Chapter Twenty
I gripped Pauline’s wrist as she set down the brush. Sympathy encroached on her expression. “Are you nervous?”
I wasn’t nervous; I was petrified. In only a few short moments, I would face the dinner party I’d dreaded all day. But I swallowed and admitted to nothing. I still held a glimmer of hope that only Rose and Mary would attend.
“I don’t want to do this.”
She laid her hand over mine. “Don’t give up hope, Miss Francine. You’re much more intelligent than most. You can do anything you want.”
I released her and stepped into the hall. Mother’s voice drifted from downstairs as she greeted one of the guests. I paused to steel myself for a grueling night to come. Maybe Pauline was right. I could do anything I set my mind to. At the moment, I had to find a way to avoid marrying Sir Scandent. If I didn’t permit him to corner me, he wouldn’t have the opportunity to propose. It had worked for Rose in the past. Perhaps it would work for me, too.
As I descended the stairs, I noticed Mother disappear into the formal parlor alongside Rose. It heartened me to know both my dear friends lingered nearby to offer their support, albeit in very different ways. Taking a deep, steadying breath, I followed them into the room.
Lord and Lady Cheswick had already arrived with their nephew. From the lack of gentlemen present in the parlor, the men had likely adjourned to Papa’s study to pass the time. I inclined my head to the gray-haired Lady Cheswick. The little old lady beamed at me. Hadn’t she heard the rumors about me? She sat beside Rose’s slim form. My friend had likely chosen that seat to serve as a buffer between Lady Cheswick and Mary, who lounged lackadaisically in the winged-back chair. I didn’t know where to sit, so I stood by Mary.
Rose conducted the conversation, a relief. My stomach knotted to such a degree I doubted I could utter a word, let alone entertain the guests. Before long, Papa entered with the gentlemen. Lord Cheswick’s portly form followed Papa, then Hartfell and Sir Scandent himself. I picked invisible bits of fluff from my gloves but still felt Scandent’s leer as he looked me over.
I beseeched Mother with my gaze, but she didn’t seem to notice my alarm. She offered pleasantries to Lord Cheswick.
She clapped her hands in delight. “Now that we’re all here, shall we proceed to the dining room?”
The announcement saved me from having to speak to Scandent, at least. Unfortunately, it didn’t spare me his company altogether. He offered me his arm.
“Miss Annesley, if I may escort you?”
The stares of everyone present incised me. I placed my hand on his sleeve. “Of course.”
He pulled me closer, settling his hand over mine. The weight of it sent uncomfortable chills up my arm. I snapped my fan open with my free hand and used it to shield my face. We led the procession into the dining room, where he pulled out my chair and settled himself beside me. I shut my fan and placed it on the table beside the cutlery. I couldn’t shelter myself throughout the meal.
The servants served cold pea soup as the first course, my favorite. I plied my spoon to my bowl, avoiding the stilted conversation.
The courses dragged on almost unbearably. At one point, Scandent’s fingers brushed my kneecap. I firmly removed his hand. I stabbed my fish viciously with my fork to ensure he received the message not to touch me. If only Mother had seated Mary a bit closer to me. Rose shot me a concerned look. She, too, sat on the far end of the table.
The moment the servants cleared the last of the dishes away, I stood abruptly. “Shall we ladies adjourn to the parlor for a sip of sherry?” I peered around the table desperately, hoping for a volunteer. Mary looked as though she might, but Rose put a restraining hand on her arm.
Why, Rose?
Beside me, Scandent made a show of standing. “Actually, Miss Annesley, I hoped you might join me for a turn around the gardens. I know how you dearly love flowers.”
I loved all plants, not only flowers. I couldn’t refuse without casting a grievous insult not only on him, but also on his esteemed aunt and uncle. Fearing to say something out of turn, I laid my hand on his arm.
Rose jumped to her feet. “What an excellent idea. We should all go. Mary, would you care to accompany us?”
“No.”
Rose kicked her under the table.
“Oh, very well.” She glowered as she leaned down to rub her shin.
Once again, Scandent and I headed the procession. Rose and Hartfell took up position behind us, with Mary in the rear. I led them outside.
The sun had set. Bugs flitted around the various lanterns scattered around the walk. Mother must have instructed the servants to light them, anticipating this turn of events. Usually I ventured to the hothouse to admire plants, a far from romantic location. I nearly suggested we visit. I bit the tip of my tongue to curb the desire.
Scandent tugged me along the square path with enthusiasm. When we reached a bench, he prompted me to sit. Mary strode forward to take the seat next to me, but Rose caught her by the hand. She shook her head. To my mortification, the group moved on, essentially leaving Scandent and me alone.
He took me by the hand. Although I wore gloves, his touch curdled my stomach. He sat so close to me our knees touched. Would he kiss me? I feared he might try.
“Miss Annesley, would you do me the honor of giving me your hand in marriage?”
That was my proposal? Nothing about how he’d fallen violently in love with me or looked forward to spending the rest of our days together? I studied his gaze. He appeared smug, superior even. He felt none of the tender things a man should feel for a woman upon marriage.
I snatched my hand away. “No, I will not.”
He reached out again, but I stood, stumbling out of reach. I turned to him with determination. If he refused to pretend I was dear to him, I felt no remorse at all in rejecting him.
He also stood. With a laugh, he said, “Of course you will. What other choice do you have?”
The weight of his words threatened to pull me to the ground. But I was made of sterner stuff. I would weather this, and anything that may follow. I lifted my chin.
“I have any choice I please, which is not you.”
His mouth settled in an infuriating smirk. “Of course it is me, my dear. Who else will have you?”
I raised my chin. “I don’t need to marry. I would rather live as a dull, piteous spinster than marry you.”
Rage twisted his features. The air thickened with the imminent urge to do violence.
With my heartbeat battering my rib cage, I retreated behind a bush. For a moment, I feared he would lunge over the bramble to strangle me. The obstacle stymied his advance.
“We’ll see. Obviously your father hasn’t yet taught you the ways of the world. You’ll learn soon enough.” He turned his back. “See you at the wedding.”
He was right, of course. My legs threatened to collapse. Papa would force me to marry him. I didn’t have a choice, after all. I groped for the bench as tears clouded my vision. What could I do? I couldn’t leave. Without my dowry, I wouldn’t be able to survive. I could attempt to find work as a governess, but what family would hire a woman with a reputation as marred as mine, let alone one turned out by her own father?
The very last nail had been pounded into my coffin. All I wanted was a man who understood and encouraged my scientific pursuits. A man who loved me. A man whom I loved. If that man was Julian, all the better.
I wiped away my tears, but more sprang to replace them.
“Did that lobcock hurt you?”
I shook my head at Mary’s fierce question. A moment later, she sat beside me. She patted my shoulder awkwardly.
“He didn’t…”
“No.” I wiped my eyes again. I laid my head on Mary’s shoulder. She was a good deal bonier than Rose, but I took comfort in her presence nonetheless. A fresh wave of tears stung my eyes. “What am I going to do, Mary?”
“You told him no, didn’t you?”
I nodded. A lock of her hair tickled my nose. I blew at it, but it only came back. “I tried, but he wouldn’t accept my rejection.”
“I’ll make him accept it,” Mary said darkly. The glimmer of a smile teased my lips as I imagined the tortures she concocted for Scandent. In fact, I almost encouraged her to confront him. But it wouldn’t help.
“Your father can’t force you to marry him.”
I pushed myself upright. “He can, Mary. Of course he can. Where will I go if he turns me out? I’ll starve. I don’t have any money or any means of earning some.”
“You’ll stay with me.”
I met her gaze. The lamplight glinted off her spectacles, obscuring her eyes. She said it with such a flat, matter-of-fact tone, I wondered why I hadn’t considered the solution before. In her eyes, it must be the obvious answer.
“You’re always welcome.”
How could I, for a second, have believed I relied only on my own devices? My reputation might be forever mired in scandal, but in no way did I stand alone.
I clutched Mary’s hand. “Thank you,” I murmured. I blinked away my tears.
She squeezed me back. “It will all work out, you’ll see. By this time next week, everyone will have forgotten about your scandal, anyway.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Didn’t you hear?” She laughed. “Lord Sutton was seen kissing a boy. I’m certain that’s a much bigger scandal than you visiting a friend.”
Among other things. I liked my solitude; I didn’t know what I thought of the prospect that it might only be temporary. Not knowing what else to say, I released her hand and murmured, “Let’s go inside.”
Mother met me inside the door. She looked bewildered and not a little hurt. “Would you mind?” I asked Mary. “I’d like to speak to Mother alone.”
She nodded. “I should be getting home, anyhow.” She slipped past, continuing through the house toward the front.
Mother waited until she strode out of earshot before beseeching me. “Francine, Sir Phillip just informed us you spurned his suit.”
“I did.” My back ached from holding myself so straight, but if I relaxed for a moment, I feared I would wilt to the ground.
Mother shook her head. “I don’t understand. I did everything you asked. I found you a man willing to allow you to continue with your scientific pursuits. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
The forlorn look on her face threatened to undo me. I softened my expression and clasped her hand. “It was, Mother. But I realized that isn’t what I want anymore.” I squared my shoulders. “I think it’s time I talked to Papa.”
“He’s in the study.”
The enormity of what I planned to say weighed down on me as I knocked on the study door. Papa’s muffled voice bade me to enter. When I opened the door, he sat behind his desk, nursing a brandy. His eyebrows snapped together as he beheld me. He slapped the tumbler onto his desk as he stood. It shattered. Amber liquid stained the wood.
I stormed into the room.
“Sit down, young lady.”
“No.” I cut short his tirade with a slash of my hand. “I have something to say now, Papa. You sit down.”
Whether due to astonishment or the tone of my voice, he reluctantly sat. I clasped my hands behind my back to hide their tremors.
“I will not marry a man I do not love.”
I raised a hand to stall Papa’s argument, no doubt contesting romantic love as essential criteria for marriage. “At the very least, I want a man who has the same measure of respect for me as you had for Mother upon your marriage.”
Papa said nothing, but the heavy set of his eyebrows and the stiff set of his jaw warned that he hadn’t changed his mind.
“I will marry a man of my choosing, who I deem suitable, or I will not marry at all. And I will not give myself to God.”
His mouth dropped open as he prepared to speak. I cut him off, raising my voice.
“If you do not accept my terms for marriage, I will leave this household. I don’t care if you withhold my dowry. I’ll find my own way, and Papa, I’ll be perfectly good at it. I might even join a botany expedition.”
His mouth twisted. “You’re a woman. No one would take you.”
I stood taller. “Yes, Papa. I am a woman. And any expedition would be lucky to take me, as I know more about botany than most men. Whatever I end up doing, it will be my decision. I am as intelligent as a man, I am as knowledgeable as a man, and I will not live my life by strictures laid down by anyone other than myself.”
My knees threatened to buckle, but I held firm. “Good night, Papa.”
I strode past Mother’s shocked form on my way out of the room.