Chapter 8

My palms are slick with sweat when I knock on the door. Shana’s voice rings out for me to come in, and I inhale deeply, trying to calm my nerves. She’s on the phone, standing by the window, and gives me a sign to hold on. I try to hide my smirk, taking in the mess in her room. Besides the bed being unmade and covered in clothes, the desk in the corner looks like an explosion of electronics, wires, and loose papers. Her tablet is set up on top of a portable printer that is currently spouting out paper.

She catches my look and rolls her eyes, causing me to giggle. Finally, the knot in my stomach starts to unravel.

Shana emailed me an hour ago, asking if I could meet with her privately before the party. Tonight is our last night in Rio, and after we land in Miami tomorrow, everyone will be going back to their lives for the rest of the summer. Quinn was out with her group, and Bryce and Nate both were unavailable to help me through my freak out, so I called my mom.

She spent thirty minutes being her normal sense of reason and convincing me this was another chance for me to shine with Shana. I left my room with confidence. Now, that confidence has vanished.

Shana barks orders into her phone and yanks the printed pages out, reciting some statistics. Finally, she sighs loudly and tells the person she’ll call them back. Her phone lands on the bed, and she gives me a wiry look.

“Let me guess, you’re a neat freak?”

I bite my lip, trying to think of what to say.

“Don’t hold back. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“Um, you don’t have to be a neat freak to be more organized.”

She looks at me and throws her head back laughing. “It may look like a disaster, but I’ve organized it in my own way. I can find anything in a second.”

I nod, not wanting to insult her.

“You don’t believe me. My boss didn’t at first either. She’s like you—OCD, neat, organized. Color codes her files, notebooks, and even production schedules. Her office looks like a rainbow threw up, but hey—whatever works.”

I wring my hands and shift in place. My eyes look around the room one more time then lock with Shana’s. She’s still smiling widely. I shrug and admit, “Nothing wrong with color coding. It helps with project organization, and it’s also been proven that color stimulates the brain.”

“Ha! I knew it. You’re exactly like her.” She points, wagging her finger jokingly.

Finally, I fully relax and laugh along with her. “Well, it can’t be all that bad. She is your boss after all.”

“Yes, that’s exactly right. And I adore her. She’s actually the reason I asked you to come meet with me.”

“Really?”

“Yes, have a seat.” She motions to the only empty chair in the room. I sit and watch in horror as she scoops up loose papers and shoves them to the side with no regard to organization.

“Tell me about him.” Her question takes me off guard.

“Who?”

“The boy… the guy… the man in your life. The person who you’ve been texting for six weeks. I’m perceptive, Devon, and good at my job. You’re easy to read, too. For weeks, you’ve been surrounded by some good-looking men, both athletes and peers. Not one has even turned your head. But the second that phone in your pocket dings, your face lights up in anticipation. I know a woman in love. So tell me, who is he?”

“He’s my fiancé. His name is Bryce Randolph. He’s in the Navy and the most thoughtful, wonder—” I stop my gushing and inwardly curse myself.

“It’s true. You do have it bad. From what I heard, he’s got it bad, too.”

“Wait? What?”

“I knew who he was but had to hear it from your mouth.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I like you, Devon. Not until I joined the network was I ever challenged with peers. No one had the ambition I do. That may sound cocky and arrogant, but it’s true. When my mind is set on something, nothing stops me. Like you mentioned in the locker room that day, I was twenty-one when I led my first rally. We were young and misled, but the feeling of making a difference set my course for life. Nothing and no one would get in my way.”

“That’s what makes you one of the most respected women in journalism. People aspire to walk in your shoes and carry the influence and responsibility.”

“Maybe, but that’s not why we’re here. This is completely overstepping my bounds, but, Devon, I see so much of myself in you.”

The words sink in slowly. Did I hear her correctly? “You do?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Wow, I don’t know what to say. That could be the best compliment I’ve ever received in my life.”

She tilts her head and looks deep into my eyes before speaking again. “I’ve given up a lot to be here. Not here in a hotel in Rio De Jeneiro, but here at the top of my profession. There are always going to be those more professional than me, more edgy, more intelligent, more risky. But I’ve done okay.

“Shit. This is harder than I thought.” She rubs her hands down her face.

“I’m lost.”

“This is my feeble and screwed up attempt to give you career advice.”

“What kind of advice?”

“You’re humble, and I like that. But you’re also passionate, and that’s what’s going to lead you in this industry. Let’s be honest. Your resume and accomplishments alone are going to boost you into the MFA program. If you can keep up the grades and continue to stay out of trouble, this is a given.”

“Aren’t these good things?”

“Yes, but they aren’t going to sleep beside you at night. They aren’t going to warm your heart with love and passion. The travel, the stories, the people and progress… they’ll scratch an itch, but it won’t be enough.”

Her words swirl around my mind, and I’m still confused. The last thing I want to look is totally incompetent, so instead, I stare, waiting for her to continue.

“Fuck!” She lowers her head and wrings her hands, refusing to return my stare.

“I’m trusting you here, Devon. Please don’t make me regret it.”

I swallow down the lump forming in my throat.

“Henry— I mean Professor Grant, called me when your fiancé called him. We all agreed from the beginning that Israel wasn’t right for this summer. But none of us shied away. When the parents started calling in, the ‘powers that be’ got busy. But it was Bryce Randolph’s call that stayed with Henry. Did you know that your fiancé had his commanding officer, or soon to be CO, call too?”

I drop my head, trying to hide the flush creeping up my cheeks.

“Don’t get embarrassed. That is true love.” She pauses.

“After the chips fell, so to speak, Henry called me again. I lied to you earlier. I didn’t agree to this if I could hand-pick my team. I begged for you.”

I inhale deeply, unbelieving.

“Yeah, I’d seen your stuff. Henry sends portfolios to all of his contacts. But he knew you’d catch my eye. You’re talented… very young… but still talented. He knows what he’s talking about.”

“Shana,” I say shakily. “I’m not sure where you’re going with this.”

She slides a folder to the end of the bed. When I open it, I gasp loudly. “Holy Shit! Is that? It can’t be…”

“That’s Henry and me. That particular picture was our first day in the Master’s Program at William & Mary.”

“He’s totally HOT!” I say before I can stop myself then slam my hand over my mouth.

She grins and nods in agreement. “Totally.”

“Y’all were a ‘thing’?” I air quote.

“Oh, so much more. We were ‘The Thing’,” she air quotes back.

“Wow! This completely raises his coolness factor. You guys look amazing together. What happened?”

Her face falls immediately, and I know…. know in my heart what happened.

“You chose the career?” I ask tenderly.

“Yes, and we were young and stupid. He was supportive, but I was stubborn. I eventually broke it off after a job offer took me to Oregon. He was always there for me, but I broke his heart. Then he moved on. I never did. It fucking killed me when he married and had a child.

“We were at a convention about two years ago. He was so proud of me, praised my success repeatedly. He harbored no hard feelings, but I was livid. I missed him so much.” Her eyes fill with big, bold tears, and I reach for her hand.

“I told him I was mad. MAD! The careers we both wanted broke us a part. He looked at me with sympathy when I told him I’d give it up to have him back.”

“Holy shit.”

She nods and goes on. “Well, he was stunned and also hurt. I’d left him, ventured into the world to make a new start. Then his wife walked up. She took one look at me and said, ‘He never let you go, either’. I was mortified and left the reception, never looking back. How could I be so selfish? He’s married!”

“Oh my God,” I whisper.

“Yeah, I’ve replayed that moment a thousand times in my mind. The way his eyes widened, looking over my shoulder. His back went straight, his shoulders squared, and he opened his mouth to interrupt. But there she was, hearing that his college lover basically wanted him back.”

“What happened next?”

“Henry called me six months later. He asked me to participate in ‘think tanks’ with other professionals in the industry. He never mentioned that night again. Our relationship is professional now. For the last year and half, I’ve consulted on a few things, but mostly dedicated my time to these summer programs.”

“You never talked about what happened?”

“Not really. Well, not really, until he called me about you.”

“He wanted you to talk to me about your failed relationship?”

“No, he wanted me to talk to you about being in love and having it all. Nowadays, you don’t have to choose. No matter what others may say, you’re in control of your future.”

“I know that.”

Her head shakes slowly. “No, Devon, you don’t understand. People are going to make you feel that certain choices are your only options if you want to succeed. That’s not true. Your love and loyalty are going be tested strongly. YOU make the decisions to guide your future.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying, if I could go back and retrace my steps, I’d have Henry along with me the whole way. He was and still is my other half. But I lost him. And I regret that loss every second of every day. Don’t let that happen to you. If Bryce truly is your equivalent to Henry, don’t ever lose him.”

“My heart hurts thinking of a life without Bryce. It sounds silly since we’re so young, but it’s true. My family hasn’t questioned it once because our bond is so strong. You mentioned all the good-looking men around us. I noticed, but they’re nothing compared to Bryce in my eyes.”

“Young love at its strongest,” she says softly. “The best kind”

“So, Professor Grant’s a closet romantic? Who would have thought?” I say after a few quiet seconds.

“Hell no! He has no idea I’m talking to you about us. He only wanted me to give you advice on what may lie ahead for you. It was me who decided to tell you about us.”

“I’ve always admired you, but my respect is bursting at the seams.”

“I’m going to give you my private number. You call me anytime.”

I nod.

“For the record, I asked for you and Quinn, but I was told no. None of my usual methods of persuasion worked. Henry insisted you be on separate teams.”

“Well, she’ll be thrilled to know that, but I think Bill Tames has been a great mentor.”

“He should be. He’s one of the best.”

I smile widely and reach across the small space, grabbing her hand again. “Thank you, Shana, for everything.”

“You’re welcome.”

I get up to leave and stop, remembering something from last semester. “Shana, did you know Professor Grant got a divorce last year?”

Her eyes glimmer as a sly smile crosses her face. “I may have heard something about that.”

“So nothing’s standing in your way of going after what you want now.”

“I will not confirm nor deny that I have business in Virginia for an indefinite amount of time. That business may or may not be focused around the University of Virginia.” She winks coyly.

“You really are my idol.”

“Remember that boss I told you about? She sat me down and had this similar conversation two months ago. As far as the network goes, my assignment is labeled ‘Classified’.”

We both burst into laughter together. I’m really going to miss her.