Chapter 22

Lauren

I landed in New York and made it to my hotel room when Gage called. He’d caught me unpacking a few of my blouses and pantsuits to keep from looking like a wrinkled mess in the courtroom.

“I hope it’s not too soon to call, but honestly, Lauren, I couldn’t wait too much longer.” There was a smile in his voice, and it spread warmth through me.

“It’s fine, but I have you on speaker while I unpack, so speak up a bit.” His voice was always so low and rough, “panty-dropping sexy” was how I’d described it to Chloe.

“You said we could talk once you got to New York, and I guess I took it a little literally. If it’s a bad time, I can call you back, but I don’t much like the way things have been, and I’ve been thinking.”

“Did you get to call Reed about the keys to the cabin? I haven’t had time to call him.”

“Yeah, you can do that, but you don’t have to do it right now, do you? I’d like us to work something out. You know I’ve already promised Ollie she’d meet you.”

“And I will, I promise, but at the right time.”

“Well, I think it is the right time, Lauren. It’s time we decide what we want, and I’m hoping you want a relationship with me.”

“I do, Gage. But…” I left the sentence in the air because I didn’t quite know a good enough reason for buying time, other than I needed it. I needed to sort things out for myself. I had to tell him I was pregnant, and part of me wanted to blurt it out, but every time I’d think to do it, it was like something turned off my brain, and my tongue wouldn’t work.

Our whole relationship had been built around lies, and I was trying to figure out a way to make everything better without it hurting anyone.

“I know the problem is Noah, and the fact that we haven’t told him about what’s going on, baby, but I want you to know, I’ve thought about it, and if Noah can’t see that we’re perfect for one another and if he doesn’t think that I’m good enough, then maybe he’s not my best friend after all.”

My heart twisted into one huge knot, and although my morning sickness had ebbed slightly in the past week, I wanted to hurl.

“I’ll call him right now and tell him that you and I are going to be together—”

“No! Don’t do that!”

“Why not?” He let out a sound of frustration, and it vibrated through the phone.

Although I wanted Noah to know, I didn’t want them to stop being friends, and I wasn’t sure that Noah would understand how the two people who loved him most would betray him. He was already taking our father’s death hard, not to mention his high-pressure job could get to him now and then.

“You’re the one who wanted to tell him from the beginning; I’m just giving you what you want. I don’t mind calling and having a talk; we can work out the details.”

“No. Not now, Gage.”

“Dammit, Lauren. Seriously?” His voice boomed through the phone and sent a chill up my spine that had my head spinning.

“It’s just that—”

“Do you even care about me? I thought at the very least you did, but if there’s a problem and you don’t want to be with me, then I suggest you tell me now. Because when I hang up this phone, I’m not trying again. The ball will be in your court, and I’m not sure I’ll be here. I’ve never been one to wait around for someone who doesn’t want me. Katrina broke me of that.”

I didn’t know what to say; I was so flabbergasted at the fact that he was angry with me and not letting me talk that all I could do was form my lips into silent words that were never spoken. He didn’t understand that I needed time because I’d never told him why.

“Don’t do that, Gage,” I blurted, my vocal chords finally getting with the program.

“Tell me a good reason why, Lauren.”

“I can’t. We need to talk, but I can’t talk to you right now.” I didn’t want to tell him on the phone. It just didn’t seem right. I needed him to come to me, but I knew he wouldn’t. I didn’t bother asking. “When I get back. We’ll talk. I swear it.”

“I may not be around then.” He sounded so defeated, and it hurt to hear him say he didn’t know if he’d wait for me. I needed to tell him.

I struggled silently for a minute. Just say the words, just spit them out. I took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”

He was silent. I waited. “Gage?” Nothing, not a sound.

“Gage, say something.” I pulled the phone away from my ear to read the words “call ended” and the time stamp was long enough before that he hadn’t heard my confession. He hadn’t waited around for it.

I wanted to scream. I thought about calling him back, but then the knots in my stomach tightened, and I ran to the bathroom to be sick.

I lay on the cold floor in front of the toilet for a minute and then picked myself up and undressed. I stepped into the shower and let the hot water steam up the room as I stood beneath it. I looked down to my little, pooched tummy and gave it a stroke.

His baby was inside of me, and when I’d finally found the courage to tell him, he hadn’t heard. I’d have to call and set things straight, but I really did feel we needed to talk things out before calling my brother together.

As much as it hurt, his hanging up would buy me the time I needed.

I shut off the water and stepped out to wrap one of the fluffy, white hotel towels around me. Then, while I was wrapping up my hair in another one, the phone rang. I felt a moment of hope that it might be him, but then sank when I saw it was only Chloe. I answered the phone with a half-hearted hello.

“Hello to you, too. Don’t sound so excited to hear from your best friend. Still sick?”

“Yes, actually. I just greeted the hotel’s toilet before my shower.”

“I thought you were doing better? Did you eat something? Maybe you’re coming down with the real flu as a penance for lying about having one.”

“No, and for your information, I told him. I blurted it right out after a tongue-tied moment.”

“Oh man, did you?”

“Yes, I did.” I left the bathroom in search of warm clothes.

“How did he take it?”

“He hung up before I even said it. I checked the time; there’s no way he heard. He was angry that I told him ‘no’ when he wanted to call Noah, and while I was trying to find my words, I guess he got tired of waiting.” I dug in my suitcase and pulled out a pair of soft pajamas that I always used for traveling.

She let out a long, dramatic sound of frustration. “Then you should call him back.”

“No. For one, he hung up on me, and for two, I already wanted a little time to process. His stunt just bought me the time I needed. I just need to get through this job and go back home, and we’ll talk.” I dropped the towel and dressed, feeling the comfort of warmth as I turned the comforter back and climbed between the sheets.

“What if he’s so angry that he doesn’t want to talk? Or worse, if he thinks you don’t want him, and he calls up some old girlfriend and sleeps with her. You need to tell him how you feel.”

“I get tongue-tied with him. I could barely get out a sentence.” I laid back against the soft pillows and rested my hand on my tummy like it was the most natural thing in the world, though I’d never done it until lately.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but are you sure he’s the one for you? I mean, I know you think he is because of your childhood fantasy, but what if that’s not what your true heart wants, and that’s why you can’t deal with it?”

I let out a breath and closed my eyes to try and imagine myself with another man. One word kept going through my mind. Impossible.

“No, I know I don’t want anyone else. I want our child to know his or her father, to be a part of his life, and I’d love to do that right by his side, with Olivia, who would, in theory, think I hung the fucking moon, but it’s not a perfect world, Chloe.” I tucked a wet strand back beneath the towel on my head. “I am afraid his daughter will think I’m trying to take the place of her mother, and I keep thinking that me being around is going to mess with her adjustment. Gage bringing her home is new. She had all of that time back and forth, and now she’s able to be with her daddy. If I was in her shoes and a woman came along to take away my time, I’d hate her, too.”

“You don’t know, though. What if she wants a new mommy? She might see you and think you’re the best new mommy ever.”

“Or she might cut my hair off while I’m asleep at night, or pour cologne in my coffee.”

Chloe burst out laughing. “What the hell? Where did that come from?”

“According to her father, she’s a little mischievous.” Little was putting it lightly. “And what if she thinks a new baby will replace her? What will she do to my kid?”

“You and Gage can work that out together. You’d be great parents, but damn, I see what your point is. If it’s really that bad, I’d be a bit hesitant, too.”

“It’s not just Ollie. It’s the whole Noah thing, too.” I let out a long breath. “I’m not sure he’s going to like me allowing Gage to change the cabin, much less him sleeping with me. So, when that cat’s out of the bag, shit will get ugly. I’m not sure I’m ready for more drama. Craig gave me enough for a fucking lifetime.”

“And Noah still doesn’t know about that, too,” she reminded.

“Thanks for that, Chloe. I nearly had forgotten.” I probably would have hurled again if I’d had anything left in my stomach. As it was, I heard my stomach growl. It was still early, the sun melting into the horizon, and not only had it been a busy day, but I was hungry. “I guess I should feed us.”

“Oh, that’s so cute. You’re eating for two.”

“No, I’m making the little guy share. Supposedly, he’s still only the size of a peanut or something like that.”

“Are you going to have an ultrasound soon?”

“It’s not time. I have a couple of months still, and I want Gage to go with me if he will. I’m hoping he’ll want to know the sex of the baby.”

“But you feel it’s a boy? You just called him a little guy.” She sounded a bit disappointed.

“Yeah, for some reason, I feel like it’s a boy.”

“But you said you always dreamed of a little girl, so I want it to be a girl.”

“I don’t know. I guess because he’s already got a girl, I’d like to give him something Katrina didn’t: a son.”

“I can understand that. I guess I could spoil a little boy, too. Let me guess; you want him to look just like his father, right?”

“Of course.” I thought about Gage and how handsome he was, and for the first time in at least a week, my heart ached for him. Deeply. As always, I was still crushing hard on that man.