Chapter 9
‡
“You’re quiet today,” Gabe commented after they came to the end of the trail that led back to the Mountain Ridge stables.
When Adriana didn’t answer, he turned and saw that she was looking straight ahead as she rode Priscilla. Her ponytail swished from side to side, and her skin was bathed in the afternoon sun.
Since the first time he’d seen Adriana, he’d been consistently struck by her beauty. When she’d walked into Sue Ann’s he’d been overwhelmed by her magnetism. Last night, when he’d seen her across the bar, it had knocked the wind out of him. She was so stunning that he’d barely been able to take a breath. But today, when he’d seen her with no make-up, hair pulled back, blue jeans, and a tank top, it had elicited his most devastating reaction so far.
His heart had ached at the sight of her.
She looked so fresh and vulnerable, but he knew better. Knowing that she’d gone through everything she had by herself had given Gabe an insight into how strong she must be. He didn’t know how she was still standing.
After a moment, she addressed his remark by making light of it. “I’m pretty sure I talked enough last night.”
It was the first time she’d mentioned anything from the evening before. He wasn’t sure what she remembered. Since they hadn’t been alone on their ride and their guide was Noah, Justin’s ten-year-old little brother, Gabe hadn’t felt it was appropriate to bring up last night.
“Listening to you talk was the best part of my day,” he said as they rode beside one another. It was the truth, but not one he’d intended to reveal.
He’d been doing so good at staying in the friend zone. It had killed him to be that close to her and not push her to tell him every last detail of her life, not to wax poetic about the delicate curve of her neck or the way her eyes were electric in the sun. He’d played it cool for over an hour, but he slipped with that last statement.
His eyes cut to his left where she rode beside him, and he saw that she was looking at him, her lips parted and her mouth slightly open. When their eyes met, a flush rose up on her cheeks, and she dipped her head shyly.
Feeling that he should quit while he was ahead he remained silent as they crossed the green grass.
Noah led them back to the stables where Amanda was waiting for them.
“Did you have a nice ride?” She asked excitedly.
“It was incredible. Thanks.” Gabe followed Noah’s lead and dismounted.
“Yes, it was amazing,” Adriana gushed as she did the same. “I’ve never felt so peaceful. It was exactly what I needed. Thank you so much.”
Gabe tried not to let it bother him that she’d just said more to Amanda than she had to him since he’d picked her up. He couldn’t help but think it wasn’t boding well for their budding friendship.
As they said goodbye to Amanda and the horses, Gabe’s mind was working overtime to come up with something he could invite her to do next.
He didn’t want their time together to end. Everything he’d said to her yesterday, although embarrassing, had been true; he could easily get drunk just by looking at her. However, that wasn’t the only reason. During their short time together he’d learned that she was so much more than that.
She was brave, smart, insightful, caring, and funny. The more he learned about her, the more he liked about her. If she left tomorrow and they didn’t stay in touch, he’d be devastated.
It wasn’t only for selfish reasons that he wanted to cement his relationship with her further before she went home. He knew, just knew, that him being in her life would be a good thing for her. He cared about her, as crazy as that sounded. He wanted to be there for her and her kids.
Gabe knew better than most that this world was harsh and cruel. He knew that there was no way he would’ve gotten through what he had without the support of his family. From what Adriana said, she didn’t have a large support system in place. That’s what he wanted to be for her. But how do you offer that to someone you’ve just met that you want to be a support to them in any way you can and sound sincere? Especially after he’d already tipped his hand and made his feelings about her very clear.
Hell, if he were her, he’d question his motives.
On their way back to where he’d parked, he tried to make small talk in a last-ditch effort to connect with her. “Do you think the twins and Jonah would like it here?”
“Yes, they’d love it! Especially Jonah.”
Whenever she talked about the kids, Gabe noticed she came to life, and this was no exception.
“In fact,” she continued. “I was looking into finding a place he could ride. I’ve read that horses can help with grief.”
“You should bring him back here. And the girls.” You should bring you back here.
“I know.” She nodded. “Seeing Noah made me feel so guilty for being here without him.”
He hated that she was so hard on herself.
“I remember hearing my mom say that when I was young.” Gabe didn’t talk about his parents often, and only ever with family. With Adriana though, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. “My bedtime was nine o’clock, but I never stayed in my bed. I always felt as if I was missing out on something. So most nights, I’d sneak out to my special spot on the landing of the stairs. I wasn’t visible from the couch if my parents looked back, but I could still see the television set.
“My parents would talk about their day while they watched either Letterman or Leno, which was always a fight. My mom was Team Dave, and my dad was Team Jay.” Adriana chuckled and he marveled again at just how stunning her smile was. Men really would wage wars over it. Or at least he would. He knew he was being ridiculous, but he didn’t care. “Most of the time they talked about boring things like bills or politics or things they needed to do to the house. But I remember every time my mom would go out, either with friends or with my dad, she would say she had fun, but she felt bad that ‘the boys’ weren’t there because she knew we would’ve enjoyed wherever it was she’d gone.
“And I remember my dad always told her the same thing. He’d say, ‘Magpie,’ my mom’s name was Margaret,” Gabe explained before continuing, “you do so much for the boys and me, you deserve some time for yourself. If you don’t take care of yourself, how can you expect to take care of us?”
He glanced over at Adriana and saw that she was tearing up.
Shit.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized.
“For what?” She paused and looked up at him, her nose scrunching in confusion.
“If I upset you.”
“It’s just….” Adriana smiled as she sniffed and wiped a tear as it fell down her cheek. “It’s just that your parents…sound amazing.”
“Yeah, they were.”
“Were?” She stopped once more on the dirt path that led back to the parking area.
Gabe turned to face her. “They passed away when I was twenty.”
“I’m so sorry.” She reached out and touched his arm.
He’d noticed that she’d gone out of her way to avoid physical contact with him today. When he’d tried to help her onto her horse, she’d hopped up like she was spring-loaded to avoid his assistance. He’d hoped it was just because she felt the same fireworks he did when they touched. Whatever her reason for keeping her distance earlier, her nurturing nature overrode it now.
Her fingers squeezed his arm, and her empathy was palpable as she spoke. “That must’ve been awful. To lose both of them. At once.”
“It was a few months apart. My dad had a freak accident. He slipped in the shower and hit his head. Then my mom passed about four months later from complications from her diabetes. To be honest, I think once my dad was gone, she just gave up.” Gabe shook his head as all the emotions he hadn’t faced from that time in his life came flooding back to him. “I know we could’ve done more to help her.”
The tears in Adriana’s eyes pooled even more, and he hated that he was upsetting her, but he wanted to share that with her. He wanted to share everything with her.
“No,” Adriana said firmly as tears slid down her face. “You can’t do that. I can’t tell you how much time I wasted being mad at myself for not insisting that Em go to the doctor sooner. She kept having migraines. I told her to get them checked out, but she said she was fine.
“I wish I could’ve done more, but beating myself up about it isn’t going to help Jonah and you beating yourself up isn’t going to help you.”
Despite what she said, he still felt the weight of guilt drag him down. As they turned to follow the path, Adriana stopped him. She lifted up on her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck.
At first, he was numb. He stood completely still with his arms at his sides. After a few seconds the shock wore off, and he was enveloped in the warmth of her care and affection. He wrapped his arms around her, trying to absorb every drop of it. She tightened her grip, and he closed his eyes as they held each other.
So many emotions were passing between them. Pain. Grief. Sadness. But also hope. Joy. Even…love.
That’s what he felt as they held each other. Love. Not the lust he’d expected to experience the first time he held her. I mean, he felt that too. Her feminine curves fit against him as perfectly as the puzzle pieces on her bracelet and his body was definitely taking notice of how perfectly her curves fit against him. What he felt more than that though, it was love. Pure, raw love.
Before he was ready for the hug to end, she stepped back and looked up at him. The look on her face revealed that what he felt wasn’t one-sided. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears, and her chest rose and fell in labored breaths. They stared at one another in silence. He was scared that if he spoke it would break the magical spell that had enveloped them.
“We should go,” Adriana clipped as she turned and walked at twice the speed that they had been.
When they got to his Jeep, he opened the door and took her hand to help her into the passenger seat.
She put her hand in his and stepped up onto the running board and shifted to face him as she whispered a soft, “Thanks.”
Instead of climbing inside, she hesitated. They were eye to eye. Nose to nose. Mouth to mouth. He could feel her breath and for a single, heart-stopping second, he closed his eyes in anticipation of the kiss that he knew was an inevitability.
As it turned out—it wasn’t.
He opened his eyes when he felt her hand pull out of his. He watched as she scrambled into the passenger seat. She was pulling on her seatbelt before he even closed the door.
*
Adriana bit the inside of her lip as she sat in the passenger seat of Gabe’s SUV and stared out the window on the way back to Sue Ann’s. She was reeling from the moment, or she should say moments they’d just shared. She was also kicking herself for once again, completely chickening out on coming clean. Anytime she was around Gabe she felt like she fell under a spell. Like she was hypnotized by his voice, his eyes, and his charm. The more she fought it, the deeper she went under.
She’d been quiet most of the morning, something that hadn’t escaped Gabe’s notice. Sure, some of that was due to her hungover state and their preteen chaperone, but that wasn’t the whole truth. The whole truth was, she’d gone mute because she was trying to reconcile the feelings she had for him.
She’d hoped that in the light of a new day, he wouldn’t be so appealing. That had not been the case. He was more attractive. More perfect. More charming than he’d even been the night before. And her heart was falling for it hook, line, and sinker.
She’d planned to tell him on the half-mile walk from the stables to the parking area. She’d created a perfect segue when she’d brought up Jonah, but then the conversation took a turn she hadn’t anticipated. In all of the articles she’d read about him there was little mention of his parents. The only thing she could recall was him naming his father as one of his biggest inspirations.
When she’d hugged him, it had been a spontaneous, emotional response to what he’d just shared. She’d wanted him to know that someone cared about him. Someone understood what he was feeling. But what started out as an innocent gesture quickly shifted into something entirely different. Once his arms wrapped around her, she’d felt struck with the overwhelming sense of connection she experienced. She could feel him. Not just his body, which holy hot sauce, was all kinds of muscle and hard planes. No, she could really feel him. His strength. His vulnerability. His sadness. His heart. The power of it had completely taken her off guard, so she broke away. It was too much for her to handle.
Then at the car, she’d almost rode the wave of whatever was happening between them right onto Smooch Shores. She’d been seconds away from kissing him…as if things weren’t complicated enough.
As she sat beside the man that she was about to tell might be a father, she realized she had no idea what his thoughts were on children. Did he want to have kids? He’d mentioned that his brother Glenn had a daughter, and that he loved being an uncle, but uncle and father are two very different things.
Adriana figured she’d start with asking about his family and ease into her theory about Jonah.
Her heart was thudding so loud in her chest she was sure that Gabe could hear it. She wasn’t exactly sure where the root of her nervousness stemmed from. She’d gotten to know Gabe and she seriously doubted he’d freak out or even get angry when she told him. But getting to know him was a double-edged sword. Now she was afraid he wouldn’t trust her after he found out about her deceit. Which, if he is Jonah’s father, could be an issue.
The same trepidation that she’d felt when she was ten and Em dared her to jump off the rocks at Dune Point into the freezing water below filled her now. Just like she had then, she held her breath and inched closer to the edge. “Is it hard being away from your niece?”
Gabe nodded, completely unaware of the turmoil raging inside of her. “It’s tough. Facetime makes it a little easier. And I think it would be worse if I didn’t have my cousin’s kids around.”
“You seem like you like kids a lot.” One more step.
“I do. I love kids. They crack me up. They always say what they think.”
And she jumped. “Have you ever thought about being a dad?”
“Yeah, I’ve thought about it,” Gabe said as he pulled into the parking lot behind Sue Ann’s.
We’re already here!?
How is that even possible?
She needed to work fast.
He parked the car and turned toward her. “I’d love to have kids of my own.”
That was the best news she’d heard in a long time.
“Really?” she asked.
“Yeah.” He smiled, and her heart sprouted wings and flew. “Growing up, I always thought I’d have four kids. Two girls and two boys.”
Guess what? You might be one-fourth of the way there! her mind shouted.
Out loud she repeated, “Really?”
Again, she just wanted to hear him say that he wanted kids. Somehow it made her feel better for dropping this bombshell in his lap.
“Yeah, but…” His smile dropped, and so did her stomach.
But? No buts. There can’t be a but.
He took a deep breath. “But, I can’t have kids.”
“You can’t have kids?” she repeated. “Because of your career? You’re too busy.”
He sat back against his seat and ran his fingers through his hair. When he dropped his arms, he stared out the front window. “I haven’t told anyone this. Not even my brother.”
After a few moments of silence, she said, “You don’t have to tell me. It’s fine.”
“I just…I just realized I’ve never said the words out loud before.” His shoulders tensed and his head fell back as he was obviously struggling to get the words out.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to.” She knew that was the right thing to say, so she did. Inside, she was hoping that he wouldn’t take the out.
“No.” He turned his head, and the look in his eyes pinned her in place. “I want to tell you.”
Yes.
“Okay.” She waited.
Finally, he sighed. “I can’t have kids because I’m sterile. I’m shooting blanks. It can be a side effect of chemo and radiation.
If she remembered correctly, he’d been diagnosed when he was twenty-one. Her mind was so focused on the timing of the weekend he and Em had spent together that she almost missed the significance of what he’d just said and the fact that he hadn’t told anyone before her.
It wasn’t until she glanced over and saw the pained look in his eye that she came back to the present. “I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah. I didn’t think about it much when they told me. I was more focused on staying alive. After I was through the worst of it though, I just kept thinking about it. It was always in the back of my mind. So I had them test me.”
She waited, not sure of what to say. It was clear that he was upset about the results that had come back, and that he’d always wanted to be a dad. She was suddenly afraid if she told him now, he’d think that she’d set him up or something when really she’d just been trying to fulfill the promise that she’d made and do right by Em and Jonah.
Or, maybe he’d be happy that he might have fathered a child after all. Maybe right now was exactly the right time to tell him.
If she had a coin she’d flip it.
Since she didn’t, she figured she might as well err on the side of doing exactly what she’d come here to do. “I know that must’ve been a very difficult thing to fac—”
“It’s nothing compared to what you’ve been through. I don’t even know how you did it,” he cut in.
“I didn’t really have a choice,” she half-joked because she really didn’t. “But my point is—”
“Yes, you did,” he interrupted again. “Everyone has a choice. And you chose to show up for your girls. To show up for Emily. To show up for Jonah.”
She felt her eyes starting to well. No one had ever said that to her before. Not in that way. Some of the moms at the park would say that they didn’t know how she did it all by herself, but the way they’d pointed it out was more of a judgment than acknowledgment. The nurses and doctors that she’d interacted with when she’d been taking care of Emily had mentioned that Emily was lucky to have her, but the emphasis was more focused on Em, as it should’ve been.
Gabe was the first person to see what Adriana had been through and recognize how hard it was. He had an uncanny way of getting right to the heart of things. He didn’t beat around the bush or play games. He was straightforward, and as much as she appreciated it, it did tend to hit a little too close to home sometimes.
He was staring at her, and it felt as if he had emotional X-ray vision. It was as if he saw her soul.
This wasn’t about her though. “Thank you. But what I was trying—”
“You honestly have no idea how amazing you are, do you?” His head tilted to the side, and he took in a breath that Adriana felt the emotion behind. With a tenderness that was so real it felt as if she could reach out and touch it.
That was it. She’d managed to hold it together, but his words broke her. The tears that she’d been able to keep from falling were now sliding down her cheeks, and her face was starting to contort into her ugly cry face.
“I’m sorry,” he rushed to apologize as he reached past her and popped open the glove compartment. He pulled out several napkins from various fast food joints and handed them to her.
She smiled as she used a Taco Bell napkin to wipe her cheeks. “Thanks.”
When it started shredding against her face, Gabe had a Chipotle napkin at the ready. He lifted it to her face and when he did, the back of his knuckles brushed her cheek. Her breath hitched at his touch.
She tilted her head, pressing her cheek against his touch. Closing her eyes she allowed herself, just for a moment to absorb his strength.
Then, in the next breath, his lips were on hers.
The moment their mouths touched all thoughts other than how good the kiss felt were pushed to the back of her mind. His lips brushed against hers in tantalizing persuasion, caressing her with slow pulsing passes. A shiver ran through her as she gripped his arm. When his tongue slid along her bottom lip, she opened her mouth and met his lick with hers.
A groan vibrated through him, and his fingertips gripped her tighter, holding her face firmly in place. She rested the weight of her head into his palm, loving the sensation of being held by him as he explored her mouth with masterful expertise.
Just as the hug hadn’t been what she’d expected, this kiss wasn’t either. There was a sweet tenderness that took her by surprise. It was slow and passionate and not like any other kiss she’d had. It caused an aching need to simmer low in her belly.
It all happened in slow motion and hyper speed. It took her several beats before she realized that this was completely inappropriate behavior.
What am I doing?
Panic broke through the dreamy haze that his kiss had lulled her into and she reached for the handle. She pulled it as she ejected herself from her seat like she was a pilot whose engines had failed. She ran up the stairs to the apartment and didn’t look back. She couldn’t face him.
This had officially gotten out of hand and she had to fix it. She had to make it right.