28
Iowa City
I’m drinking hot chocolate from my UI Hawkeyes mug thinking about Tom. I touch the beautiful necklace he gave me and smile as I look at a stuffed unicorn on my shelf that I’ve kept since childhood. He is incredibly thoughtful, but being apart for the past two days has been torture and reignited all my self-doubt about he and I. Now that he’s literally across the world, it would be so easy for him to move on. That whole out-of-sight, out-of-mind saying seems particularly meaningful right now, and after a week apart will he even want me to come back to New York?
My phone pings a message. I check the screen.
Are you there?
It’s Tom and I breathe a huge sigh of relief. I text back. Yes!
I turn down The Santa Clause movie, my all time favorite, and stare at my phone waiting for it to ring. A few seconds later I jump when it does.
“Happy Christmas,” Tom says.
I grin. “Happy Christmas. How was the party at your grandmother’s?”
“Absolutely brilliant. So many cousins and family I haven’t seen in a long time.” He slurs his words.
“Are you drunk?”
“Little bit. Okay, I’m totally pissed. You can blame my brother for that too. I’m such a lightweight these days. I can’t begin to keep up with those sots.”
I laugh. His English accent is much stronger. I suppose it’s due to the alcohol and being surrounded by his family. He tells me about his relatives, and the challenges of being a stage actor in shows that most of them will never see.
“I’m an oddity to the rest of them with their desk jobs and Monday through Friday schedule,” he says. I could be one of those people soon too. In fact, now that I’m back at my apartment, I’m forced to think more about my own job future and the need to get back in the game.
“Did you get out with your friends today?” he asks.
I’m glad he can’t see me because I hate to lie, but I also don’t want him to feel bad that I’m on my own this Christmas. It’s happened before, and while it’s a drag, I’ll get through it.
“Yeah.” And then I change the subject. “You wouldn’t believe how weird it is coming home after nearly four months away. I’m going through drawers and my closet. I don’t know why I even have half the stuff I’ve accumulated.”
We talk for another ten minutes about the craziness of watching his niece and nephew and how much it means to him to see his grandmother again.
“It’s great to be home, but I miss you,” he says in a drowsy, inebriated slur.
My lonely heart aches. “I miss you too.”
“I better hang up before I fall asleep. We’ll Skype at 10 a.m. your time tomorrow?”
“I’ll see you in the morning.”
“I love you,” he says softly.
“I love you too.”
Christmas morning I wake to a quiet apartment and light snow. I stretch out and smile. Every kid in the city will be thrilled. At the allotted time, my computer screen flashes and suddenly Tom appears from thousands of miles away. He’s holding the most adorable baby. She has giant blue eyes that dominate her sweet face and spiky dark hair that sticks up. I giggle. “Oh my God! She’s adorable!”
“I know, right? Bella here is in a constant state of surprise.” He runs his hand over the top of her hair. It moves like feathers and bounces back.
“She is seriously the cutest baby I’ve ever seen.”
Tom kisses her cheek. “Hear that, Hannah,” he yells to someone off screen. “Chelsea says Bella’s ugly!”
“Don’t say that.” But I hear laughter in the background, so I guess it’s all right.
Bella reaches for his mouth, but he evades her. “This kid’s got an iron grip. Last night she had my ear in a death hold. I couldn’t get her off until Hannah bribed her with a biscuit.” He looks at the little cutie with such love, and then sniffs. He wrinkles his nose in disgust. “Hannah, Bella filled her nappy again.”
I laugh at his expression, then a miniature Spiderman jumps into view and yells, “Rahr!”
Tom cracks up. “And this is Jasper.”
“No, Unca Tom, I’m Spido-man,” the little superhero says.
Bella grabs for his mask and pulls. Jasper swats her. Tom is trying to hold the two apart.
A young woman appears and snatches the baby out of Jasper’s reach then bends to the screen. “Hello, you must be Chelsea. Happy Christmas! We’ve heard loads about you.”
I’m taken off guard at her unexpected appearance, and paste on what I hope resembles a natural smile.
“This is my sister, Hannah, mother to the adorable demon children.”
“Hi,” I say to the pretty blonde with sandy-colored hair that matches Tom’s.
“My brother best be nice to you. If he’s not, you let me know. I could take him down when he was seven, and I can certainly take him down at twenty-seven.”
Tom rolls his eyes.
I laugh. “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”
Hannah disappears and Tom peeks back at me. “Forgive me, love, but the whole lot wants to meet you.”
Before I can object, his laptop is being passed around and I’m faced with one stranger after another. They all know who I am, but I can’t keep track of them. His mother pops in with a cheery hello, and his grandmother smiles sweetly and tells me Tom is a lovely boy. Then suddenly he’s back.
“That’s all you get,” he yells at his family and the noise of their banter grows distant. “Okay. I’m in my room with the door shut. At least it used to be my room before Mum turned into a craft hut. Sorry for putting you on the spot there, but thanks. You’re a novelty.” He settles onto his bed and seems so happy.
“Why’s that?”
“They’ve never met anyone I’ve dated before. Add to that the fact that you’re American, beautiful, and a woman.”
“Oh, were they expecting a dude?” I laugh.
“Let’s just say that after spending my life singing and dancing, I could never totally convince my dad and brother I’m straight.”
“Maybe you should have introduced them to a girl sooner.”
He gets a cock-eyed grin. “But where’s the fun in that.” He settles onto his bed and leans back, relaxed. “You know, when you and I are done talking, I think I’ll show them some of your Celebrity Dance Off videos, so they can see the real you.”
“Oh, God, please don’t.” But he grins and I know he will. “You look good,” I say.
“You like my new jumper?” He looks down at his sweater. “I got three. No one knows what to buy me. Oh and several pair of socks, and new underwear, of course. Wait till you see them all.”
I want to reach through the screen and touch him. “Time off has been good for you.”
“It has. I just wish you could have been here with me.”
“I know.” Maybe next time, I hope.
“So what are you doing today?”
“I’m trying to decide what show to binge watch. Do I go for a Gilmore Girls marathon, or a classic like Alias? My mom’s favorite. Plus it has Bradley Cooper.”
“Aren’t you going to be with friends?” He asks, confused.
I realize my mistake. “Nah. Most are out of town. The others are busy with their families. I’ll probably order Chinese later.”
He sits up, his relaxed demeanor gone. “Aw hell, Chelsea. You shouldn’t be spending Christmas alone.”
“I’m not. I have you.” I give him my best effort at nonchalance, but he sees through it.
“But I thought—"
“Tom, it’s fine.” He blames himself for me being alone, which is ridiculous. “I have plenty to do here. It’s snowing out. Here, look.”
I carry the laptop to the window. “Maybe I’ll make a snowman later.”
“God, Chelsea. This isn’t right.”
I shrug and change the subject. “Tell me how your dad liked his gift.”
Tom sighs, and we talk for a half hour more. Jasper appears again and shows me his new truck. When we say goodbye, our hearts are heavy, but we’ll both be back in New York in four more days.
* * *
Here I am talking about all my silly gifts while Chelsea is alone in Iowa for Christmas, with no siblings or parents to share the day; no grandmother to put cash in an envelope for her; and no noisy family gatherings with loads of rich food and too much booze.
Why didn’t I realize this would happen? I guess because I didn’t think too much about leaving until the last minute. I just wanted to be with Chelsea and then I was excited about coming home.
I return to the kitchen and grab a glass of ice water. Mum’s loading the dishwasher for another round. “Everything okay? You seem down.”
I catch her up and she feels as bad as I do.
“That poor girl,” Mum says.
“I’m such an ass. She has no one and then I abandon her on the holidays.”
“I’m sure that’s not how she sees it.”
“No. She doesn’t.” I wonder how she’s spent her holidays all the years since her grandfather died.
“I know it’s not much, but I wanted to send some of my homemade jewelry back for her. It’ll be a belated Christmas gift, something to open,” she says.
“That’s lovely, Mum. Thank you.” But it’s not enough and suddenly all that matters is that I get back to her. “Would you be terribly upset if I left early?”
She’s about to object, but then looks at me and stops herself. “This girl means that much to you?”
“She’s everything.” And being away has cemented that.
Mum smiles and kisses my cheek. “Well then, we best call the airline.”
“You’re not mad?” I don’t want to hurt her too, but she smiles knowingly.
“I’ve had you for the past three days, and as much as I’d like to keep you here, your life is in New York. Go follow your heart.”