Molly’s in my bed, finally asleep in my arms, and yet I’m not sure I’ve made any progress with her.

It took her nearly an hour to fall asleep. She just couldn’t relax. At one point, I was tempted to offer her a glass of warm milk. All I could do for her during that time was be there for her and show her that it didn’t matter to me that she doesn’t have breasts. I imagine that would be a showstopper for some guys, sure. Apparently, it was for that asshole of an ex-husband of hers. But it’s not for me.

After what I’ve been through, after losing my sight and learning how to live my life all over again, I’ve learned that it’s who people are at their core that matters – not their exterior packaging. Hell, I can’t see Molly – I have no idea what she looks like beyond a general description. But that’s not important to me. What’s important are the things that I do know about her… she’s intelligent, kind, artistic. And she’s courageous – God, is she courageous.

And then there’s that intangible something about her that I find so attractive. When she speaks, my whole body lights up. I feel like I’ve finally come home after years of wandering. I can’t explain it, and I don’t question it. It just is.

I’ve met a few women since my accident, and none of them had this kind of effect on me. I’d started to think I was incapable of desire, or even wanting someone in my life. Now it’s like my body has awakened from a deep sleep, and I’m starting to think about the future. I’m starting to think about wanting a wife, a family one day. And I want those things with Molly.

She’s been through a lot herself, and she’s learning to cope with the curve balls life threw at her too. She’s been hurt, betrayed by the one person who was supposed to be her champion. Todd failed her, but I won’t. Now I just need to make her see that.

I might have jumped the gun tonight by pushing her into telling me about her mastectomies, but I don’t regret it. Now that it’s out there, we can deal with her feelings and move forward. At least that’s my hope. I’m not giving up.

I figured it out from a simple hug. The density of her breasts wasn’t quite right. I’d suspected for a while, but I didn’t say anything because I wanted her to tell me herself. I suspected her lack of breasts was the reason she was keeping me at arm’s length – at least one of the reasons. I already knew her concerns regarding her ex.

I understand what it feels like to be defective… to be missing pieces of yourself that others take for granted. Sure, I’m self-conscious about my eyes. That’s why I always wear my glasses around other people. And I know she’s got to be self-conscious about her breasts.

Frankly, the fact that she’s lost her breasts isn’t an issue for me. I mean sure, they’re nice to have. What red-blooded man doesn’t crave the pleasure of pillowing his head on a pair of soft breasts? But in the grand scheme of things, I’d rather have her without breasts than not have her at all. Now I just have to convince her of that.

* * *

I awake around six-thirty when I feel Molly begin to stir. I’ve learned to tell time in the early morning by the sound of the birds in the back courtyard. The birds are up just before sunrise, and they’re consistent as hell. I would confirm the time, but if I ask Siri, I’ll wake up Molly for sure. I don’t want to disturb her. I’m hoping if I lie really still, maybe she’ll fall back to sleep, and we can have a couple more hours in each other’s arms.

I’m lying on my back, and she’s tucked into my side with her arm across my bare torso. We slept like this all night, with our bodies intertwined in one way or another. One of us would shift, and the other would follow, seeking the comfort of a physical connection.

Suddenly she tenses, withdrawing her arm from my chest and pulling away. She slides off me and brushes back her hair. I lie still, listening to her movements, wondering what she’ll do. Will she stay or will she run?

She runs.

I’m disappointed when she leaves the bed and slips quietly out of the room. A moment later, I hear the bathroom door close. A few minutes later, I hear the toilet flushing, then the sound of water running. 

I don’t say a word when she returns to my bedroom, opens her overnight bag, and digs around in the dark.

“You can turn the light on, you know,” I tell her. “It won’t bother me.”

“Oh.” She sounds nervous. “You’re awake. I hope I didn’t wake you.”

“No, you didn’t. I’m usually up at this time.”

“I tried to be quiet.”

I sit up in bed, stretching my arms and back. The sheet is pooled at my waist, covering my erection. I hope she can’t see it. She already feels awkward this morning. I don’t want to make it worse for her.

“Did you sleep well?” I say, hoping to put her at ease.

“Yes.” She sounds surprised. “You don’t have to get up on my account. I’m just going to get dressed and head home.”

“How about some breakfast before you go?”

When she doesn’t answer right away, I know she’s about to bolt. “Scrambled eggs and bacon? Toast? Or waffles?”

Right on cue, her stomach growls, and we both dissolve into laughter. “I’ll take that as a yes,” I say. “Just let me get dressed. There’s a Keurig machine in the kitchen if you want to make some coffee or tea.”

She’s dressed now and just slipping on her sneakers. “That sounds perfect. I’ll be in the kitchen.”

* * *

As I throw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, I come to terms with the fact that gaining Molly’s trust is going to take some doing. She’s not ready for a relationship. She’s still too deep in flight mode thanks to her asshat ex. I really hope I get an opportunity to express my displeasure with him soon. All I need is five minutes alone with him, and I guarantee he’ll never darken her doorstep again.

As soon as I pull on clean socks and grab my sneakers, Gus jumps to his feet and stretches.

“Come on, buddy,” I tell him. “Let’s go water the tree out front.”

As Gus and I head down the hall to the kitchen, I’m relieved to smell freshly brewed coffee. She hasn’t run yet. That’s a good sign.

“I have to take Gus out, then I’ll start on breakfast,” I tell her, taking Gus’s harness off the hook on the wall. “We’ll be right back.”

“Take your time,” she says. She’s seated at the kitchen table, sipping her coffee, and she sounds a lot calmer than she did when she first woke up.

As Gus waits by the door, I walk over to Molly and put my hands on her face, orienting myself. “Good morning,” I say.

Then I lean down and kiss her lightly, tasting vanilla latte mixed with mint toothpaste. I figure I might as well start laying the ground rules. We’re not going backward after last night. She can’t pretend I’m nothing more than her next door neighbor, not after spending the night in my bed.

“Good morning,” she says.

I can hear the smile in her voice. She’s starting to relax.

“Do you like the coffee? Beth insisted on stocking my cupboard with all sorts of fancy blends. Me? I’m just a plain coffee kind of guy.”

“It’s good. I could get used to having coffee like this every morning.”

“Well, you know where to find it, don’t you?” I kiss her again, just a light grazing of our lips.

* * *

The entire time Gus and I are outside, I’m afraid Molly’s going to bail on me. When we return, I open the door to the smell of bacon frying.

She didn’t bail.

I find her standing at the stove. I move in behind her and lay my hands on her hips. I lean close, my nose in her hair. “You’re making breakfast.”

She shivers. “You made dinner last night, so I thought I should make breakfast.”

I step back to give her room and lean against the kitchen counter.

“Thank you for last night,” she says in a quiet voice. “I needed… a friend.” 

She’s still categorizing me as a friend. I guess I still have a long way to go. “There’s no need to thank me, Molly. I want to be here for you.”

“Well, I appreciate it.”

I listen to her going through the motions of making breakfast. Cracking eggs, whisking them, pouring them into the pan. The bacon is done, and while the eggs cook she makes toast. I make a cup of black roasted coffee for myself and brew a second cup for her. Finally, when everything’s ready, we sit at the table to eat.

Just as we’re nearly finished eating, Molly’s phone rings. She picks up the phone and accepts the call. “Hello?”

Silence.

“Yes, this is she.” Pause. “Oh, Officer O’Grady. I’m fine, thank you.” … “Yes.” … “You did?” …  “I see. Yes, thank you. I will.” …  “Goodbye.”

Molly sets her phone down on the table and is silent. The apartment’s so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

“Well?” I say.

“I suppose you caught the gist of that. That was Office O’Grady. She said she and Office Sullivan went to Todd’s condo this morning and arrested him. He’s at the Cook County Jail awaiting arraignment on charges of violating a restraining order. Also assault and battery charges.”

She sounds calm as she delivers the news, but I know better. It’s times like this that I wish I could see her expression. Then maybe I’d have an idea of what she’s thinking. “Are you okay?”

“I’m not sure,” she says, getting up from the table. I hear her walk toward the kitchen. She rinses out her coffee mug and sets it in the sink.

I follow, waiting by her side for some indication as to what she’s feeling. When I hear her breath catch on a quiet half-sob, I realize she’s holding back tears.

I reach for her. “Come here.”

She doesn’t hesitate for a second. She melts into me, her arms going around my waist as mine wrap around her.

“He’s going to be so angry,” she says. “Todd’s an attorney, and he knows the system. It’ll only be a matter of time before he’s out on bail.”

As I rub my hand up and down her back, I can feel her trembling. She’s afraid. “I’ll call Shane. Maybe his attorney can prevent Todd from getting bail.”

“I doubt Shane’s attorney can work miracles. Todd knows what he’s doing. He’s a master manipulator, and knows the system inside and out. He’ll get his way. He always does.”

“I’ll make sure you have protection,” I tell her. “If Todd’s released, I guarantee you protection. Please, don’t worry.”

Molly pulls away and wipes her face. “Sorry.” She brushes her hand over my sweatshirt. “I got you all wet.”

“I don’t mind.”

She takes a deep, cleansing breath. “I should get going back to my place. Charlie’s probably dying of starvation.”

Without saying a word, she collects her phone and her overnight bag and purse.

I follow her to the door. “Do you want me to go with you to your studio this morning? To show you how to use the new security system?”

“Jake left instructions. If I run into any problems, I’ll call you, okay?”

“Okay.” I hate that she’s leaving, but I’ll be seeing her again soon. Unless she changes her mind about the wedding. “You’re still coming with me tomorrow, aren’t you?”

She hesitates. “Um, sure. I’m still going.”

“I’ll arrange for a car to pick us up at ten tomorrow morning.”

“Sounds good. Thank you. I’ll see you, Jamie.”

And… then she’s gone. She’s running, but hopefully not far or for long.

I sigh as I head down the hall to my office. My editor sent me a whole file of edits to review. I might as well get caught up on work.