Molly

I know I’m playing with fire when Jamie lifts my shirt up over my head and tosses it onto his bed. I shiver, chilled by the sudden exposure. Thankfully, he bypasses my bra and reaches in front of me to unsnap my jeans.

“I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this,” I mutter.

He leans against my back, his big body warming me, and lowers my zipper. What are we doing here? I wonder, as he tugs my jeans past my hips. This slope keeps getting slipperier and slipperier.

“Come on, it’ll feel good. I promise.”

I step away from him and pull off my socks and shoes, then kick off my jeans.

Jamie holds my hand and pulls me along with him into the bathroom. The room is dark when we step inside. Jamie flips on the light, then he grabs washcloths and towels from the linen closet and sets them out for us.

When I think about how I left him on the dance floor, walking out of the room as my emotions were swamping me, I feel ashamed. I’m such a coward.

His warm hands settle on my bare shoulders. “Ready?”

I decide to leave my hair up, because I don’t want to deal with having to dry my hair right now. I remove my panties and bra, fold them, and put them on the counter where they’ll stay dry. My breast forms are not waterproof. “Yes.”

We step into the warm spray and wet our bodies. Then Jamie sticks his head beneath the water and grabs a bottle of shampoo and quickly washes his hair. 

When he’s done, he squirts some body wash into his hand and creates a lather. “Turn around. I’ll wash your back.”

I do what he says, and he starts massaging my shoulders and neck with soapy hands. Then he moves down my arms and back to my hips.

“I think you should give us a chance,” he says. “I know what your concerns are, and I think I’m done a good job demonstrating that they’re unfounded. I think I deserve a chance.”

I laugh. “You’ve laid out a very logical argument.”

“Thank you. Does that mean yes?”

He’s gone to so much effort. How can I say no? Especially when we want the same exact thing. I sigh.

“Yes?” he says, interpreting my sigh. “Baby steps?”

“All right. Baby steps.”

“Excellent.” When I feel his lips on my neck, I shiver.

He squirts more soap into his hands, creates a lather, then reaches around to wash my belly. His hands slowly migrate up toward my chest area, stopping just shy of my ribcage. He’s just inches from my scars.

I tense. “What happened to baby steps?”

“Sweetheart, you need to get used to me touching your body. All of it, including your chest. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

Very slowly, his fingers move up my body, rubbing slow soapy circles on my skin.

“That’s easy for you to say.”

“I take my glasses off for you because I trust you. I don’t do that for anyone else.”

Now he’s not fighting fairly.

“Molly.” His lips graze my ear, and his voice is low and warm. I just want to close my eyes and sink into him. “Please don’t be afraid. You can trust me not to hurt you.”

He’s right. I can trust him. He’s one of the most trust-worthy people I’ve ever met. “Okay, fine!” I stand stiffly in his arms as his hands slide further up my torso to my scars.

He runs his hands gently across my chest, tracing my scars, traveling the dips and rises of my body. I close my eyes and surrender to the inevitable. The only place I want to be is in his arms, and the only way to get there is to let him make it right for us.

“Do you trust me?” he says.

“Yes.” I trust him with my life. So why shouldn’t I trust him with my self-esteem?

As I relax back against him, he draws me close. “Just relax. Close your eyes and relax.”

As a blind man, he learns through touch. He’s very tactile, so it comes as no surprise that he wants to explore my scars. He skims the tips of his fingers along the path of each scar, measuring the distances. My heart is thundering painfully, and I really want this to be over. I keep reliving Todd’s censure of my decisions and choices. I keep feeling Todd’s dissatisfaction over and over.

But as Jamie’s fingers gently explore my chest, it strikes me that Todd never once touched my chest. We did have sex a few times after my surgery, but he always requested that I keep my nightgown on the entire time. He didn’t want to be reminded of my imperfections, as he called them. In the beginning, I didn’t see them as imperfections as much as evidence that I’d overcome a challenge life threw my way. 

Once I’m able to relax a bit, I melt against Jamie and allow myself to feel the pleasure of his touch. When his fingers drift south, I realize his inspection is over. It’s done. He discovered what he wanted to know, and now it’s over. I feel a sudden weight lifting off my shoulders, as if the one big thing I’ve been afraid of is suddenly not so scary anymore.

Instead, his fingers are grazing the skin of my abdomen, past my belly, to my belly button. My belly clenches tightly at the sudden change in direction of his thoughts and fingers, and my body switches gears quickly from panic mode to arousal mode.

I am fully aware of the heat of his erection pressing against my lower back. My thoughts focus on that firm pressure, and imagine what it would feel like to have all that strength and heat inside me. I’ll bet he makes love with the same hyper-awareness that he has for everything he does.

Am I ready for this? I’m not a casual sex kind of person. If I share my body with someone, it’s because he’s already captured my heart and soul.

Jamie’s fingers slip between my legs and touch my wetness. I gasp, arching my back in response. It’s been so long, it’s a shock to feel someone touching me there.

“It’s okay,” he murmurs, as his lips skim along the sensitive skin of my neck and shoulder. He plies me with gentle, sucking kisses that heat up my skin and set my body on fire. I have only a second to wonder if his kisses will leave marks on my skin when his finger dips inside me.

It’s been a long time for me, and it’s a tight fit, even for his finger. Jamie gently works his finger inside, and I begin squirming and mewling.

“God, you’re so tight,” he says, dropping a heated kiss on my shoulder. “Tell me if I hurt you.”

When his thumb presses on my clit, I see fireworks behind my eyelids. This is really going to happen! “Jamie, if you didn’t bring condoms, I’m going to kill you.”

   He laughs. “Not a problem. Everything’s taken care of.” He trails kisses up and down my sensitive neck as his thumb strokes my clitoris. His finger is deep inside me now, stroking a tender spot. I’m practically panting now as the pleasure swells deep inside me.

I don’t realize how tense I am until he whispers in my ear, “Relax into me. I’ve got you.”

I melt into him, allowing him to support me as my knees go weak. His finger keeps stroking, and his thumb keeps pressing delicious little circles into my clit, stealing my breath and my sanity.

My body stiffens when pleasure detonates deep inside me. He wraps his arms around me, holding me beneath the warm water, until the pulses subside.

“What do you say we dry off and move to my bed?”

“I think that’s a good idea, before I fall down.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t let you fall.”

Jamie shuts off the showerhead, then grabs the towels and hands me one. We both dry off and wrap ourselves in the big towels, then step outside the shower stall.

“Come to my bed?” he says, putting his arms around me.

“Okay.”

He smiles, then leads me by the hand out of the bathroom and to his big bed. As I climb beneath the bedding, he opens the top drawer of the bedside table and pulls out a brand-new box of XL condoms. He opens the box and pulls out a strip, then lays it on the nightstand.

I think about making some sarcastic statement about the fact that he brought an entire box, but the thought of that XL gives me a moment’s pause.

I catch a quick glimpse of his size just before he crawls into bed with me.

My entire body is trembling. “Um, Jamie. It’s been a while for me.”

He stills. “Me too.”

His words sink in and I realize he’s just as nervous about this as I am. “Have you been with anyone since your accident?”

“No. I’ve never trusted anyone enough.”