CHAPTER 37
LIAM
"And do you have any carry-on, sir?"
"What was that?"
"Carry-on? Do you have any carry-on luggage?"
"Oh yeah." I reached down by my side and lifted up my backpack, showing it to the flight attendant at the check-in counter. "Just this."
"And it's weight?" she asked.
"I don't know. It's carry-on," I said, only half paying attention. “It should fit under the seat.”
"Can you put it on the scale for me please?" she asked, batting her eyes while working overly hard to seem pleasant and friendly, even though everything she said was laced with cynicism. A typical airline representative, really.
I nodded, putting the bag on the scales by the counter. I was really only half paying attention as my eyes kept flicking back toward the entrance to the airport and along the entire check-in bay. It was a big airport so it took a fair bit of gazing, which was why I was giving the airline hostess about as little of my attention as possible.
"Ah sir, I'm afraid that your carry-on is two pounds overweight. I'm going to have to charge you." Again, she spoke in that same cordial manner which seemed to only irritate the situation.
"What? Never mind. Okay. Fine." I pulled out my credit card to make the payment.
Usually, I would have argued the point and tried to get out of making such a ridiculous payment. But my heart just wasn't in it. Nor was my head. They were both elsewhere, and at that moment, neither could have cared less about an extra carry-on charge.
It was Kate that occupied my thoughts as I checked in for my flight at JFK airport. The entire drive there, my thoughts were with her. So much so that I almost missed the airport entirely. And even as I checked in, I almost went to the wrong counter, and then stood at the counter dumbly without handing over my ticket or passport. I just couldn't keep my thoughts straight.
Although my intentions in saying goodbye to Kate and apologizing to her were pure, there was a part of me that wanted more. First off, I would have liked to have said the words to her directly, rather than through a surrogate like Liana. And secondly, I was sure that if I had said them to Kate then things would have turned out differently.
I wasn't lying when I said sorry. And I wasn't lying when I said that I wasn't trying to get her back. But that didn't mean that I didn't want her back. If she had come out from the apartment, accepted my apology, and then wrapped her arms around me and kissed me, then I would have accepted her actions with relish and gratitude. I still loved her, despite how much I tried to tell myself the opposite was true.
That was why I was so preoccupied when I arrived at the airport. Even after I paid for the extra carry-on and made my way to a bench near the security gates, my eyes continued to scan the airport. I could have gone through security, of course, and made my way to the gates, but I wasn't quite ready to. Not yet. A part of me believed that Kate still might come.
Maybe believed was too strong a word. Too certain. I hoped that she might come. Every time I looked at the entrance or back at the counter, I hoped that I would see Kate looking for me. I pictured her jumping in her car the moment that I left and racing toward the airport. I pictured her bursting through the entrance, spotting me, running up to me, and throwing herself at me. We would embrace, kiss, and promise to spend the rest of our lives together.
It was all a pipe dream. I had to accept the fact that my apology was the end of the line for the two of us. It might not have been as romantic as I would have liked. And it might not have resulted in the outcome that I was after. But it was the right thing to do. I had to content myself with that.
But even still, I waited outside of the security check-in until the last minute, just in case. And it was only when I absolutely had to, unless I wanted to risk missing my flight, that I relented and walked through security. I emptied out my pockets, took off my shoes and belt, and stepped through the scanner.
It was as I was on the other side of security, waiting for my things to pass through the belt, that I heard a vibrating noise. A few more seconds revealed it to be my cell phone, sitting in the plastic tub as it passed through the scanner. I scooped it up the moment that I could, surprised to see that it was Clint calling me.
"Hey," I said. "You miss me already?"
"Liam, where are you?" He still sounded a little tipsy. But he also sounded agitated and scared even. I couldn't remember the last time I had heard such panic in my friend’s voice.
"You're not still feeling that whiskey, are you?" I joked. "You know I'm at the airport."
"So, you're not on the plane yet?" He sounded like he was breathing heavily, and I could hear a lot of noise coming from behind him. If I had to guess, I would have said he was at the hospital, even though there was no reason for him to be. It was his day off, and he’d been drinking.
"No, I just walked through security. Are you okay? What's up with you?"
"Listen, I don't know how to tell you this. I came into the hospital to pick up some stuff. While I was here, a patient came into the ICU. A car crash. Pretty bad."
"Yeah, I don’t miss that," I said, not understanding why he was telling me this.
"The accident happened on the Van Wyck, on the way to JFK."
"Is that why you called? To make sure I was okay?" I chuckled, letting out a sigh of relief. In his drunken state, he must have gotten confused and decided to check that I was okay. It was odd, but not the oddest thing he had ever done.
"No, listen goddammit!" he exclaimed. "The patient. It's Kate." I could feel the blood drain from my face as the words hit me. My knees gave out, and I found myself reaching for the nearest flat surface to steady myself. "She's unconscious. Her right arm is broken. And there are some serious contusions around her skull."
"Is she all right? What are you saying? How bad is it?" I was at a loss for words. I had no idea what to say, or worse, what to do.
"I don't know," Clint said. "She's in the ICU and being looked after. But I thought you should know."
"Okay, yeah. Thanks for letting me know."
"Are you okay?" he asked. "What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to get on this flight," I said. "I'll call you when I land, okay?"
There was a pause from Clint, and for a moment, I thought that maybe I had lost my connection. "Yeah, all right," he finally said. And then he hung up.
The moment he hung up, I went about the rest of my business. I pocketed my phone, I picked up my belongings, and I made my way to the gate. But even though I was physically aware of what I was doing, my mind was elsewhere. It was with Kate.
I was worried about her. I was afraid for her. I wanted to be by her side and make sure that she was all right. The only way that I was able to keep going was by assuring myself that she was in the hospital and, therefore, in the best possible hands. There was nothing I could do. Nothing.
But even as I told myself this, I knew that it didn't matter. Even though there was nothing I could do, it didn't mean that I shouldn't be at her side either way. I had seen hundreds of grieving husbands and boyfriends sit by their partner's bedsides when they were sick.
There was nothing they could do, but they were there anyway, showing their love. And it may have sounded odd, and it may have gone against everything I knew as a doctor, but I always believed that it helped. There was just something about having a loved one by your side that seemed to make the difference. As if the heart could sense the presence of love, and it beat harder because of it.
And then it hit me. I hadn't really registered it before when Clint was talking, but as I made my way to the gate, I suddenly remember something very important that he had said. Kate had crashed her car on the Van Wyck Expressway, the main road leading into JFK. She was coming to the airport. She was racing to the airport. She was on her way to try and stop me.
My dreams and fantasies weren't bullshit, after all. They were a reality. Kate still loved me, and what I had said to her, or Liana at least, had been the final words she needed to hear. She loved me and was coming here to tell me just that.
Before I knew it, I was turning around and walking away from the gate. A second later, I was running. I powered through baggage claim and out the front door of the airport. My car was locked up in one of the long-term parking lots, so I waved down the first taxi I saw and gave it the hospital’s address. Even if there was nothing I could do, I was going to be by Kate’s side. When she woke up, the first thing she was going to see was me.
We were going to spend the rest of our lives together. And the rest of our lives was going to start right now. As long as she was okay.
--
Maybe it was because I hadn't been there for several days, but the hospital seemed busier than ever. It was pandemonium as I walked through the front doors, with patients and doctors alike rushing back and forth. Nurses were screaming, and grieving family members were crying. It was all I could do to push my way past the throngs of people and make my way to the ICU.
Clint was still there when I arrived. He was in his street clothes but stood back in observation as the doctors and nurses worked on the patients in the room.
"Hey," he said, not looking at all surprised to see me.
"Where is she?" I asked straight away.
He pointed to the corner of the room, a lone bed. I hurried over there without another word. There were no doctors or nurses attending her. She was unconscious but presumably stable. But even if that were the case, it was heartbreaking to see her like that.
As Clint had said, her arm was broken, and she had multiple bruises on both her head and the rest of her body. But even that hadn't prepared me for what I saw. She looked terrible. Her skin was swollen and purple. The wounds on her head looked life threatening. Her eyes were sunken, and her breathing seemed stunted. I could feel tears welling in my eyes, but I didn't even try and stop them.
I picked up her chart, giving it a read. Indeed, there was nothing I could do. She was stable and had been treated to the best of the staff's ability. But still, there had to be something. I couldn't just leave her like that. I couldn't just sit by her bed and hope for the best. That wasn't me.
I pulled up a seat, taking her hand as I sat down by her side. The tears were coming thick and fast now. I was glad for how busy the hospital was in that moment as no one came to bother us. We were alone, and as such, I was able to tell her exactly how I felt.
"Hey Kate," I said. "Bet you didn't expect to see me here." I forced a smile, trying my best to stay positive. "But you came for me, so I figured it was the least I could do. I wanted you to know, I need you to know, that what I said before, it wasn't enough. I should have told you how much I cared for you. How much I loved you. I should have told you that I couldn't go on living without you. Even with the new job and the new location, it just wouldn't be the same. I should have pushed through Liana and demanded to see you. I should have shown you how much I cared. I should have, I don’t know. There was so much I should have done but didn't."
She didn't reply. She was unconscious, of course. But even still, I was sure that she heard it. It may have been my imagination, but her lip seemed to twitch as I spoke to her. It was as if she were trying to smile but couldn't.
It was odd, but I was suddenly reminded of that moment four months earlier when she first came into the hospital under similar circumstances. She had been in a car accident then, too, and was also unconscious. It was when I saw her then that I realized that I still loved her. And seeing her now, nothing had changed.
Because I was thinking of that moment, I did the only thing I could think of. There was no medical explanation behind it, and there was no reason to believe that it might work. I was driven by instinct and desire. I remembered what happened last time and how it had worked then. I couldn't sit around and do nothing. In that moment, anything was better than nothing.
I decided to kiss her. I knew she heard what I said. Somehow, I just knew. I knew that if she were awake, she would want to kiss me, too. So, without further hesitation, I stood up from my chair, leaned over the bed, and kissed Kate on the lips.
Her eyelids fluttered open. My heart stopped in my chest at the sight of it. “Kate?” I asked. “Kate, can you hear me?”
Her eyes turned to me, and she blinked a few times in confusion. “Who is Kate?” she asked weakly. “Who are you?”
All of the joy I’d been feeling drained from me. This couldn’t be happening again. Not after everything we’d just been through. I didn’t want to start over from scratch again. I would if I had to, but it seemed like the cruelest twist of fate to put her through this again.
I knew one thing. If her memories were gone, I wasn’t going to be a manipulative asshole like last time. This time, I would do things the right way and be honest with her. Even if it meant she hated me and never wanted to see me again.
“Kate,” I said again. “Your name is Kate Monroe. And I’m Liam.”
She shook her head and winced, in obvious pain from even that slight movement. “Do I know you? Are you my doctor?”
“Yes, you know me,” I said, fighting back the tears. “I love you. And you love me, or at least you did. It’s a long story, but I loved you and broke your heart. Then I loved you again and I broke your heart again. I’m not proud of it, but it’s the truth. And you deserve the truth. Always. No matter what.”
Kate smiled at me and actually laughed. “Relax, Liam. I’m fucking with you. I remember everything. But thank you for being honest this time.”