CHAPTER 10
KATE
I didn't know what to do or how to feel.
After Liam ran off, leaving me standing by the nurses’ station alone, I didn't move for several minutes. The world seemed to spin around me, and I just stood there. I felt dejected, alone, and isolated. I was in a hospital, feeling sick to my stomach, and I knew that there was no one there that could do anything about it.
After what was probably only minutes, but felt like hours, I finally worked up the courage to leave. I left the hospital, wondering if I would ever go back.
I was going to go home, crawl into a ball, and feel sorry for myself, but I couldn't. Not right away, anyway. First, I walked. I was basically a tourist in my own city. I didn't know any of the landmarks or any of the sites. I didn’t know the streets from one another, and I wasn't even sure of the fastest way to get back to my apartment. But none of that mattered. I had nowhere to be and no one to be there with.
I loved the city. Although I couldn't confirm it, I was sure that I always had. There was just something so magical about the place. It was all the different people that you could see. They were all so unique and interesting in their own way. I liked to look up at random skyscraper buildings and imagine who lived in each apartment and whether any of them were going through even a tenth of what I currently was. Somehow, I doubted it.
I just could not believe that Liam had done that. I was so sure that he was going to be different. He had seemed that way right from the beginning. When I was alone and scared, he had been a bright light for me to latch onto, one that guided me out of my funk. When we went on that date, he had known me so well, better than I had known myself. The places he took me and the things we did implied that he wasn't just some guy trying to get into my pants. But that he actually cared for me. At least, that was how it seemed.
And when we made love, because that was what it was. It was us making love. Two people in perfect sync. It was simpatico in every way. The way that he went down on me, bringing me to pleasure so easily, as if he had done it a hundred times before. I knew, then, that he was more than just the average man.
But I guess that I was wrong.
I walked through Central Park, back in what I was pretty sure was the direction of my apartment. The problem with having amnesia is that all my memories were so new. Everything that I did reminded me of something that happened recently. The smell of the leaves, the rustling of the tree tops. They all reminded me of my date with Liam, simply because there was nothing else they could remind me of. And every time that they reminded me of my date with Liam, a knife drove itself into my stomach.
I just couldn’t believe I was so stupid. I shouldn't have gone out with him. I definitely shouldn't have slept with him, and I most certainly, without a doubt, shouldn't have allowed myself to fall for him so quickly. It was now so obvious that he didn't feel that way about me, and all I did was open myself up to being hurt.
My apartment was in a sketchy part of town, and as I made my way toward my building, I didn't care about the screaming and yelling that happened around me. Liana had warned me to never walk down there by myself at night, but in that moment, I didn’t care.
I didn't even care or notice that the building door was open and that anyone could just walk in if they so pleased. I didn't even care that the elevator didn't require a key card, and thus, anyone who was in the building could ride to any floor. And so engrossed in my funk was I that I didn't even notice that my apartment door was open, only just, until I was already inside.
I saw the shadow of the man only after I was well into my apartment, and the door was closed behind me. He stood in the corner of the room, watching me. It was as if he were waiting for me. Darkness engulfed him, meaning that only his silhouette was visible. And in his hands was something big and long and dangerous looking.
If I had been more aware of the moment and not so lost in my own thoughts, I might have screamed. I might have turned back, thrown open the door, and sprinted down the hallway. But considering the circumstances, all I did was stare at the man in my apartment.
For several moments, the two of us looked at one another, neither moving. It was in this moment of silence that I slowly inched backward, making my way toward the door, all the while, very aware of whatever it was that he held in his hands.
"Wait," he said, and I recognized the voice instantly.
"Liam?" I said, letting out a huge sigh of relief.
As I did I reached over and flipped on the light. Indeed, the shadowy figure standing in my apartment was Liam. And the object he held in his hands was a bouquet of flowers.
"The door was open so I let myself in. I hope that's okay?" He spoke softly. Nervously. I couldn't recall a time I had ever heard him so gently spoken. He was usually so commanding. At least, I thought so.
I shook my head. “Dude, you scared the shit out of me. Why the hell didn’t you say something right when I walked in? Why stare at me creepily from a dark corner?”
He glanced around him. “Damn, I didn’t realize you couldn’t really see me. I promise I wasn’t lurking in here. And I didn’t say anything because it seemed like you were pissed off to see me. I wasn’t sure what to say.”
“I thought you were a burglar or something,” I said, still trying to calm the pounding of my heart in my chest. “What do you want?" I asked, a little more offensively than I had intended.
I didn't know what to make of him being there. The truth was, I had half expected to never hear from him again.
"I came to apologize."
"To apologize?”
"Just let me explain,” he began, taking a step forward.
I could see him trying to think of the right thing to say. I knew what I wanted to hear. I just hoped it was what he wanted to say.
"What I did last night was wrong and shitty. There is no excuse for it. I definitely could have handled that better. And I should have called you as soon as I had a chance. The hospital has been my crutch for the longest time. I've used it as an excuse to get out of everything and to never let anyone get close. Well, I'm not going to let it do that anymore. Starting now the hospital comes second."
"And what comes first?"
"You," he said, as if it were the most obvious answer in the entire world. "You come first. You always ha–I mean, you always should. I just hope that it isn't too late for me to tell you that."
I didn't answer immediately. Instead, I walked up to him, taking the flowers from his grip, and I examined them. I was careful not to smile or give anything away as I looked them over, my eyes darting to his face every few seconds. It was only when the tension was properly mounted and I could sense the desire coming from him that I finally answered.
"I would have liked some nicer flowers. But I suppose these will do." It was a joke, of course, and my huge smile was indicative of that.
"The best I could do on short notice," he said, returning the smile. "Next time, I'll get you roses."
"You better."
I dropped the flowers to the floor as he all but lunged at me. Our lips collided, and although it had been less than a day since we kissed, the passion in our embrace implied that it had been months.
I chose then to forget about the way he had treated me and the way he had acted. Everyone made mistakes, and the fact that he was so willing to apologize for them and try and make them right, told me more about his character than any previous action could have.
As we kissed, he lifted me up in a single motion, plopping me on the bench top, and as he did, I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him in. I never wanted to let him go again. But I was going to have to. Already, his hands were moving to his own belt and the moment that his pants dropped to the floor and his hands wrapped around me again, I knew what he had in mind. And, as luck would have it, it was exactly what I had in mind, too.