Carter is spending less and less time in San Diego. And whenever he is here, we fight. Every little thing turns into a major argument, and every major argument ends with Hunter.

“I can’t find my cufflinks,” he calls from the bedroom one night while I’m in the bathroom brushing my teeth.

“Onna dresher,” I mumble, my mouth full of toothpaste.

“They’re not there, for God’s sake. Can you stop moving my things around all the time?”

I keep brushing my teeth and say nothing. No point arguing when he’s in such a bad mood.

“Mackenzie! I’m talking to you!”

I rinse my mouth out before snapping, “I didn’t touch them.”

“But they’re not there!”

I go to the bedroom and look on top of the dresser. “They were here yesterday.”

“And where are they now?”

“I have no idea!”

“I’m sick of this!”

“I didn’t do anything with them!”

“Where are they, then?”

“I don’t know!” That’s how all our conversations go these days. We used to be kind to each other. But now? Once the ugly green monster of jealousy rears its head, you just don’t stand a chance against it, do you?

“Am I responsible for everything?” he screams. “It’s all up to me! Me!”

“What are you talking about?”

“I thought we were partners, but you just expect me to do everything without ever doing anything yourself. I can’t go on like this!”

“What? What have I ever expected from you?”

“Everything! I have to make the money, keep the business going. And what are you doing? Nothing! You’re just living the good life at my expense.”

I’m stunned. How could he say that? None of that is true! Sure, I’m not paying rent, but only because he didn’t want me to. I remember a similar fight starting out of the blue. Lauren…his ex-wife. I bet this has something to do with Lauren.

Besides rage, I can discern something else in his tirade. Pain. For the first time, I get the feeling that he hasn’t gotten over his breakup with Lauren, that he has never processed the fact that his wife cheated on him. “Carter, that’s not fair. I’m not using you. And I’m not cheating on you.”

“That’s what you say,” he grumbles.

“You are transferring the way you feel about Lauren to me, Carter. I never used you. Lauren did. She was the one who made you feel you weren’t worth anything. Not me.”

His hand cuts through the air. “You’re all the same.”

I step toward him, trying to be calm, which is getting increasingly difficult. “I’m not like that. And you know it.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Oh, really? Do I? So what about Hunter?

I should have known where this was going—as usual. It’s getting ridiculous.

“There’s nothing going on between Hunter and me.”

“I don’t believe you.”

I nod silently before taking a deep breath and reaching for his hands. “What are we doing here?” I say softly. “If you don’t trust me anymore, if you have completely stopped trusting me, then what’s the point of our relationship?”

For a moment, he interlaces his fingers with mine, but then he lets go. “I have no idea,” he says. “I really don’t.” Then he turns around and storms out of the room.

As usual, I’m crushed. How can I save our relationship? And more importantly: Do I want to?

I don’t even know anymore…

There was a time when I thought Carter was the love of my life. If I still felt like that, I would definitely fight. I would do anything to get him back. The fact that I’m pretty apathetic about this should tell me something, right? Maybe it’s time to let go. Maybe I have to acknowledge that the end is nigh.

But how do you let go of something that has been good for such a long time?

How do you finish something that used to be so important to you?

Because even if Carter is acting like a complete asshole at the moment, he used to be good to me. And good for me. I was able to be myself with him. I felt like I’d arrived in a good place, somewhere I belonged.

Maybe that’s what is making it so difficult for me to break out of this increasingly toxic relationship.

And what about Hunter?

“Mac?” Carey calls from downstairs.

“Yes?” I yell, stepping into the hallway.

“I’m leaving.”

I hurry downstairs and give him a hug.

“What was that for?” he asks, amused.

A little embarrassed, I tell him, “To get you through your first day.” Today is the first day of Carey’s EMT training, his first step to becoming a paramedic. He and Carter tend to fight about this, because Carter would like his son to do something more business-related. He’s angry that both of his sons have opted for what he calls “lowly work” and says they’re wasting their potential. He tends to think you’re only worth something if you make a lot of money.

Carey smiles his Carey smile. The one that makes so many women swoon—and that’s not an exaggeration! “I’ll survive,” he says.

“I hope so. Wouldn’t know what to do without you.” Oops, somehow a few tears came out with those words.

Carey’s quiet for a moment. “Did you guys have another fight?”

I’m angry with myself for forcing Carey into this position again. I shouldn’t be dragging him into this! He should be having a good time, relaxing, just being young!

“It’s all right.” I look away, chewing on my bottom lip and kneading my hands. Real convincing.

“Nothing’s all right, Mac. Nothing.” He gently puts two fingers under my chin. “I’ll always be here for you. Always. No matter what happens. I promise.”

I nod. “Come on, you’ve got somewhere to be.”

He kisses me on the cheek. “I love you, doll.”

“I know. I love you too.”

When he leaves, I go back upstairs and stand before the dresser. Where could the cufflinks be?

I know it’s stupid, but somehow, I feel we might have another chance if only I could find those stupid cufflinks.

Sliding open the drawers, I carefully check each one, then underneath the dresser, and, moving it away from the wall, behind it. But they’re not there.