I keep seeing Raymond Costa’s face for the next few days everywhere I go.

The mayor doesn’t come into work. He just disappears, and nobody seems to know where he is. The office is buzzing about it, but I don’t say anything, since I have a pretty good idea.

I think Buddy’s either drunk somewhere in a ditch or dead or probably both. I think that horrifying old man caught him and finished him off, and I’m afraid that Elias and the baby are next.

On the surface, Raymond looked so normal, like a regular grandfather. But as soon as he started talking I knew something was wrong. It was in his eyes, the way he smiled. It was like nothing mattered and nothing made him happy but he was going to force himself to smile anyway. It was a smile despite the pain, or because of the pain, and that’s all the more terrifying. It was like a grimace as much as a grin, and I couldn’t believe nobody else was freaking out about it.

Elias calmed me down, though, and promised that he’d figure it out. He’s been hunting for Buddy along with Marko and some of Marko’s men. I don’t know what Elias plans on doing when they find the mayor, but I know it won’t be a good thing.

Meanwhile, I keep going to work like my life isn’t hanging in the balance.

Three days pass like this. The office during the day, Elias during the night. At least the night feels good. I haven’t been sleeping in the extra bedroom, really I haven’t been sleeping much at all. Elias is insatiable, and I have to admit that he still leaves me quivering and hungry for more at the end of every night. We only go to sleep because I know I have to, not because I want to.

Things change on day four. I get home from work like I normally do and start cooking both of us dinner. Elias comes back from the shop, since he still has to repair the bikes he had when Jimmy and Vito messed things up. He’s nearly done, which is a huge weight off him, I can tell. He’s proud of what he built and takes it all incredibly seriously.

“How was the office today, dear?” Elias asks with a wink and a grin.

I give him a look. “The usual. Buddy’s still missing.”

“I know. I looked around this morning for a few hours but couldn’t find him. I think I’ve looked in every bar in Providence at this point, but nothing.”

“Do you think…?” I trail off, giving him a look.

He shakes his head. “I doubt it. Buddy won’t die easy, and I think Raymond and his people would let us know if they grabbed him.”

I nod and go back to cooking. I want to ask him what we’re going to do, since our deadline is fast approaching, but I don’t. I know he has some plans and I suspect he’s not telling me for a reason. I’m guessing I don’t really want to know.

I finish up and we sit down to eat. Elias talks to me about his clients, joking about all the mafia guys he’s built bikes for. I know he’s just trying to lighten the mood, but I can’t stop thinking about the deadline and the old man and my baby.

It surprises me how much I’m thinking about the baby. I didn’t know I’d get this attached, but the more I picture the baby with Elias, the more I think we could be a family. It’s so strange, how quickly we’ve bonded, but I feel it running deep like water. This image of the three of us feels good to me, and the idea of becoming a mother isn’t quite so terrifying as long as I have Elias.

And he seems just as dedicated as he was in the beginning. If anything, I should be the one running away, but I’m not. I don’t think I could anymore, not now that Raymond actually saw me with Elias. I don’t think that would be safe for me, not anymore at least.

Elias gives me a smile across the table. “You okay?” he asks suddenly.

“Sure,” I say. “What?”

“You were drifting off.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

He nods, not pushing it. I’ve been doing that a lot lately. He goes to start talking again, but his phone rings in his jeans. He pulls it out with a frown.

“Marko,” he says. “You mind?”

“No, take it.”

He stands up, bringing the phone to his ear. “Hey, Marko. Yeah, what’s up?” He stands there, listening for a second, his face slowly dropping. “No fucking shit,” he says softly. “So what now?” He listens a little bit more, nodding to himself. “Okay, fine. We can be there soon. See you.” He hangs up and slides it back into his pocket.

The look he gives me next chills me, and I know it’s going to be a turning point.

“They found him,” he says. “Two towns over in some little bumble-fuck place, the middle of nowhere.”

“He’s alive?”

Elias nods. “He’s alive. And he’s… he’s asking for you.”

I blink, surprised. “What do you mean?”

He sighs and walks over to me, kneeling down in front of me. “I’ve asked too much of you already, gotten you way too tangled up in this shit. Listen, if you want to run, now’s your chance. I’ll give you some money, you can run the fuck away, never look back. You’re just a nobody, Raymond won’t bother you.”

I stare at him, and I can see the dream of our future together. But I can feel my intense need to save my baby, to keep it safe. It wars inside of me in this moment, and I know I can’t turn back, no matter what choice I make.

I look into his deep, beautiful eyes. He stares back at me, completely sincere. I know he’d give me money and drive me wherever I want to go right this second. He’d do anything for me.

“I’m staying,” I say. “Where’s Buddy?”

Elias nods, but he doesn’t look happy. If anything, he looks like he’s in pain, but he takes my hand and we stand up together, and I know I’m not turning back.

* * *

It’s raining as Elias pulls slowly down the pitch-black back road.

“You sure it’s around here?” I ask him.

He grunts. “GPS says it is.”

I frown and look out the window. We haven’t seen anything for at least a mile, and I have no clue what Buddy would be doing all the way out here in the middle of nowhere.

We slowly round a bend and suddenly up ahead are several cars parked on the side of the road. Elias sighs as we slow down and pull in behind them. “That’s Marko’s truck,” he says.

“What the hell is going on here?” I ask him.

He shakes his head and puts the truck in park. Buddy’s car is at the front of the line, an old Jaguar with a big dent in the side. It’s pretty unmistakable, since not a lot of people drive Jags around here, let alone one with a dent like that. Elias looks at me with a frown.

“You should stay in here,” he says.

“No, he asked for me.”

“I know, but…” He sighs, shaking his head. “I don’t want to put you in any danger. You know?”

“I know,” I say, smiling. I lean across the seats and kiss him softly. “It’s okay. What could Buddy possibly do?”

Elias grunts but doesn’t look happy. We get out of the car and Marko approaches right away, looking somber.

“What’s up?” Elias asks, approaching his friend.

Marko glances at me. “We found him, but he’s in bad shape,” he says.

“How?” Marko hesitates, and Elias looks impatient. “Just spit it out.”

“He was parked on the side of the road, drunk and passed out when we found him. He’s awake now and not fucking happy. Anyway, apparently some local called it in to the cops but we were lucky enough to have a friend in the department.”

“You guys have cops on the pay roll?” I ask him, not sure why I’m so surprised.

Marko just nods. “In most precincts around Providence. Out here, there are only a couple guys we can trust, and the call just so happened to go into one of them. Anyway, he called us, and now here we are.”

“He didn’t call Raymond?” Elias asks.

Marko shakes his head. “Loyal to me, specifically. Like I said, lucky as all fucking hell.” He hesitates again and I can tell there’s more. “Well, not that lucky.”

“Show us,” Elias says.

Marko looks at me again. “Listen, this is a little… hard to see. You might not want to come over here.”

“I can handle it,” I say.

“You ever see a murder victim before?”

I stare at him, shocked. “Buddy… killed someone?”

Marko just nods. “I think so. Anyway, there’s a dead hooker in his fucking trunk, so.”

“Fucking piece of shit,” Elias says, anger flashing. “Are you fucking kidding? What a fucking cliché.”

“Tell me about it,” Marko says. “But you’d be surprised how many hookers end up dead in some asshole’s trunk.”

“She’s… dead?” I ask, stunned. “And Buddy did it? How?”

Marko shakes his head. “We’re not sure. Doesn’t look like it was violent. I’d guess drugs, but who knows.”

Elias curses and I let out a breath. “She overdosed,” I say.

“That’s what Buddy claims,” Marko agrees. “He’s asking for you, you know.”

“Why?” I ask. “He doesn’t even know me.”

“I’m not sure he knows anyone right now.” He sighs. “Well, come on. Let’s get this over with.”

Elias glances at me. “You should stay here.”

“No. It’s okay.”

He just shrugs, and I follow the two men as they walk along the cars, up to Buddy’s Jaguar.

The girl in the trunk is younger than I thought she’d be, maybe around my age, rail thin with ratty blonde hair and too much makeup. Her dress is torn and her bra’s showing, although I don’t know why that stands out to me so much. She’s clearly dead. A few of Marko’s guys are standing around smoking cigarettes and quietly joking with each other like there isn’t some dead girl here.

I stare at her unmoving chest, her blank, slack face, and I wonder about her life, her friends, her family. I feel something start to build in my chest, my heart beating fast, my breath coming shallow.

I take a step back away from her while Elias and Marko discuss what to do. I suddenly feel like I’m going to freak the fuck out and scream. I want to run away, get away from here, get away from these people that act so casual around a dead body. I know rationally that I’m having a panic attack and that I need to get it together, since these guys are only doing what they think is best and none of them hurt this girl, but I can’t help it.

I stumble away from the Jaguar, breathing fast. Elias and Marko don’t notice me as I stagger away like I’m drunk or something.

“You don’t look so good.”

I come to a halt and turn my head toward one of the black SUVs parked to my left. Buddy’s face grins at me out the window.

“Mayor?” I ask, feeling dizzy.

“Come on, you poor girl,” he says, opening the door. “Come in here.”

I don’t know why I listen. Nobody’s paying attention to me, and the SUV’s empty aside from Buddy, but I’m not in my right mind. I’m still freaking out about the girl. Buddy’s the last person I should want to talk to, but apparently that thought doesn’t occur to me until I’m already climbing into the car.

I pull the door shut and lean back in the seat, breathing fast.

“Okay,” he says. “Just take it easy. Deep breaths, real slow, like this.” He breathes in and out, slow and exaggerated. “Go ahead, you do it, in and out. Nice and slow, good.”

I listen to him, breathing deep and slow, getting myself under control. My hands are trembling but my heart’s slowing down and I feel like I’m at least partially in control of myself now.

I look over at Buddy and he’s smiling at me. He’s still wearing the exact same shirt and pants he was wearing the last time I saw him, except now they’re filthy, practically soiled. His eyes are red rimmed and manic but his smile seems genuine enough, almost paternalistic.

“There you go,” he says. “All calmed down. You shouldn’t have gone to see her.”

“What was her name?” I don’t know why I ask.

He shrugs. “Said it was Starlet, but I doubt that.”

“You didn’t even know her name,” I say softly.

“No, I didn’t.” He muses a little bit, pursing his lips. “Strange how we can enter each other’s lives for so short a period, but make such a big impact.”

I stare at him for a second. “Did you kill her?”

“No,” he says. “Not my style. The heroin killed her.”

“Since when did you do heroin?”

“Since today, or maybe yesterday, I can’t really be sure.” He shrugs and laughs a little wickedly. “One hell of a bender I’ve been on.”

I glare at him. “You know the mafia is coming after me and Elias now, right?”

He looks back at me and his smile slowly fades. “Are they?”

“Yes,” I say, feeling angry now. “You’re letting your son take the fall for your own mistakes.”

“I guess you could see it that way,” he says softly. “From my perspective, my son is victim to a broken system, and that’s no more my fault than anything else in this world is.”

“It’s completely your fault, Buddy. You got into debt. Now you’re refusing to pay it.”

“Maybe,” he says, and laughs a little bit. “Or maybe it’s Raymond’s fault for giving me more and more money and power. Or maybe it’s my wife’s fault for convincing me to have children. Or maybe it’s your fault for, I don’t fucking know, something.” He shrugs a little bit. “Life is complicated, my little chickadee. Lots of bad shit happens, but how can I be held responsible for acts that are outside of my control?” He stretches his legs and looks out the window before looking back at me. “I’m the mayor, chickadee. I’m the most powerful man in Providence. Raymond, he’s just a thug, he’ll cave. He can’t hurt me or anyone I care about. None of this is my fault, he’ll see, and I’ll use all my power against him to destroy him.” He nods to himself, grinning madly. “You’ll see. I’ll fix it.”

I stare at him, completely at a loss for words. His total level of denial and self-indulgence shocks me, although it probably shouldn’t. This is the most corrupt mayor in the history of the whole damn world. Elias has been telling me over and over that Buddy is a bad person, rotten to the core, not worth trying to help or save. We’re only doing it because we need Buddy.

But part of me thought that was just exaggeration. Part of me thought that Buddy would come through in the end, because Elias is his son, and Buddy’s still a person after all. I couldn’t imagine the kind of man that would shove his son in front of a moving truck like this, but clearly I was fooling myself.

Buddy’s delusional. His total lack of self-awareness, his narcissism, his willingness to destroy his own son is so horrifying that I almost want to scream.

“Why did you want to see me?” I ask suddenly.

He blinks then laughs. “Oh, yeah, that’s right. Did I get any important calls while I was away?”

“What?” I ask flatly.

“In the office,” he says, grinning huge. “Did you ask my secretary? Any important calls?”

I watch him for another second before I push open the door and get out of the car.

“Wait,” he says, “where are you going? I need my calls!”

I shut the door and walk away, head reeling. He’s an insane man, completely and utterly insane. And we’re so totally screwed. I turn away from the SUV and start back toward Elias’s truck, horrified, angry, frightened, when someone grabs my arm.

I turn around, ready to scream, but he has me. He pulls me against him. “It’s okay,” he says, “it’s just me. It’s Elias.”

I groan and hug him tight. “Fuck, Elias,” I say.

“What happened? You just disappeared for a second.”

I pull him tight and he holds me there. I don’t care that Marko’s guys are watching us, or that Buddy is in the SUV a few feet away, gibbering about important government business. I just need to feel Elias to remind myself why I’m here and why I haven’t lost it completely.

Slowly I pull back. He kisses my lips gently. “You okay?”

“I’m okay,” I say. “We need to give Buddy over to Raymond.”

He laughs softly. “Really? I thought you wanted to help him.”

“Fuck him,” I say.

That makes him laugh even more. “Well, well, well, look at you. Finally seeing the light.”

“He’s insane, Elias. I mean it, he’s insane.”

“Well, he’s definitely high right now,” Elias says. “Marko told me they found a ton of drugs in his car, so who knows what he’s been taking lately.”

“He’s a monster. He doesn’t care if you go down for this whole thing, as long as it doesn’t touch him.”

“I know,” Elias says softly, still smiling slightly. “But we have a better idea.”

I look up into his eyes and I let out a sigh. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you before.”

“It’s okay.” He kisses me softly again and takes my hand in his. “We’re going to get through this.”

“Are you sure? The only person that can really solve any of this is a selfish psycho.”

“Hey,” Elias says softly, tipping my chin up toward him. “Buddy can’t save us and he never will. But I’m going to.”

I meet his gaze and kiss him one more time. I realize that deep down, I believe him. I know it’s insane, or maybe irresponsible, but I do.

Elias is nothing like his father. He’s the opposite of Buddy. Elias is caring, kind, loving, and willing to help other people. Buddy makes me sick, even a little afraid. But Elias gives me hope.

I kiss him again and slowly my nerves calm, and I know I’m doing the right thing.