Chapter 19
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Gabe wiped the sweat off of his forehead as he stood in the one place that no matter what city, state, or country he was in had always felt like home. The octagon. Even the years that he wasn’t training or competing, he’d still felt like it was his touchstone. But now it felt the same as any other place.
It no longer felt like the space where anything was possible. It wasn’t the arena where he could make all of his dreams come true.
All of his dreams were packing up and leaving Hope Falls today.
He’d tried to keep himself busy by training, but today he found it impossible to shut his mind off. Today, his only thought was, his world was leaving.
It had been twenty-four hours since they’d broken the news to Jonah, and Gabe still felt like someone had just kicked him in the groin. He was sick to his stomach and all but doubled over from the pain.
Knowing that Jonah was hurting and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it was fucking killing him. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to break shit. He wanted to do something.
He’d thought that coming in for a session would burn off some of that helpless energy that was making him feel as if he was going crazy.
It hadn’t.
“Thanks, man. Good work.” He patted his trainer, Alder, on the shoulder.
“You out?” Alder asked.
“Yeah. My head’s not in it.”
Alder nodded in understanding.
A few outlets had reported on the story and some of the TVs in the gym had been airing it when he’d come in. Thankfully, his trainer had taken Gabe’s cues and not mentioned it.
“Same time tomorrow?”
“Yep.” Gabe climbed out of the cage and went straight to his bag. He checked his phone, again, to see if he’d any missed calls or texts from Adriana or Jonah.
He hadn’t.
When Adriana had called him last night and told him that they were going back home, he’d wanted to argue with her, but he knew that she was doing what was best for Jonah and that’s all that mattered. Jonah was scared and he needed some time.
Out of all the possible reactions they’d prepared for, neither of them had expected this. They’d known that he might be confused or possibly upset, sure. Perhaps even angry with Gabe since he hadn’t been there for so long. But this?
When he’d decided he was “all in” he didn’t realize that he wasn’t really the one who got to decide that.
Gabe tried not to have regrets. He learned from his mistakes and moved on. At least, that’s how it was when he was the only person affected by them.
Now, he couldn’t stop thinking that he should’ve said something yesterday. He should’ve spoken up and told Jonah that everything was going to be okay. He should’ve told him that finding out he was his dad was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He should’ve explained that even though this situation wasn’t exactly normal, they’d figure it out. Together. Because they were family and that’s what families did.
But Gabe hadn’t said any of that.
And now Jonah was gone.
Sure, Adriana had told him that this was a temporary solution so that Jonah would feel safe again. She’d assured him that at the very least, Gabe could come visit Jonah soon. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust her. He knew that she’d keep her word.
What bothered him was that they would be dealing with this without him. He was Jonah’s dad; he was supposed to help him deal with the big things.
The pain in his chest was so real, so severe, that if he found out his heart was literally being crushed, he’d think, yep, that sounds about right.
He wished he had spoken up and let Jonah know how he felt. That he could’ve said goodbye. Adriana had said she would text him if Jonah wanted to see him before they left. She made him promise that he wouldn’t just stop by.
At the time it had seemed like the right thing to do, but now…now he was torn.
They were supposed to leave two hours ago. Knowing how Adriana is with staying on schedules, he was sure that they were halfway home by now.
Home.
That’s what he thought he was going to have with them.
He bent down and grabbed his bag and decided to stop by the station since it was next door. Last night, he’d texted his family and given them a heads up about what was happening in case the story broke, but he hadn’t really told them all the details yet.
As he exited Lucky’s, he decided to make a quick detour before heading to see Jake. Latch Key for Success, the nonprofit Nikki ran with Mike, was located right across the street from the gym and firehouse.
He found her in her office.
He told her the whole story, from beginning to end. Thankfully, she refrained from making jokes.
She’d had the exact same response everyone that he’d told so far had had. “Holy shit.”
“I’ve been getting that a lot,” he responded.
“I bet,” Nikki laughed.
“Your mom was the only exception. The second after I texted her last night she called me and screamed, ‘I knew it!’” he said with half a smile.
“Well, to be fair, the kid could play the younger version of you in a movie,” Nikki mused.
“Yeah, you’d think people would be less surprised, then,” Gabe sighed.
Nikki looked at him thoughtfully. “Kids are assholes.”
He laughed for what felt like the first time in ages.
“I keep feeling like everything I’m doing is ruining this kid’s life.”
“Well then it sounds like you’re nailing this parenting thing,” she smirked.
His eyes met hers and he saw great empathy behind them. “Thank you,” he offered.
“I’m always here for you cuz.”
With that, he was off to have a similar conversation with another cousin. Within two minutes, he made it to the bay doors of the fire station and he pushed through them and headed toward Jake’s office.
“Maguire!”
Gabe turned in the direction of the voice. Marco was standing in the doorway that led to the day room.
“It’s a boy!” Marco held his hands up in the air. “Congrats, man, he’s a great kid!”
“Thanks.” Gabe smiled widely despite the fact that he wasn’t really in the mood for a celebration.
“Hey, man. If I’d known you were coming in, I would’ve had cigars.”
“Next time,” Gabe tried to mask the pain he was feeling.
The sinking feeling of despair that was in the pit of Gabe’s stomach wasn’t a new one. He’d experienced it before. This was his first fight with Nunez all over again, except a million times worse. Just like then, he was so close to getting everything he ever wanted and then the rug was pulled out from under him.
“Is Jake around?” Gabe asked as Marco made his way down the steps.
“I think he’s—” Marco pointed toward the back stockroom when the alarm sounded.
Just then, Gabe’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw the station alert telling him there was an “all hands” fire.
“That was quick!” Gabe looked up and saw Jake walking toward him. He stopped short and his brow creased. “You a’right?”
“Yeah.” This wasn’t the time to get into it.
“We have a multi-structure worker that’s next door to an elementary school. They’re evacuating the kids that are there for summer school. You rollin’?”
Gabe nodded and took off in a sprint to the locker room where his turnout gear was stored. He felt a renewed sense of purpose and drive. He might not be able to do anything to save his personal life, but at least he could do something about saving real lives.
*
“Are you sure you’re doing the right thing?” Naomi asked as she followed behind Adriana who was carrying their bags to the car.
No.
“Yes.” She was in no mood to debate with her mother, again, about her decision to go home.
“Okay then. If you say so,” her mother said, in a way that made it clear that it didn’t matter if Adriana said so.
Adriana took a deep cleansing breath in hopes to bolster some patience. She expected to inhale the fresh, cleansing scent of mountain pine, but instead she got a big whiff of distinctly acrid air. It shouldn’t surprise her, nothing about this morning was going as planned.
She’d overslept because Lexi was up all night with an upset stomach. As she rushed through breakfast, she’d accidentally burnt all the pancakes. Laney had cried all morning because her ear hurt, which meant her ear infection was back. Which would be exacerbated shortly when they drove through the mountains on their way home.
At least if Adriana burst out crying at some point she had a lot of non-Gabe things to blame it on. Because she had a feeling the second she left the city limits she was going to bawl like a baby. Instead of leaving her heart in San Francisco, like the popular song, she was leaving it in Hope Falls.
A piece of it anyway. The twins and Jonah held the majority of real estate there, but Gabe had certainly stolen a large portion of it.
“He’s a child.” Her mother interjected.
Adriana ignored her as she loaded their bags into the car.
Not getting the response that she wanted, her mother moved so that she was blocking Adriana from putting any more luggage in the truck. “He doesn’t know what he wants. You’re the mom. It’s your job to do what’s best for him.”
That statement was one that Adriana couldn’t ignore.
She sighed with resignation. This wasn’t something that Adriana wanted to get into with her mother, especially after how great she’d been, but she felt she had no choice. “Look, as much as I appreciate the fact that you want to be here for me now, I really don’t need you telling me how to be a good mom.”
Her mother didn’t back down. She doubled down as she took a step forward. “I know that I didn’t do everything I should’ve for you. But that doesn’t mean I’m not able to see when you’re going down the wrong path and it does not take away my right to give you my opinion about it.”
“Actually, Naomi,” Adriana used her mother’s first name pointedly. “That’s exactly what it means.”
“Can’t you put the past behind you and listen to me with an open heart. All of this negativity is poison. It will destroy you.” Her mother shook her head. “You’re not a victim, Adriana. You’re a warrior. Be a warrior.”
Adriana was ready for this fight. Yelling at someone would feel good right now. Just as she was about to respond, the screen door slammed. She looked up to the porch and saw Jonah running toward her.
“Rina!” Jonah’s arm was stretched out and her phone was in his hand.
“What, bud?” She did her best to change her energy as she spoke to him.
The last thing he needed was to think that she was mad at him.
“Gabe is going to a fire!” Hysteria tinged his voice. “A bad one!”
“What?”
She took her phone and read the message on it as Jonah explained as he gasped for air. “Your phone beeped so I picked it up to bring it to you. Then I saw my name so I looked at it. Gabe is going to fight a big fire.”
Jonah was right. Gabe texted wishing her a safe drive home and letting her know that he’d been called in to fight a massive multi-structure burn. He didn’t know how long he’d be unavailable but he’d call her as soon as he was back and to tell Jonah that he loved him.
Tears were pouring down Jonah’s face. “I should’ve said that he could come say goodbye. Then he wouldn’t be at the fire.”
Adriana had tried several times to speak to Jonah about saying goodbye to Gabe, but he’d been adamant that he didn’t want to see him.
“No, bud,” Adriana crouched down in front of him and held his face in her hands. “This is not your fault. That is what Gabe does. He’s a firefighter. Remember how excited you were when you first told me he saved a woman? That he’s a hero? Well, that’s what he is. That’s what he does. Even if he were here, he would’ve had to go when the call came in.”
“I know. But…”
“But what?” Adriana could see that her words had done nothing to pacify him. If anything, he was more agitated.
“But I said I didn’t want to see him. I said I wanted to go home. But, I was just scared. I was scared because he had cancer, too. Just like mom. And I was scared that he was going to die. Just like mom. But now if he dies he’s going to think I don’t want him to be my dad. And I do. I do want him to be my dad. And I don’t want to go back home. I want to stay here.” Jonah threw his arms around her and sobbed. He bawled and Adriana had a feeling a lot of what he was getting out was grief he hadn’t let himself feel over Em.
Adriana held him and rubbed his back. She told him that it was okay, and that they would work everything out.
“Can we go see him?” Jonah wiped his eyes and pulled out of her arms.
“He said he’d call us as soon as he’s done,” Adriana explained calmly.
“You can go to the station and wait for him,” Naomi offered, “I’ll keep the girls here.”
Jonah’s face lit up. “Can we, Rina? Can we go to the station?”
Adriana was about to tell him that there was no way to tell how long Gabe would be gone and they could be waiting for hours, but one look in Jonah’s eyes told her that wouldn’t matter to him.
She nodded. “Sure, bud.”
He threw his arms around her neck and when she looked up, she expected to see her mother smirking at her, but instead she saw that her eyes were filled with tears and her smile was one of pure joy.
The hug was brief. Jonah jumped out of her arms and into the car. After quickly running in to grab her purse and say goodbye to the girls, she and Jonah made the short drive to the fire station.
They waited for over eight hours and spent half of them across the street hanging out in the coffee shop, Brewed Awakenings. Jonah took the opportunity to open up to her about everything. About feeling scared that she would die just like his mom. They talked about Gabe and how excited Jonah really was that he was his dad. They talked about Em and how much they both missed her. They cried, they laughed, and they talked.
It was the first time that she’d really felt like his mom. Not that she would ever take Emily’s place, she never could. But she had promised Em that she would step into that sacred place because she wanted her son to grow up with a mom. A real mom, not a substitution.
It wasn’t all tears, though. They were deep in a game of Heads Up when Adriana saw the fire engine turn the corner.
“Look.” Adriana pointed to the truck.
“See! Point!” Jonah held the phone to his forehead as he guessed what she was acting out, thinking they were still playing the game. “Show!”
“No,” Adriana laughed. “Look.”
“Discover? Explorer?” His confusion was clear as he continued guessing.
She pulled the phone out of his hand and turned his shoulders so he was facing the window at the exact moment that Gabe was stepping off the truck.
“He’s back.” Jonah spun back around to face her before springing out of the car.
Yes, he is.
Adriana sat in the car unable to move. She’d seen a few photos of Gabe in his gear, but just like the first time she’d seen him in person, pictures had done nothing to prepare her for the real thing.
Gabe in his gear was every fantasy she never knew she had, come to life. He was sex personified. He was panty-melting hawt.
She didn’t think she’d ever be more attracted to him than she was in that moment. Until, she watched as Jonah ran toward him and Gabe squatted down as Jonah launched into his arms.
Nope. She was wrong. Seeing the look on Gabe’s face when he saw his son, and watching him hug Jonah like his life depended on it was absolutely the sexiest thing she’d ever seen.
She got out of the car and started walking toward her boys and Gabe’s eyes opened and locked with hers. The look in his eyes stole her breath away and caused her knees to buckle slightly.
She’d been wrong again.
Gabe, in his gear after fighting a fire, hugging his son while looking at her with a possessive, alpha stare that made her feel like he’d slay dragons to protect them was the sexiest thing in the entire world.
Then, he stood with Jonah in his arms, and pulled her to him so they were in a three-way hug and she knew she’d spoken too soon yet again. Being held in his strong arms as he told them both he loved them was the sexiest thing in the world. She had a feeling it wouldn’t remain at the top for long.
“I love you,” she said the words for the first time as she rested her head against his broad shoulder.
Her head reared back and she lifted her eyes to meet his.
“Say it again,” he breathed.
She smiled. “I love you.”
His eyes closed and he let out a slow breath as his hand threaded through her hair and he pulled her head to rest against his shoulder once again.
She closed her eyes and finally let herself believe that for once, things were going to work out. Gabe was there, he wasn’t going anywhere, and neither was she.