Neon Sign

“Hey, guys! I wonder why they call this bar Neon Sign!” Mike roared into our ears.

He said the same thing every time we came to this bar. I looked around the bar and the whole walls were covered with different neon signs you can buy. There was a “Fuck Me” sign on one side of the wall and on the other side a crocodile smoking a cigar. Somewhere old. Somewhere new. I had my fair share of neon signs at home above my bed, each sign was a reminder of me getting too wasted.

Samuel took Mike’s hand off his shoulder and sipped his beer.

“Hey, Mike,” I mumbled.

“Are we ready to get WASTED!” He roared again.

“Yeah. Yeah.” I rolled my eyes. “I just need to relax. I had a rough day.”

“What are you talking about a rough day? You worked from home today?” Samuel pushed up his glasses.

He knew he was being an ass. He handed me a tree worth of reports yesterday of the different changes I needed to do.

“Shut the fuck up.” I smiled back.

Mike clapped his hands, “I wanna get laid today so I was thinking the usual.” He looked my way.

“Nah. I’m not feeling it. I just want a drink and relax.”

Samuel looked my way.

“What- What the fuck man! You haven’t gotten laid in like weeks!” Mike whined.

I wasn’t going to correct him and say I was getting laid at home, thanks to my little sister.

“I’m just not feeling it, Mike.”

Mike got out of his chair. “Fine. You wanna drink. Then let’s drink.” He was pissed I wasn’t going to be his wingman.

Samuel was still eyeballing me. He was getting on my last nerve.

“What, Samuel?” I snapped.

“Nothing.” He went back to his beer with a smile as if he already gotten all the information he needed.

“Let’s drink!!!” Mike yelled. He came back with two pitchers of beer. “One for me and one for you.” He smiled with all his teeth.

Well. Shit. I guess I’ll be buying another neon sign tonight.

“I’ll sit out tonight. Go crazy.” Samuel took his last sip of his only beer.

I finished my first beer and started to pour my first drink from the pitcher.

“Chug! Chug! Chug!” Mike chanted.

It was like he was still in a frat house. I chugged my second beer and moved on to my third. It was already hitting me. I was getting tipsy and I still had about three beers worth in the pitcher.

I was at beer number five now. One more beer to go.

Samuel picked up the menu, “What do you guys want to eat. I’m paying.”

“Chicken and Fries. But curly fries. No.” Mike paused. “Maybe the straight fries, but they want to experiment.” Mike blurted out.

“Yes. Two orders.” I agreed with Mike.

“What?” Samuel was so confused.

I knew I was drunk when I understood Mike.

“We want some chicken tenders with curly and regular straight fries,” I mumbled.

Samuel let out a little chuckled. “My God. You’re a fucking asshole.”

“Thank you, DAD.” I blurted out. Samuel gave me the finger as he headed toward the bar to order.

There were so many people there was no way we would get a waiter at our table. Mike was checking out a blonde across the bar.

“You like?” I chugged beer number five.

“Daddy likes.” He looked over to me. “Come on Nate. Let’s do the usual setup and get her. I’ll have the blonde and you can have her brunette friend.” He pointed over to the girl standing next to the blonde. “Come on. I know how much you like your brunettes.” He begged.

I looked over at the girl.  She was no Lily.

“Nah. I’m good. I told you.” I poured myself the last beer in the pitcher.

“Man. Fuck you.” He sounded like a little kid.

I looked over at the girls again and they were looking over at Mike and me. They giggled and got out of their chairs. Shit. Please don’t come this way.

“And the gods have spoken.” Mike eyed the girls as they moved across the bar. “They’re coming our way. Remember, the blonde is mine.” He bit his lip checking out the blonde.

“So, when are you boys going to buy us a drink?” The blonde leaned toward Mike pushing her breasts together. Mike was interested.

I started to sip my last beer avoiding the brunette who was already feeling up my arm.

“Come on, Muscles.” The brunette sat in Samuel’s seat.

“That seat is taken.” My voice was cold.

“Yeah, by me.” She giggled not getting the message.

“I’ll buy this round of drink for you ladies, then my friend will get the next round.” Mike winked at me.

“Well, aren’t you a gentleman.” The blonde took a seat on Mike's lap.

She already seemed like she was at her limit for drinks.

“Maybe after our rounds, we can head out of here.” The brunette bit her lip. She placed her hand on my leg and moved it toward my cock.

I grabbed her hand forcefully. “I’m not interested, Girly.”

I might have been drunk, but I wanted nothing to do with this girl. Or any other girl.

“Let’s just have a little fun.” She leaned toward me licking her lips.

I pushed her hand away. “I said. I’m. Not. Interested.” My voice harsh and cold.

She pulled her hand away and jumped off Samuel’s chair. “Excuse me! You would be lucky to get with me.”

She was so insulted that I didn’t want to fuck her. She probably wasn’t used to men rejecting her.

“You can’t talk to my friend like that!” The blonde bounced off Mike's lap.

“Come on girls. He didn’t mean that. He’s just had too much to drink.” Mike yelled as the girls walked away.

I chugged my sixth beer. “Yes, I’m done!” I cheered.

“WHAT THE FUCK MAN!” Mike wailed at me.

I didn’t say anything.

“Seriously. Those two would have sucked us from under the table if we asked.”

“I don’t know why you're acting like a little bitch. I told you, I was good.”

He took a sip of his beer, “Man. You’re going limp dick on me.”

I’ve learned to ignore Mike whenever he starts to get depressed about pussy.

I saw Samuel in the crowd of people with chicken and fries.

“Finally!!” I grunted. “What took you so long.” Samuel placed the food on the table.

“I got a number,” Samuel smirked.

“Well, at least one of us is going to get some action,” Mike whined.

“Waiter?” I questioned.

“No. Chef.” He corrected me.

“Beefy or slender?” Mike questioned with a mouth full of fries.

“Beefy. Always.” Samuel put the number into his pocket.

I started to eat the chicken tenders. Everything tasted so much better when you're drunk.

“You wanna know what your PAL did?” Mike addressed Samuel.

I ignored the story and looked at the neon signs.

Which one do I want? I made a 360 in my chair, looking to find my new purchase. I stopped. That one. It’s perfect.

“Seriously, Nate?” I heard Samuel chuckle.

“What- Oh yeah. I told you I was good. I have my own pussy at home.” I smirked.

They both looked at me.

Mike began to laugh uncontrollably. “You mean your hand.” I started to laugh with Mike.

Samuel gave me no emotions.

“Come on. Samuel. I’m joking.” He couldn’t tell if I was serious or not.

“Fuck. I almost pissed myself. Be right back.”

Samuel and I sat in silence eating our food.

“Knowing you, at this point, you have already decided what sign you want to buy.”

I nodded and pointed to the wall behind me.

“Which one?’ Samuel asked. He searched the wall trying to figure out which one I was going to buy.

“Guess.”

Samuel's eyes skimmed the wall as if he was reading a book. Until he stopped abruptly.

“Oh. Okay. I think I found it.” He looked at me and shook his head.

We went back to silence.

“YouknowhatSamuel.” My words started to become one long sentence.

“What, Nate?” He seemed agitated.

“I am the fate. I made it happened.” I looked back at the sign. “I did-I am fate.”

He rolled his eyes, “Okay, I think you need to just eat your food.”

Mike rolled toward us with three beers.

“One more beer before we hit the road.”

I let out a grunt, “Why not!”

We all chugged the beer at the same time.

I stood up feeling the whole room spin. The neon signs all turning into one giant color.

“I’ll be rightback.” I headed toward the bar with my wallet ready pay for my new sign.

“Where are you going, Nate?” Mike mumbled.

“It’s a sign!”