CHAPTER 31
LIAM
I couldn't believe what I had just done. As I stumbled down the cold, New York City street with no shirt on, I played the moment over in my head again and again.
I didn't even notice the cold, despite the way that the wind lashed at my bare chest. And I didn't even notice the people staring or whistling at me. I was trapped in my head with thoughts of Kate and what had just happened.
First off, I never meant to sleep with her. That was as unexpected as anything that I could have imagined. When we were having drinks and hitting it off again, I just kept telling myself not to blow it. I kept telling myself to keep it going until I saw an exit. I was going to try and leave on good terms because the chances were that I would never see her again.
And then, when she invited me up to her house, I was still in the same mind frame. I wanted her more than anything, but I knew that I shouldn't do anything about it. It would have been wrong on so many levels.
The reason that I got the hell out of that apartment was that I didn't want to hurt her again. The sex was unreal, maybe the best that we had ever had. All it confirmed though was that we weren't done yet, not but a long shot. But, despite the chemistry between us, we had to be. I was through hurting her. I was through being the bad guy. And that was why I left.
I was leaving the country in a few weeks. Where to? I didn’t know yet, but I would be gone. I couldn't sleep with her again and get her hopes up, only to dash them in one swift move. So when she told me that she had a boyfriend, I saw a way out.
I should have handled it differently. Maybe I should have told her? But I'm a coward. I saw a chance, and I took it. Now, I would never see Kate again. And the worst part of all of this was that she was better off for it.
"Taxi," I yelled as a yellow cab drove towards me. I had suddenly become very aware of how I was dressed and how far away from my apartment I was. The cold was finally starting to get to me, and I just wanted to be home. I just wanted to go back to my bed, crawl into it, and forget all about Kate.
The taxi pulled up. I gave him my address, and he took off, away from Kate's place. Away from Kate.
--
The number of sleepless nights I had had since meeting Kate had to be record breaking. I don't think that in my entire life, I had had as many as the last few months. Last night was another for the board.
Of course, my thoughts were on Kate and whether I had done the right thing. I just wasn't sure. It seemed right at the time. But the next morning, when I was greeted by the sun shining through my window, I was still no closer to an answer.
I was up and out of bed the moment the sun hit my face. It couldn't have been past six in the morning. I was tired, exhausted even, but there was no way I was sleeping. Instead, I sat in the kitchen and stared at my cell phone. Apart of me told me that I should call her. Another part said that I should delete her number all together. The conflict was real, and neither side was coming out on top.
It was because it was so early that when I heard someone knocking on my front door, it took me a few moments to realize that it was to my place. I didn't jump or startle, but stared at the front door, sure that it was a mistake.
But as the knocking continued, I eventually relented and made my way to open it. Surely, it was Clint who, for some reason, had chosen six a.m. to come and see me.
It wasn't Clint though. It was the last person I expected to see standing in my doorway. It was Kate.
"Kate?" I said dumbly, staring at her in shock.
"What the hell was that?" she said, red in the face and puffing. "Seriously, Liam, what the hell was that?"
"What was what? Do you want to come in?" I stepped aside and let her enter. She did, with vigor. She stormed into my place, and for a moment, I thought she was about to start throwing things around. Smashing glasses and knocking over furniture.
"You know what I'm talking about!" she yelled, turning on me as I closed the door and made my way to her in the living room. "You invite me out for a drink. Then you come back to my place and fuck me! Then you just leave? Because I have a boyfriend? And not even a boyfriend! Just a guy I'm seeing."
I had no good answer for her. It seemed stupid telling her that I wasn't okay with sleeping with someone who was seeing someone else. And I knew she wouldn't believe it either. She would see right through me.
"Don't you even think about lying to me," she said.
With her hands on her hips, her eyes bored into mine. I let out a deep sigh, knowing that I couldn't get around it any longer. "I quit my job," I said.
"What?” she asked, her voice calming down in her surprise. "Wow, that's really great."
Her anger was replaced with a warmth that wasn't there before. She knew how much I hated my job, and her congratulations was genuine.
"Yeah, it's about time, right? And I'm thinking of opening my own private practice, too."
"Seriously? Liam, that's amazing. I've been saying you should be doing that for ages."
"But that's not why I left,” I said, shaking my head. “I left because I'm leaving the country soon. For good. Last night when you told me about your boyfriend or whatever he is, I saw an out. I didn't want to get back with you, only to spring the bad news on you that I was leaving. I'm sick of hurting you Kate. I truly am. I’ve caused you more pain than you deserve."
I didn't know what reaction I was expecting from Kate, but it certainly wasn't the one that I got. Smiling, she walked up to me and threw her arms around my waist, pulling me into a hug. Then, when she finally let go, she stood on her tip toes and kissed me on the lips. "Is that it?"
"Is that it? What do you mean? What more can there be? I'm leaving the country. What's the use in dating again if you're not with me? I want you to get a shot at happiness, and I can't see it happening long distance."
"Then why do long distance?" she asked with a smirk. "You make it sound like that's the only option."
"What are you saying?" I asked cautiously.
I had a feeling I knew where she was going, but I didn't want to get my hopes up. She wasn't the only one that had been hurt before.
"I'm saying that I'm a writer with a publishing deal. I can literally write from anywhere. It doesn't have to be New York."
"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" I asked, feeling the flutter in my chest.
"Where you go, I go. I mean, assuming you really want me with you. Because I want to be with you, Liam. And besides, I'm pretty sure that we had a deal, remember?"
I burst out laughing. She was right. We had made a deal. Months ago, we agreed that when I quit my job and moved, she would move with me. Still smiling and still laughing, it was my turn to hug her.
I grabbed her by the waist and lifted her into the air. She wrapped her legs around me, trapping me. And we kissed. It was a kiss that felt as if we hadn't done such a thing in months. Years even. Even after last night, the kiss we shared in my living room was one of a kind.
It was a symbol that we had both forgiven each other and that we were ready to move on to the next part of our lives. I knew that I was, and I just couldn't wait to do it with Kate.
"Do you have any preferences?" I asked when I finally put her down.
"Somewhere with a beach and sun," she said. "I'm in need of a tan."
"Consider it done."
I kissed her again, one of what I was sure to be thousands of shared kisses over the rest of our lives because that was what was in store. The two of us, sharing the rest of our lives together.