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If I Could I'd Wish It All Away (I Wish Book 1) by Lisa Helen Gray (20)


 

“Bye,” I call out, waving to everyone after spending ten minutes convincing Lily and Mark that I’d be okay walking home on my own.

They call back their goodbyes before heading back inside and shutting the door. I’ve had a good day, and I can’t wipe the smile off my face as I make my way back home. The night air is cool, the stars bright and the full moon glowing brightly.

I’ve spent the afternoon getting to know everyone. Pagan held most of the conversation, filling me in on everything I’d missed over the years.

All my life I’ve felt alone, and even though I had my grandpa close by, that sense of loneliness never went away. Rick never filled the gaping hole my parents deaths left in my heart, not really. He only made it easier to live with. But over time our relationship sucked everything out of me and made that hole seem empty and hollow.

But then I spend one day with them all, and it’s filled that void in my heart. I’ve never felt so full. I’m practically floating with happiness.

God, I learnt so many things about all of them today. I just wish I’d been there to see it for myself.

Apparently, Sid got into teaching when he was offered a job at the local school. A fan of the band, who was a teacher at the school, approached him at one of his gigs. They’d been watching him and were impressed with how he interacted with younger kids when he would give them guitar lessons in his spare time. It’s incredibly sweet of him to do that, and I can’t wait to see him play.

They offered him a job, telling him they’d keep it available whilst he got his degree in education. He immediately took to the idea, finally finding something he wanted to do and was passionate about. And Sid is passionate about music; you could tell by the way he spoke about it.

So he got his degree, working as a T.A at the school between classes. But because the school was having trouble finding a stand-in music teacher, he was basically teaching the class himself under the supervision of another teacher.

I’m happy for him.

Apparently Pagan can sing too, but even with all her confidence, she can’t sing in public or even in front of her family. She gets stage fright. It surprised me, to be honest. She’s so carefree and bubbly and always saying what’s on her mind, no matter how rude or inappropriate it may be. Though, her being able to sing doesn’t surprise me. She and Sid have always shared some of the same qualities. I guess singing is one of them.

But although singing wasn’t her career choice, she still managed to find something she was passionate about. She’s just finished her business and personal relations degree, passing at the top of her class. Secretly, I think she just loves the control the job entails. She seems like the ‘take charge’ kind of person.

At the moment though, she only helps out with Cabin Lake events for her father. She’s slowly been building up her portfolio so that one day she an open up her own business, which is ultimately her end game. But at the moment she’s hoping the work she does for her father gets her noticed, as the more recognition she gets, the more people will want to hire her. Personally, I don’t think she’s going to have a problem there.

She’s organised the charity even for this Saturday. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise, but from the way Lily spoke about it the other day, I presumed the ‘pompous asses’ were hiring people to do it.

The day had been a good distraction from my heart-to-heart conversation with Lily and Mark this morning. I can’t even explain how good it felt not to be pulled down into a depressing mood, which is what I always get like when I’m feeling mentally exhausted.

Instead, they all kept me entertained for hours and hours and our lunch ended up rolling into dinner, hence the reason why I’m walking back so late.

Speaking of Dean, before he left earlier, he said he wouldn’t be long, but the sun’s long gone down and he still isn’t back.

I’m at my cabin door when my phone rings. Pulling it out of my pocket, a wide grin stretches across my face when I see Dean’s name flashing across the screen.

“Hello?” I answer excitedly. “I was just thinking about you.”

“You were, huh?” He chuckles, sounding tired. “I just wanted to check in and say I’m sorry for not being back already. After I picked up the crap Mom needed me to get, the office called. There’s been an urgent call from a client, and I need to go in. I need to get briefed so I won’t know when I’ll be back. It’s most likely going to be late, so I’ll understand if you want me to crash at mine tonight. You probably want your space back.” He chuckles again, but it sounds forced. It’s like the idea of not spending the night with me upsets him, and that thought makes me smile.

Plus the thought of being without him scares me, and as much as I know I need to be stronger, I can’t. I just got him back in my life, and I’m not ready to let him go. I don’t even think I could sleep without him anymore.

I rely on Dean a lot. I know I shouldn’t, but I’ve dreamt of this moment for so long. When he looks at me, I feel loved, cherished and special. I could live off that feeling alone for the rest of my life and die a happy woman.

He loves me, and I love him. He shows me every day, and in every way a person can show someone they love them. I know people throw around the word love all willy-nilly―hell, Rick claimed he loved me, but for someone who claimed to have loved me, he had a funny way of showing it. If you love someone, you won’t hurt them, strip away their existence or tear them down inch by inch, until they felt like nothing.

But when Dean tells me he loves me, it’s real. The words ring true every time he says them. It’s a love people dream of having, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him proving I love him back just as much.

“No, I want you to come home to me,” I answer, smiling as I kick the bottom step, hovering outside in the cool air as we speak.

I hear him sigh down the phone and I smile. I can picture him now, his relaxed face and his shoulders sagging with relief.

Aww, he really didn’t want to go home.

“I love the way you say home,” he half whispers, and the sound sends a shiver down my spine.

“Yeah? Me too,” I admit honestly, biting my bottom lip.

“Good, baby. I love you, Lo, and I promise I’ll be home as quickly as I can. Go to bed. I’ll grab the spare set of keys out of Dad’s office and let myself in so I don’t wake you up.”

I nod, cursing inwardly when I realise he can’t see me. “Okay, I’m going to relax for a bit and watch a film first. Hopefully, I’m still up when you come home.”

“Hopefully,” he whispers, sounding like he’d rather be here. “Get some rest. You’ve had a long day. I love you.”

“I love you too.” I grin as we both say our goodbyes and end the call.

A thought occurs to me when I get off the phone, and I bite my bottom lip worriedly. I know how important his job is to him; I don’t want to distract him or keep him from doing his job.

Whatever he’s got going on tonight, I just hope it’s safe. After Pagan filled me in on his job and what it entails, I’ll do nothing but worry about him whenever he has to go in.

She told me about the time he got badly beaten due to a case he’d been working on. He was beaten for information about what he knew and who he was working for, but he didn’t know what they were talking about.

She told me he would’ve died if it weren’t for the fact they ransacked his office, finding information that proved he was who he said he was and that he was spying on them.

It turned out that the case he was doing surveillance for happened to be at his attackers’ restaurant. The bloke he was watching kept eating there, every day like clockwork, so Dean kept turning up, watching him.

His attackers were part of a local gang, and they were in the middle of a gang war at the time, so seeing Dean outside watching every day, they automatically assumed he was working for the other gang.

It scares me to know his job could get that bad. Just knowing there could be a chance I’ll never see him again or hear him tell me he loves me, has my stomach sinking.

Shaking those thoughts away, I change into my pyjamas before heading into the kitchen to make a mug of hot chocolate.

After that, I head into the living room, finding Mom’s favourite movie, The Bodyguard, and putting it on.

Settling down on the sofa, I grab the throw blanket and snuggle into the warmth, before sitting back to watch the film, feeling relaxed.

 

*** *** ***

 

“Wakey, wakey, beautiful. I’m sorry I’m late,” Dean whispers in my ear, waking me up.

My eyes open to find his handsome face staring down at me. He looks tired and stressed out. Reaching up, I cup his jaw, my fingers running through his two days’ worth of stubble. I love it. It makes him look manly and sexy, and my pulse picks up at the smile he gives me.

I guide my lips to his, giving him a quick peck on his before pulling back, smiling.

“I’ve missed you,” I whisper, my voice filled with sleep.

“I’ve missed you too, love.” He grins, lifting me up like I weigh no more than a feather. He then carries me down the hall to the main bedroom, which I suppose is our bedroom now.

Gently and gracefully he lowers me onto the bed, and because I’m not ready to let him go, I tighten the hold I have around his neck.

He chuckles, and I use the distraction to my advantage, pulling him down. He lands on top of me, easily manoeuvring himself, so he’s not squashing me before settling between my legs. 

The moment he presses down on me, his erection hits me in the spot that has me gasping. That yearning I’ve been feeling for him all day heightens.

I push my hips up, grinding my sex over his hardness.

Dean groans so I do it again, this time harder, causing us both to moan.

“I want you,” I whisper seductively. I clutch the ends of his shirt in my fists, pulling it over his head.

His eyes darken, and he moves, grabbing my thin tank top, lifting it over my head before throwing it across the room. My bare breasts fall free, heavy and begging for attention.

He captures my lips in a scorching kiss, his hands going to my hips and pulling my pyjama shorts down.

I don’t know how it happened, it’s a blur, but we’re both naked in no time. Dean leans over me, his eyes burning with hunger as he rakes his eyes over my naked body, and I can feel the heat in his gaze.

I’m about to come undone with just one look from him. My whole body is building up with a fiery need.

“God, you’re fucking stunning,” he says. He kisses me passionately, leaving me completely breathless.

He takes a condom out from the bedside drawer, having put them there this morning after he left to get some more clean clothes.

All day I’ve been fantasising about being with him, and the more I thought about him, the needier I got. I also thought about going on the pill. I don’t want anything between us when we make love. I want to feel all of him.

He slowly guides the tip of his erection into my sex, nudging my entrance teasingly. I can’t stop the growing pleasure building inside me, driving me wild.

Feeling brave, I push down, his hardness stretching me, making me feel full and complete.

An animalistic growl erupts from his chest, smothering my own moan of pleasure. I’m so wet for him, so ready. He slowly pulls out before thrusting back in at a torturous pace, but nonetheless pleasurable. But I need more; I need him to lose control, to slam himself into me, and make me feel.

“Dean,” I moan. “Faster… harder… I want you to own me. Make me yours,” I beg, rocking my hips to try and speed up our movements.

His eyes meet mine for a split second, his eyes darkening as he devours me. He leans up on his knees, pushing my thighs against my chest as he thrusts inside me with hard, punishing stokes.

“Fuck!” I scream, throwing my head back.

Dean gasps, his eyes closed, clearly lost in the sensation.

“God, you’re so fucking hot inside,” he rumbles, looking between my legs where he’s filling me. He lets my legs drop, his hands running up my waist to my breasts, squeezing and tugging at my nipples before leaning down and taking one into his mouth. His free hand moves down between us, his fingers rubbing my clit in slow circles, sending sweet waves of pleasure through my body.

“I need to come,” I cry, rolling my hips to meet his thrusts.

I’m so close, so fucking close that I can barely keep it together.

“Oh, Lola,” he growls, and I can feel his dick pulse inside me, letting me know he’s close. “Come for me, baby. That’s it, come all over my cock,”

With his dirty words, his fingers on my clit and his dick thrusting inside me, I’m thrown over the edge, my body soaring with pleasure. I scream his name over and over, my sex clenching around him as my orgasm tears through me.

Just when I think it’s going to stop, the pleasure becoming too intense to handle, he prolongs my orgasm by slamming inside me at a new angle, roaring out his own release. Everything blurs, my vision completely vanishing, and for a second I wonder if I’m actually going to black out.

“I love you,” I whisper, trying to gain control of my heavy breathing. My sex is trembling, still sensitive from my release as he pulls out of me, quickly disposing of the condom.

“Fuck.” He sighs as he rolls onto his back panting, sweat covering his muscled chest. “You’re amazing. That was….” He shakes his head, speechless.

“Breathtaking? Mind-blowing? Magnificent? Remarkable?” I chime in, finishing his sentence with a giggle.

He laughs, pulling me across his chest. “You really are the sexiest fucking woman I’ve ever met. I feel like I’m a teenager all over again, except my fantasies are actually coming true this time around. I’m so fucking lucky to have you, and I’ll thank my lucky stars every day for you coming back to me. I’m going to spend the rest of my life making sure you’re happy. I love you. I love you so fucking much,” he rasps.

I’m so moved by his honesty that tears fill my eyes.

“Oh Dean, I love you too, but can’t you see? It’s me who’s the lucky one. You have no idea what you do to me. Our relationship was destined to be, as cliché as it sounds. You fit me. You complete me.”

“Oh, Lola,” he whispers, cupping my jaw and turning my head to face him.

“It’s true, Dean.” I blush. “You know? At first, I felt like I was jumping from one relationship to another, but then we had that conversation about my relationship with Rick being over a long time ago, and it made me realise that it didn’t matter when it ended or why. What matters is the here and now. If people want to keep wasting precious moments in their lives, waiting for what other people deem a suitable period of time to move on, then that’s their prerogative. All they’ll be doing is missing valuable time with who and what truly matters. And you truly matter, Dean. I love you and I always will,” I tell him, my heart bursting with love for this man.

“Fuck! What you do to me,” he chokes out, clearing his throat. “You mean the fucking world to me, and I’m never letting you go. I’m not going to become one of those people who wastes precious moments because I’m going to be spending all of them with you.”

A few tears fall from my eyes as I snuggle up to him tighter, not caring that I’m still naked. An obnoxious yawn slips past my lips, making Dean chuckle.

“Sleep,” he orders, sounding close to sleep himself.

“Night,” I mumble, already closing my eyes, feeling like I’ve been given the world in just one day.