I was going to be a father.

Or at least I was going to be something like a father. I had a kid on the way, and if that made me a father, well, I guess I was a fucking father.

I was back in the gym again with Calvin. That was basically my life in the off-season, working out all day and partying all night. Or at least lately it had been just working out all day and keeping it low key at night.

For some reason, the big blowout parties didn’t sound fun to me anymore. It was all a fucking chore, and now that I wasn’t paying the mob to take care of that shit for me, it just didn’t seem worth it.

So I was concentrating on working out. Or at least I was usually concentrating. Today I could only think about Charley and the baby, and what that meant for me.

I hadn’t had a good father figure. I didn’t know what it meant to be a normal dad in a normal family, or if that was even possible for me. My father was a drunk and a gambler, and he left my mother buried in fucking mob debt. I didn’t know what it meant to be good.

But I did know that I needed to try. I needed to step up and be a man again. I took on my mother’s debt and saved her, and now I was going to have to take responsibility for this child. I could bitch and moan about how we were careful and wore condoms and all that shit, but it didn’t matter. The condom broke, and now Charley was pregnant.

Maybe I shouldn’t have trusted her or believed her, but I did. I even believed her when she said that she did everything because of the pressure from the mafia and that she had even decided not to go through with it. I believed her when she told me all these things, but it didn’t change the fact that she did fuck up and betray me.

It wasn’t like I was a perfect man. I made mistakes. I drank too much, fucked too many women, said some things I regretted, like yesterday at my place, when Charley came over. I fucking regretted being such a dick to her. I had just been so angry and in fucking shock that I hadn’t known what else to do.

It was petty, though. There was something bigger than both of us now. We were going to have a baby, and that little baby was all that mattered.

“Yo, Bull.” I looked up suddenly. Calvin was staring at me. “What are you doing, man?”

“Huh?”

“We switched like five minutes ago. What are you doing?”

I looked down and realized that I was doing the wrong exercise. “Shit,” I said. “My bad.”

“It’s cool.” He gave me a look. “You okay, man? You seem more distracted, worse than usual.”

I shrugged. “I’m good, I guess.”

“You guess?”

“It’s nothing.”

“I haven’t seen Charley lately.”

I cringed. I hadn’t told Calvin about what had happened. “We had a falling out.”

“Who’s fault?”

I paused. “Hers, but also mine.”

“That’s how it always is.”

“But she’s pregnant now.”

He looked like I had socked him in the jaw. “You fucking serious?”

“Yeah,” I said. “She’s pregnant, man.”

“Holy shit. Did you get a paternity test?”

“No, I didn’t get a fucking test, and I’m not going to.”

“Dude, you gotta test that shit. I hate to be an asshole, but we have a lot of money, and some women will do whatever it takes to get it.”

“She’s not trapping me with a baby. She doesn’t even want money from me.”

“That’s what they say at first.”

“Fuck off, Calvin. This is serious.”

“I know,” he said. “What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to step up,” I said. “I’ll try and be a father to this kid.”

“What about with her?”

“I don’t know about that yet. Shit’s complicated.”

“Look, I know she’s a journalist. I’m guessing some shit went down around that?”

“Yeah,” I admitted.

“You got a baby now, man. You gotta get over it.”

“I know,” I said. “I’m working on it. I don’t let shit go very easily.”

“I know. I’ve seen you level guys on the field just because they gave you a dirty look.”

I grinned at him. “That’s just who I am.”

“Yeah, but you can’t be right now. This girl needs you, and she’s carrying your baby.”

“You’re right,” I said. “I know you’re right.”

“Move past it.”

“I am.” I laughed, shaking my head. “Since when did you get so fucking serious and smart?”

“I’m growing up, brother.”

“Yeah. I guess we all are.”

We got back to work, lifting and working hard, but my mind was elsewhere.

Calvin was right. I had to get over my shit and move past it. I had to help Charley.

And the truth was, I wanted to help her. I wanted to fucking be with her. I wanted to let go of my prideful anger and do what I really wanted to do, which was strip off her clothes and fuck her deep until she screamed my name. Afterward, I wanted to hold her until our sweat dried on our skin.

That was what I really wanted with her. Despite everything, I had this intense connection with her that I could barely explain. I’d let her into my world, and now I wanted to keep her in it.

No more fucking around. I was getting to work, and I was getting to it seriously.