I LOVED BEING ONSTAGE. There was no denying it. The spotlight on me, the screams from the crowd, the adoring glances, I lapped it all up. I never understood Crow with his stage fright. I had the opposite: a fear of being anonymous.

Every time I walked out on that stage, my feet never touched the floor. I soared above it all. I was made for this. I grabbed hold of the microphone and screamed out greetings to the crowd. I wasn’t sure if what I said made sense, but it didn’t need to.

We thundered into our first song, Polly all darkness and me all light. With every show we’d done, my confidence had grown. I owned that stage now. Tonight, my body buzzed with the energy. The songs practically bubbled out of me. I growled and I purred and I whipped that crowd into a bunch of wild things.

This was where I came alive. In my everyday life, people might say I was too loud and too full-on, but when I got onstage, there was no “too loud” and no “too full-on”.  I had a personality made for performing. Damo might get away with that quiet, humble thing, but mostly the crowd wanted to live out their fantasies.

We’d almost finished when I noticed Crow watching me. I didn’t think he’d ever done that before. Normally, he had enough to deal with, trying to get over his nerves before he went onstage himself.

I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t. Not while I sang. But I fumbled the words.

I never fumbled. My body froze for a split second. What did I do? That split second seemed like an eternity. Then I blew a kiss to the crowd and kept on singing.

They ate that up. No one cared that I messed up, not one little bit. Well, none of the audience cared. Polly sure wasn’t happy. I couldn’t help it, though.

I couldn’t glance back over to Crow. Not if I wanted to finish our set without screwing up again.

When our set finished, Elijah grabbed me.

“Hey, Firecracker. Getting yourself in trouble without me here to keep you in line?”

“I have Polly to keep me in line,” I told him. “No trouble for me.”

He laughed. I looked around for Crow, but he’d disappeared. Elijah was on his own.

When I got backstage, Polly waited with her arms crossed. We were the only ones back there. Rose and Fiona had gone up to watch the Freaks play. Jax rushed into the room, grabbed a clean t-shirt out of his bag and rushed off again. He had a hot date, by the look of it.

“I’m sorry,” I said, preempting her nags. “It won’t happen again.”

“See now why we have to rehearse more?”

I nodded, looking all meek and mild, and she grinned back. If this rock thing didn’t work out, I could get a job as an actress.

“We should head back to the hotel,” she said.

“Now? With the Freaks still onstage?” We always waited for them to finish.

“Yeah, now.”

I wanted to protest, then I remembered that I had to act all goody-two-shoes. “What about Damo? You’ll miss him out there.”

“I’ve seen him plenty,” she said.

I nodded. I could miss the Freaks playing this once. I had to think of my end game.

“Okay. I’m pretty starved. Can we go get something to eat on the way?”

She was really grinning now, thinking she’d won. “Sure thing. Burgers?”

I groaned. “Why is it always burgers?”

“Because that’s what’s open late at night. We could go kebabs? Pizza?”

“Whatever you like.”

I checked myself in the mirror. Fiona’s makeup really did suit me. It seemed a shame to waste it on a cheap burger joint.

“Okay, let’s go,” Polly said.

We ended up getting pizza and having a fun night. I didn’t even try to see Crow when they came back to the hotel. I could hear them talking, but I stayed in my room, planning my escape.

I had one major obstacle to overcome. I couldn’t turn up at the festival and hope to see Crow. There’d be a million girls trying to get into the backstage area, and I’d just be one of them. Security wouldn’t know who I was. I had to get a pass.

The next morning, I got Fartstard alone.

“Can you get me an access pass for the festival?” I asked him.

He scratched his head. “I can, but I don’t know if I should. I thought you guys were staying here.”

I nodded, then shot him my brightest smile. “Just in case, you know. Polly might change her mind at the last minute, and I want to be prepared. Come on, you’re the man. You’re the one who can make it happen.”

“Sure,” he said.

Awesome. With that sorted, the rest of my plan would fall into place. Good old Fartstard.

After the show that night, everyone wanted to go to a bar.

“I think I want an early night,” I said.

If I went out drinking, Polly would hover over me all night. It’d be a total pain in the butt with her doing that, and rather than waste money having a shit time, I’d have a decent sleep.

“Okay, I’ll go back too,” she said.

I gave her a look. “You don’t have to do that,” I said.

She glared back.

“Seriously,” I said. “I plan on sleeping. I’m not that comfortable around some of the crew at the moment, with all the gossip about me, and you shouldn’t miss out on time with Damo because of me. I’ll behave. Pinky promise.”

I held out my pinky finger like I used to when we were kids. Polly laughed and hooked fingers with me.

“You’d better behave. Look at this,” she said, holding out a strand of her hair to me. “You’re turning me gray! Premature aging.”

“Actually, Polly, I think that’s because you’re old. I mean, you’re nearly thirty.”

She slapped my arm. “I’m nowhere near thirty.”

The two of us giggled. It was much nicer being on tour without the strain. Even if I was only pretending to make her happy, I was much more relaxed.

I got back to the hotel and started watching a movie on my tablet, but I fell asleep before it’d barely even started. I really had been more tired than I thought.

I didn’t know how long I’d slept, but a banging woke me up. Damn crew had obviously gotten back drunk and were making a racket in the hallway. I put my pillow over my head. They’d collapse in a drunken heap soon.

The banging didn’t stop. It was on my door. Hells. What was going on?

I wasn’t sure I wanted to open the door in case one of those sleazy roadies had the wrong idea.

Unless it was Crow.

That had to be it. He’d waited until the others were drunk and had come back so we could be alone. A smile crept over my face as I opened the door.

Polly pushed past me into my room.

My heart sank. Not only was she not Crow, but she was red-faced and angry.

“What the fuck do you think you’re playing at?” she screamed.

“Sleeping,” I answered. “Well, I was until you woke me up.”

“You asked Fartstard to get you a laminate for the festival? I can’t trust you for a minute.”

My stomach dropped to the ground. This would not go well for me. I had no excuse I could give. But Fartstard had betrayed me.

“That bastard. He told you?”

I’d kill him. He’d promised he’d get it for me, but he’d gone running behind my back to Polly. I’d never trust him again.

“You aren’t a child, Fay. Stop playing these stupid games.” Her hands balled up into fists.

“Yes, Polly, I’m not a child, so stop treating me like one. If I want to go to the festival, I should be allowed to go.” I put my hands on my hips.

“You are not going to that festival, and that’s the end of it. I don’t want to kick you out of the group, but I’ll send you home to your mother if I have to.”

That was the threat I’d hoped never to hear. I wanted to be on this tour. I wanted it more than anything, almost. But did I want it more than I wanted Crow? I guessed if I got kicked off the tour, I’d have no music career and no him. I’d lose everything.

Polly swanned out of my room, trying to slam the door behind her. It didn’t slam, and I walked over and locked it. My heart had become heavy. I’d be kicked out, my career over before it had even started.

As I snibbed the door, something hit me. If Polly kicked me off the tour, she’d be screwed too. She could get me in at the last minute to fill in for Miles because I knew their songs. But there was no one she could get to fill in for me. They’d be off the tour themselves. Polly would never do that.

I had the upper hand here, but I wouldn’t show that too soon.