CHAPTER TWENTY
Havoc
It’s unusual for most of us to have the night off together, but the scheduling gods have shined down and the five of us sit at a table, each nursing our own beers. Laurel Springs has one bar, Hooligan’s, and I think all of us, except for Mason who didn’t grow up here, have been kicked out once for underage drinking. It’s nice to be back and not have to worry.
“How’s Caleb? Had a chance to talk to the teacher?” It’s important for me to know what’s going on in my guys’ lives, what could distract them from the job at hand. It’s a dangerous one, and knowing what they’re going through helps me, and talking about it can help them too.
“He’s good,” he chuckles. “I haven’t heard much about the teacher, and I have a conference scheduled with her. There’s one thing I do know, though he’s half in love with your wife.”
I take a long drink off my bottle, grinning over the top at him. “I know.”
“Does she?”
“Oh hell no, she has no idea,” I laugh along with him. “It’s good though, if she did, she’d probably make it awkward. You know how it is to be a teenage boy in love with an older woman, don’t you, Renegade,” I tease the youngest member of our team.
He answers with a middle finger pointed in my direction. “I also know what it’s like to be the man she loves in return. If I were you, boss man, I’d watch myself,” he teases me right back.
Taking another drink off my beer, I smirk. “I ain’t worried.”
“What’s the deal with you two anyway?” Tank interjects in our conversation. “Sometimes looking at the two of you, like the other night, and I think you two are madly in love. But then I know how it started, we all do. What’s going on?”
I swallow roughly, because I don’t know what to say to him. “It is real, but life has a way of making what should be the simplest of emotions and situations…complicated.”
Maybe that’s the easiest way to put it. She’s the most important person in my life, and I feel things for her I never thought I’d feel for another woman. But it’s a vulnerability I can’t allow myself, not after the young kid with the huge heart had it broken by a girl who couldn’t deal. I take another drink, draining the amber bottle I’m drinking from, and realize it was a girl who broke my heart, not a woman. Maybe I had been wrong to expect her to deal. Hell, sometimes I can’t even deal with the nightmares I have, the flashbacks I get at the weirdest times. I’m lucky I came back a whole man physically, and mostly a whole man mentally. It’s time I realized that.
“Well uncomplicate things.” Tank throws a glare in my direction. “You’re lookin’ at the fuckin’ poster boy for getting off your ass and making sure the person you love knows how you feel. Don’t end up in a situation like Blaze and I did, man. I’m telling you, it’s not worth it.”
“Nobody said anything about love.” I shake my head at him, gazing at him over my own bottle.
“Nut the fuck up, dude. It’s not that hard.”
Easy for Tank to say. He had a life or death situation to spur him on. It was either he had to figure it out, or they were going to lose everything they had. My situation, though, differs so much from his, and it’s hard to explain. She wears my ring, and I don’t think I’m ever going to let her go. I enjoy our life together too much.
And the realization floors me. Grabbing my beer, I take another drink.
Tank glances at me. “Love is love, and you can try to cut it every other way, but it is what it is. But it’s not fair for you to keep her now if you aren’t going to keep her later.”
“I’m protecting her,” I argue.
Every man sitting around the table laughs at me.
“Yeah okay.” Ace claps me on the shoulder. “You keep telling yourself that, and maybe you’ll believe it.”
I stretch my leg out when my phone starts vibrating so that I’m able to reach down into my pocket to retrieve it. Pulling it out, I see Leighton’s smiling picture and name flashing.
“Guy’s this is Leigh, I gotta take it.” I’m already up and walking toward the entrance.
I don’t miss Renegade talking shit as I get up. “He doesn’t love her, but she’s got a nickname and he makes it a point to take her call on guy’s night.”
I flip him a finger and continue out to where it’s quiet enough so that I’m able to hear her. I never told them I don’t love her, but that’s my business to keep. She needs to be told before I tell them.
Leighton
“Have a good night, Caleb, and if you need anything call me. I know your dad’s out tonight.”
He smiles over at me, looking too much like a grown man. “Leighton, I’ve been staying by myself in one way or another since I was twelve. I think I got this.”
“Still,” I give him a look, “if you need anything, I’m around.”
“If you need anything I’m around,” he argues, making me laugh.
I wave and watch for him to get into his house before I pull away, heading toward my own. Truth be told, I hate driving late at night. Astigmatism makes it hard for me to see and reminds me of having grandmother eyes, no matter how young I am. Typically, I try to be home before it gets too late, but tonight Holden’s out with the guys and we had a party at The Café for one of Whitney’s clients. Cleaning up took longer than we thought, and here it is, after ten pm and I’m just now headed home.
Slowly, I make my way along the back roads, creeping along because it doesn’t matter if it’s deer season or not, they like to run across the road. And the one who runs right in front of me proves my thought as I throw on my brakes to miss it, while jerking the car to the left. When I do, I feel my passenger tire blow.
“Shit.”
When the car stops, I’m shaking because I don’t have much experience with things like this. I’m not sure what to do, although I know I can’t change the tire myself. Nobody ever taught me how.
Getting out, I walk around, using my cell phone as a flashlight so I can see how bad it is. Maybe I can drive the twelve remaining miles home without too much trouble.
As soon as I see the condition, I know without a doubt, I can’t. Immediately I’m scared. Out in the dark by myself, with no idea how to change a tire, and it being so late at night.
“Think Leighton, what to do?”
Glancing down at my hand, my wedding ring shines against the cell phone turned flashlight. This is what a husband is supposed to do, right? Part of me hates interrupting him on his night with the guys though, he has so few of those. The other part of me is just too scared about being out here in the dark by myself.
Mind made up, I flip my phone over and dial my husband. There’s very little hope that he’ll pick up, so imagine my surprise when he answers on the third ring.
“Let me get outside so I can hear ya,” he yells into the phone, and I almost want to cry with relief when I hear his deep voice.
The background noise gets quieter, but I can still hear him calling out hellos to people. When you’re the head of a taskforce in a small town like he is, everyone knows you and wants to talk to you. Finally, it’s blessedly quiet and I hear his taut tone over the phone. “You okay, babe?”
Babe is new since the afternoon in the garage, and I have to admit, it makes me grin every time I hear it. Which proves just how bad I’m starting to have it when it comes to my husband. “Hey, a deer ran out in front of me on Copper’s Creek Road,” I start.
“Are you okay? Did you hit it?” I can hear the worry in his voice and can just imagine the look on his face.
“I’m fine, and I didn’t hit it, but I blew a tire when I was swerving out of the way.”
He curses in the voice that sends goosebumps down my arms. “Probably where they’re doing construction on the Foster Farm. We’ve been after them to clean the shit up those trucks throw behind them, but obviously they aren’t paying attention. Give me twenty to thirty minutes and I’ll be there.”
Even though it gives me a warm fuzzy that he’s willing to cut his night out with the guys short, I feel guilty. “You don’t have to come. If you could call me a wrecker, I’d be grateful. I didn’t know what to do, or who to call. I don’t know how to change a tire,” I admit.
“I’m not leaving you on the side of the road while I hang out with my boys. Trust me, it’s not that big a deal. I won’t be able to change your tire tonight, but we can lock everything up, I’ll drive you home, and we can head back out tomorrow for your car.”
I bite my lip, second guessing my decision now, because I’m never sure where I stand with him, where we stand together. “I didn’t know who else to call.”
“No, you did the right thing calling me. Me. You always call me. No matter what it is. You have a good day, a bad day, blow a tire, need a hug, need to get laid. You need someone, for anything? You call me; I’ll take care of it. You feel me?”
Frustration eats at me, and even though my heart dances a jig at what he’s saying, I still hate bothering him. “I feel like you’re always taking care of my messes and cleaning up after my mistakes.”
He sighs heavily into the phone. “I don’t do this for everybody, Leigh. In fact, I don’t do it for anybody else.”
“Why?” I have to know why he’s picked me to be his charity case. “You don’t know any other damsels in distress?”
For a few moments, I think he’s not going to answer. “The truth?”
“Always the truth, Holden. You’re the one person in my life who doesn’t lie to me. I wanna keep it that way.”
His voice drops an octave, and it causes a reaction in me I’m not prepared for. Since the afternoon in the garage, everything he does not only turns me on, but makes my heart flutter faster. “There’s nobody else I care about like I care about you.”
I’m speechless. Holden is a man of few words, but holy shit when he says them, he makes them count. It gives me a feeling in my stomach that I can’t name. No one, not even the social workers who were called on my dad, gave a shit about me. They looked at him, took the money he handed off in their direction, and left a young girl in a house full of men who didn’t know what to do with her. None of them knew what to tell me when I started my period. When I had questions about how to do my makeup, my hair, or what was the appropriate way to act on a date, there were no answers. There wasn’t even any trying to understand what I was going through. Looking back now, I realize they didn’t give a shit. Instead, I had to ask other women, not related to me, how to use tampons, to help me make an appointment at an OBGYN’s office to get birth control. My whole life, I begged for help and it was never given to me.
But this man, this thoughtful amazing man, took me in, and he’s teaching me that I can count on someone besides myself. I can open myself up to another person and not always be fucking disappointed.
“Thank you for caring, Holden.”
He clears his throat, maybe uncomfortable with what he’s shared. “Get in your car and lock it until I get there. I don’t think anybody will be traveling that stretch of road this late at night, but if they are – they’re up to no good.”
“Got it. Thank you,” I whisper.
“Be there as soon as I can.”