Chapter 32

For someone who built her life around words, Naomi had none. So she held him and hoped that her presence would do what her voice couldn’t. She hugged the large man to her as he grieved on her shoulder, and a wave of awe went through her at how strong he was. Naomi wasn’t a stranger to loss, but she’d never have been able to endure what Sebastian had and still function.

Sebastian didn’t lean on her for long, and she hadn’t expected him to. He drew back from her, looking as collected as one could ever reasonably be after sharing something so devastating.

But as their eyes held, Naomi could see the despair there. His loss was almost a tangible thing she felt she could reach out and touch with her fingers. And in truth she probably could. She realized he likely carried his pain in every cell of his body. Any brush of fingers against his skin would bring her into contact with it. For once, she wished she could take some of it away. That she could reach out to him and unload some of his burden. Maybe she already had. Maybe listening to his story would ease the weight of it a little, though she knew nothing would ever relieve it.

She wasn’t sure how long they stood there and stared at one another. Time held such little meaning when it came to things of the heart. A seven-year-old tragedy felt as fresh today as it had when it happened. Time ticked on, but it also had a way of making one relive things, like a fucked-up Groundhog Day.

Eventually, Sebastian cleared his throat and gestured vaguely with his hand. “I’m sor—”

And because Naomi didn’t know what to do, she relied on how things had always been between them. “If you apologize to me right now, I’ll start throwing furniture.”

Sebastian laughed. The sound was raw, deep, and rusty. “Okay. Since my maid just straightened up the place I’ll hold the apologies.”

“I thought you weren’t going to make any comments about me being a housekeeper.”

“I didn’t. I said maid.”

Naomi huffed out a laugh. “Such an ass.”

Quiet grew between them that was both heavy and serene. There was so much to say yet no desire to speak. “I should probably get going so we can both get ready for work.”

“Yeah.”

But neither of them moved. Their relationship had changed so much over the previous weeks, but Naomi hadn’t been expecting things to tilt and reposition themselves yet again. The air between them seemed to vibrate with the shift, as if two tectonic plates that previously hadn’t completely fit together suddenly moved just so, allowing them to conjoin. And the ripple effect threw Naomi completely off balance.

Sebastian had already ceased to be an android masquerading as a human, but she hadn’t seen him for what he truly was: a human masquerading as a robot. Naomi had stopped prodding his armor, looking for the vulnerable pieces a while ago, but she hadn’t felt the bone-deep regret that he had to wear armor at all until this moment.

“Okay then,” she murmured, more to get herself moving than anything else. Pulling the door open, she walked out, throwing a “See you in a bit” over her shoulder. Once she’d started moving away from him, the need to get some alone time so she could regroup made her feel frenzied.

“Naomi,” he called before she’d made it more than five feet.

She turned her head only, keeping her body pointed toward her destination.

“Thank you,” he said earnestly.

She smiled. “Anytime.”

He nodded and she hurried toward her car. Driving away from Sebastian’s house caused a mixture of relief and anxiety. She needed space, but she was still worried about him. He’d basically opened a vein in his living room and let himself bleed out. Stitching it closed again was going to be painful and arduous.

When Naomi arrived home, she had very little time to dawdle. Having to fly through a shower and get dressed, she barely had a spare moment to prepare to see Sebastian again beyond the short drive to campus. When she reached the English department suite, she was surprised to see that Sebastian was already there, brewing coffee.

Their stares collided and both of them froze for a second before Sebastian jerked his attention back to the task before him. He removed the coffeepot before the machine was done emptying into it, so coffee began to flow onto the table.

“Shit,” he hissed as he grabbed for some paper towels, causing the tube to fall to the floor and unravel. “God dammit,” he cursed as he looked back and forth between the two disasters, clearly wondering which to attend to first. Finally he decided to solve the spill problem by tearing off way more paper towels than he needed and dabbing at the mess.

Seeing a flustered Sebastian normally would’ve been a dream come true for Naomi, but under the circumstances she found no joy in it. She reached down and scooped up the rest of the paper towels and put them back in the holder above the sink. The move made her shoulder skim Sebastian’s, and he startled, causing the coffee in the mug he’d picked up to slosh over the rim and land on his shoe.

He scowled down at the liquid as if it had intentionally wronged him.

Naomi pulled off a paper towel and handed it to him. He glanced up at it—but not at her—and took it before retreating into his cubicle with a muttered, “Thanks.”

Going to her desk, Naomi wondered if Sebastian was struggling because he was coming off a bender and had opened up about his family or because she’d been the one who’d witnessed all of it. She hoped it was more the act of anyone seeing and hearing behind the curtain and into Sebastian’s private life rather than him experiencing regret that she was the one he’d opened up to. There wasn’t anything to be done about it either way. She’d seen what she’d seen and he’d shared what he’d shared. None of it could be undone. Naomi vowed to treat Sebastian as she normally would and hope that would be enough to ease the awkwardness.

The day progressed as any other, and Naomi was able to push all of her worries to the background as she was immersed in her favorite subject. Sharing her love of poetry always improved her mood. By the time she got back to her office, Sebastian was trying to open the door as he juggled a stack of books and paper. He almost lost his hold on them when she rushed forward and opened the door for him.

Instead of thanking her like she expected, he glared daggers at her. “I am capable of doing things for myself, you know? I don’t need you swooping in to rescue me at every turn.”

Hello, Dickhead Sebastian. It’s been a while. “I wasn’t aware that opening a door that I also need to walk through was considered a rescue. Seems I’ve been a hero for years. Maybe I’ll get a cape.”

“Does anyone ever laugh at your ill attempts at jokes?”

“I do,” a voice said from behind them. Naomi turned to see Brian. He reached around them both and grabbed the door, gesturing for Naomi and Sebastian to go through. “Do I get a cape now too?”

Naomi smiled. “It can probably be arranged. Have a color preference?”

Brian pretended to think for a second before answering. “Rainbow?”

Naomi laughed before dropping her things on her desk. “Be careful what you wish for, Brian.”

He shot her a wink before giving her a small wave and making his way to his cubicle.

She glanced across the room to where Sebastian was standing with his hands on his hips, his chest rising and falling in an exaggerated way that made her think he was forcing himself to take deep breaths.

This wouldn’t do. She could understand that Sebastian was feeling exposed. He didn’t seem like someone who shared things about himself easily, and the fact that he’d done it with someone he didn’t particularly care for on a good day was probably making things even worse. But she didn’t want him struggling this much—to the point he had to employ breathing exercises to calm himself down.

Mind made up, Naomi stalked toward his cubicle. “We need to talk.”

He let out a humorless laugh. “I think we’ve done enough of that for a lifetime.”

“Can you be difficult later and agree to meet me somewhere?”

“Is this how you proposition all the boys?”

“Sebastian.” Her tone was full of warning. She wasn’t going to back down. Waiting until he looked at her, she continued. “I need to talk. And I need you to listen.”

He looked at her, indecision evident on his face. Whatever he saw must have convinced him because he said, “Fine. Where?”

“Can you come to my place? I’d rather not be overheard.”

His mouth squirmed as if he was stifling a reply. But all he allowed to escape was, “Fine. Give me your address in case my memory isn’t as good as I think it is, and I’ll meet you there. What time?”

Naomi looked down at her watch. “You probably have things to catch up on here. How about two hours?”

“I’ll be there.”

She scribbled her address on a pad of paper on his desk and began to leave.

“This talk better not be about me,” he said to her back.

“It’s not,” she replied, not bothering to turn around. And she wasn’t lying. Unfortunately, this one was entirely about her.