I WASN’T SURE IF CROW would answer the knock on his door. He’d know it was me. Maybe he’d pretend he didn’t hear it. I’d fought so hard to keep away from him, but my heart took me to his door even while my brain protested.

I jumped from foot to foot as I waited, unable to keep still. I wouldn’t knock again. I didn’t want everyone on the tour to think I was crawling back to him. I had my pride. But, damn it, I needed to talk to him.

Just when I’d almost given up, he opened the door.

“We need to talk,” I said.

He shook his head. “Go back to bed, Fay,” he said, as though I was a tiresome child.

The way he said that made something stir inside me. My sadness and disappointment turned to anger. Maybe I’d done the wrong thing, but he didn't have to be like this. Elijah was right. He had to accept me as I was, or we had nothing at all. But Crow had no acceptance to offer.

I pushed past Crow into his room. The things I had to say weren’t things you said in a hotel hallway, and he obviously wasn’t going to invite me in. Even though he’d opened the door to me, he wasn’t willing to talk, but I wouldn’t be shut up.

“Haven’t you interfered enough?” he asked.

“No, I haven’t,” I said. I wanted to put my arms around him, but this wasn’t the Crow that I hugged. He was almost a stranger. The twinkle in his eyes had died. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I stood in the middle of the room, my hands clenched tight. I put my chin up. I’d say my piece, then leave, knowing I could do no more.

He stood there too, as though he was waiting for me to leave.

“I haven’t interfered nearly enough, because there are things you need to hear. You shut people out. You shut everyone out. You’re been in this band with Damo and Lij for years, and they still only know you on a surface level. You don’t let anyone close to you. I thought maybe I’d be the one, but nope.”

He didn’t reply, but he hadn’t kicked me out. Yet.

I wanted to my words to reach him, to change his heart, but I wasn’t sure how to do that. Fear started to override me, then I thought of Cindy. All I knew was that, somewhere in this city, a girl wanted to be reunited with her big brother. Maybe she was wide awake right now, too. Waiting for him to contact her.

“Won’t you get in touch with Cindy?” I asked him. “Just talk to her.”

“Leave it,” he said.

I might be in his room, standing right in front of him, but he didn’t look at me. I wanted to move around so he had to look at me, but I didn’t want him to kick me out before I’d finished.

“I was going to apologize again,” I said. “But I’m not sorry. Maybe I did things the wrong way about, but you need to see her.”

I took a deep breath. My pulse raced. Rather than repairing things, I might destroy them forever by pushing this, but that was what I did. I pushed. I couldn’t push Crow to love, and I couldn’t push him to forgive me, but for Cindy’s sake, I had to make him give her a chance.

“It’s not going to happen, Fay. It’s too late.”

“Your sister obviously wants to repair things. She was fourteen the last time you saw her. Are you going to punish her for a decision she made when she was that young? I might’ve butted in, but I did it for you. You’re never going to heal your past unless you talk to her.”

He still didn’t respond. He stared at the wall behind me. My heart raced faster, but I had to go on. My skin prickled and my mouth had become so dry, I wonder if talking was even possible.

“So, talk to your sister or let her leave your life forever. But you’ll regret it if you don’t take this chance. She’s your family, your only family.”

Crow still didn’t move. He didn’t speak, and he didn’t look at me. I could’ve been talking to a statue. I gulped but continued on. There was something else I needed to say, and I had to say it while I had the courage.

“And another thing.” I put my hands on my hips. “I’m sick of chasing after you. For a relationship to work, it takes two people. Not one person doing all the running and the other person standing still. I don’t know what you want, and I’m pretty sure you don’t know what you want, either. You want me, but if you really want me, you have to make the next move. After I walk out that door, I won’t come back, not until you drag me. I’ll walk miles to be with you, but you at least have to take a step in my direction too.”

I turned to leave, then I remembered something. I unfastened the necklace I wore and set it on his dresser.

“I love you, Crow, even if you can’t accept my love. I know I overstepped, but I think you’re using that as an excuse to avoid having to get too invested. Give that back to me when it means something.”

Then I grabbed a pen and wrote down his sister’s details on the notepad on the desk.

“This is Cindy’s number. If you decide maybe you’ll think about her for a minute instead of yourself, give her a call. But time’s running out.”

It was only after I’d left his room that I realized he’d barely said a word the whole time. That just made me angrier. He should have had something to say. I kicked the door in my room. I punched it too, but that just hurt my fist. I’d never sleep now. I’d be up all night fuming, and fuming alone in my hotel made me feel worse.

I wondered if Jax was still up. I phoned him to check.

“Hey,” he said.

Okay, he’d been asleep. I’d woken him; I could tell from his voice.

“Jax, let’s go out and get hammered,” I said.

“Ah... Umm... okay. I’ll just be a minute.”

That might not be the smartest plan in the world, but it beat the hell out of pacing my room for hours.

We headed to a tiny, dark bar and ordered shots.

“Here’s to the heartbroken,” he said.

“I’m not heartbroken. I’m recovering.”

He laughed. “You’re slap-bang in the middle of heartbreak. You have the reek of heartbreak coming off you in fumes. Don’t deny it, Fay. The only way out is through.”

He was probably right about that, but right now, I wanted to numb all the hurt inside me. I’d thought I had something wonderful, but it’d been a stupid illusion. I had to move on. I had to drink more, and then I had to dance, because brokenhearted Fay had no place in my life.