Chapter Eleven
“Francine.”
The whisper roused me from sleep. Darkness weighed against my eyes. I must have imagined the voice.
A hand pressed over my mouth, silencing me. I struggled. My thrashing jarred my ankle, making me cry out. The sound weakened against the callused palm pinning me to the bed.
“Hush,” Julian said. “You’ll wake the household.”
I stilled. Was I dreaming? He used to sneak into my bedroom to rouse me in the middle of the night as children, but we were no longer children.
When he retracted his hand, I asked, “Why are you in my bedroom?”
“You had to leave abruptly this afternoon. I wanted to ensure you were all right.”
All right? I couldn’t begin to figure that out, with the pressure of Papa’s ultimatum on my shoulders and the rumors flitting about. I released a long, heartfelt sigh. He shifted to gather me closer.
A shriek pierced my ears. “Take that!”
A heavy thump sounded and Julian stumbled toward me. “Run, Miss Francine,” Pauline shouted. She brandished what, from its shadow, I judged to be a candlestick holder.
I tottered to my feet and stepped between her and Julian, hands raised. “Pauline, wait! I’m fine. He wasn’t accosting me. This is Julian. You met him yesterday, remember?”
She hesitated, lowering the makeshift weapon. “Your friend from Leicestershire?”
Julian groaned, rubbing his head. “The same.” His voice was tight.
A moment passed in silence as Pauline processed the information. “What is he doing in your bedroom?”
I half turned toward him. “I asked him the same thing.”
Rapid footsteps descended down the hall. Pauline’s shriek had woken the house. She shuffled forward, hand outstretched to Julian. He backed away.
“Quick,” she said. “Hide under the bed.”
“I beg your pardon?”
I joined Pauline in urging him to his knees and then behind the hanging coverlet. I sat on the bed over his position, using my legs to obscure him further.
Papa barged into the room so forcibly the door banged into the wall. I cringed.
“Francine, are you safe?”
“Here, Papa.”
The shadows were quickly chased away by someone bearing a candle down the hall. Mother appeared with the light.
Papa tried to shoo her away with his hands. “Blast it, Bess. I told you to stay in bed.” He put his body squarely between her and my room. The halo of light outlined him until he resembled an avenging angel. “Are you hurt, Francine? I heard a scream.”
“That was me,” I said. “I had a nightmare. I’m sorry.”
He peered into the room, searching for an intruder nonetheless. “You aren’t being attacked?”
I mustered as genuine a smile as I could under the circumstances. “Not at all.”
He grunted.
“Sorry to wake you,” I added. “It won’t happen again.”
Grumbling under his breath, Papa left, lumbering back to his bed. He dismissed the servants who had hurried down from the noise.
Mother lingered in the doorway. She shielded the candle flame with one hand. “Are you certain you’re all right?” she asked.
Julian stirred beneath me. “I’m perfect,” I said quickly. I inwardly cringed at my choice of words. Who said that?
Still, Mother hesitated. “Would you like to talk about your nightmare?”
My face softened into a genuine smile. “No, Mother. But thank you for offering.”
She nodded. “Good night, then.” She shut the door to the hall. The light faded as she, too, returned to bed.
Pauline retreated to her temporary pallet in the dressing room, put there so she could help me in the night with my injured ankle. She returned with a lit candle, which she then set on the vanity. At least now we could see. I coaxed Julian out from under the bed.
He dusted off his breeches with an irritable expression. “You couldn’t have hidden me in the wardrobe or the dressing room?”
I grinned at him. “Sneak into women’s bedchambers often, do you?”
His sour expression dissolved as he matched my smile.
Pauline crossed her arms over her chest. “Why are you here in the middle of the night?”
He glanced at me but answered her. “I thought Francine could use a walk in the park.”
“At midnight?” I asked, incredulous.
“It’s only half past ten,” he said. “You went to bed much earlier than I anticipated.”
It had been a long couple days. For all of us. Frankly, I was surprised Papa and Mother had been asleep as well. Or…
No, I did not want to contemplate what they had been doing if they hadn’t been sleeping.
I shook my head ruefully. “Go home, Julian,” I said, forgetting for a moment that his home was leagues from here.
He reached for my hand. His glove was cold against my skin, but I squeezed his fingers back nonetheless. Pauline watched with a small smile on her face.
“Come out with me,” Julian said. “Forget about the ton and their machinations for a while.”
“It could be good for you,” Pauline added.
I shook my head. “In the morning.” I tugged my hand from Julian’s grasp and tried to shoo him toward the door. “It wouldn’t be proper to go now.”
He didn’t budge. “Who will see? We’re still friends, aren’t we?”
“Yes.” The best of friends, which made my recent desire to kiss him all the more confusing. “But…”
His eyes twinkled. “I found a rare plant.”
Damn him. He knew those words were akin to magic to me.
I narrowed my eyes. “In Hyde Park?”
“The very same.”
I’d been over every inch of those grounds several times over the years. With so little greenery in London, I didn’t have much to study. He couldn’t possibly have found a plant I’d overlooked.
Had he? I hadn’t had much time this summer to study Hyde Park for new growth.
Pauline sensed the change in my mood. “I’ll ready a walking gown for you.” She wagged her finger at Julian. “You, sir, should leave. She’ll meet you outside.”
He grinned and acceded to her request.
Pauline dressed me quickly. She didn’t bother brushing my hair properly, seeing as it had been tightly wound in a braid for bed. She wove a fresh braid through my hair to ensure that no stray strands had escaped. My appearance was readied inside ten minutes.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured, “for keeping you up so late. You should be asleep.”
Her gaze was lively with mirth, a joke to which I wasn’t privy. All she said was, “I’m happy to help you, Miss Francine.”
So happy, it seemed, that she accompanied me downstairs, scouting out the way to ensure we didn’t cross any servants. She snuck me out a side door.
“At least go back to sleep,” I begged her.
“I won’t wait up,” she said. “And I promise not to whack you with a candlestick when you return.”
I chuckled. “I appreciate it.”
I slipped into the cool night air.
Julian waited on the corner of my property, pacing. His form was lit by the wan yellow glow of a streetlamp at the nearest junction.
The moment he spotted me, he stopped in his tracks. A broad smile lit his face. “This way,” he said, catching me by the hand. The cold leather of his gloves against my bare hands sent a chill along my arm.
He tugged me forward and tucked my hand onto his arm. “How is your ankle?” he asked. “I have a hack waiting around the corner.”
“Well enough to walk,” I answered. I’d snuck out of the house with relative ease.
We strolled along the street to the hack. Julian helped me inside and instructed the driver to take us to Hyde Park. He climbed into the hack and shut the door as the driver urged the horses to a quick trot.
To my surprise, he sat directly beside me, not across from me. Then again, nothing about this midnight carriage ride was proper. He raised his arm over my shoulders and enfolded me against his side.
“Are you tired?” he asked. “You can sleep while we ride.”
I laughed. “If I do that, you’ll have a devil of a time rousing me.”
“I roused you easily enough only moments ago.” The light of a streetlamp shone through the window, lighting his grin for a brief moment.
I smiled back, too weary to retort. Maybe he was right—I did need an evening away from the ton and my predicament.
I shifted closer to his warm body, finding a comfortable position. I laid my head on his shoulder. I expected it to be a bit bony, but because of my height I ended up at just the right position to rest against the fleshy part. He made a surprisingly comfortable headrest.
“Tell me about this plant you saw.”
“You know I can’t do it justice.” Mirth infused his voice. “I once described a rose to you as ‘red.’”
I chuckled. “Well, you weren’t wrong.”
“I also wasn’t very observant, as you pointed out for the next hour.” He shuddered. “It was very like schoolwork. I think you made me memorize the parts.”
I lifted my head. “I did not.”
“You made me repeat them so often, it felt as though you did.”
I smiled. “You didn’t get it wrong after that, did you?”
“Of course I did.” He barked out a laugh. “You know I have no head for that kind of thing.”
“No?” I shifted to study his face while we spoke. “I’d wager you could describe your crops to the tiniest detail.”
He shook his head. “Not even if you threatened my life. But I can look at them and tell you if they look…wrong.”
I laughed. “Is that the technical term?”
“You know what I mean.” He threw his free hand into the air. “Weak. Sickly.”
I grinned. I was only teasing him. Judging by the half smile turning up one corner of his mouth, he knew it.
“You did an admirable job describing the problem with your crops. The one I helped with.”
His arm tightened around my shoulders. “Thank you again, by the way.”
My cheeks heated as my gaze dropped to his mouth. The heat of his body surrounded me. I’d never felt so relaxed, comfortable and yet aware of him at the same time. Would he kiss me again? When he made no move to, I leaned closer. He didn’t pull away.
I brushed my lips against his when the driver pulled the horses to a stop. He rapped on the roof to get our attention. “Hyde Park,” he announced. “Do you fancy a ride through the park, sir?”
“No, thank you,” Julian called back. He retracted his arm and opened the carriage door. I tried to hide my disappointment.
He paid the driver and helped me disembark from the conveyance. The hackney had stopped precisely in front of the heavy gates to the park. They yawned open. Julian tipped his head to the gatekeeper as he offered me his arm.
“My lady,” he said.
I shook my head as I slipped my hand onto his strong forearm.
“We’re shutting the gates within the hour,” the gatekeeper warned. “Do see that you don’t dally.”
“We won’t be long,” Julian said. He guided me into the park and strolled with me down the carefully groomed path. Here it was still wide enough for two phaetons to pass side by side if needed. Despite his words, he made no effort to quicken his step. Our pace was slow enough that my ankle didn’t protest.
“Where is this plant?” I asked.
He laughed at my eagerness. “Farther into the park,” he answered. “We’ll get there. Enjoy the evening.”
“Easy for you to say. You weren’t roused from bed less than an hour ago.”
He grinned. The strong moonlight glinted off his teeth.
“Tell me what has happened in the last few months,” he said, his voice soft. “As you pointed out, I have a lot of time to catch up on.”
With a little encouragement, I told him everything I’d wanted to put in my letters. Every letter that I’d started to write out of frustration, joy, or simply because something had happened that I thought he’d find amusing. As we strolled, he said little. He listened to my chatter, laughed and commented on one of my tales, but offered nothing in return.
As we meandered farther into the park, deviating from the main path and onto the well-trodden grasses, the streetlamps faded away, leaving us ensconced in darkness, with only the glint of the moon to light our way. It was as though the whole of London had fallen asleep, leaving only the two of us awake. The park was deserted.
I turned my face up to look at him. “What of you? You haven’t said a word of what you’ve been doing over the past few months.”
His expression closed. Perhaps it was a trick of the dim light. “I don’t want to think of Leicestershire. I wish we’d never grown up. Back before you moved away and Juliana was married and—” His voice broke. He rubbed at his eyes with the knuckles of his free hand.
Of course. The engagement of convenience. If he didn’t want it, why had he agreed to it?
Probably for the same reason I would marry. Our lives weren’t our own, not really. Our hearts had little to do with what we did with our bodies. Like Papa, Julian had probably agreed to the engagement because of the desired connections it would bring to his family. As much as I wished differently, in the end I might have to do the same.
Julian tugged me into a thicket of trees. “The plant I saw was this way.” He navigated the way for us in the dim light sifting between the broad, fat leaves of the trees. When we emerged into the open air once more, he said, “It’s not far now.”
He led me to a patch of grass and pointed at the ground. “Here it is.”
I glanced at the flora, then back at his face. He was utterly serious. Not a single twitch of a muscle betrayed that he jested. I got down on my hands and knees, just to be sure.
Biting my lip to keep from either laughing at him or scolding him, I got to my feet and dusted off the knees of my dress. “That,” I said, pointing to the plant cluster, “is a common clover patch. Not rare in any way.”
He shrugged. “How am I supposed to know? I’m no botanist.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Passing twenty such clusters on our way here should have been some indication of the rarity of the plant.”
With a grin, he swooped in to capture my lips. His kiss was light, teasing. Just like him. It was perfect. I clung to him, holding tight to the moment.
At least until a grinding sound shattered the serenity of the night. I broke the kiss. “What was that?”
Julian cringed. “It could be nothing.” His dubious tone said otherwise.
“But?”
The chime of the clock sounded in the distance. Twelve strikes.
“But we should check, just to be sure.”
This time, our progress through the park wasn’t languid, but frantic. My ankle ached, but I maintained his pace without complaint. When we reached the front of the park, he stopped short.
The gatekeeper, fastening the lock on the gate, viewed us with a scowl. Julian held up his hands. “Forgive us. This was my fault. I lost track of time.”
A shadow of pain gripped my ankle. I pressed my lips together and said nothing. When I shifted most of my weight onto my other foot, a throb started in my injured ankle.
Grumbling, the gatekeeper opened the gate only wide enough for us to slip between. Julian thanked him and slipped him a few coins for his troubles while I leaned against the brick wall. When he returned to my side, Julian said, “I’ll go find us a hack. You don’t look up to walking on that ankle.”
I nodded. The gravity of the last few days weighed heavy on my shoulders once more. I’d known I would have to return to reality eventually, but with Julian I’d been able to forget for a while. Forget everything except the miraculous fact that he was by my side again, when he hadn’t been for a decade.
“Don’t,” he said, catching my chin in his free hand. He turned my face toward him. “Don’t leave me again.”
“I’m right here.”
“Maybe, but your mind is wandering miles away. I can tell by the look on your face.”
For a long moment, I gazed into his eyes, wondering what to say. Eventually, I whispered, “I have to go back to my life eventually. And you have to go back to yours.”
It was the wrong thing to say. A shutter fell over his gaze, cutting me off from his thoughts. He stiffly retracted his hand. “I’ll be back momentarily.”
Don’t leave me again.
I wanted to parrot his words back at him, to beg him to stay in my life. Without his levity, his smile, his kiss, the future looked bleak. I pressed my lips together and smothered the words before they reached the open air.
I couldn’t ask him to stay with me, not when I couldn’t guarantee that I’d be able to make the same commitment to him. Would I defy Papa’s wishes and marry Julian, if I could? I didn’t want to be married, but Julian and I were such close friends that I had to wonder if maybe, with him, the enterprise wouldn’t be as dreadful as I anticipated.
Shoving the notion from my head, I steeled myself for the days to come. It didn’t matter whether or not I’d defy Papa’s wishes to marry Julian. He wasn’t free to marry me.