RYAN DIDN’T RETURN FOR ABOUT an hour. Emily had decided he wasn’t coming, or maybe Matt had told him no way in hell was he leaving his team to be with her, when there was a knock on her door. She lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and thinking about how in the heck she was going to raise a baby, when the sound came.

She didn’t move at first. He’d told her he would sleep on the floor in the hall if she didn’t let him in—but getting past him in the middle of the night to pee would be hell, that’s for sure. Plus, dammit, she just wanted to see him again. She hated herself for the weakness, but there it was.

Emily went over and jerked the door open, gasping when she saw him. Ryan’s face wasn’t quite the same as when he’d left earlier. His eye was red and swelling, and there was a cut over his lip.

“Nick promised! Are you badly hurt?”

Ryan lifted an eyebrow. “What? No, I’m not hurt.”

Emily gritted her teeth. “I’m going to kill him.”

“He doesn’t look much different. In fact, I think he’s currently nursing a bloody nose.”

Emily huffed. “You both promised. What the hell happened?”

Ryan shrugged. “We’re men. He thinks I took advantage of you. I think he’s a prick who needs to mind his own business.”

Emily went over and sank down on the bed, putting her head in her hands. “I didn’t want this. I didn’t want you fighting. You and Nick are teammates, brothers. You’re supposed to have each other’s backs, not kick each other’s asses. It’s all my fault.”

Ryan was at her side, kneeling, pulling her hands away from her face. “We’re good, Emily. We just had to get it out of our system, okay? I understand that Nick’s going to fight to defend and protect you, and he understands that this is between you and me—and that I’m not going to abandon you to raise this baby alone.”

Her stomach flipped. She liked the idea of him being there for her. The idea that he wasn’t giving up so easily.

“You don’t need to be here, you know. I won’t sneak off in the middle of the night. There’s nowhere to go.”

His blue eyes didn’t give anything away. “We’re in Ian Black’s compound in Acamar. He’s a mercenary who deals with some not-very-nice people. There’s nothing that says we can’t be attacked in the middle of the night.”

“No one’s raiding this compound, Ryan. The firepower in here is a bit overwhelming, to say the least.”

“Maybe so… but you’re my responsibility now.”

“You really intend to sleep on the floor?”

“Unless you plan to let me into this much-too-narrow bed with you… Yes, I’m sleeping on the floor.”

She could insist on throwing him out, but she knew he’d stay in the hallway if she did. Part of her didn’t care. But the other part told her the questions would be worse if he was in the hall. If he was in here, most of the guys wouldn’t know or care.

“What did Matt say?”

One corner of Ryan’s mouth lifted in a wistful smile. “Did you know Evie’s pregnant?”

“Yes. I was there that night at the bar when they announced it.”

He pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear. “Yeah, you were, weren’t you? So maybe you’ll understand when I tell you that Matt gets it. Nothing in heaven or on earth is standing between him and his woman and child.”

Emily shivered. His woman and child. Such a possessive statement. A sexy statement. She wanted to be Ryan’s woman—but she wanted it to be for a reason other than she was pregnant and he had no choice. Still, you got whatever hand life dealt you, not necessarily the one you wanted.

She’d known that from an early age.

“Don’t sleep in front of the door.”

He cocked an eyebrow. “Why not?”

Emily pushed his shoulder. “I’m pregnant, moron. I have to pee about ten times a night.”

“All right.” He stood and slung his gear into a corner. Then he unrolled a sleeping bag and laid it on the floor between the bed and the door even though he could have shifted it so the path to the door was free. She’d have to step over him to get out, but at least she could get out.

She suspected he did it that way on purpose, so he’d know whenever she left. She didn’t kid herself that he was going to sleep so soundly he wouldn’t notice. She’d managed to sneak out of his apartment that night two months ago, but he hadn’t been on alert for her movement. Tonight, however, she figured he’d know whenever she turned over in bed.

She scooted up against the rickety headboard and watched him. When he pulled off his T-shirt and bared his back to her, she had to bite her lip to keep from groaning. He took off his boots and pants, but he left on a pair of tight navy-blue boxer briefs that hugged the curves of his ass and made her long to reach out and cup those cheeks in her hands.

Emily held her breath as he turned and laid the pants over her chair. He wasn’t hard, but there was no mistaking the bulge in his briefs. Her heart skipped a beat, and little beads of sweat formed on her skin. Oh my goodness…

His chest was the stuff dreams were made of. Muscles bulged and popped as he moved, and the tribal tattoo on his arm rippled. He had a tattoo on his back as well, an American flag with the HOT badge. Her stomach flipped at the sight of that badge. He was proud of being in HOT, and it worried her to think she might ruin it for him.

Unless Ian gave her half a million dollars and she got the location of the hostages out of Mustafa. Maybe then it would be okay.

She wanted to ask herself who she was kidding, but the truth was she hoped beyond all reason that it worked. Not just for Linda Cooper and the others, but for her and Ryan and their baby.

One thing at a time, Emily.

He turned around again, and she sucked in her breath anew at the sight of his face. When she climbed from the bed and walked toward him, he stopped what he was doing and watched her.

“You need ice.”

He gave her a lopsided smile. “Got it, babe.”

He reached into his bag and pulled out an instant cold pack. Then he broke it to start the freezing reaction. He waved it at her.

“Want to hold it on my face?”

She folded her arms. “I think you can manage.”

He settled onto the floor and lay back on the bed he’d made. Then he put the pack over his eye and glanced at her with the other one. “Yep, guess so.”

She returned to her bed and sat down. She was still dressed, but the thought of shucking off her pants and bra and sleeping in nothing but a T-shirt with Ryan so near was paralyzing. Emily reached over and flipped off the lamp, then undressed quickly and got under the sheet. Her nipples tightened as Ryan shifted on the floor.

She thought about how it had felt just an hour ago when he’d kissed her and gently touched her nipples, and her pussy ached with need. If she were alone, maybe she’d do something about it. Instead, she would have to suffer and hope the feelings went away as the night wore on.

The silence between them was thick, tense. In the old days, she would have known what to say, even if she was secretly lusting for him and hoping he might want her too. She’d flirted with him so easily. Chatted with him as if he were her best friend in the world. There’d never been any awkwardness—until the night she’d thrown herself at him.

Everything since then might as well have been happening on a different planet. They weren’t the same as they’d been before. She didn’t think they ever would be again.

“You all right?”

“Yes,” she said automatically. “Why do you ask?”

She could almost feel him shrug. “You’re so quiet.”

“I’m trying to sleep.”

“No, you’re not. You’re thinking about this baby and how much your life is going to change.”

Close. Not that she was telling him what she’d really been thinking about. No way.

Though, dammit, if she did, he’d be up here in two seconds, easing this ache and making her feel wanted, at least temporarily.

Tempting.

“You’re quiet too.”

“I was waiting for you to say something.”

“I’m not the only one with vocal chords, Ry.”

“No, you aren’t. But I’m not sure what to say to you anymore. Seems like no matter what I say, you get pissed.”

Emily sighed. “I get pissed because you’re trying to order me around like you’re the boss and I’m your subordinate.”

“I’m worried about you.”

“That’s sweet of you, but I’m fine.”

“Yeah, so fine you were going out in the city to meet a terrorist while throwing up and getting dizzy. That wasn’t bright, honey.”

Her skin grew hot. “Jared gave me antinausea meds. I feel much better. And I ate a whole plate of chicken and rice tonight.”

“I’m glad to hear it. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop being concerned.”

“You can be concerned all you like. Just don’t tell me what to do and we’ll be cool.”

“Can’t promise that.”

Emily rolled her eyes even though he couldn’t see it. “And I can promise you it will very likely have the opposite effect.”

“Meaning you’ll do something stupid because I told you not to?”

She wanted to growl. “No… Meaning I’ll lose my temper and we definitely will not be cool.”

“This may surprise you, Emily, but I don’t care if we’re cool so long as you’re safe. If you gotta be pissed at me for trying to protect you, I can deal with that.”

She turned on her side and looked at him. The light from outside wasn’t strong, but she could see the gleam of his skin whenever he moved.

“I don’t want to be pissed at you, Ry. You were my closest friend back in DC.”

She could see his arm come up, his hand slide over his head. “So close you left without a word.”

“I’m sorry for that. But if I’d told you, you’d have tried to stop me.”

“Damn straight. It’s dangerous for you to be here.”

“So you’ve said before. And I say it’s dangerous for us all.”

“Does this Mustafa know who you are?”

Her heart skipped a beat. She could lie, which would be easier, but after a while it got hard to keep lies straight. She’d learned that when she’d been an addict. All the lying and hiding had only made her feel worse.

“He knows.”

Ryan swore. “And you’ve been meeting with him alone this whole time. Goddammit, Emily, don’t you have any sense of self-preservation?”

Angry tears threatened, but she swallowed them down. “I’ve always had backup. Hassan Mustafa is interested in his bottom line. He’s there for the money, not for me.”

“Maybe so… but what if someone else in the Freedom Force finds out you’re here? What then?”

“We’ve never tried to hide it,” she said. “In fact, I was planning to go inside again.”

He sat up so fast she squeaked and scrambled back on the bed in surprise. Her heart raced and she gulped in a breath to calm herself.

“You were planning to infiltrate the Freedom Force? For what fucking purpose, Emily?”

“I was a part of them for three years. I get what’s going on in there. I could have helped bring them down from the inside.”

“I’m going to kill Black.”

She heard the unmistakable click of a weapon being checked, and then Ryan was on his feet. She sprang up and grabbed his arm, her heart ready to burst from her chest.

“Ryan, no! How is this helping anything?” His arm was like granite, hard, immoveable. “If you go after Ian, then you’re not protecting me or our baby. You’re doing something stupid because you’re pissed—just like you’ve accused me of doing.”

He didn’t say anything for a long minute. And then the muscles in his arm relaxed and she nearly sobbed in relief.

“I wouldn’t have really killed him,” he said softly, his voice sounding choked and furious at once. “But I damn sure would have made him wish I had.”

“Not helpful, Ry. If you want to protect me… you have to take care of you as well. If you get yourself thrown off this mission, or thrown into a brig back home, how is that helping any of us?”

He let out a breath. Then his hand came up and cupped her head, stroked over her hair. “It’s not. But Emily, he doesn’t fucking care about you. He’d throw you to the wolves if it suited his purposes.”

“I don’t believe that.” She tumbled on before he could interrupt. “But I do believe he has his own agenda. Absolutely. For your information, I asked him before you arrived what the delay was in sending me in. He said he couldn’t do it until he was certain I’d be safe.”

“That doesn’t make me suddenly like him.”

She couldn’t help but laugh. “No, I think I know that. But I think you’ll have to admit to yourself that he’s not quite as evil as you think.”

He snorted. They stood there in silence. Ryan kept stroking her hair, and she found herself leaning into his touch.

“I missed you,” she said past the sudden lump in her throat. His hand stilled and she wished she could bite her tongue and call the words back.

But then he stroked her hair again and she sighed.

“I missed your texts,” he said, and she knew he meant he missed her too. “And your calls.”

“Ha, I doubt you missed all of it. I was a mess half the time.”

“You’d been through a lot.”

“I wasn’t your responsibility, but you were always there…” She pulled in a breath. “I’ve always wanted to ask you something.”

“What?”

“Why? Why did you keep answering your phone when it was me? Why did you spend all that time talking to me and listening to me?”

He took her by the shoulders and guided her back toward the bed. She was confused at first, but he pulled the sheet back and held it for her. She got in, her heart pounding, wondering what he would do next.

But all he did was cover her. Then he holstered the gun and lay back down on the floor. She waited patiently, hoping he would answer but beginning to think he wouldn’t. Still, it was a question she’d had for so long, a question she’d been afraid to ask.

Now that she had, she very much wanted to know the answer.

“I told you my parents were divorced,” he said. “But I didn’t tell you that my mother was bipolar. She didn’t always take her meds the way she should. When she was on them, she was great. When she was off… Well, she was dangerous, unpredictable. She had an addictive personality, and she got into drugs.”

Emily’s heart pinched tight. She knew what it was like to rely on narcotics to make yourself feel better, and she knew what it was like to disappoint those who loved you.

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t remind me of her, Emily, if that’s what you’re thinking. You’re strong. She wasn’t. But I guess I always thought maybe if I’d been there for her, if I’d listened and tried to help, maybe I could have made a difference.” He sighed. “I know that’s not true, by the way. I was a child. Maybe if I’d been older… Anyway, when I met you, it was clear you needed someone to listen, someone who wouldn’t judge or tell you that you were wrong. I know Victoria loves you, but she was too emotionally invested to listen objectively. I figured I wasn’t, so I was perfect for what you needed.”

Hearing that he wasn’t emotionally invested wasn’t quite what she’d hoped to hear. In fact, it made her heart throb with pain.

“You were great, Ry. Probably too great, really. I took advantage of your willingness to listen.”

And fell in love with you. Those were the words that hung unspoken between them. She wouldn’t say them. They were too hard, too fragile—and she didn’t know how she’d handle the inevitable rejection of those words.

Oh, he’d be kind about it. But he would crush her silly dreams at a time when she really couldn’t brush it off so easily.

“You didn’t take advantage,” he said. “I was glad I could be there for you.”

“Even if it meant I browbeat you into sleeping with me?” She tried to make it sound humorous, but she was afraid she sounded desperate for validation instead.

“Do you really think that’s what happened, Emily?”

“I, uh, well, I didn’t leave you much choice.”

“Sugar, I always had a choice. I chose the option I wanted the most.”