We’re standing in the kitchen, cutting the cake, when Rae drops a bomb on me.

“You know that Tucker likes you, right?”

What? “Yeah? Well, I like him too.”

“No,” she says, scooping out a spoonful of vanilla ice cream and plopping it down in a bowl. “He likes you, likes you.”

It takes everything I have not to say, I like him, like him too.

But I refrain.

Because I do. I do like him. And I definitely shouldn’t. It’s not right, and it’s not fair to Tanner—who just now crosses my mind for the first time since this morning.

I’m a walking cliché. My boyfriend is out of state, so what do I do? I start crushing on his brother. Great.

However, if I’m honest, it was Tucker who I resisted at first. It was Tucker who had drawn my attention from the beginning.

But it was Tanner who got my heart.

Because I let him. Because I didn’t let myself want Tucker. I’m all kinds of messed up.

Heart? You suck.

“Okay,” I say.

“Okay? That’s all you have to say?”

I nod, not trusting myself to speak, because I know I’ll do nothing but dig an enormous, deep hole for myself. One that I do not want to dig. At least not here at a birthday party.

“Interesting. Your boyfriend’s brother has a mad crush on you and you say ‘okay’? Right?”

“Right,” I repeat.

“And you’re not gonna fess up to crushing on him back?” she inquires.

The bowl of cake and ice cream I’m holding goes falling to the ground.

“Well, waste all the good food, why don’t you.”

I want to strangle her for doing this to me. But that’s Rae. She says crazy things and then moves on from it all while everyone else is still standing around with their jaws on the ground.

“You gonna be okay?” she says, waving a hand in front of my face.

I don’t know. Hearing all this out loud is…overwhelming. It seems much safer to think in my head.

“I…um…I…”

“You know I’m not going to judge you, Maura. Am I ticked you didn’t think you could come to me about all this? Sure. But I won’t judge you. We can’t help who we like,” she says softly, bending down to pick up the bowl.

I snap out of whatever odd trance I’m in and move to grab a paper towel.

“Am I a bad person?” I say, squatting down next to her to wipe up my mess.

She looks at me, directly in the eyes, and says, “I’ll never think you’re a bad person, Maura. You’re the best person I know.”

I close my eyes briefly to hold back the tears, because damn. That meant so much more to me than I thought it ever would.

I blow out a breath and open my eyes back up. “Thank you.”

“Anytime. Now—” she pulls me up along with her “—tell me.”

I throw away the paper towel, and we go back to scooping ice cream and cake.

“It’s…complicated.”

“What isn’t?” she mumbles.

“That’s not fair. You and Hudson weren’t complicated at all. You fell in love and BAM! Happily ever after.”

She sighs dreamily. “Yeah, it was like that, huh?” I nod. “But it’s not always pretty. I mean, you saw us today.”

“You argued for like four hours. Tops. You two never fight. You flow.”

“We disagree on lots of things. Hudson is an ass sometimes, and I’m a crazy bitch. Wanna know our secret? We let shit go. Neither one of us likes to focus on the bad crap. We’ve had enough of it in our pasts. We know how fast you can lose someone you care about. Working on the here and now, always looking to tomorrow, that’s what’s important to us.”

I consider what she says, and I guess I have to agree. I focus too much on yesterday. I need to start concentrating on the future.

“Anyway. This isn’t about Hudson or me. Let’s un-complicate this shit here and now. Let me in, Maurie,” she says, elbowing me lightly and wiggling her eyebrows at me. “You know you wanna.”

“Fine,” I grumble. “Tucker was the first one I noticed. When you were over there getting their drink orders, I was checking them out. I had no idea it was Hudson’s table, but I was definitely interested.”

“In Tucker,” she clarifies.

“In Tucker.” I nod. “Something about him has always called to me. Always.”

She screws her lips up. “That I can see. So, how’d you end up with Tanner?”

I start to speak when she interrupts.

“Let me guess—your parents.”

“Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner.” Rae being Rae, she fakes the roaring of a crowd and fist pumps. She may be a loser, but she’s my loser. “They were all I could think of every time I looked at Tucker. He stuck out to me, but all I could hear were my parents picking him apart and saying all their usual bullshit to me about him.”

“So you settled,” she finishes.

“Yep.”

Rae grimaces and flatly says, “That’s…stupid.”

“Yep.”

“So. Now what?”

“What do you mean, ‘Now what?’ I live with my choice. I break up with Tanner because it’s not working, and I can’t keep faking it. Then I cut my losses and move forward. The end.”

“Well, that’s bullshit,” Rae says with obvious exasperation.

“What?”

“You! You’re gonna give up on someone who makes you feel like he does? I don’t think that’s fair.”

“And I don’t think it would be right of me to break up with one brother and then jump into bed with the other.”

“The heart wants what the heart wants, Maura. End of story,” she says haughtily, practically throwing the ice cream back into the freezer.

She thinks that’s going to work? Telling me the heart wants what it wants and trying to make me be with Tucker won’t work. At all. I’ve had enough people making decisions for me in my lifetime.

“I say end of story. I’ll cut my losses. Deal? Deal,” I tell her firmly as I stack bowls onto a tray and carry them outside.

The kids, and Perry, come running over immediately to get their hands on the sugar-fest I’m currently holding.

It doesn’t take long for me to feel Tucker’s eyes on me. Since he’s so good at reading me, I’m sure he can sense my irritated mood.

When I finish handing out the last of the bowls, I deposit the tray onto the small table that’s outside. Making my way over to Tucker, because that’s where I’m starting to feel most comfortable, I ignore the pointed stare I’m getting from Rae.

“You good?” he asks as I sit down next to him.

“Hmm.”

He chuckles softly, and I can see that beautiful smile of his out of the corner of my eye. “Yep. You’re good. Sassy as usual.”

“Sassy? Never heard that one before. Shy, meek maybe, but not sassy. I like it.”

Tucker leans over and says, “Me too, Maura. Me too.”

I smile softly at that.

“You should do that more often.”

“Do what?” I ask.

“Smile like that. It’s cute,” he responds, getting up to go grab dessert from Rae.

Did Tucker call me cute? No, no way. He called your smile cute, Maura. Not you. But still. It should kind of count. Right?

Screw it. I’m counting it.

I’m not going to think about how I shouldn’t. I’m not going to think about what his compliments mean to me. And I am definitely not going to think about how he accepts me as I am, never pushing me.

I’m not. I won’t. I can’t.

“He’s right,” Gaige says in a low voice, pulling me from my thoughts and taking Tucker’s seat. “You’ve got a great smile. Or should I say your smile for him is great.”

I want to glare at Gaige for being so nosey, but instead I ignore him and refuse to peek over in his direction.

He doesn’t wait for a response, because he knows he’s not getting one.

“You’re different with him. You even sit differently when he’s around. You’re not as stiff. I think he may be good for you.”

“You know, I always thought you were just the quiet handsome one.”

“Yeah? What the hell do you think I’m doing when I’m so quiet? I’m a watcher, Maura,” he tells me. I don’t have to look over to know the type of grin he’s wearing.

“And a pervert.”

“Sometimes.”

I laugh lightly at that. Gaige is…different. He’s beautiful, sure, but he’s also quiet. So quiet that he usually doesn’t say anything until about ten minutes into one of our little group gatherings. His silence is captivating, makes a person curious. Plus, he has this vibe about him that makes anyone within a five mile radius fall in love with him. That’s never good for a heart. And I have a feeling he’s broken a lot of them along the way. He’s lethal.

“In all seriousness, I like the person you are when he’s around. You finally seem to be more yourself.”

Stupid, observant, handsome asshole.

“I feel it,” I admit quietly.

I catch his head nod out of my peripheral.

“Good. Very good. But, Maura? Don’t break his heart, okay? Tuck’s a good guy. He doesn’t deserve that.”

A bark of laughter flies out of my mouth, and I finally peek over at him. “Gaige Addams, are you giving me ‘the speech’? That’s adorable.”

His lips don’t even twitch at my teasing. “I am.”

“I have no intentions of breaking his heart, Gaige,” I tell him seriously.

He considers my statement for a moment, eyeing me with those dark brown soulful eyes of his. “But that’s not a promise.”

I shrug and look away again. “It’s all you’re getting until I get a promise mine won’t get broken either. It’s a two-way street.”

He stands up and takes two steps before he quietly says, “Or three, in your case.”

Asshole.

* * *

“You about ready to head out?”

I look up from my phone to find Tucker standing over me. I was so focused on what’s on my screen that I didn’t see him coming.

Glancing back down, I read the text from Tanner one more time. I’m sorry is all it says.

For what?

I assume he feels like he’s done something wrong to warrant me not talking to him these past few days. His assumption would be both true and false. I’m still peeved at him, but I’m also pulling a bitch card and trying to distance myself from him.

I put my phone back in my pocket along with all my Tanner-related worries.

“Ready whenever you are,” I tell him, standing up and stretching.

I don’t miss the way Tucker’s honey-colored eyes scroll down my body.

And I don’t miss how much I enjoy it.

His appraisal is slow and intimate, but I think a lot of that has to do with how deeply he can see me. It feels like when he stares at me, he methodically peels away all my layers at his own leisure, like he’s stripping me down to my soul, seeing me for everything that I truly am.

I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t like it. But I like everything when it comes to Tucker. I like the way he makes me feel, the way he grins at me, the way he laughs with me. I like it when he’s serious. I like it when he’s relaxed. I like it all.

I like him.

“Maurie?” Rae says cautiously, walking up behind us. “Can I have a moment?”

Tucker cocks his head and silently asks me ‘what’s up,’ so I give him a small nod that tells him ‘not now.’ He takes it for what it is. “I’ll give you girls a moment.”

I don’t turn around and face Rae immediately, schooling my face into an indecipherable look.

“Please stop being mad at me.”

That makes me turn around. “Stop being mad at you? I’m not mad, Rae. I’m disappointed.”

Her eyebrows lift at the use of the word, because she knows that’s Maura-speak for worse than mad.

“You were treating me like they do in there, trying to make decisions for me. You know how I feel about that.”

Translation: I fucking hate it.

“That’s not at all what I was telling you,” she tries to explain, stepping closer to me and lowering her voice. “I want you to understand something, Maura. Look at me.” And I do because staring into Rae’s eyes and talking to her is like seeing into her heart. When she requests you do that, it means serious business. “You need to know that what you’re feeling is okay. I promise. It’s okay. You can have feelings for both of them. But you cannot keep living your life for everyone else. You cannot keep toeing the line and doing whatever the hell it is you think you’re supposed to do. Throw it all out the window. Follow your fucking heart for once, Maura. Be you.”

From the second Rae opened her mouth, my heart began beating faster and faster. Not because I’m nervous to hear what she has to say. Not because I thought she was going to be mean. Not because I’m upset with her.

Because she’s right. And I knew she would be.

Rae is the one person in my life who will, no matter what, spit the truth at me and promise not to spare my feelings during it.

I need that. I need honesty and trust. I need to know that someone is going to be there for me no matter what, taking in all the different parts of me and letting me know it’s okay to be me. It’s okay to not conform. It’s okay to take chances.

Rae gives that all to me.

I throw my arms around her neck and squeeze the crap out of her.

“You’re the best best friend a girl could ever have,” I tell her.

She returns the hug with equal ferocity. “Ditto, hooker. I’m sorry I sucked in there. I want you to be happy. For once.”

I laugh lightly. I want that too.

We pull apart. “Okay, go. Leave. My stupid eyes are about to fucking leak, and I don’t need that shit today.”

“Congrats, by the way. You’re getting that fairytale ending we all want in life.”

Rae sighs dreamily. “I am, huh? But you’ll get yours too. Promise.”

I give her a small shrug. “Maybe one day.”

“See you this week?” she says hopefully.

I give her a thumbs up and turn to find Tucker.

I don’t find him out back anywhere, so I walk back inside.

“Your man is out front,” Perry says from his lawn chair, lounging back a little too loosely, his head lolling to the side.

Guess that no-booze talk didn’t go too well.

“My man, eh?”

As he takes a sip from a glass that I’m sure isn’t full of soda, he mumbles, “Seems like it to me.”

I ignore him and promise myself I’ll give him and Rae a call this week so that maybe we can get together to figure out what in the hell is going on with him.

I wave goodbye to Hudson, Rae, and Gaige, having already said goodbye to Joey earlier when she went inside with her friends. Then I walk around the side of Hudson’s house, through the gate, and straight to the front yard.

All the air leaves my lungs as I step to the edge of the yard.

Tucker’s leaning up against his car, arms crossed over his chest, and watching down the road. He appears so serene.

But that’s not my favorite part. It’s the way the moonlight is barely hitting his face and the way the shadows of the street contour to the other half. It’s as if the moon, stars, and clouds are all out for him tonight, showing that there are two sides to Tucker Bentley.

I can’t decide which part of him I like the most—the Tucker he shows everyone else or the Tucker he shows me. Either way I look at it, it’s Tucker. Both sides make up who he is. Both sides make me happy. Both sides make my traitorous heart beat too fast. And worst of all, both sides make me want him like I shouldn’t.

I take a deep breath, finally coming to terms with what I admitted to myself and just how huge it is. Bigger than anything else I’ve ever admitted to. But I think I’m okay with it. It feels right. I feel right. Finally.

Watching him now makes me understand what Rae was meaning, that sometimes the heart wants what it wants. You have to say screw it and go for it. I get that Tucker makes me feel something that Tanner never will. I get that I’ve never—and I mean never—had this sort of connection before. I spent months and months avoiding being in the same room as Tucker, throwing myself into a relationship with his brother, ignoring everything I felt every time we were within ten feet of one another, because of how hard he makes my heart thump. Because of how he looks at me. Because of how much he makes me want to be, well, me. I tossed it all out the window because none of it was what I thought I was supposed to feel, what I was allowed to feel.

But now? Now I’m ready to listen to my heart because Rae is right, and life is too damn short for ‘what ifs.’

I’m ready.

Well, almost.

He must feel my stare because Tucker’s head suddenly whips around, his gaze crashing into mine. Neither one of us moves. We merely watch each other, letting this moment sink in.

Because I swear, in this moment, we acknowledge and accept whatever is happening between us.

Then Tucker does something that will change everything between us for the rest of forever—he extends his hand to me.

It changes everything because that’s not all he’s doing. He’s asking me to give up what I have with Tanner, to give into who I am, to become free. Most importantly, he’s asking me to let it all happen with him, letting me know he’s going to support me.

I slowly make my way toward him, never breaking eye contact, my heart threatening to break out of my chest. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boomboomboomboom.

I place my hand into Tucker’s, and he pulls me close, dropping his forehead to mine. We close our eyes and let our breaths mingle between us.

“I hate the way you make me feel. I hate that you get me, that I want you. I hate that we’re in this situation because I’m too much of an asshole to hold it all in. I hate that I’m saying this out loud, but I can’t keep it in anymore. Not when you look at me like you do,” he says softly.

Fuck. That there? It’s everything I hate too.

“I hate it more,” I respond just as quietly.

It’s true; I do. I hate it so much because I know how wrong it is, that I don’t have to say anything to him, but he fully understands what’s going through my mind. I shouldn’t have the urge to press my lips against his every single time I see him.

But no matter what, nothing can happen until I break up with Tanner. Nothing.

So I dig down deep and put on a brave face, pulling away until there’s a good foot between us.

“I think I’m ready to go home now,” I tell him in the strongest voice I can muster.

He studies me carefully and nods once, understanding exactly what I’m saying.

Tucker opens the door for me, but before I get in, he grabs my wrist gently. “Can I take you to that dinner for your parents?”

I look down at where his hand is circled around my arm, observing how different our skin is together. His is wrapped in tattoos and mine is untouched. Together they’re beautiful and complement one another in a way I never expected.

I like how we are together more than I’ve ever liked anything before.

Smiling, I turn toward him and say, “I’d like that.”