chapter 1

Year and a Half Later

“When will I ever get used to Virginia winters?” Quinn shivers besides me as we walk to the Communications Building.

“Probably about the time we graduate?”

“Have you decided yet about the holidays?”

“I’m going to fly directly into Aspen and stay the ten days, then I’m coming right back.”

“How’d your mom and dad take it?”

“All right. They didn’t push too hard because they knew I may bail all together.”

“Want me to come back early so you won’t be alone on New Years?”

“Nope, I’ve been invited to a few parties. I’ll be fine.”

“We’ll see. I haven’t spent New Years without you since we were like eleven years old. No need to break tradition now.”

I love my best friend. She can read me like a book and knows how much I’ll miss her over the holidays, but she also knows I would never ask her to give up her family time for me. God knows, I already disrupted her life enough. To this day, I’m not sure her mother forgives me for Quinn being in Virginia.

The day of my high school graduation became a blur after Holli and Bryce’s announcement. It wasn’t hard to stay away from either of them, especially when we walked into my favorite Mexican restaurant for my celebration dinner and Holli became ill. Bryce had to take her home, and I never saw him again that night.

The next day, I set about changing my entire future. There were several schools I’d been accepted to prior to deciding on UT. One of my top choices was University of Virginia in Charlottesville. I called them and spoke to the Dean of Admissions and did everything short of begging to get my slot back. Somehow, I even got Quinn’s back, too, explaining she was my roommate. The only caveat was we had to attend summer school, which started three weeks later.

I wasn’t sure of Quinn’s reaction to the drastic change in plans, but she was surprisingly excited. When I sat down and told my parents that night, my dad hit the roof, but my mom was more accepting. She followed me to my room and sat on my bed as we made of list of things we needed to do. When we were finished, she pulled me down next to her and wrapped her arms around my shoulders.

“I know why you are doing this, Devon, and I completely understand.”

Tears stung my eyes and a sob escaped.

“Are you upset with me?”

“Not at all.”

“Aren’t you going to tell me how unreasonable I’m being? How I need to grow up?”

“Not at all.”

“Nothing? Not even that this is a rash decision I may regret?”

“Nope.”

“Why?”

“Because when your heart breaks, my heart breaks. And I saw your heart break yesterday at two-thirty p.m. Watching the light die out of your eyes was one of the hardest things I’ve had to witness in your life. I’ve known for years how you feel about Bryce Randolph, and even though your level of devotion worried me, I understood it. Part of me wishes you would have gotten over it through the last year, but you continued to live your life and become this beautiful young woman.”

“You don’t think I’m acting like a silly, eighteen-year old, lovesick fool?”

“Well, yes, but that’s okay. You fell in love with an amazing young man. Bryce is one of the finest people I know. He’s noble and respectable. His decisions are selfless. He’s determined to serve his country with honor, and, until yesterday, I’d never thought poorly of him. But when he walked into my house with that girl and killed the hope and longing you had, on one of the most important days of your life, I lost respect for him.”

I couldn’t control the sobs that racked my body.

“Mom, it hurts so much. Such a stupid thing to say, but I’ve had a crush on him forever. He made me feel safe and special, and one night, many years ago, I spilled my guts and told him I was crazy about him. Instead of embarrassing me, he told me he hoped I felt that way when I was eighteen. And I still do! Every other guy I have ever gone out with can’t compare to him.”

“Young love is devastating, Devon, and you never gave anyone else a chance. The reason I didn’t talk to you sooner is because I fell in love with your dad the first day of sophomore English. You’ve heard the stories of us being high school sweethearts, but it wasn’t always easy. Even with my own self-doubts throughout the years, I never stopped loving your dad. I saw the same love on your face the last few years when you looked at Bryce.”

“You don’t think I’m too young?”

“No, but now things have changed. I’m going to support and help you move on. Bryce was sad yesterday. It was obvious, but he’s going to do the right thing with that girl. It’s the kind of man he is. Will he be happy? I don’t know, but it’s my job to make sure you’re okay. Whatever it takes and however long.”

“I love you, Mom.”

“Love you, too. Now, let’s get some rest before we tackle getting you ready to leave for college. I thought I had seven weeks to get used to my baby leaving. It may be you consoling me soon.”

The next day, we started a whirlwind of packing and shopping. My brother had a conniption when he learned what I had done, but when he saw the hurt on my face, he realized something was wrong.

Bryce tried several times to contact me, but I was able to avoid him. He took Holli back to UT campus and started his own summer semester.

Since my departure was so rushed, we did a small dinner with Quinn’s family as our going away party. At the last minute, the Randolphs found out and insisted on coming. They were so wrapped up in the news they were going to be grandparents, they didn’t ever ask me about my change in plans.

Three weeks to the day after graduation, I drove away from Nashville with a new outlook on life. My heart was broken, but for the first time, I was focused only on me. There was no longer the possibility of a Devon and Bryce, and I vowed to never be a lovesick fool again. Young love or not, it hurt like hell.

“Hello! Earth to Devon?” Quinn waves her hand in front of my face, bringing me out of my trance. “Where’d you go?”

“I was just thinking about us moving here.”

“Best decision we ever made.”

“I think so, too.”

“Our paper is due next week for World Journalism. Do you want to head to D.C. this weekend and see if we can catch a protest or something?”

“Yes, actually, that sounds great. I’ll bring the camera.”

“I hate it that you’re a double threat. Besides journalism, your photography skills will get you into the Master’s of Fine Arts Program with no problems.”

“We’ll get in together, just like we do everything else.”

When we get to the building, we head to our separate lectures. The small group I always sit with saved me a seat, and I smile as I greet everyone. It’s a running joke among my peers that Quinn and I are the babies. Since we both graduated with AP credits and came straight to summer school, we’ve always been the youngest in our classes. Technically, we’re both juniors.

My pocket vibrates with an incoming message, and I almost drop it when I see who it’s from.

Bryce’s name appears with a single sentence: We need to talk.

Staring at the screen, it seems like a good idea to ignore him. But in the back of my head, I think about my ‘Getting over Bryce Randolph’ program and the steps involved. I created this personal program the first summer at UVA. It was three weeks after moving here, and Quinn finally convinced me to get my head out of my ass. We started meeting new people. Then I gradually started dating. We both made the cheerleading team, which helped keep our social lives busy.

I still thought about Bryce all the time, but it was becoming less and less painful. Unfortunately, no other guy caught my attention either. But that was okay. I’d enjoyed the new friends and my college experiences so far.

Seven weeks after I left home, my mom called and broke the news that Holli had lost the baby at thirteen weeks. All of the Randolph family, including Bryce, was devastated. I sent a sympathy card to everyone, and even included a separate note to Holli. I learned she was staying at Bryce’s parents’ house for a week to recover.

Bryce sent me a very nice text thanking me for my kindness, and I didn’t hear from him for months. It was easy to avoid going home the entire semester since it was football season. My parents and Nate flew in for a few of the games, and we spent the weekends in Virginia. When I learned he and Holli planned on spending the entire holiday season in Nashville, I begged my mom to plan a family trip away. It had been seven months since I’d seen him, but I still wasn’t ready.

My parents thought it was a great idea, and so we started the tradition of going to a ski town to celebrate together. With creative planning and the help of my mom and Quinn, I have successfully been able to avoid any situations that would require being around the Randolph family and Holli. In the last year and a half, I’ve been home a total of fifteen days and stayed incognito. Sheila and Dave, Bryce’s parents, noticed my absence, but my parents are brilliant at covering for me. Yes, even my dad knows the truth about my devastating crush on Bryce.

Nate never mentions Holli, which I’m thankful for. I prefer not to hear about her at all. Bryce has contacted me a few times via text, email, and even a few voice messages. Instead of calling back, I always reply with the same answer.

‘Hey, Bryce! Nice to hear from you. Hope you are well. Things are great with me. Super busy. Maybe we can catch up soon. Thanks for checking in!’

This always seemed safe since it acknowledged his message, confirmed I was okay, and mentioned I was busy.

So, today’s message, ‘We need to talk,’ catches me off guard. What do we need to talk about? Curiosity gets the best of me, and I type a reply.

Me: Why? Is everything okay?

Bryce: We need to talk.

Me: IS NATE OKAY????????

Fear washes over me for a brief second, but my parents would have called if there was a problem.

Bryce: Nate is fine. You’ve been dodging my ass forever. Now I hear you aren’t coming home for Christmas—again. So, as I said, we need to talk.

My mind goes into defense mode, and I need to shut this down. He doesn’t get to decide when we talk. What is there to say? We were friends, and I’ve been a shitty friend, but he has a fiancée. What the hell does he need with me? He broke my heart. I don’t owe him an explanation, and vice versa.

Me: I haven’t been dodging you at all. It’s nice to hear from you. I hope you are doing well. I’m still super busy. As a matter of fact, I’m sitting in class now. Yep, going out of town for family trip over the holidays. Maybe we can catch up soon. Thanks for checking in!

Bryce: GODDAMMIT, Devon! Cut the bullshit. Either you call me or else. I mean it. I’ve put up with this for too long. You have to let me explain.

Silence

Bryce: Devon! I know you’re there. I can see when the message is delivered. Answer me.

Silence

Bryce: I’ll give you two days.

Luckily, my professor comes in and starts the class. I turn off my phone after sending Quinn an SOS message.

Me: Tequila and limes for dinner.

Ugh, I feel like shit. I skipped my class this morning, and now Quinn’s driving us to D.C. to chase a series of protests we found online. She watched as I drank myself into oblivion last night, dissecting every text from Bryce. At one point, she called Nate, and he tried to talk me into at least listening to Bryce, but I shut him down. He acted really weird about the whole thing. I figured it was because they were still best friends. Little sisters and best friends never mix. I’d learned my lesson.

“Let’s make sure we get the protesters outside the White House. I have an idea,” I tell Quinn as she parks.

“You got it,” she agrees.

We go in different directions, making plans to meet in three hours. I trudge along the back of the park, still cursing my hangover and the man who I couldn’t get off of my mind.

Once I pass the first alley, I stop and turn back. There’s a very petite lady and two small children sitting in a huddle. She holds the small children as they cry. They look at me uncomfortably as I approach.

I explain I’m a college student taking pictures for a project, and they instantly relax. Over the next hour, I listen to her story of fear and uncertainty, and I know—I have the story for my World Journalism paper. I only leave them to go to the protest and take pictures for Quinn’s piece.

On our way home, we talk non-stop about our different experiences. She found her angle, and I found mine. And for a brief moment, I think about how proud Nate and Bryce would be. But I let it go… This is my life now.