Ellen spent the next three days in a state of mourning. Her mother and father could not get through to her, for she did not want either their company nor their conversation. She took all meals in her room and did not so much as change into her day dress. The silence and heartache were all the companions she required.

Lord Hartley had not yet come to call upon her, although a note had arrived the day after the ball informing her that the notice of their engagement would be in the paper that very afternoon. Ellen had cried great gasping tears over the whole situation, until there had been nothing left in her. She had taken to her bed for the rest of the day, and even her mother had been unable to rouse her spirits. Her once bright future was now broken into tiny pieces, with her heart and soul shattered within her. There was nothing but despondency and desolation for her.

How foolish she had been to ever feel something for Lord Hartley. She had acted in a manner that was entirely worthy of reproach, and she could not, even now, bring herself to tell her mother that it had been she who had acted inappropriately. Whilst Lord Hartley had kissed her soundly, it had been her actions that had prompted him to do it. She had brushed her lips against his for a moment, looking up at him with such a hope in her heart that her very soul had seemed to come alive with expectation and longing.

A hope she had driven away the moment Lord Morton opened his mouth and she had seen the shame in Lord Hartley’s eyes. There was no true reformation of his character. There was no determination to cast aside his rakish ways. There had been nothing but lies and deceit, and she had fallen directly into his trap.

“Ellen?”

Without waiting for Ellen to reply, her mother stepped inside, and looking at her daughter for a moment, she put her hands on her hips.

“Now,” she said firmly, coming to stand by Ellen. “This is quite enough wallowing from you.”

Hearing the sternness in her mother’s tone, Ellen looked up at her in surprise. Apparently, her mother’s sympathy and compassion for her plight had suddenly dried up.

“We are expecting Lord Hartley to call this afternoon,” her mother continued, when Ellen said nothing. “So, you will need to wash and dress. I have called for a bath to be drawn, and you will ensure that you are pressed and dressed for his visit.”

Just as she finished speaking, the door opened behind her and a few maids began to trail in one after the other. They opened the door to Ellen’s dressing room, and Ellen heard the sound of the fire being built in the grate.

“The footmen will bring in the tub shortly, and your bath will be filled,” the countess continued, with a small smile. “Now, Ellen, I know that you are still feeling very upset about all that has occurred, and whilst I understand your grief, I must tell you that I expect you to continue on regardless. There is to be no more of this shutting yourself away and mourning the loss of your freedom. What is done is done, and it is best for us all if you simply accept that.”

Ellen was lost for words, her throat suddenly aching, as she tried her best to stop herself from bursting into fresh tears. Her mother, whilst practical, was causing her yet more pain, and Ellen was not quite sure she would be able to do what her mother expected.

Her mother put one gentle hand on her shoulder. “I am still not quite sure about what went on in those gardens, Ellen, but I need not know all the details. Whatever happened, you are now to wed Lord Hartley. You know that. The scandal would be too great. I can tell that you are finding the whole idea very difficult, and I am sorry for that, but there is nothing to be done. Lord Hartley will be a good husband to you, Ellen—”

“How can you say that, Mama?” Ellen exclaimed, her hands clenching into fists. “How can you say that after what he has done? He has pretended to be a gentleman in order to lure me to the garden, and now I am to marry him!”

Her mother let out a long sigh, her expression calm. “He will be a good husband, Ellen, have no doubt about that. Lord Hartley did not have to marry you, for he could have easily shouldered the scandal without too much difficulty, but he is considerate enough to refuse to allow your name to be tainted. He did not hesitate, but rushed to speak to your father so that the engagement could be announced the very day after the ball. Does that speak to you of a man who is entirely selfish and coldhearted?” As Ellen’s gaze drifted away, her mind thinking about what her mother had said, she heard her mother sigh again. “Your father and I will be watching Lord Hartley’s behavior with a very careful eye, have no doubt,” she finished, stepping away from Ellen. “The man will treat you well, Ellen, I promise.”

“Oh, Mama,” Ellen whispered, shaking her head. “I do not want to marry him.”

“But you must,” her mother said firmly. “Now, wipe your eyes and go and bathe. I will expect you down in the drawing room by two o’clock.”

That gave her two hours with which to prepare, and it was clear to Ellen that she did not have a choice in the matter. She would have to prepare herself to meet Lord Hartley again this afternoon, although she had very little idea of what to say. As discontented and as sorrowful as she was, Ellen got to her feet and went to do as her mother bid her, finally accepting that her future was now entirely set and that no amount of tears would change it.

She would be Lady Hartley by the Season’s end.

“Very nice,” her mother murmured, as Ellen came into the drawing room. “you have chosen that color well.”

“The maid chose it,” Ellen replied, with a slight shrug. “When do we expect Lord Hartley?”

Her mother opened her mouth to reply, only for there to come a scratch at the door.

“This very moment, it would seem,” her mother replied, getting to her feet. “Now, Ellen, do not be difficult, I pray you. It will make it easier for everyone.”

Ellen did hear her mother’s words, her heart slamming wildly about her chest as the door opened. She did not know where to look, finding it impossible to look at Lord Hartley directly. Hearing him come in, she gave a small curtsy but kept her gaze low, looking steadily at the ground.

“Thank you for allowing me to call on you, Lady Ellen,” she heard him say, after greeting her mother. “It is good to see you again.”

Making a meal of sitting down and smoothing her skirts, Ellen managed not to reply, her palms growing sweaty, as she tried to calm her fractious mind.

“Ellen has been looking forward to talking with you about the wedding,” her mother replied, making Ellen look up sharply. “Do excuse me for a moment. I forgot that I had something important to share with my husband.”

To Ellen’s horror, her mother got up from her chair and quickly left the room, leaving the door ajar. It was now just Lord Hartley and herself sitting in the drawing room, and Ellen could sense the tension rising almost immediately.

“Might I call you ‘Ellen’?”

“No,” Ellen replied sharply. “You may not. I am still to be Lady Ellen to you.”

“But we are engaged,” Lord Hartley stated, in a calm voice. “Might we not be allowed some intimacies? You may refer to me as ‘Hartley’, or even ‘George’ if you wish.”

There was something of a warmth to his tone, a warmth that brought Ellen nothing but frustration.

“We may be engaged, Lord Hartley, but I assure you that it is not a state I am particularly happy about,” she replied, finally managing to look into his eyes. “Until I am more comfortable with the situation, I would appreciate it if you would continue to use my correct title.” Holding her gaze steadily, she saw the way he swallowed, the uncomfortable way he shifted in his seat.

“Very good, my lady,” he mumbled, dropping his head for a moment. “I do apologize.”

“For that, or for the entire situation we now find ourselves in?” Ellen asked, her anger steadily mounting. “Believe me, Lord Hartley, I am not in any way inclined to accept your apology and offer you my forgiveness.”

He nodded, lifting his eyes back to hers. “I quite understand,” he replied, in much calmer a tone than she had expected. “In fact, I am here to speak to you the whole truth about what has occurred.”

Ellen shook her head and turned away from him. “I do not think that I need to hear it,” she stated coldly. “I am aware that you have lied to me.”

“That is true, I will not deny it,” Lord Hartley replied, without any kind of arrogance or excuse. “I will state here and now that the reason for me to try and change my character was so that I could lure you into a moment of affection with me. Lord Morton made a bet, and I could not refuse him.”

Going cold all over, Ellen turned her gaze back toward him. “You do not need to humiliate me all over again, Lord Hartley.”

Shame crept into his features. “That is not my aim, Lady Ellen. In fact, it is to my shame that I confess my own weakness toward you. When we went out into the gardens, I wanted to tell you the truth.”

“The truth?” Ellen spat, her face burning. “What truth would that be? That you wanted to use me for your own ends?”

There was a short, brittle silence. Lord Hartley dropped his head and sat forward so that he was staring at the floor. Ellen, to her surprise, felt something like regret brush against her soul. He had been trying to talk to her, and she had interrupted him with nothing more than a burst of anger.

“Forgive me,” she muttered, sitting back in her chair. “You were trying to speak.”

Lord Hartley drew in a long breath and shook his head. “You need not apologize, Lady Ellen. You have every right to be furious with me, and I know that what I will say next will probably not be accepted by you.”

Ellen lifted her chin. “Say what you must, Lord Hartley. This time, I will listen to you at the very least.”

“You are very good,” he replied, lifting his head up slowly and sighing heavily. “I will tell you the truth of the matter. When I saw you at the ball, I knew in my heart that I had to be honest with you about what I was doing. That was, whether you can believe it or not, my only intention. I was tired of the life I was living, realizing that I was slowly becoming the man I was pretending to be – and finding that the bet between myself and Lord Morton was entirely repugnant.”

Not knowing what there was to say, other than the fact she did not believe him in the least, Ellen spread out her hands. “Might I ask what this bet was, exactly?”

He colored, looking at her shamefaced. “It was simply that I would place a kiss on your lips, Lady Ellen.”

“And you have won, it seems.”

A deep sigh came from him, as though he truly regretted what he had done, but Ellen could not bring herself to believe him. She had already been fooled by him once and knew full well what a good actor he could be.

“The reason I did not want to go out to the gardens, Lady Ellen, was because I was afraid of what might occur should we do so. If you recall, I did try not to take you there.”

With a flush of embarrassment, Ellen realized that he was telling the truth. He had appeared reluctant, and yet she had pressed him to go.

“And you cannot blame me for reacting to your attentions,” he continued quietly. “Here is the crux of the matter. The reason I wanted to tell you the truth about who I was and what I was doing came from the desire within me to declare my affection.”

Blinking furiously, Ellen tried desperately not to allow her tears to fall.

“I know you cannot believe me, and I do not blame you for that,” he continued, looking at her with such a deep, intense sadness that Ellen felt her heart soften just a little. “But it would do me no good to keep the truth from you, especially when I have lied to you for so long. I am to enter into the holy state of matrimony, and so, therefore, I shall start as I mean to go on. I shall be truthful and honest with you from this day forward. I only hope that one day you will be able to forgive me for the terrible ordeal I have put you through by my own selfish actions.”

There was a long pause as Ellen studied him carefully, thinking about what had been said.

“That was a very pretty speech,” she said eventually, seeing the slight frown on his face. “However, I know you well enough to know that it means absolutely nothing. Your promises to tell me the truth mean nothing, Lord Hartley. I will marry you because I have no other choice, but do not think that I do it willingly. My heart has been broken by you twice over. Once because I allowed myself to feel something for you – something you then tore down right in front of my very eyes – and then again when you forced me into an engagement I cannot end.”

The surprise in his expression stopped her short.

“You had an affection for me?” he asked, so quietly that she could barely hear him.

“I did,” Ellen replied, thinking it best to be honest. “An affection that shriveled and died last evening, when you proved yourself to be nothing more than a cad.”

He nodded and swallowed, hard. “Then I am a fool twice over,” he replied softly. “How different this all could have been.” The look in his eyes spoke of pain, of a tearing of his soul, and Ellen, despite her anger and upset, was forced to look away from the intensity of it.

“I will call upon you again tomorrow,” he said, getting to his feet. “Do tell your mother I am sorry I had to leave. It was not my intention to leave so early, but I think it best I allow you some solitude. I will repeat myself, however, in saying that I will be honest with you from this day forward. There is nothing I will hide from you.” He gave her a half smile, even though the sadness in his expression could not be hidden. “Who knows? Mayhap one day you will come to trust me again.”

Ellen tried to reply, but her throat had closed up, her mouth dry as if filled with sand. Lord Hartley bowed in front of her but did not look at her again. As he left the room, Ellen was filled with a notion to call after him, to beg him to come back and talk to her again – but instead, she remained silent and simply waited for him to leave.

She was alone again.

“Where did Lord Hartley go?”

Her mother came back into the room only a few minutes after Lord Hartley had departed, looking rather upset with her daughter.

“Do not tell me that you chased him away, Ellen. That simply will not do.”

“I did not chase him away, Mama,” Ellen replied heavily. “He chose to leave.”

Sitting down, the countess fussed with her gown for a moment while the maid set the tea trays down in front of them both.

“Indeed, Ellen, I am quite disappointed in you about all this,” her mother said, as soon as the maid had left. “I would have thought you a great deal more sensible.”

A spurt of anger shot through Ellen. “Sensible, Mama?” she repeated, her voice a trifle louder than she had intended. “Sensible about what can only be a hugely disappointing future for me? Married to a man I thought I once cared for, who then used that affection to his own advantage?”

A slight frown appeared on the countess’s features. “You cared for him, Ellen?”

Sighing heavily, Ellen closed her eyes and groaned, realizing she had just made the very same mistake she had made with Lord Hartley. “That is inconsequential, Mama.”

“No, it is not,” her mother replied firmly. “So, this explains your broken heart, then? You feel as though you have been played by the man twice over.”

“That is just what I said to him,” Ellen said wearily. “I should never have encouraged him to take me into the gardens.”

The countess, who had been pouring the tea, jerked a little and looked over at Ellen, spilling the tea just a little. Ellen, unaware of this, simply waited for her mother to hand her a cup and sat back quietly, her head filled with distressing thoughts.

“Ellen,” her mother said slowly. “You did not tell me that it was you who asked him to take you into the gardens. I thought it was he who persuaded you. At least, that is what he told your father. He took the entirety of the blame onto himself.”

The teacup half way to her mouth, Ellen froze, her blood turning cold as she realized what she had said.

“He told your father that he had been the one to insist that you go outside,” her mother said again, when Ellen gave no answer. “Tell me now, Ellen, is that true?”

Swallowing hard, Ellen shook her head, mortification filling her. “Lord Hartley did not want to go out to the gardens,” she confessed, her cheeks burning with shame. “I was the one who encouraged him to go.”

The countess drew in a sharp breath and sat back in her seat, evidently stunned.

“And it was not he who pressed his affections on me,” Ellen confessed miserably, thinking it best to tell her mother the truth instead of continuing to hide it all from her. “I know you will be terribly ashamed of me, Mama, but there it is. I had a desire, and I allowed it to take hold of me.”

There came a short, stunned silence. Ellen could not lift her head to look at her mother, her shame more than she could bear. Whilst this did not clear Lord Hartley of his part in their hurried engagement, Ellen now saw that she was equally, if not more so, to blame for it. Had she not insisted that they go out to the gardens, had she not taken advantage of the darkness and pressed her lips to his for the briefest of moments, then none of this might have occurred.

“Oh, Ellen,” her mother sighed, without the slightest hint of anger or upset. “Why did you not tell me before?”

“Because I was ashamed,” Ellen cried, her eyes filling with tears. “I know that this puts part of the responsibility for what occurred on my shoulders, and I do not want to have any kind of blame.”

Her mother shook her head, a sad smile on her lips. “And so you prefer to make Lord Hartley bear full responsibility.” She sighed again and took a long sip of her tea, mulling over what had been said. “For all that you blame Lord Hartley, Ellen, he has taken full responsibility for what has occurred. He did not mention to your father that it was you who wanted to walk in the gardens, nor that it had been you who pressed your attentions on him first. That says something about his honor, even if you found it lacking elsewhere.”

It was a truth that Ellen did not want to face up to. She had spent the last few days wallowing in misery, refusing to think about what she had done and simply going over and over how cruel and dishonorable Lord Hartley had been.

“I will not speak of this to your father,” her mother finished softly, with still no anger in her voice, “but you will need to think about how you are to go forward into the future with this man, Ellen. You cannot bear a grudge forever, especially when it was not all his doing.”

“But I cannot trust him!” Ellen said, sitting forward and putting her head in her hands. “He played me false!”

“Did he?”

Ellen’s head shot up. “Yes, he did! He kissed me to win a bet, that is all.”

Her mother shook her head. “No, Ellen. You have just told me that he did not want to go into the gardens with you and that it was not he who kissed you first.” She lifted one eyebrow, and Ellen felt her mother’s steady gaze burn into her soul. “My dear, you have been so determined to blame Lord Hartley for all this that you are not seeing things clearly. Mayhap he had every intention of winning the bet when he first started out, but things may have changed since then. Why the reluctance to walk with you in the gardens if he had every intention of doing exactly as he had planned?”

It was a question Ellen could not answer, her heart growing heavy, as she realized that, once again, her mother was speaking with wisdom and clarity. Lord Hartley had claimed that he had wanted to tell her the truth of it all, but she had not believed him. Could she, now, begin to consider that he had been telling her the truth?

“Do you understand what I am saying, Ellen?”

“Yes, Mama,” Ellen whispered, her humiliation burning through her very core. “I understand.”

“And I am grateful that you told me everything,” the countess finished, with a small smile. “Whilst it may not have been intentional, I think it best that it all came out in the end.”

“Yes, Mama,” Ellen said again, taking a sip of her tea and hoping desperately that they would not have to speak of this much longer. Her thoughts were even more confused than before, her shame pouring all through her.

The countess got to her feet, evidently choosing to end the conversation. “I think I shall leave you to your thoughts, Ellen. One thing I will say is that the affection you felt for Lord Hartley is not likely to have just dwindled and died within you. It will still be there, somewhere. Mayhap it would be best to let it flourish, Ellen, if you are to have a happy marriage.”

She did not say anything more, but simply smiled at Ellen, as if to reassure her that there was no lingering anger on her part. Ellen smiled back, managing to lift her eyes to her mother’s face for the first time since she they had started this particular discussion.

As the door closed behind her, Ellen knew that she now had a great deal to consider. The truth had come out, and it had left something of a bad taste in her mouth, but a bad taste had to be dealt with one way or another.

Was there still an affection for Lord Hartley somewhere? If she managed to forgive him, would it begin to surface again? It would mean, of course, that she would have to accept her part in all this and allow her heart to begin to open toward him again – something she never thought she would be able to do. If she accepted that Lord Hartley might have had every intention of telling her all, just as he had said, then that would mean she had to begin to trust him.

It was a state she did not want to consider, but her mother’s words lingered in her mind. She was due to see Lord Hartley again very soon. Would she ever find it in her heart to forgive him for what he had done? And, more importantly, would she ever be able to forgive herself?