GETTING OUT OF bed this morning was harder than I thought it was going to be.
And I thought it was going to be pretty hard.
For a while, I didn’t get up at all. Neither did Leo. We laid side by side, staring up at the ceiling as if we could turn back time that way. We didn’t speak, and in a way, that was probably smart. Though, I can’t deny that I wished I could crawl into his head and listen to what he was thinking. I want to know if he feels anything like how I feel—like it was stupid of me to think I could do this and walk away without a hole punched through my chest.
I’ll never regret my decision to be with him. This has been the most remarkable weekend of my life. While he might not be my boyfriend, Leo will now always be a part of me. What we’ve shared, what we’re capable of when we’re together, it’s not something that comes along every day. At least, not for me, which is what makes all of this so hard.
Now, sitting in the back of a limo—Leo in the front seat, like the first night I arrived—I try and ground myself in reality. I remind myself that while we might be compatible physically, I don’t know who he is. I don’t know his last name. I don’t know how old he is or where he grew up. His details, he’s kept them close, only giving me what I’ve urged him to. Even then, he was pretty great at changing the subject.
Knowing this to be true, I convince myself that when I get on that plane, all I’m losing is the promise of an orgasm. It was just a fling. It meant nothing, no matter how hard my mind tries to twist the facts.
With both of our planes waiting for us on the tarmac upon our arrival, we all step out of the limousine together. Frank is quick to help the driver unload all of our bags, and Ashley brings me mine before opening his arms in invitation. I don’t hesitate to wrap myself around him.
“Seriously, thank you for everything,” I say, probably for the billionth time. “I had the most amazing time, and none of this would have happened without you. So, thank you.”
He chuckles as he lets me go, and I step back as he offers me a nod, telling me as he’s told me a hundred times, “You’re welcome, darlin’. I mean that. Any time.”
“Careful,” I reply, pointing at him teasingly. “A girl might take you up on that.”
“Countin’ on it.”
I grin at him, grateful for the time that I got to spend with him over the last few days, and even more so knowing that he belongs to the best woman I know. Turning toward Corie, I draw in a deep breath, lifting my shoulders in the process. I blow out my exhale, letting my shoulders slump as I ask her, “Why does this feel harder than the last time?”
“Don’t say that,” Corie demands, walking toward me before linking our arms tougher. She leads me a few steps away from the guys, tilting her head toward mine before she murmurs, “You doing okay? I mean, you and Leo seem kind of distant.”
“I’m okay,” I assure her while simultaneously trying to assure myself. “We sort of already said our goodbyes this morning.”
“And what happens—?”
“I made you a promise, remember?” I ask, sure that if she keeps questioning me, I’ll be forced to confront feelings I’ve spent all morning burying as deep as I could manage. “I told you I wouldn’t get attached.” Holding my arms out, I look down at my body with a shrug before smiling up at her and proclaiming, “This is me, letting him go.”
Nodding, she returns my smile with one of her own and murmurs, “Okay.”
Sneaking a peek back over my shoulder, I go on to say, “I know he’s paid to look after you guys, but look after him, all right?”
Giving my arm a squeeze, she promises, “We will.”
“IS THIS IT? You’re just gonna let her go, just like that?” Ashley asks from where he stands a few paces away from me, breaking the silence between us.
Looking across the tarmac, my eyes focused on the back of Jill’s head, I ignore the thoughts that have been circling their way around my head all morning—my selfish thoughts. To even think that I could get her to settle for me makes me a jackass. She doesn’t belong in my world. She’s too pure. Too innocent. Too trusting. She’s too beautiful to be marred by the stains of my past.
Knowing she’s better off, I lift my chin, addressing Ashley’s inquiry with, “I don’t do complicated.”
From my periphery, I see it as he folds his arms across his chest before he states, “That’s bullshit, and you know it. No way in hell you pick that girl to share your bed and then have the nerve to tell me you don’t do complicated. She’s Corie’s cousin, for cryin’ out loud. This won’t be the last time you see her, unless you’re plannin’ on leavin’, and you better not be goin’ anywhere. So either you’re pullin’ one over on me, or you’re pullin’ one over yourself. Either way, you do complicated. Way I heard it, you’ve been doin’ complicated all weekend. And if you were smart, you’d march your ass over there and say goodbye to complicated before you miss your chance.”
I clench my jaw, wishing I had a leg to stand on. The truth is, I’m not a stupid man, and Ashley’s not wrong. I know this won’t be the last time I see her. Not by a long shot. I’ve known it since before she stepped foot off of that plane. Furthermore, whatever’s going on between us—it’s not trash. Me, standing here, watching her walk away, it’s a dick move. A lesser man would have kicked her out of his bed after he got off, but she’s not some pussy I picked up at some bar. She’s not that broad you kick out of your bed, and she’s not the girl you let carry her own fucking bags to her plane.
Ignoring what I’m sure is a smug smile on Ashley’s face, I make my way toward Jill and Corie as they hug each other goodbye one last time. Corie spots me from over Jill’s shoulder, and she smiles at me knowingly before pulling away from her cousin, leaving the two of us alone.
Turning to look up at me, Jill simply says, “Hi.”
“Hi,” I reply, reaching for her backpack and sliding it from off of her shoulders. I then take hold of the extended handle of her carry-on, pressing it back in before grabbing the side handle and lifting it from the ground.
Without another word, I start for the plane, Jill falling in step beside me. The pilot waits for us at the foot of the jet’s stairs. He then takes her bags from me with a nod, disappearing into the cabin. We both watch him go until we’ve got nothing else to look at but each other.
“Thanks. For carrying my bags, I mean,” she murmurs, readjusting her purse over her shoulder.
I don’t think twice before I hold out my hand and demand, “Your phone.”
Surprise fills her eyes, her mouth falling open as if she intends to speak, but no words come out.
“Unlock the screen. Hand it over.”
“Right. Okay,” she mutters, shaking her head clear before digging inside of her purse. She unlocks it, then hands me the device, and I plug in my phone number before handing it back.
“I want to know when you’ve landed. Need to know that you’re safe.”
“All right,” she whispers, offering me a nod.
I take a step toward her, pressing a kiss to her forehead as I mutter, “Goodbye, Jill.”
I don’t wait for her to reply before I walk away.
AS I WAIT for takeoff, I stare down at my phone, afraid to feel anything.
Leo’s goodbye held no promises, but this? This feels different. In the silliest of ways, this feels like hope.
I can’t help but smile, my eyes glued to the newest contact in my phone—one mister Lee Vollucci.