“WHAT’S UP WITH YOU?” LIV asks as we’re walking through the mall.
The sigh contradicts me when I say, “Nothing.”
“Is it Ryan?”
Just hearing his name gives me pause. It makes my heart skip a beat and my stomach tickle with butterflies. “No. Why would you ask that?”
“Because when I say his name, your cheeks get red. And you never told me what happened after our wedding since you’ve been so close-lipped about him. I mean, I’m sure I can guess what happened, but I’m talking about after. He took a bullet for you, and you brush him off like he means nothing to you.” She walks into a store and heads directly to the clearance section. “He’s staying here for you, Opal, but you don’t seem to want him here. I don’t get it.”
“He’s here for work. His staying has nothing to do with me. And besides, I’m not strong enough, Liv. I can’t do it again. When I saw the blood, and I thought… I just can’t do it.”
“Look.” She holds up a purple top. “It’s only three ninety-seven.” With a big smile, she drapes the clothing over her arm. Over the years, she’s become a coupon-clipping, clearance-shopping bargain hunter. “You’re scared, and I get it.”
“It’s not scared, Liv. It’s petrified. You weren’t here. You weren’t here when Josh died. When I was raising a newborn and dealing with the death of my boyfriend and her father. So you can’t tell me you get it.
“I’ll sell it, babe. Shit, if I’m gonna have to drive around in a sedan the rest of my life, let me sow my wild oats until the baby is here. Then it’s gone. Promise. That was what he said to me. And now he’s gone. He was my first; I cared about him so much. But Ryan.” I shake my head. “You’re wrong, Liv. He doesn’t mean nothing to me. He means everything. And if I lost that? I couldn’t… I can’t lose him that way.”
“He stayed at your house, got shot, and killed two men to keep you safe. If it wasn’t for him, Opal, I don’t even want to think about the kinds of things that could have happened to you and Olivia.” Yeah, that was a point of contention between my entire family and me. Soon as Ryan explained everything, Jay lost his shit. Like I’ve never seen him so mad lost his shit.
I was being stupid. I realize that.
And yes, I owe Ryan my life. And Olivia’s. I don’t know what would have happened if he wasn’t there. I try not to imagine it because it makes me sick.
He probably thinks I’m playing games, but I’m not. I’m scared, I’m confused, and I’m lonely. But I am not playing a game.
“He said he was leaving,” I tell her. “Over and over, he said he was leaving.”
“I know. I thought he was, too.”
“I can’t get involved with someone who I know is going to leave and break my heart more than it already is.”
“I thought you just said it was because you were afraid he was going to die.”
I glare at her. “That, too. Both of those things. Anything that has to do with losing him.”
My sister squeezes my shoulder. “I have a feeling he’d stay if you asked him to.”
“But that’s the thing. I want him to tell me he’s staying. I don’t want to have to ask.”
“How do you figure?”
I sigh, running my fingers through my hair. “If I ask him to stay, and it doesn’t work out, he’ll resent me. What if he can’t get a job here, and he asks me to move by him? I won’t ever leave my family. What if he feels the same way? How would it ever work? He needs to be the one to make the decision; I won’t ask him.”
“Have you thought of just telling him that?”
“No.” I shake my head. “Because if he wants us enough, then he needs to prove it to me. I can’t and I won’t risk letting my daughter become even more attached to him only to have him walk away when he’s bored of us.”
“Okay. I’m just going to say one more thing, and then I’ll drop it.” She puts the shirt back on the rack. “I lost so much time with Jay, Opal. I love him. God, I love him so much. I did then, and I do now; I will forever. And I lost so much time with him.”
“I know.”
“I’d do anything, anything to get that back. I missed you. I missed my family, but Jay? I wanted to die without him. I’d do anything to be with him. And that includes moving across the country because a love like what we have, and like what you’re too scared to admit you and Ryan have, is worth risking everything for. Your family will always be here, but Opal, he might not.”
She drops that bomb on me and then grabs the shirt again and disappears into the dressing room. I think she senses my mood because after she gets out, she takes me back to her place without even asking. I’m too busy staring at my lap, letting her words run through my head, I don’t even notice she’s parked and I’m alone in the car. I walk inside and just stand in the entryway, letting what she said penetrate.
“Hey, baby doll.” Ryan comes up behind me, wraps his arms around my stomach, and kisses my cheek. “Fancy seeing you here.”
I suck up the warmth and security from him and then turn in his arms. “What are you doing here?”
“Reinforcements.”
He’s such a liar. “Jay can handle his son and niece without needing backup.”
He shrugs. “They’re in the other room finishing a movie. It’s a beautiful day. Thought maybe we could go for a ride.”
“No.” My hands start sweating, and the pit of my stomach hollows out. The pain in my chest is almost too much, and I clutch his shirt. “No.”
“Sold my bike, Opal.”
Air rushes out of my lungs so hard it burns my throat. “What?”
“It’s gone. Returned the rental and bought a new truck. Thought maybe I could take you for a ride.”
Oh, my God. “You know.”
“Jay told me,” he confesses. “But I wish to hell you would have been the one to explain it to me. If I’d have known, I never would have snapped at you like I did about getting on the bike because it would have already been gone.”
“Why?”
He tucks some hair behind my ear, and I know that if he ever left, I’d miss this. I’d miss him, and there isn’t anybody else who would make me feel this… whole. “Don’t you get it yet?”
“Mommy!”
God, she has bad timing. Even though I really want to finish this conversation with Ryan, I put on my fake mom face and smile at Olivia when she runs up to me. “Hi, baby. How’s my girl?”
She hugs my leg, and I rub the top of her head.
“You ready to go home?”
“No,” she pouts.
“I’ll tell you what.” I crouch down to her level. “We can have Jaydon over, so Auntie Liv and Uncle Jay can go do something together. How about that?”
She claps her hands, and a genuine smile replaces the fake one. Just being near my girl makes me feel so much better.
“Okay.”
“All right. Let’s go.” When I turn around, I look past Ryan, who’s leaning on the wall, and wave to my sister.
Olivia runs up to him, and he scoops her up. “Hey, shortie.”
“Hi, Ryan.”
“We’re going home now, sweetie. Let’s go say goodbye.”
“All right. I’ll walk you guys to your car, okay?”
We say our goodbyes, and Ryan is still carrying Olivia when we make it out to my car. He puts her in her seat and buckles her in, then kisses the top of her head before shutting the door.
“Thanks,” I tell him.
“It’s not a problem.”
I press my lips together, unsure what to say, or if I should say anything. Processing the fact that he got rid of his bike. That’s… that’s a permanent decision.
“We need to talk, baby.”
We do. We so do. “Wanna come back to my place?”
“Yes, I want to go back to your place,” he answers immediately.
So that’s what he does. He comes back with us, following in his big ass truck, and walks into my home like it’s his own. But it doesn’t feel weird. It feels like he belongs here, with us. And I just wish that he’d tell me that’s what he wants because I know I do.
But instead of being able to talk, we watch another princess movie and Olivia passes out on the couch. Ryan carries her upstairs, and I go to my bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror. Like I’m waiting for me to talk back and tell me what to do. Maybe I should ask him to stay…
I hear movement but don’t look over when he walks into the bathroom. He stands behind me, and I love how perfectly we fit together. Our eyes catch in the reflection, and before I can even think of something to say to him, he opens his mouth, “If you can’t see that I’m in love with you, then I don’t know what else I can do. I don’t want to push myself on you, but fuck, Opal, I don’t want to go. I’m just waiting for you to ask me to stay.”
“You’re wha… what?”
“I took on another assignment here willingly after the first one. Nobody made me do it. I stayed because I. Want. You. I want you, and I want your daughter. I never packed my shit. Never bought a damn airplane ticket. I lied, hopin’ if maybe you heard the words, you’d say something. I took on work just to have a shot at you because I know what you’ve gone through, and I wanted to give you time to trust me. I know now what you need, and at first I didn’t, but that was then. I signed a contract, dollface. Twelve months.” He runs his hands through his hair.
“You did? But what about your family?”
“I’ve wanted you since the moment I saw you. When I was walking down that street and before I recognized Liv, I saw you.” He links our fingers together, his eyes never leaving mine in the mirror. “I tried to leave. Three fucking times, I was on my way out, but everytime I got a foot out the door, I pulled it back because I can’t stand the thought of being away from you. My family loves me so they understand that my life is here with you and Olivia. You two are my family.”
I rub my chest, my heart swollen and so full I can barely take it.
“Do you know my nickname is Heartbreaker? Stupid asses I used to work with made it up. But not because of why you’d think. I was always picky with my women. I had no problem sayin’ no when I could tell all they wanted was dick. I’m not that kind of man, Opal. I’m known for turning away hot pieces of ass and breaking their hearts because of that. I thought I found a couple of good ones, but seeing them fuckin’ someone else in my own goddamn bed does shit to a man.”
I can’t believe someone would be stupid enough to cheat on him. He’s the perfect guy. Loyal, protective, sexy, funny, smart. “Ryan.”
“Then I find you. I find a woman who not only puts every single woman I’ve ever seen to shame, but she has a kid. A sweet, cute, funny kid who fills up a place in my heart I didn’t realize I’d closed off. I’d closed it off for years, gave up even trying, Opal, but I want a family. I want more kids. I want all that shit, but I’d given up finding a good woman until I wasn’t looking.”
My heart flutters, and I close my eyes, yet tears still fall out. “I didn’t know. You said you were leaving, and I didn’t want to get my heart broken again. I couldn’t handle that, Ryan. I couldn’t risk losing you. I… I didn’t know you were… I didn’t know!”
He smiles. “Now you do.” He runs his fingers up my arm until they reach my chin, then he pushes it up until I’m looking at him in the mirror. “The question is, what are you going to do about it?”
“I want you to stay,” I hurry to tell him. He needs to know I feel the same way he does. “But you have to promise me you’re not leaving. I can’t… I can’t fall even more in love with you than I already am and then lose you. I’m not strong enough for that.”
He turns me around and lifts me up onto the counter. With gentle hands and soft eyes, he tells me, “Baby doll, I’m never leaving you.”
And then I lose it. My breath hitches, and I pull him to me, crying into his chest. “That’s… that’s all… that’s—”
“Spit it out, baby.”
“That’s all I ever wanted you to say.” I pull back and wipe my face, knowing I have raccoon eyes, but not caring enough to do anything about it.
“And all it took was me suffering from a little bullet graze to realize how much you felt for me.”
“You got shot!”
He laughs. “It was a graze.”
“I was afraid to lose you.”
“I know you were. And I’m afraid to lose you, but livin’ without you isn’t an option. As long as you’ve got breath in you, baby doll, then you have me, and you won’t lose me.”