Chapter 20

Lauren

Chloe had been eyeing me for a straight ten minutes.

“Go ahead. Get it off your chest.” She had something on her mind, and I had a pretty good idea of what it was.

“I can’t believe you didn’t say something to him, is all.”

“Not this again. I said I’m not even sure. I’m not going to fuck with his head over this. It’s bad enough it’s fucking with mine.”

“I just think he should know there’s a chance.”

“We had unprotected sex like a bazillion times; he should know there’s a chance.”

She turned her attention to her phone and asked Google for a list of pregnancy symptoms. “Are your boobs sore?” she asked after a moment.

“Yes, but they usually get sore around the time my period starts, so maybe that’s all this is. I’ve had irregular periods before.”

“Irregular, but never late, right?” She gave me a pointed look, and I couldn’t deny it.

“Right, but that doesn’t mean anything.”

She placed her hand on my arm. “Lauren, you need to get a test from the pharmacy. It will tell you for sure, and then you can call him and let him know what’s really got you puking.”

“It could still be a virus, and you’ll be sorry you were over here breathing my air when you’re doubled over the toilet, praying to the porcelain gods.”

“Nah, I think the only virus you have is a nine-month one where a baby pops out at the end. And tell me again why you had unprotected sex with this man?”

“It’s Gage. I trusted him, which I know is a dumb excuse, but I thought I had another month on my birth control, which turns out, I didn’t.” I called my doctor and scheduled the appointment, and that was when I found out I was late.

“Isn’t that something you should keep a better record of?”

“Okay, Mom. Would you like to scold me some more, or are you done yet? I didn’t think I could get pregnant, okay? And I don’t even know that I am.”

She got up and stepped into her shoes, which she always kicked off the minute she was inside. “I’m going down to the corner pharmacy; you can come with me, or wait until I get back.”

I let out a growl and got to my feet. “Fine, I’m coming.” I grabbed my keys and my pocketbook, and we headed down to the elevator together. We didn’t talk the whole way down, and in the silence, I said a silent prayer for it not to be positive. I didn’t know what I’d do if I was pregnant.

Gage probably wouldn’t want another child, and I certainly didn’t want to have one anytime soon. I had goals to meet and a career to rebuild. I couldn’t even fathom being with Gage because his daughter would need so much of his attention, and now, there might be another little one that needed more of it, as well as mine.

We got to the pharmacy, and after reading every box and checking all the prices, we opted for one of the cheapest and one of the most expensive. If I ended up with the same results on both, we’d know it was true.

We went back to the apartment with my packages and headed straight to the bathroom. We got everything set out, and then Chloe excused herself as I filled the little cup that the cheaper one had come with. I walked out when I was done, and we counted down the minutes. After the first minute seemed to go too slowly, we went to the kitchen for coffee.

“It’s bound to be ready by now, Lauren.” Chloe was so jittery, I’d have thought it was her test.

I raked my hand through my hair. “I know. I just don’t want to see it.”

“Until you do, you’re both pregnant and not pregnant. The suspense is killing me. If you don’t go peek, I will.”

“This is not Schrödinger’s cat.” I forced myself to put down the coffee and went back to the bathroom. The tests were lying on the counter, and without picking them up, I peeked at the indicators. Both were clearly positive. Tears filled my eyes, and I covered my mouth as Chloe walked in behind me and pulled me into a hug. “It’s going to be okay. I promise. You need to tell him, Lauren. You can get through this together.”

“No, I can’t.”

“He’s already a father; he’s been through this before.”

“His girlfriend left him right before she knew, so it isn’t going to be the same. She didn’t want to be with him.”

“And you do, right?”

“I know I damned sure don’t want to do this all alone, but I don’t know if he would want this. He’s planning on retiring and focusing on his daughter.”

“Call him.” She went to get my phone and brought it to me. “Here, his number is dialed, and it’s ringing.”

I didn’t like to be put on the spot, and I walked into the bathroom and shut the door, just me and the tests. I tried to compose myself, and when he answered, I could tell that he was out of breath and irritated.

“Yeah?” His voice was a tad harsh, and I had no idea if he’d known it was me or not.

“Hi.”

“Oh, hey. I was on the other line. I didn’t know it was you.” That made me feel a bit better, and I felt a wave of relief, thinking he couldn’t talk. I was off the hook.

“I can call you another time; I didn’t mean to bother you.”

“Don’t be silly. I’d rather talk to you. Besides, I hung up. You actually saved me from talking to James. As if my nerves aren’t shot enough, Ollie has been so hyper today. Please, remind me never to have kids again. She’s enough. I swear, she’s wearing me out, and I’ll be an old man with graying hair from all of her antics.” I could hear a loud sound in the back like she was screaming and laughing.

My heart sank. How could I tell him I was pregnant after that outburst? “She certainly sounds rambunctious.”

“That’s putting it kindly. She’s got a built-in charger for her batteries. It’s like she’s got two settings, off and hold onto your hat.” He made a weary sound. “Enough about me. How are you feeling?

“I know you wanted me to visit, but it’s a virus after all. I called my friend who is a doctor, and he said that I shouldn’t go anywhere for at least fourteen days in case I might expose someone else. There’s an awful flu going around. I’d hate for you or Ollie to get it.” There was plenty of illnesses going around, so I knew my story would be believable.

He gave that same disappointing sound again. “Oh, no. That’s terrible, baby. I already told her we’d have a special visitor soon, so I’ll have to tell her it might be a while, but she’ll understand. You better make sure you’re well, and we can always do something later.”

Yes, later. When I found out what I was going to do. He’d have to know eventually, but I needed a little time to myself to let it all sink in.

“Right.”

There was a moment of silence that stretched out. I didn’t know what to say or think. My mind was cluttered with too many thoughts.

“I miss you, Lauren. I wanted to talk about us when you came. I don’t like where we’ve left it. I don’t know how you even feel anymore.”

“I don’t either, Gage.” He was quiet, and although I didn’t quite mean the words how I’d said them, I didn’t really know what else to say. My whole world was upside down. The fact that I was carrying his child was all I could think about. I knew he loved his daughter and was probably just speaking out of frustration and being tired, but I wasn’t about to say a word. I needed more time. “I need to go; I just wanted to let you know that I can’t make it.”

“I hope you feel better; we’ll talk soon.” The phone went dead, and he was so hurried, I figured he was still frustrated with me. I didn’t blame him.

Chloe knocked on the door. “Lauren, are you okay in there?”

“Yeah.” I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes before opening the door. “I’m fine.”

“Did you tell him?”

“No, I couldn’t. It wasn’t the right time. I will tell him later. I promise. I need time to process this for myself and figure out what it means to me.”

“I think you’re making a big mistake. You can’t keep this from him for too long. He has a right to know, and in about four months, you won’t be able to hide it.” Chloe had always seen my side of things, but she also didn’t know much about me and Gage and our recent argument.

“It’s not just him that I’m worried about. I’d told him I wanted to tell Noah about us sooner. Now, not only will he have to find out about us sneaking around, but I can’t hide a pregnancy from him.”

“Yeah, that’s another reason to tell Gage, and then, you both can talk to your brother.”

“He’s going to be so disappointed in me, he might not ever speak to me again. And Gage? They’ve been friends since they were boys. This betrayal is going to cut deep.”

“You’re upset, and you’re not thinking clearly. Your brother loves you. He’s going to be excited to be an uncle, and what better father for his sister’s child than his best friend?”

“I know all of that, but you don’t know how angry he’s going to be about the lies. I’ve not only lied to him about Gage, but about my affair with Craig. I tried to get Gage to come clean, but he didn’t want to, and then he wanted me to meet his daughter, and I wasn’t ready for that, either. I think I’ve messed everything up because I don’t know what I want.” Gage was thinking about retiring and staying home with Olivia, but would I want to be a stay-at-home mom and give up my career before I met my goals? Would Gage even give me that option?

“Then take a day, but you need to figure this out soon. Trust me, Lauren. It will all work out.”

“I wish I had your confidence.” I felt like my entire life was one big mess.