RYAN STOOD UNDER THE SPRAY and let the water pummel him. He’d been doing push-ups when Emily knocked on his door. He hadn’t expected anyone, but when he’d looked out the peephole and seen her standing there, his heart had dropped to his toes.

He’d thought something was wrong with her. He’d been ready to slay dragons for her. Except he couldn’t slay the one dragon she asked him to kill. Touching her, kissing her—it was wrong. She’d had a rough life with a maniac, and she didn’t need to be a part of the kind of life Ryan led.

She needed a man who could be there for her, not a man who dropped everything and disappeared for weeks on end. A man who might not return. Danger was a regular part of his life, and Emily didn’t deserve that. She’d had enough adversity to last her a lifetime.

Then why do you keep talking to her, asshole?

Yeah, why did he? That was the one thing he couldn’t seem to stop doing even though he knew he should. Every time he said to himself that this was it, this was the day he told her he couldn’t keep texting with her and talking to her, he couldn’t make himself say it. The thought of not hearing her voice made a ball of ice form in his gut. So he let himself have a pass that day. And the next and the next.

Now it had come to this. She was here, telling him she wanted him, and he still couldn’t make her leave.

Ryan turned his face up and let the water flood down over his eyes and nose for a long minute. Then he stepped back and took a deep breath, slicking his hand over his head as he did so.

He turned off the tap and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around his waist and stepping from the shower. He’d needed these few minutes away from her so he could shore up his defenses. But what if she hadn’t waited? What if he walked out into the living room and it was unoccupied?

Maybe that would be best. Yet it also made him feel hollow inside. And cowardly, because he shouldn’t need her to make the decision he was supposed to make.

Ryan stalked into his bedroom—and ground to a halt at the sight of Emily sitting on his bed. Her golden hair gleamed in the light of the lamp, framing her face in a halo. She looked like an angel sitting there, so sweet and achingly lovely—and clothed, thank God, because he hated to think what would have happened to him if she hadn’t been.

She shrugged and gave him a shy smile. “I wasn’t brave enough to be naked when you emerged. But pretend I am, okay?”

Leave it to Emily to go right to the heart of the matter. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“Do you want me, Ryan?”

His cock was going to do the answering for him in about thirty seconds. His blood was rushing south, and things were in motion no matter how hard he tried not to let it happen.

“You’re a beautiful woman. I’m a man who likes women. I think you know the answer.”

Her fingers went to the buttons of her shirt, and his heart skipped several beats.

“I know you think I’m fragile. And maybe I am, but I know if I can ever do this again, ever be whole and enjoy sex, it has to be with you. Tonight.”

He didn’t deny the fragile part, though it was in direct counterpoint to what he’d told Brandy earlier. Yeah, he thought she was fragile. And stronger than hell. She was an enigma to him.

“Jesus, Emily. You couldn’t kiss the guy. So what? That doesn’t mean you need to come over here and have sex with me just to prove you can.”

Her fingers were still moving down the buttons, still slipping them free, until he could see a hint of lace and a line of skin from her collarbone to her waist.

She got to her feet and pulled the shirt from her jeans. Then she let it fall down her arms. Her breasts were full for a small girl, and her skin was so pale and creamy. He might have made a noise of frustration at the sight of all that skin.

His cock was definitely interested now. No more hiding what was happening south of the border.

Her gaze slipped down to the tent in his towel. She swallowed, and he was engulfed with a wave of tenderness for her.

“Emily…” When she looked up at him, he smiled softly. God, she was killing him. “Is this really what you want?”

“Yes. You, Ryan. Just this once if that’s all it can be. I promise I won’t come over here again. I won’t ask you for more. I won’t act like this is something it’s not.”

“You have to understand…” He blew out a frustrated breath. “You’ve been through a lot these past few years. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to be another black mark in your life.”

She took a step toward him and then another. He didn’t move as she stopped in front of him and put a hand on his arm. She ran her fingertips lightly up his forearm, his bicep, across his chest. What she said next pierced his heart.

“You aren’t a black mark. You’re the brightest spot there is.”

---

Emily’s heart was about to pound out of her chest. But she was running out of time, and if this night slipped away and she didn’t kiss this man—make love to him—she might never have another chance.

No, she would never have another chance. Because even if she survived working for Ian Black, Ryan wouldn’t ever want her again. She was about to betray him—betray them all—in a big way. Not because she was doing anything wrong, but because they wouldn’t want her to do it. Colonel Mendez had never offered her this chance. She was certain that had everything to do with Victoria. And maybe Ryan too.

They were too protective, too worried. She loved them for it, but she also felt more and more suffocated as the days went by.

Her fingers glided over his skin, skimmed the planes of muscle. He stood very still and let her touch him, but he couldn’t hide the reaction beneath his towel. Swarms of butterflies swirled in her belly as she reached for the edge of his towel and unhooked it.

It fell to the floor, revealing hot, hard muscle and a very stiff cock.

“Oh,” she breathed.

He caught her hand before she could reach for him, and her gaze collided with his. He looked like a lion ready to pounce. A lion currently working very hard not to do so.

“I should tell you to get the hell out of here… but I can’t. God help me, I can’t.”

“That’s good,” she whispered. “Because I think I will die if you send me away.”

He dragged in a harsh breath. “If at any moment you’re scared, you need to tell me. Don’t stay quiet and hope it gets better.”

She put her hand on his stubbled cheek. “How could I be afraid of you? You took care of me in Qu’rim, and you’ve been a friend to me through everything. I’m not afraid, Ry.”

Yes, she’d wondered if she could be intimate with a man again, but she didn’t wonder anymore. She knew, because the moment his body was revealed to her, wetness and longing had flooded all the darkest recesses of her inner core.

Nothing Ryan could do would scare her. He was too good to her, always had been, and she didn’t fear him. He was the only man—the only man—who could touch her this way.

He turned his head and pressed a kiss into her palm, and she shuddered with the hot sensation flowing through her nerve endings. Her clit swelled and tingled, her folds grew wetter, and her pussy ached in a way she’d almost forgotten. She hadn’t felt desire in so very long.

Ryan hooked her arm around his neck and tugged her in, flush to his body. Their skin met, his hot and damp from his shower, hers hot from looking at him.

He slid a broad hand down her back, over her ass, and flexed his hips against her. He was big and hard and far stronger than she was—but she didn’t fear. He wouldn’t hurt her. Never.

His skin against hers was heaven. She pressed her mouth to his chest, dragged her tongue across the taut muscle until she found his nipple. He stiffened and swore when she sucked it into her mouth.

And then the world tilted and she realized he’d swept her up into his arms. He carried her over to his bed and laid her down on it. While she watched the play of dark and light across his beautiful body, he unzipped her jeans and tugged them down her body. Her panties and bra followed in short order.

Then he was sitting back on his haunches and staring at her. His cock leapt, the only part of him that didn’t seem to obey the command to stay still.

“You’re beautiful, Emily. Everything I imagined and more.”

She felt a little shy lying in his bed, which was silly. “You imagined this?”

He snorted. “Pretty much every day since I met you.”

That thought made her stomach flutter. He’d been thinking about her, and she hadn’t known. She’d spent so many nights wondering if he was even the tiniest bit attracted to her or if he thought of her like a little sister. Because the longer she’d known him, the more she’d wanted him.

He’d been off-limits though. Still would be if she weren’t leaving tomorrow morning.

“I imagined it too.”

He stretched out over top of her, his body so close but not quite touching hers as he held himself up with his powerful arms.

“So many things I want to do to you, Emily.”

She put her arms around his neck and tugged him down. “Then do them. Please, please do them. But start with a kiss, because that’s what I want most right this minute.”

Her eyes closed as his head descended. His lips touched hers. It was a featherlight touch, a tease really. No tongue. Just lips, soft and perfect. That bow in his upper lip—oh, that bow. She darted her tongue out and touched it, and he shuddered.

Then his mouth captured hers in a hot, thrilling kiss that curled her toes and sent syrupy heat pumping through her veins. She opened beneath him, moaning when his tongue touched hers. Their mouths fit perfectly, and their tongues slid and dueled and tasted for what seemed like hours.

He kissed her for a long while, gently sometimes, harder other times. Her nipples were tight little points that scraped against his chest, begging for his attention, but he wouldn’t leave her mouth, wouldn’t stop tasting her lips.

It was the most intimate experience she’d ever had. She hadn’t had many lovers, but the ones she’d had were always eager to get to the main course.

Not Ryan. He kissed her like that was his sole purpose in life, though she could feel the hard swelling of his cock against her pubic bone.

And suddenly she didn’t care about anything but having him inside her. She didn’t need another second of foreplay. She just needed his mouth on hers and his cock deep inside.

Emily shifted her body, opening her legs and wrapping them around him. He groaned as he slid one hand down her side, shaping her, learning her texture, cupping her ass and lifting her against him.

“Please, Ryan,” she begged, tilting her hips, seeking his hard cock. “Please.”

He didn’t refuse her. He shifted, and then she felt the blunt head of his penis as he entered her body. She gasped as he filled her, moaned when they were fully joined skin to skin.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his eyes searching hers.

“Yes. Kiss me again. I need you to kiss me.”

His mouth took hers once more. It felt too good, almost too wonderful to bear. Emily locked her ankles around his waist as he began to move. He was slow at first, controlled. And then he tore his mouth from hers as the tension spiraled higher and he buried his face against her neck, his body pumping into hers faster and harder than before.

Emily caught him close. She flung her head back, surprised at the fresh heat flaring to life in her core. She’d never come like this, never with a man inside her, but as Ryan moved against her, she knew it was going to happen. Joy filled her as she arched into him and thrust her hips up to meet him.

The pressure built and built until it caught her by surprise and flung her out over the edge. She held on for long seconds—and then she let go, falling into pleasure so intense it stole her breath away.

Ryan jerked backward, and then he was spilling onto her belly, his warm semen jetting onto her damp skin as he wrapped his hand around his cock and finished that way.

He got up and grabbed the towel he’d been wearing, cleaning her where he’d spilled himself onto her body. She didn’t know what to say, how to express what he’d given her tonight.

“You didn’t have to do that,” she told him softly. “Pull out, I mean.”

He looked fierce. “Yeah, I did. I should have protected you better than this—”

“I can’t get pregnant.” Tears filled her eyes as she said it. She’d never voiced it to anyone before now, and it hurt to say. Surprisingly, since she’d never been certain if she wanted kids anyway.

Ryan’s eyes filled with sympathy—and maybe even relief. She didn’t like to think of him being relieved they wouldn’t have a baby together, but it was the reality of her life.

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry.”

She sucked in a breath. His sympathy had the power to break her if she let it. “No, it’s okay. You’re relieved, and I get it. We got a little carried away… I should have told you it was okay before.”

He shook his head. “You still deserved better. You don’t know who I’ve been with or what I might have caught.”

She couldn’t help but laugh just a little. “Ryan, you work for a highly specialized military outfit that wants to know if you so much as sneeze. I’m pretty sure you’re okay.”

He finished wiping her clean and threw the towel on the floor. “Yeah, guess that’s true.”

She felt a little shy as his gaze slid over her. She sat up and tugged her knees up, wrapping her arms around them. “Thank you,” she said. “That was amazing.”

She couldn’t read his expression at all. He reached out and skimmed his fingers over her arm.

“Any regrets?”

A million of them, but none that involved him. “No,” she whispered, dropping her gaze.

He tilted her chin up and searched her eyes. “Thank you for trusting me. I know it can’t be easy for you.”

She smiled. It was easy because it was him. “You’ve always been so good to me. I appreciate it more than you know.”

He turned and sat back against the headboard, then pulled her into his arms. “You deserve happiness, Emily. You deserve everything good in life. And you deserve to be treated like the special woman you are.”

She wrapped her arms around his as they sat there together. There was so much she wanted to say to him. So much she couldn’t say. Somehow, Ryan had become her best friend. But how did you tell your best friend you were about to do something he definitely wouldn’t want you to do?

“I wish we’d met under different circumstances,” she said quietly. “I wish so much was different.”

He hugged her tight. Then he nuzzled her hair aside and spoke in her ear. “The only thing I wish is for you to be happy and safe.”

She turned in his arms, tilted her face up to his. “I am happy when I’m with you.”

He looked torn, intense, and she knew he was thinking they couldn’t do this again. But he didn’t know the real reason—and she wasn’t going to share it with him.

“Kiss me, Ryan,” she whispered.

His head dropped to hers. Everything faded but the heat between them.