Chapter 15
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“Do you ever get scared?” Jonah asked as he slowly walked the perimeter of the octagon at Lucky’s Gym.
“Of course,” Gabe answered as his phone buzzed in his pocket.
He took it out and saw that it was a message from Adriana. She was checking up on them. Amanda had invited her to a book club meeting. She hadn’t wanted to go, but then Nikki and Amy had both called and talked her into it. His cousins could be very convincing. Especially Nikki. He knew that she needed the time for herself, just like his mom had. He could see that it wasn’t easy for her to take it.
Naomi was watching the girls, and Gabe had brought Jonah to the gym.
He typed back a quick response to let her know they were fine. He thought about sending her a text to tell her that he missed her, but he was trying to maintain the boundaries that she’d laid out. So he refrained.
“I never used to be scared, before my mom got sick.” His hand ran along the sides on the fencing as he did another lap, his eyes trained on the mat. “But now…I get scared…sometimes.”
He could see that the kid was in pain. It was killing him that he couldn’t tell him everything was going to be okay. Gabe wanted to tell him that no matter what, he would always be there for him.
Since he couldn’t do that, he figured the least he could do was let him know he wasn’t alone in feeling that way. “Everyone gets scared. If anyone tells you that they don’t, they’re full of shit,” Gabe cursed on purpose.
It had the desired effect. Jonah’s lips turned up at the corners.
The day before, when they’d been playing freeze tag with Adriana and the girls, Gabe had stubbed his toe and accidently dropped the f-bomb. The twins hadn’t noticed, but Jonah’s face had lit up like it was Christmas morning.
Adriana hadn’t been as amused. He’d gotten “the look” from her. It was the same look he’d received when he’d brought up going to family dinner in front of the kids. Apparently, that was a huge no-no. Never bring up any activities that are not expressly agreed upon beforehand.
He’d also gotten the look when he asked the kids if they wanted a second serving of ice cream after they finished off their first bowl in record time. As well as when he’d started a game of kickball in the cabin. Also, when he’d initiated a rousing rendition of this little piggy when he was reading the girls their bedtime stories.
All were big-time party fouls.
The first time he’d got the look, he’d been confused. Now he knew it meant to stop what he was doing immediately. He felt as if he’d gotten a crash course in parenting and they were finding a groove.
He assumed that was how it was with most parents. Parents. That’s what he wanted to be, with her, to the kids.
He didn’t care what the test results were; he was in this now. He wanted them to be a family. And he wanted to tell Adriana as much tonight.
“What do you do when you get scared?” The sound of Jonah’s voice pulled him back to the present.
“Well, I used to just hold it inside and keep it to myself. I didn’t want anyone to know because I didn’t want them to worry. I didn’t want them to feel sorry for me. I wanted to be strong for them.”
Jonah’s lips flattened into a thin line and he nodded. It was so clear that the little man had the weight of the world on his shoulders and Gabe wanted, more than anything he’d ever wanted in his life, to take it off of him.
“But then I realized,” Gabe continued, “that by keeping everything inside, I just made it worse. Because the more alone I felt, the bigger and scarier whatever I was afraid of became. So now, I try and talk to people. People I trust, people that care about me, and I tell them what I’m going through. And you know what, it helps.”
“It does?” Jonah questioned, not completely sold.
“Yep.” He nodded. “It does.”
Gabe had talked to Glenn every day since he’d first broken the news about Jonah. Gabe would often mention how nervous he was to get the test results and his brother would put things into perspective for him. “If you feel this strongly about the kid,” Glenn had said, “then who cares what a test says?”
Jonah looked down at his shoes again. “Sometimes I’m scared that Rina will get sick.”
Those words hit Gabe like a wrecking ball straight to his heart because he knew that he couldn’t promise that that wouldn’t happen. People got sick and they died. Freak accidents happened and they died. Gabe knew that better than anyone. He also knew that sometimes they got better. And he knew that once Jonah was officially his, he’d never have to worry about being alone. Gabe’s family, his brother, his cousins, his aunt, and his uncle would never let that happen.
As much as he wanted to tell Jonah that, he knew that he couldn’t have that conversation until he talked with Adriana. So instead he said, “Well, I can’t promise you that won’t happen, but I can promise you that no matter what happens you’ll be okay.”
Jonah wasn’t buying it. Gabe could see the uncertainty in his eyes and he didn’t blame him. Adriana was his whole world. What kid wouldn’t be terrified that something was going to happen to their world?
Gabe decided to try a different approach, which was another technique he’d learned from Adriana. He’d seen that she was always adjusting her parenting methods. If the girls needed to take a bath and they didn’t want to, instead of forcing them to or threatening them with timeout, she gave them the option of doing it in five or ten minutes.
When the girls were fighting over a toy, she’d ask them nicely to share and when that didn’t happen she’d start a freeze game where every five seconds everyone froze, it distracted them from the toy.
Each and every time things weren’t going the way she wanted them to, she calmly pivoted and handled the situation flawlessly. She’d mentioned to him that in dealing with the girls she always kept her objective in mind and kept working to that end.
Right now, all Gabe wanted was for Jonah to feel safe and know that no matter what happened, he’d be there for him. He couldn’t tell him that was because he might be his father, but he could tell him that was because he was his friend.
“How about this? You have my phone number, right?”
“Yeah.” Jonah nodded.
“If anything ever happens, if you need anything. If you just want to talk. If you’re scared, if you’re mad, if you’re sad, call me and we’ll figure it out. Together. Deal?”
Jonah’s lips curled up in huge, toothy smile. “Deal.”
Adriana was right; it was the result that mattered. Seeing Jonah happy, really happy, was all that mattered.
*
“Thanks so much for coming!” Amanda pulled Adriana into a warm hug. “I hope you had fun, I know we can be a lot to handle.”
When Amanda had invited her to the book club, Adriana didn’t really want to come. She’d never had a large group of friends. She’d always felt like an outsider looking in on gatherings such as this one. The thought of walking into a room filled with women she barely knew sounded like volunteering for a root canal. To her surprise, it had turned out to be such a fun night.
She’d been intimidated when she’d shown up and Karina-Freaking-Black had opened the door, but the world-famous singer had put her right at ease by immediately pouring her a glass of wine. Then Amy and Nikki showed up and all of her nerves were gone. The time had flown by and when she realized it was already half an hour past the girls’ bedtime, she’d been disappointed that she had to leave.
“I had a great time. Everyone was amazing. Thank you for inviting me.”
“Of course! I wish you lived closer so you could come every month.” Amanda said sincerely.
So did Adriana.
“Oh,” Amanda continued, “and please tell Jonah thank you again for helping out in the stables the last couple of days.” Amanda clutched her hands to her chest. “He is so good with the horses and Noah said that he worked so hard. He didn’t even bat an eye when he mucked the stalls.”
Adriana couldn’t help but be proud of her little man. “He loves it. He asked if we could get a horse.”
“Well, he always has a place here, with our horses. He’s Mountain Ridge family now. He really has a way with them.” Amanda spoke with earnest. “Noah called him the horse whisperer. Elvis does not like getting his mane brushed but he let Jonah brush him without so much as a whinny. He’s even bucked with me a few times. He loved Jonah though and you’d almost think Elvis enjoyed the brushing.”
“Wow.” Adriana was starting to think she might really need to look into the stables back home.
“We’ve really enjoyed having him around. He’s a very special boy.”
“Thank you. I think so too.” Adriana loved that people saw what she did in Jonah. “I better get going. Thanks again, for everything.”
As Adriana made the short walk back from Amanda’s house, which was on the Mountain Ridge property, to her cabin, she thought about what Amanda had said about her living closer.
With each day that passed, they were one day closer to finding out the results of the paternity test. If it turned out that Gabe was Jonah’s father, it wouldn’t be fair for either of them to live so far apart. They had a lot of time to make up for and they had already formed such a powerful bond. Actually, it wasn’t just Jonah and Gabe; the girls were Gabe’s number one fans. They even asked him to read their story the last two nights.
The thought of moving, of packing up the only home the girls had ever known was scary, but Adriana was starting to think that it was the only thing to do. She could work from anywhere. And Hope Falls was a community in every sense of the word. She’d always heard it takes a village to raise a child, but she’d never truly understood what that meant. Now she did.
Everyone was so friendly and hospitable. They’d accepted her with open arms. And Jonah had found a second home here at Mountain Ridge.
For the first time in a long time, Adriana didn’t feel like she was drowning. She didn’t feel like she was treading water and barely keeping her head afloat.
A small smile was on her lips as she opened the cabin door, expecting to see the girls and Jonah planted in front of the television. When she saw Gabe alone on the couch, looking sexier than any man had the right to look, she asked breathlessly, “Where are the kids? Naomi?”
“The twins went down about an hour ago. Naomi went to bed with them. Then Jonah crashed not long after that. We worked hard at the gym.” Gabe’s eyes lit up. “He’s a killer. He has real natural talent. It’s raw but it’s there.”
She could see how badly he hoped that Jonah was his and how difficult it was not knowing. She could also see that his shirt was hugging his arm as he rested it on the back of the couch, and that the vein in his neck that she’d kissed when they made love was protruding. Being around Gabe and not acting on the feelings he inspired had been its own special form of torture this week.
There had been so many moments that she’d wanted to touch him, to kiss him, to fold herself into his arms, close her eyes and absorb his strength. Still, she’d resisted. There was enough going on without complicating things even further. She’d made the rules, now she had to live with them. One night only. That was it. Done.
That was a lot easier to follow in theory than it was turning out to be in practice. Her voice was thin as she asked, “If the kids are down, what are you doing here?”
“We need to talk.”
Oh no.
In the history of the world had anything good ever come after those words? That was what James had said before he told her that he was leaving to go on tour and that being a dad wasn’t something he saw himself as. It was also what Emily had said before telling her that she had an inoperable brain tumor.
Was Gabe going to tell her that this was too much for him?
Was he going to tell her that his cancer had come back? That he was sick again?
Doing her best not to let the panic she was experiencing show, she crossed her arms as calmly as possible and asked, “What’s up?”
“Do you want to sit down?” he motioned beside him.
Oh God. This was playing out exactly how it had in both of those previous situations.
“Nope,” she shook her head.
Adriana knew she was being ridiculous as she remained standing, and that whether she stood or sat down would not influence what he had to say, but it was the one thing she could do to take a little bit of control back.
If her life was going to be turned upside down again, then this time it would happen while she was on her feet. Maybe it would make it easier to pick herself up and dust herself off. Because Gabe was wrong, she didn’t have a choice of whether or not to show up for her kids. She was all they had and a moment like this just hammered that fact home to her.
He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, while his hands hung loosely between them. His voice was quiet as he said, “I know the results are going to be here in a few days.”
Here we go. “Uh huh.” Adriana nodded as her jaw tensed.
“And I’ve been thinking…” he paused, looking nervous.
Normally, seeing someone upset triggered Adriana’s nurturing side. But not now. Now, all she thought was, good. He should be nervous.
If he was going to be a coward and back out of this before he even found out if he was responsible or not, he should be scared to tell her.
He cleared his throat and stood up. Looking her straight in the eyes, he said, “I don’t care what the results say.”
She let out a forced huff of a laugh as she shook her head. Even though she was hearing him say it, it was still hard for her to accept that he was bailing. He seemed so different. So invested. “I can’t believe you.”
“Just hear me out,” he reached for her.
“Why?” she whispered harshly. “I’ve heard it before. Sadly, you’re not the first man who thought he could do this only to realize in the fourth quarter that he didn’t want to play.”
It would’ve been better if she’d had an MMA analogy but she only knew football. Still, she made her point.
“What are you talking about?” his brows furrowed.
Or maybe she hadn’t.
“James did the same thing,” she reminded him, continuing to speak quietly. “He thought he wanted to be a father, but as it got close to game time, he forfeited.” Now that she’d gone down the football path, she couldn’t get off of it.
Gabe smiled, it was the wide smile that she loved but right now wanted to punch off of his face. “That’s not what I’m doing.”
“Oh, really?” Why every man thought they were different, when they were really all the same, was beyond her.
Growing up, Naomi had had so many boyfriends that made the same promises that they always broke. They found new, improved, and creative ways to do it, she’d give them that, but they all did it. They all left.
“I don’t care about the test results,” he lowered his voice even further and took a step toward her. She glanced up at the stairs that led to where the kids’ rooms were to make sure they didn’t have an audience. Because after Gabe said his piece, she had a few choice words for him. “Because it doesn’t matter what they say. I’m already all in.”
“What?” her eyes shot back to his.
The smile that she’d wanted to punch was still in place. “I want to be there for Jonah, for the girls, and for you. I want us to be a family.”
Adriana couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “You do?”
“Yes.” He nodded.
As much as she’d love to throw herself into his arms and say that she wanted that too, she knew that she couldn’t. It was great that he was saying that, but they needed to take things slow. This was going way too fast. If it were just the two of them, that would be one thing. But they had little lives to consider. If this went bad, it wasn’t just her heart that would be broken. She’d have three little people that would be crushed.
“I appreciate you saying that. I do. But, I think we should just take this one day at a time.”
“Okay,” he agreed easily.
A little too easily. “Okay?”
“Yeah, I know you’re worried that something will happen and I’ll leave. Right?”
He’d hit the nail on the head, but she didn’t want to admit it. “Why do you think that?”
He grinned. “Maybe because at least a dozen times a day you tell me you know this is a lot. You’d understand if I was overwhelmed. You’ve told me multiple times that being Jonah’s father doesn’t mean that I have to hang out with all of you all the time if it’s too much. You’ve made it very clear that you, and the girls, and Jonah are not a package deal. That it’s fine if I just want a relationship with him.”
“It is.” The last thing that Adriana wanted Gabe to feel was that he had to have a ready-made family.
His eyes grew serious and he lifted his hand so the back of his fingers brushed her cheek. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ve waited my whole life to have something as special as this, as you, as Jonah, as the girls. And if it takes me showing up one day at a time for you to trust that, that’s fine.”
“Oh, okay.” She bit the inside of her lip, not sure what she should say to that.
Her stomach was doing more flips than an Olympic gymnast as he continued to run his knuckles across her jaw. “I’ve missed you.”
“How about a glass of wine?” she asked. She’d only had one at the book club meeting, so she was still within her two-drink max. This was a lot for her to take in and she didn’t know what to say back to him. “I need wine.”