Guy
The first thing I did when Jaxson and I got back in town was take him to his mom’s house so they could catch up. The second thing I did was follow Nova on every social media account I could find her before sliding in her DMs. And the third thing I did was… wait. Wait for her to follow me back, wait for her to hit me up, wait for her to express even an inkling of what I felt for her, even more so now that we were apart. But after a full week of nothing, I was starting to wonder had I imagined the whole thing.
Had we really connected the way I thought we had? Or had we simply been prisoners of the moment, creating something temporary out of convenience?
Was the love she showed me and my son just part of her personality? Or was it really specialized for us?
Were the tears she shed the last time we made love a result of her feeling as strongly for me as I did for her? Or was she just… caught up in the experience?
The thought of it all had me stuck, a preseason football game playing absently in the background as I scrolled through Nova’s Instagram for the umpteenth time, quickly getting lost in the pictures she had uploaded during our time in Miami. There were pictures of her and Kaylin out and about in the city, pictures from Lamar’s games we had attended, random selfies at different landmarks we had visited, and then there was the infamous picture she had shared from the beach, labeled with a caption that I hoped still rang true.
My screen flashing over to a phone call startled me, my heart thumping until I read the name scrolling across it and became disappointed. But that still didn’t stop Lamar from expressing his excitement the second I said “Yo”, skipping over formalities to ask, “Nigga… did you just see the ending of that game? That shit was nuts. ”
Since I hadn’t been able to pay much attention to anything, I replied, “Nah, I missed it. What happened?”
Instead of just answering my question, Lamar became hysterical when he repeated, “You missed it?! Bruh, you never been one to miss a good match-up. What you mean, you missed it?”
“It’s on, but I didn’t watch it, man. Now get me up to speed,” I told him, apparently giving off more attitude than I intended to once I heard Lamar’s response.
“Nah, something is up with you, I can tell. Mariah gettin’ on your nerves already?”
I shook my head as if he could see me. “Nah, we’re cool. I’m just… has Kaylin heard from Nova at all?”
While I hadn’t yet considered something actually being wrong with her, that would’ve been a great explanation for her not getting in touch. But Lamar didn’t exactly put me at ease when he replied, “I’m sure she has, but I’d have to ask. Why? She aight?”
I shrugged, my irritation returning as I answered, “I wouldn’t know. I haven’t talked to her.”
“Why not? Somethin’ happen with y’all two?” he asked, a question that I had my damn self.
I mean, sure we hadn’t gotten a chance to give a proper goodbye with my flight home being much earlier than hers, but I didn’t imagine that as something for her to be upset with me about. Then again, when I thought back to the details of the note I had left in my absence, I wondered if that had played a role, wondered if she had decided to take my indirect suggestion of not getting in touch because our distance wasn’t a reality she wanted to deal with.
Even with that in mind, I still answered, “Nothing in particular. Just haven’t heard from her since we left Miami.”
I imagined Lamar becoming as concerned as I was, but his focus was elsewhere when he snapped, “Nigga, what’d you do to Cas? I told your ass not to fuck with her if you were gonna fuck her over.”
“I didn’t do shit, man! I just… I hit her up on social media and haven’t heard back. That’s all,” I explained, feeling silly now that I had to say it out loud.
Lamar wasn’t quick to make me feel any better about it either, his voice hinted with amusement as he asked, “Social media? So you got up in them guts all summer long and didn’t even get the digits? Damn, I didn’t know Cas had game like that.”
I rolled my eyes as I groaned, “Tell me about it.”
Of course I didn’t want to believe that Nova was gaming me, didn’t see her as that type of person. But it was always, always a possibility, though Lamar didn’t seem convinced either when he insisted, “I’m sure it’s just a mix-up. Maybe she had a lot of catching up to do when she got back or somethin’. You want me to get her number for you?”
“Nah. If she’s gonna hit me up, I want her to do it on her own terms. And if she’s not… that’s her decision too.”
Just the thought of never hearing from her again, watching her move on with her life without me - without us - made me sick even if I wasn’t sure how we would ever make it work with her in a different city. And since she hadn’t ever mentioned it, I assumed that wasn’t something she was interested in anyway, especially after her situation with ol’ boy. Truth be told, I hadn’t been interested in a long-distance relationship either. I wanted Nova with me all the time, wanted to wake up to her every morning and fall asleep with her at night. But then again, if that was what it took to make her mine, I was ready to make an exception.
My mood must’ve been a little too somber for Lamar as he tried to lighten things up by joking, “Look at you. Ol’ Carl Thomas Emotional ass nigga. Sis really did you in for one, huh?”
“Man. Got me good, bruh. Waiting by the phone to hear from her and all,” I admitted.
“If she ain’t got you like that, she ain’t the one for you, dog. Trust me. We’ve all been there,” he replied knowingly, designed to bring me comfort but also leaving me worried since I wasn’t sure it was something I’d be able to shake if things really didn’t work out.
Still, since I didn’t have much of a choice but to wait it out, I told him, “I don’t know how I feel about that, but I’ma take your word for it.” Knocks on the front door alerting me to continue, “But Mariah just got here with Jax so I gotta go.”
“Aight, brodie. Well let me know if there’s anything I can do,” he offered, his words of simple support feeling like a virtual dap as I made my way to the door.
I released a heavy sigh, telling him, “Appreciate it, bruh.” before ending the call and opening the door to my son and his mother, both wearing giddy smiles that I wished I could match.
Their smiles made sense once Jaxson gushed, “Daddy, look at Mommy’s belly! It’s a baby in there!”
I smirked, scrubbing his head as I asked Mariah, “Finally told him, huh?”
She shrugged as she stepped past me into the house. “Couldn’t resist. He’s so excited. Wants it to be a baby brother.”
“I’m sure Howard wants the same,” I replied as I shut the door behind them.
And I didn’t think anything of my words until Mariah stopped dead in her tracks to ask, “Wait… you actually called him Howard? What’s the matter with you?”
While I was sure it didn’t help my cause, I couldn’t help but whine, “Man, why does everybody think something is wrong with me? Why can’t I just be chillin’?”
She rolled her eyes as she followed me to the living room and answered, “Because we all know you. So what’s going on? Not ready to get back to work yet?”
I plopped down the couch, the highlights of the good game I had apparently missed playing on the television as I told her, “Never. But it’s not that.”
“So… what is it then?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest as she waited for an explanation. An explanation I wasn’t really anxious to give her since it came with feelings I couldn’t do anything about.
But since I knew she wasn’t going to let me get away with some bullshit response, I quietly pushed out, “I haven’t heard from Nova since Miami.”
“Well did you try to get in touch?”
There was no use in hiding how annoyed the question made me, my eyes tight when I replied, “Of course I did, Riah. But she hasn’t hit me back. I’m starting to think all that Miami shit was just a dream.”
Mariah finally joined me on the couch, sitting near the edge as she assured, “It wasn’t a dream, Guy. I saw it with my own two eyes, saw y’all with my own two eyes, and there was a lot of love shared between the two of you. Maybe she’s just… afraid. I mean, you said she had just gotten out of something when I visited, didn’t you?”
I shrugged. “Yeah, but I’m not him, and she knows that.”
Even though we both knew it was true, Mariah still smacked her teeth when she replied, “Just because it’s crystal clear for you doesn’t mean it is for her. I mean, she was the one in the relationship, not you.”
“So what am I supposed to do?” I asked, finding all this back and forth useless if it wasn’t going to equate to an actual solution.
But unfortunately, Mariah didn’t have much to offer, taking way too long and thinking way too hard only to respond, “I’m not sure. But I do know sitting here in dirty drawers pouting about it isn’t the answer.”
I rolled my eyes, my drawers being the last thing on my mind as I focused my attention back on the television while Mariah went back to brainstorming. “Maybe you should… try to go see her. Let your feelings be known face-to-face instead of…”
“In the DMs.”
Of course Mariah became hysterical when she repeated, “In the DMs? Guy, you have got to be shittin’ me. You’re in love with this girl and you’re sliding in her DMs like some random? What is wrong with you?!”
I was quick to defend, “It was my only choice! I mean, I don’t have her number, and it ain’t like she lives around here, so…”
“So you figure out another way if this is really what you want. And if they way you’re all frowned up is any indication, this is definitely something you want.”
It honestly wasn’t even a question how much I wanted this, wanted her, wanted us. And while I might’ve felt defeated by her lack of response, I couldn’t just… give up. So I nodded to agree, telling Mariah, “I do. Badly.”
She stood up from the couch, stopping to give me an empathetic pat on the shoulder as she suggested, “Well… make it happen then, Guy. Do what you have to do to get your girl back.” Then she made her way to tell Jaxson goodbye, leaving me to get to the drawing board.